I am someone who does crazy stuff like zip line 2km, abseil 30 feet with no hesitation and this summer I will be parachuting, so I think I have confidence in myself, but every time I think of picking up girls I either get nervous and stutter or chicken out. When I just go up when I don't think of serging I'm fine with girls. What is a way of getting over this? Thank you!

Hey blind.

I think you could stand to be more cognizant of the 3 second rule. The less you think and the faster you approach, the slower your approach anxiety is to react. If you sit about and think for a minute or two, your AA will talk you out of the approach.

I think you'll find that if you can just detach from the idea that you are doing something dangerous and remember that she isn't likely to kick you in the crotch or anything then you will be fine. Observe the 3 second rule and approach straightaway and if you can't think of an indirect opener, then go direct. It's really easy and you have nothing to lose. It's better than walking away emptyhanded with anxiety and regret.

Walk right up and say, "Wow, you look really nice. Are you? Nice?"

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That's my $0.02

-Bluesy

Okay... this is a tricky one to explain over a forum but I'll give it a shot lol

When you are standing at the top of that zip line and you are ready to go...? How do you feel? You're nervous as you should be because there is the fear of falling, the line snaps, something gets in the way on the line and it goes wrong. I'm sure there are a MILLION different things that could go terribly wrong. Correct? But... do you think about these things? Nope. Probably not. You just do it. You know its going to be fun. Then, once you get going, you automatically know what to do the whole way down that line. Your natural instinct just takes over. You have a feeling of confidence. (I've never been on a zip line so excuse me if I am fucking up the process lol I like fast things with wheels that stay on the ground.)

Now, the same thing happens with women... It's not really anxiety, its an adrenaline rush. It turns into anxiety because of the negative thoughts you have about what COULD go wrong because of what has happened in the past. Your brain has developed these references to keep you emotionally safe from harm. So you start thinking... What if she doesn't like me? What if my friends laugh at me? What if she laughs at me? What if things go right and I take her home but my room is a mess? Is my dick too small? Whatever it may be that is running through your mind... Instead think this way... What if I just have a really good fucking time talking to this girl and get some experience doing it?

See, your brain develops certain references based on past situations to keep you physically and emotionally safe from harm. An example of the way your brain does this physically is... When you were a child, the first time you touched fire... You see this flame, you get closer, and closer, and closer, then BAM! You fuckin burn yourself... Your brain records this image as a reference to keep you safe from burning yourself again because it caused your body physical pain.

Now, it also does the same thing to protect you emotionally. The only experiences you have from approaching women are negative ones. Your brain is trying to protect your emotions by keeping you away from interacting and dealing with the possibly of rejection again and damaging your ego.

Okay so going back to the zip line analogy... Why do you have a feeling of confidence when you go down that zip line? Because you have done it so many times that you naturally know what to do. You have positive references from the past experiences you have unconsciously recorded into your brain. Your brain will start to do the same thing when you approach women. You will start to develop POSITIVE and NEGATIVE references. When you act in a situation, you will be able to see her reaction to the way you have acted and there will be an outcome. Positive or negative, you now have developed another reference of what will happen based upon your actions. You know what made the girl react negatively and what made her react positively. You can now use these references in a different situation, with a different girl, to act in a way that will most likely generate a positive response. You start to become confident in yourself.

Here's what you can do... That feeling of confidence you get when you are about to go down that zip line... Take a second and make yourself feel that way RIGHT NOW!..... Do you notice how quickly you can change the way you feel. You can do this at any time you would like. Remember the feeling that you just had. Really pay attention to what your body feels like. That positive adrenaline rush is overwhelming your whole body.. Now, next time you are about to approach a girl you find attractive, make yourself feel this way and JUST APPROACH HER. Don't think about all the bad things that could happen. Once you get into the set, you can then rely on your natural instinct to do whatever you think is the right thing to do next, keep pushing as far as you can, and you will then gain another positive reference for yourself. Your feelings of natural confidence when approaching women will grow with the more interactions you have.

Hope this helps you out bro!

-Majik

I really have to agree with magikalmethod. Not only is the fear of the approach the demotivator to try again, but the more you do it the more you will have a frame of reference for how it hasn't gotten you hurt in the past. Separate your feelings of fear from your feelings of excitement. They can closely mimic each other. Follow your next highest excitement and do the thing that feels like fear, but really isn't. It's like Magikal said, an adrenaline rush. Breath in your nose and out your mouth a few times as you approach. This is a method taught to me by a martial arts master for slowing fear and adrenaline reaction so that you can compose yourself and think rationally rather than act on fight or flight. In the nose, out the mouth. As you do this, remind yourself, "This won't hurt a bit."

And it won't. It will be just like walking up to a random fat stranger in Walmart and saying hi. It doesn't matter what they look like. Ultimately we are all programmed for good and taught to be polite. Rejection is nothing. Absolutely nothing. Best PUA acronym will get you through it. If she's a bitchy feminist headcase, GFTOW. You will forget all about that rejection. It's like when you look at porn. You might have a really big boner for 1 porn star 1 day and the next day you are looking at another and she gives you an equal hardon. They are not to be worshiped. They are delicate men. whatever you would talk to a guy about, talk to the girl about. Hell, lots of women these days like football. Ask her what her favorite team is. Just don't get caught up with approach anxiety/adrenaline surge and freak out. In through the nose, out through the mouth and calm down while restating "This is not dangerous".

Because it's not. She'll probably be nice.

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That's my $0.02

-Bluesy

Become aware of the mental process that makes you nervous, and then change the mental process.

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