The follow post will be a lot less dramatic than my previous self-evaluative posts under other aliases on the website. It is less of a, “I want to quit”, sort of thing, and more of a “venting and reflective” piece. I guess what I’m really looking to do is release excess energy right now. This has no intention of a reply or a response, but if you’ve occurred similar life situations, feel free to chime in with helpful advice.

I guess what brought me to write this are a few things. First and foremost, I’m a bit frustrated with my calculus grade, I can’t seem to find my rhythm in the class, and I need it to graduate. I’m terrible nervous right now. I had been taking one of the usual breaks from women and game until recently. Ironically I choose a terrible time to get reinterested in pursuing women. I have heap loads of finals and projects coming up that I need to do well on. Yet I feel impatient as if I have to pursue this now.

For the past several days I have been doing field approaches, and have done fairly well in comparison to my past performances. I feel a lot more confident when approaching. I’m a lot more willing to do things the first time around with confidence. And I have enough life experience in this area now to know the things I should and should not focus on. I guess my only concern is that I can’t dedicate enough time to this area of my life, or go out as much as I’d like to, and it’s making me anxious. I would love to go out aggressively and pursue women on a daily basis.

As a continuation of the above, I have been doing field approaches as previously mentioned. And two of them, I felt like I could push them a lot further than I did. I’ve come a long way, and I feel like my first time is “close”. I’ve had several near closes etc., but I guess something a girl said to me today made me “sensitive”. Today I was talking my usual mumbo jumbo about women. I honestly try to stop talking about women like I get plenty of them, but in public, I give off this persona where I can’t help but fib and speak jibber sometimes. I find myself rambling off about random shit. And she said words which were “true”. I felt like I had to prove myself and try and actually make some things happened. Unfortunately however, life circumstances just don’t permit me to commit to actually pushing myself to the limit.

I pulled a girl today, that I felt (I do not know) I could have sex with. This isn’t the first time that I’ve felt this feeling in the past couple of weeks. I’ve pulled a couple girls where I think things could’ve become sexual much faster than I was making them. The approaches were like candy, and I’m getting down a solid routine for being social. It’s harder for me to transition to sexual though, and to start to get physical. These seem to be handicaps for me. I’ve gotten much better after using online dating for conversational calibration, and my first date for escalation, but there is still so much I have to learn. Long story short I texted the girl today, and made a huge goof on text, and I’m sure that I messed up. But what evs, I can always go get another right? But see, this go find ten women thing has just been super difficult for me. It makes me anxious like I’m about to get into a fight. I shouldn’t feel this way when I think about women, but lately I have.

At any rate, I’ve progressed, and I’m moving toward some goal, but I have still further to go. Sometimes I manage to actually express myself in the manner in which I see myself expressing myself, other times I curtail myself out of fear of “over doing” how I see myself doing something. It’s frustrating to know that you’re so close to something and yet so far away.

Wow, I feel A LOT better after getting that all off my chest. I guess the most pragmatic decision I can make now is to finish school, get my degree, and work towards getting an internship. I have to stay focus on what matters right now. I have all summer to really apply myself with women.

Well thanks to those who took the time to read. I really appreciate it.

Well, I can honestly say that I've tremendously progressed in the arena of having conversations and being social. That, among other things, was my handicap starting out with game. Now I can move onto something that will put the nail in the coffin this summer, being sexual.

I've just been accepted to my university of choice, I'm stoked, and I'm graduating in two weeks. It seems like all this work has really paid off in my pick up journey. Not only has it increased my skills with women, but it too has enhanced other life skills necessary to be successful in my desired career field. Not only do I push myself from my comfort zone, but I want to do so. I feel as though I'm dying if I'm not constantly improving or making some kind of progress. I know the time is soon for success in the arena of women.

I still feel a little frustrated with the subject of women, but after much relaxation and thought, much of this frustration has subsided with reason. I'm just happy beyond all compare, and would like to thank all those responsible on this site and others for helping me on my journey.

I've decided that in this summer it ends. I make the final leap necessary to become successful with women and have the kind of sex life I want. I make that final leap and have the kind of health I want. And most importantly, I make that final leap and have the kind of finance I want.

Previously I had made a list of things to accomplish on this website. I'd say that around 60% of what I wished to accomplish within the timeframe of 5 years has been complete.

Well, just another exciting day of success.

Stay tuned gents,

dicklow

Eh, I'm a little upset with myself today. I know I should let it go, but I went to the mall and stalled out because of apprehension. This isn't a usual tendency of mine, but with my mind on working and school, I couldn't really focus on my purpose at the mall. In addition to this, I didn't escalate with a girl I was talking to at school. I could've, but failed to do so. At any rate, it's whatever, I need to let go and move on. I was just sort've upset about the situation.

My conversational and transitional skills are significantly improving, but being sexual and confident is lagging behind. I feel slightly helpless because I haven't been able to apply myself as much as I would like. I would like to be out on the go everyday approaching and getting better. It's a huge reason why I chose a school in a big city, so that I would be able to practice my approaching and pick up all day. Even though that is far from the reason that I attended the school, it also happens to be good for my major. The fact that it's in the heart of a major city is also a bonus.

I've resolved to work on 3 sexual areas this summer. The theme being "Be Sexual"

1.) Will your way to the pussy. (A state of horniness and desire)
2.) Bring sexual energy to the interaction. (at the start and throughout the interaction)
2.) For every one woman you find or mess up on, go find 10 other women. (mindset)

I've decided to have these 5 modest goals for over the summer. In previous threads I was overly detailed and analytical in my approach. Instead, I will keep my goals simple and straight to the point. I have 5 goals that I desire to have achieved by September 1st, 2013.

1.) Have sex with 3 women by working on the 3 target areas above.

2.) Earn 2,000$ in personal spending money, an additional 8,000 for school, and gain an additional 3,000 from scholarships.

3.) Lose 29 pounds, end weight 211 lbs. Current weight 240 lbs.

4.) Get an organized routine and schedule.

5.) Work an internship, or find a contract job.


I've become a lot better socially, not the best, but I feel that I am good enough to actually make some progress on the sexual front. It has taken me years to achieve this level of comfort in engagement with women. Now it is time to actually use the years of dedication to achieve an end goal. For me, the ultimate end goal of this is to have an awesome sex life. I can care less about the reputation garnered from such things, but to satiate the temporary desires I have in lustful orgies would be magnificent.

I believe these are modest goals that can be met within 4 months. I will assess the plausibility of these goals at the date of completion.

I originally was planning to return to school over the summer to increase my GPA. I've decided after much intense thought that it is probably in my best interest to rest prior to going to my next level of school and pursuing my bachelors degree. I will instead focus on work and gaining money.

Well guys it's official. I got my degree today, and my summer officially begins. I'm going to begin working on my goals asap, but first, I need to get some much deserved sleep...

Well, tonight I went to the club and sort of blown out. I was and still am a bit frustrated. Sometimes I get angry at certain things because I get jealous or filled with envy and rage. I need to relax and sit back for a bit. I talked to warped on chat, and he told me that my fundamentals are off. And I agree with him. The conversation stagnated off.

1.) Good Posture
2.) Strong Eye contact
3.) Correct tonality

Eye contact and tonality are difficult for me, but it's gotta be worked on.

Well that's that.

My focus for the past few days has been tonality. I have been conducting soliloquies in the mirror saying a mantra, and practicing in my new deeper voice. I did a voice change in high school to make my voice sound more "proper". Unfortunately, it made my voice sound a lot softer and made me sound weaker. I've resolved to make my voice deeper and sound stronger. It's taking a while for the new voice to set in, but in a week or so, it should be good. Then once completed, I'll hit the scene in my new voice.

With unfortunate hilarity, I must inform you all that my new voice change isn't going as planned. I didn't understand that the human voice is more inelastic in adulthood and less elastic as it is during puberty.

My voice isn't terribly soft, but I'm guessing that my voice is at least part of my issue. I will continue to try and deepen my voice. I did a voice change once in high school, but it's much easier to soften and lighten the voice than it is to deepen it. I will not give up. I will conduct some more research and see if it's possible. So far I've research contradicting reports on the issue. My voice keeps forcing itself to go back to home pitch, and I'm trying to force my pitch down an octave or two. For some reason I was under the impression that your voice could get "stuck". It's a very popular cultural myth, now I'm becoming skeptical of this assertion.

We'll see.


Oh, btw, some good news. After having a habit for nearly 15 or more years, I've successfully kicked it about a week ago. I believe it's been in the neighborhood of 45 days since I've did the habit. I'm extremely proud of this success.

Well an update on a few things. The voice change hasn't gone as planned. In fact, I've decided to stay at my current voice. I just decided to project it more or whatever. I should be fine. I don't have too light of a voice. I'll live.

Another thing to update you on, me working on pick-up so far this summer isn't going as plan. I haven't succeeded in the ways I would've liked to. I want get too into it in this post since I posted something in the lounge which is a lot more explanatory than what is posted here.

Next, my personal trainer situation seems bleak. The guy who is supposed to be training me is very unreliable and hasn't gotten back to me yet. So it's in my best interest to find a guy who is accountable and who is responsive. Unfortunately, this will most likely include more money than I have right now. Unfortunate, but perhaps necessary.


I've yet to start searching for jobs since I have some money stashed in my bank account. Though the time to start looking is now. My goal is just to find something that is temporary and yet profitable. I'll update you guys on this. I plan not to work during school like I have in the past.

I think one thing I will do, is get a life coach. I am more than confident that I am ready to move on with my life, but I seriously need some professional guidance and help to sort some shit out. It isn't one of those situation where I feel in despair or helpless, but I feel as though a lot of shit is happening, and I need to make some serious decisions that require thought and guidance.

At any rate, I'm pretty happy with my life now. But I'm just at home doing very little. I go out on drives every once and a while to stay mentally fit, but I don't go out as much as I should. My goal is to go out at least 3 times a week. I live near two malls. Yesterday I found a venue which was very close to my house. Though, it was a group venue and difficult to work alone. I think it's necessary for me to bring reinforcements the next time.

Well guys, that's all I have for now.

Well guys, I'm just stoked that I finally found a place close enough to my house that I can go game there every night. The scene is a little whitish, but I can live with it for now. Proximity in the middle of college town is great. It's easy on the pockets to come here and practice gaming, and reasonable to do it at least two or three nights a week. I think I can honestly dedicate myself to this.

I would like to find another area or two near my house that is good for night game like this spot, but if this were the only spot I'd be fine with it. With that being said, there are a few medium sized cities near me that may present me some more chances to hit up bar spots near my location. Chicago is a great city to game, but it's far as hell and expensive to go out there every week. I'm all for hitting up the city when the opportunity is reasonable or convenient. With that being said, Chicago is better because it has a lot more opportunities and a much more mixed crowd, but the infrequency that I've been going there makes it relatively unrealistic that I'd improve going to Chicago alone. My plan is to go to Chicago one to three times a month, and supplement the rest of my times with going to places out there. My goal is to go out at least twice a week, with three times a week, or 12 times a month being the optimum balance I would seek. With at least 3 of those times being out in Chicago if gas is reasonable at the time.

Well I haven't been going out as much as I should, but I've made accomplishments on other fronts. I have successfully contacted my personal trainer and I'm on the path to fitness. This is a major milestone for me. I'm finally getting some good fitness advice. I'm also working on finding a life coach. I'm imagining a great summer.

As for going out, nothing but excuses. I won't make a big deal of it. I'll make it happen. I can't worry about what happened in the past. I just need to move on and move forward.


Lately, I've been getting what I call, masturbation courage. I see myself saying these elaborate phrases in my head to girls, being bold, etc. But I end up not saying shit to any of them. And it's not like I do this with all women, but just with women I feel like I'd have an easier time with. And it's just bs. I have to deal with one problem at a time. I'm doing too much and need to start focusing on honing one skill for this summer. I need to reevaluate my goals and get some better ones.

Lately I've been very relaxed on going out and meeting women. I've come to a faithful decision to focus on one objective. I've had a scare that shook me up and sent me back on the right track. My doctor told me that my blood sugar was high, and that my cholesterol was high as well. I don't regret what is happening, it has made me more responsible and realize the value of my life. Lately I've been looking around the internet for old friends, buildings, memories... It seems just like yesterday I was a young boy with a limitless imagination. Now I'm a man full of dreams. However, I need to focus and find a center.

Lately I've been getting my act together. Cleaning up, organizing, do whatever little I can to grow and self-actualize. I've grown so much over the past couple of months. I've went from overly focused on women, to calm and accepting of the tides. Going out and hunting women just doesn't have the same pizazz it used to. I want to focus on one goal, and one character trait.

I want to work one my skill of:

1.) Consistency (as the character goal)

2.) Healthy lifestyle (as the focus goal)

I feel that I can truly achieve this, now that I'm able to for once in a long time, focus on what matters. Well, you all have a wonderful day.

Man today was a little tough for me. I thought I'd be over that oneitis bullshit, but low and behold I found and old ollllldddd oneitis from waaaayyyy back. I mean like wtf, I should've moved on long ago but whatever. Anyway, I saw this individual and a few other old friends and man they're all married, with kids, and moved out of the house. Just thinking about all of these old people, both friends and old crushes makes you realize how old you've truly become. I've finally resolved to move out of the house and move far away from my hometown. I think getting away from here will do me some justice. I even find myself doing just plain creepy bullshit, like looking through old photos, searching the internet at times, and thinking about this a little too much. When I saw that old oneitis was tied in a knot I knew it was time for me to get over myself and my bullshit and move on. Just that realization that time stops for no one and that time is fleeting is enough to warrant moving forward.

It's time to move on and find some new women, but I said for now I'll cool off and get my life straight. That is what I intend to do. Sometimes it just feels like life isn't progressing fast enough. However, it's time to move forward and do things right this time. I've done them wrong for so many years that I'm taking a much longer time than I would have if I had done it right. Sometimes I get caught up in the idea of things instead of the actual things themselves. I look for nonexistent qualities where there shouldn't be. I'll admit, I'm still a bit stuck. It is time to do the hardest thing I've done in my life and be patient and do things right this time. It'll take some time, and getting used to, but eventually good things will happen. It's time to do things the right way from now on. No more half work, no more over working to overcompensate, just diligent work of great quality. I know that it will take some time to get to the women, but I must be willing to wait.

Anyway, other than that my life has been awesome and I've taken care of myself very well. I'm losing weight and heading towards a steady direction.

Thanks for reading,

Dicklow

This post is just a small update for the last. I've done something awesome and I've managed to clean my room from top to bottom, organization rocks! I cleaned up my bathroom finally, so very clean and very fresh. I've organized all my papers and files, and I've also got a few calls back from some new jobs. As some of you know, I worked my old job for about a year, but I have to leave because education took precedent.

At any rate, I've lost 20 pounds as of now. I often do lose weight in the summer, so the goal is to keep it off for the duration of the year, even during the winter months. Right now I am making simple but doable exercise which require little equipment and time to do. I've reasoned that keeping things simple and straight to the point will help me to exercise and complete the exercises better. The main goal is to stay in shape.

I've never been so active and mentally clear in my life, this is awesome. Any way, it's time for me to get back to work and finish up some more chores. You all take care of yourselves and have an excellent life.

Dicklow