So first, I would date this girl - looking for a relationship with her. I met this girl online and have taken her out on 4 dates now, really cool fun stuff, I kissed her on the first date - and all we have done since is kiss; she puts off no sexual interest vibes or vibes for me to kiss her at all really - and she always pulls back after making out for a minute.

I accused her the other day of not being serious and gave her an ultimatum that she needs to decide what she wants; and she told me this whole story about how she had a horrible breakup from a 5 year relationship 3 months ago and was having a hard time, she's 28. She claimed she was interested and didn't want to date around.

On our last date I tried to go past the kiss and started feeling her up - she literally took my hand and moved it off her. I then saw after that she had been online on the dating site within the day.

In her defense she does seem shellshocked, and she totally seems interested in me; but whats up with the sexual freeze out, I mean its not like Im making progress each date - its going nowhere. I understand she may be traumatized and Im cool with taking it slow, but is she playing me? why is she still logging in to dating sites if she also acts so interested in me?

Totally lost.

You probably didn't escalate properly. Formal dates suck. Don't go to restaurants or movies until after you've had sex.

Who is paying for all these dates? Girls don't like to feel like prostitutes. By paying for a girl before sex, you are sending her the message that you expect sex in return for taking her out.

Hang out with a girl informally instead of dinner dates and movies. A casual SPAM will help her relax and remember she will only get turned on when she is relaxed.

Date other girls in the mean time.

For first dates, I disagree that formal dates suck. I have had most success with formal dates (drinks, dinner, etc.) in terms of 1st date f-closes, especially online. I also disagree about not paying, I don't think it is relevant here.

I think what is going on here is that:

(1) a kiss close means nothing, especially to a 28 year old. Just because you made out with the girl on the first date doesn't mean it is in the bag. Often, it doesn't mean you will even see her again. So, don't take this IOI as a huge IOI, because it is only a small IOI

(2) My comment on dates refers to the first date. Once you have had a first formal date and it went well, I agree with Hunter_Foxe, you should just see if she wants to "hang out", come over your place etc. You need to get the date somewhere where it's easy to escalate physically. If she doesn't want to, then what I like to do is plan a date to her liking and then cancel on her. She will get the message that if she wants to hang out, she needs to take it to the next level.

_________________
http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

You aren't making her horny dude. A girl who just got out of a 5 year relationship WANTS TO FUCK! She is looking for a new experience. You aren't touching her the right way.

Thanks; I may not be turning her on - I can maybe agree with that; but the thing is she is depressed and always seems tired, its weird; I feel like sex is the las thing on her mind - but what do I know? Some good looking guy may bang her on the first date, all I can go by is the vibes I get and its not good...

Im not taking the kiss as meaning; I do take the 4 dates as meaning and also the fact that I gave her an "out" after date 3 by telling her to either show some interest in me or get lost basically. Date 4 she showed slightly more interest - but none sexually...

Your second point, I tried getting her over to my house for date 4 - she said she was busy two times; she knows whats that means, Im telling you she isnt interested in sex or anything sexual. I like your cancelled date idea, I feel like its time for another ultimatum or something drastic...

Appreciate her whole body bro. Run your hands all over her body (don't just stop on her tits or ass or go straight for them) and start to slow down how you move your hands. As you get closer to her more intimate areas, gauge her comfort levels even more. If she starts to pull away or push you off, be the one to move your hands before she gets a chance too. Then try again.

Thanks man; yeah I paid for all dates, though she bought a few minor minor things I let her; one date was just going to the beach so cheap - other than fuel; one date was wine tasting; so I am trying fun stuff not just boring restaurants - and she obviously likes it, I dont get it.

I feel like I need to give her another ultimatum or freeze her out - because 1. there is no sex 2. she is going onto dating sites. Ive invested 4 dates and hundreds of dollars. But ignoring her wont be enough, I need to make this known. Any ideas on what to do?

Yeah, I need to do this on the next date; but then when/if she shuts me down I feel like I need to make a big deal right there right then and freeze her out or something; what would you do if shut down then?

Act as if its no big deal. Be un-reactive.

Okay, so would you then schedule another date with her and repeat the process? How many dates would you go on, I mean my main concern is she's just with me until she finds someone better or something - which means I'm wasting my time if thats the case; but I don't know, I could be totally wrong..

The problem here is you are not challenging for her. It doesnt matter how much fun she said she had on the dates. Think about it. She never had to work for your attention. Women like to feel like they slowly won you over. If you start the relationship showering her with wine and beach trips, there's no incentive for her to continue because she has already won you over and she hasn't even had sex with you. Be like the hardest boss on a video game. Guide her through the early levels and make her jump through hoops to reach you, the final boss. If she feels like she had to work hard to get you, she will work equally hard to keep you. Right now, she feels like being stuck on the Level 1 on the Easy setting. That's why she's back on the dating site; she's looking for the challenge you failed to give her.
You're asking for advice, so it's probably better to be open-minded rather than ruling things out. The problem is you have set the frame of trying to please her with dates, instead of letting her please you. Don't go for her vag. Get your dick out. Your pleasure is more important than hers. Knock her off that pedestal with your stiff dick.

Ps. Stop scheduling dates. Hang out casually and escalate.

I totally agree with this; I know I come across as too easy/nice guy, I need to improve a lot of things about myself. And yes I am asking for advice so thanks for the help man.

What do you consider casual, like a movie, coffee?

Date 4 went well - other than sexually; I left on really good terms - so I wonder if I just stop texting her for like a week if that would work for me to seem less "easy" and bring more interest from her? Since the date went well she cant think Im sulking..

Does anyone think this angle could work?

You're not listening bro! No more dates even if she suggests it.

From now on, its your place or hers. No more public places.

How is she going to suck your dick in a coffee shop?

Be clear you won't be going on any more dates. Learn to say no to a woman, its attractive.