I went out with this girl and we a great date. We kissed 2x had I felt like we really connected. I am going to a concert with a buddy on Saturday blah, blah blah. I am having a hard time extracting any kind of interest from her. She says she has weekends off and I know she has a toddler son, but whatevs. I tell her I am busy this weekend but might be able to work something out. She said that she is busy all weekend.

-I take that as a sign that she is not interested and freezing me out

My last text is this, and yes it does reveal my insecurities:
" I am new at this but I really do not want you to feel pressured at all . When our schedules allow us time together great, but when they don't, it's okay."
Her response: "K"

-I am trying to do as I have learned and straddle the line between reallly not giving a shit and not denying that I do want to spend more time with her, and I think I made that clear. All input is welcomed. -Thanks Forum.

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Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.

Has she accused you of not wanting to spend time together?

Likely not, so there is no need for you to express that you want to. You only have to say your peace once. Seems like you have done that. Mirror her behavior.

Exactly that last text you sent was very alpha. Remember your in control your the prize not her.

vhou: SHe most certainly has not. I am looking for some reciprocation. THis is undiscovered territory for me and I am attempting to follow the communities lead here. Getting that date and those kisses I would not have done without Style, Chief and all of the denizens, be they keyboard jockey theorist or bar/clun practictioner, of this forum. I am looking for some amount of validation from her that she is willing to keep spending time with me. I am fighting those insecurities while owning up to them. She is far from a one-itis, As hard as this is is, I know that it is good practice for me.
y
-That last text I may have been evoking some form of "alpha honesty." Maybe I was looking for a bit of "sympathy." No, not quite, understanding more like it. I hope she was not turned off by this. How do I do the right thing (according to the community) and not get anything in return. Maybe this is bullshit and I just have to GFTOW while not hurting her feelings. She has said that she has been hurt in the past. I could see myself or someone else pushing the proverbial "fuck it/her," and just sarging almost maliciously just to prove that that HB is not the only one in their life. This is sort of true for me but I am still hesitant. THat is the hard part, that is, my own hesitancy because I do not know if what I am doing is helping the/our situation. This is heavy shit and I thank everyone here for their input.

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Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.

It's over. After our date and our departing kiss, she went cold over the text line. Last night I sent something funny and then I put her to it. My text:

-I am willing to make time to walk, eat or bullshit with you. Are you willing to reciprocate?

Her response: No

Summary: I have no idea what happened. I never got the impression that she was having a bad time. This one is a Mystery. I opened up to her about being a virgin and shit, but she mentioned that she had a son and had been hurt a bunch in lifer. I did my best to be respectful as fuck while being playful, funny, flirtatious and kino-ing. THis was a first for me but there is no resolution. Not saying people do not become disinterested. I just do not like the randomness of it. No communication, nothing, just silence.

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Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.

Ehhh.. for some girls, a guy with a V-card is a deal breaker. More importantly, if she gave you signals that she wanted to have sex, but you didn't act on those signals.. then that's usually also a deal breaker. Unfortunately, you'll never know if that's the case or not, but I definitely wouldn't be surprised.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Thank you wolf. I did not get any signals one way or another. She just seemed like a person I could be with. Maybe I let too much out... but I never heard or saw anything that would indicate otherwise. I am going to speculate that it has something to do with her mulling over our time together afterwards. It is good practice to let something like this go but it would be nice if I got a signal one way or another. After her "no" response. I sent this text:

-"I enjoyed our time together and I thank you for it." I then asked her to share any moments where I made here uncomfortable so I could learn from them.

She never responded to that last one.

Wolf, she responded well to touch and I never got any cold feelings from her at all. I would never guess she did not have anything less than a great time. Our departing kiss (no tongue) sealed it for me. No wait, the whole date did that. Maybe she just was not that in to me but it felt like something that would continue, not I was making plans. I was just looking forward to seeing her again. I may have missed something, but I have no idea what. Like the time I made out with that girl in the Fall of 2008, this feels like something that has ended before it has started.

It shall remain a mystery

_________________
Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.

Now it really is over... and it tore me the fuck up that it was not my fault. She was not dishonest, but if she had told me upfront that she is not ready for a committed relationship. My friend/co-worker said told me "Slie man, BBC" as in Bitches be Crazy. I guess that fits. I could argue that the date went too well. I held the door for her, made her laugh, kinoed like no other, kissed twice and just felt awesome being with her. She never said once that she had nothing less than a great time though she never told me the opposite. I was really unsure about why she was unwilling to spend time with me after so many positive signals. It is analogous to emotional blue balls.

-I texted telling her that it felt as though I had offended her. She responded asking why. I told her that the sense I got before and during the date were 180 degrees different than what I got afterward. She told me that something about me not being the type she would date or some such B.S. and that she is not dating anyhow.
My response: "who said anything about dating?" I would have been willing to be friends or fuck-buddies whatnot, I did not get the fact that she was shutting me down. The dishonesty comes after the fact because she did not let me know the day after. Maybe she was afraid to be with someone who might hurt her because she said she had been hurt a lot. I gave no impression of this and if anything, she created it

-I told her that she seemed conflicted/burdened by something and that I was willing to listen to her without judging her just because well... I could. I was willing to listen and willing to be there as someone to talk to just for that. Her response: "You just do not get it." This is fucked up because I was being nice/genuine and she could not have cared less.

-It felt in that instant that everything I have learned here had come to naught because I feel I made zero mistakes the entire time leading up to and during the date. Still she was not interested because maybe she got scared that I would hurt or her or that I may have been too good to be true. I get few opportunities to sarge because of mental illness and I did not put pressure on myself during the time I spent with this girl; but, goddamn did this feel like a kick to the balls.

-In conclusion: I am not pissed but this experience did knock me down for a week or so (my illness is responsible for making this occurrences hit harder). I think I understand now and I am willing let her to have her own emotions and her own reasons for not wanting to be with me, even if I did not provide them. Thanks as always forum.

_________________
Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.

Not dead yet motherfuckers.

I randomly text her something, cannot remember what.
I then ask her if I can text her occasionally (Making sure to use the word because). She responds: "sure"

As I lay in bed, I text her this: "Can we be friends." Her response: "Sure."

I immediately proceed to apologize for coming on too strong and for choosing a venue for the date that may have been overwhelming. The last text was long went on for a while about how I will always make sure she is comfortable and not overwhelmed (prescription sleep-aids are potent) because this girl is damaged goods and I was not sensitive to that.

I will keep ya'll posted.

_________________
Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.

She's not crazy, she's not damaged goods, she's not lying, she's telling you here, quite literally, that she wasn't attracted to you. You were rejected. Accept it.

How does this affect you? How should it affect you? You're still learning this thing, you probably did not present yourself in an optimal way. But is that so important? Everyone makes mistakes, everyone gets rejected sometimes. The trick is to not get obsessed with the rejection, but to learn from it, regroup and move on. I think you are too involved with this girl still, so I would recommend you don't text this girl anymore until she texts you.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.