Jumping to the point right away...

Last 2-3 weeks, girlfriend turned me down sexually for all the three occasions. First time subtly, and the second because we had only 20 minutes. And now two days ago, we did some other things, so foreplay came last. There was some messing around with clothes on. But at another point, we were both turned on and half undressed, and made out real slowly, even talked in the middle (mistake) - so I escalated again to the point of fingering, which furthermore showed as a green light to take her pants off. Then she suddenly stopped responding to anything. I then had to ask if she's not in the mood, and the answer was "no". With her being really uncomfortable and "sorry". So she starts explaining what is it all about. How she prefers it slow, without worrying that clock alarm could ring every minute if we get into it. Again, the running out of time is really justified reason in these few cases. I told her to not make big deal out of it, however I can't help but feel rejected, despite her communicating it well and worried that I may start to think "the problem is me".

Also, she had some drinking events related to graduating these weeks. I have bad experiences with girls drinking. That put aside, during that talk which delayed our foreplay, she told me how she's been hitted on in a creepy way in a bar in front of her friends, and even a bit disturbed, so it came out it would be no problem if I confront this guy should he continue stalking. And she was suspicious about intentions of another guy, thus asked me how to react about his request on social network.

Now, isolated part of today's chat:

Her: [mentions something sexual but really shortly]
Me: [checking if she's turned on]
Her: Mm..
Me: I'm horny since.. [here I mention something with her from 2 days ago]
Her: That's a long time
Me: Correct
Her:
Her: [tells she goes to study]
Me: good luck
Her: [something random]
(I make a pause)
Her: [gives me a good night line]
(here I ignore completely and don't return anything) - which is first time I did something like that. Do you think this is appropriate?

Text is hard to analyse, but because we haven't had sex a while, "That's a long time" line with a wink sounds misplaced, like its me having needs and she mocks me, + she now doesn't give me hints that we'll make it up anymore.

So I refuse to answer to her "emotional" side of relationship because I feel frustrated sexually. I can't control it, and had to ignore her. Do you think I overreact or should proceed with a soft next?

I can't accuse her of cheating, or such things out of the blue, it could cause problems where there are none.

Oh, one important detail:

I didn't show jealousy about braindead idiots hitting on her, so she instantly concluded "because you trust me", but then I turned it around and said "I trust your control even if someone decent would come into play", to which I got strange gesture from her, she "patted my head" (if I spelled this correcty in english), with a smile. What kind of crap is that? A bit of like strange unconscious body language to show me that I'm naive.

How long have you been in a relationship with this girl? Either way you need to be direct about this to her and address your concerns with her about sex. If things don't change may be time to next her, its obvious though there's a reason she's with holding sex and my guess its either she's not as attractive to you anymore or she's getting it somewhere else.

Will be 5 months.

She hasn't ever been in any kind of longer relationship before, I knew from the start its gonna be required from me to lead. So this may be her learning by trial and error, and I shouldn't pressure too much, or she has started doing fatal mistakes already, like thinking that increased amount of drinking will be tolerated behaviour. Hard to figure out.

I didn't mention positives to relationship, no need, she does often show being serious about it, and sees us long-term in the future, but based on presented mixed signals - do you think this "enough time for relaxation" was actually a very bad excuse?
But wouldn't there be more obvious signs of cheating other than that?

Yes enough time for relaxation is a terrible excuse. I'm not saying she is cheating but its definitely a possibility, if she is she'll mess up eventually just monitor the situation closely without her knowing. Only 5 months in and she's with holding sex already, things are not looking good.

Btw I forgot to ask, is it not the rule of a thumb not to express concerns about sex? Because it could trigger the opposite effect - even small impression of pressure can actually make a real problem even if it wasn't there.

Reading PUA material, I supposed the solution is usually to stop initiating, and thus make her chase it. But I observed that this girl becomes insecure if I pull away, so it could backfire.

What's the best equation to proceed from this dynamics point of view?
And how do I go about that?
(I'm not feeling too comfortable digging the mobile phone and such)

And what about this:

Me: [checking if she's turned on]
Her: Mm..
Me: I'm horny since.. [here I mention something with her from 2 days ago]
Her: That's a long time
Me: Correct
Her:

My guess is she's not as attracted to you. To be honest with you, from your threads I can tell you don't have an abundance of women and I don't think you can actually walk away from this relationship. She probably feels this and your low value to her. This is not to be mean. She may be getting it elsewhere, she may not, but withholding sex 5 months in says something is wrong.

I agree. To the OP you probably should soft next her, make her wonder what your doing, make her wonder about you and other girls. When you text her back act like nothing is wrong. After awhile if shes still not trying to fuck you need to be direct and find out what's the problem. And what I meant about monitoring the situation is look for red flags (hiding her phone) and look at her social media sites but don't let it be known. Its weird to say this but you should probably game and keep some girls on the sideline(didn't say to get with them) in case this doesn't work out.

I had my dilemmas about the girls past and that will always stay in the background. Its not an easy work, you know. Had it been black and white, I wouldn't bother to write here. Its not easy to give you the whole picture in letters either. The whole analysis was done without her knowledge, albeit I never ever showed weakness, in fact I even passed the shit tests well. I didn't walk away just because everything is functional, and she pretty much invested herself + opened up despite having insecurities of getting hurt. What you've read from me, are my personal contemplations, but she is committed and proves to want this relationship, so there is no simple, valid or definite reason to walk away.

Also there isn't one for why she would withhold sex, because satisfaction in this context was at the peak. But you may be right, she could've unconsciously lost attraction overnight for no apparent reason, and still stay emotionally attached to plan us both in future. Can't control that. We'll see how it goes with test of time and more evidence.

That's why I hate relationships, and should go single ad infinitum.

Yes, thats ok, usually what I look after, but as I said, there isn't a single sign of that happening. She acts like everything is perfect.
Will look more into it as time passes, and if it continues, then I take soft next as good advice, as I thought.

Now, the tricky thing is always if she cheated under the loss of control, and doesn't continue to do so. That's almost impossible to find out.

Women are 100 times more perceptive that you think. Passing shit tests, does not mean you haven't been beta to her. They pick up on a subtle level whether you're beta or becoming beta and their emotions change with this. Could be you blinked when she said something, could be the tone of your voice changed when you gave a reply to a shit test.

Someone does not need to be attracted to you to plan a future with you. This is women being women and can't give you an idea of what's going on. She may be comfortable with you and hope she's with you for a long time, but this doesnt mean she's tingly for you.

My "walking away" comment wasn't to do with leaving her over sex. You wrote that you were disgusted with her past behavior, yet she is the one who has the sexual power. You should be the one who she is trying to sleep with to prove herself. She should be thinking "wow, he knows I did something slutty in my past, I should be fucking his brains out so he knows I'm only his" yet that's not the case. She tells you the worst about herself and then is the one to with hold sex. You're letting her lead, and if she continues to stop having sex, eventually she'll get bored and simply say the "spark" is gone. Remember, women follow their emotions.

Yes, bad.

But what's the best approach? considering she lacks real experience, therefore I always had to lead. In a healthy balance, but I needed to give her some experiences/guidance for the first time. In fact, that night, she did jump over me, however I made a mistake of doing intermediate things, like:
- putting a porn movie ( we agreed before to watch some time, but usually she'd just say that we don't need it at the moment ) - then the phone rang, and after that not much time was left, as said.
She did actually told me at this point that she'll make it up for me, when we started chatting in bed and so on. Could it be that I did some mistakes?

That's why I quoted the chat, simple "Its a long time" could mean she doesn't care, or gives me the hint that I made wrong moves resulting in not having sex.

The thing is, when the honeymoon was at the peak, we didn't have much time for sex(1x a week, soon there will be more), both being busy, but the drive was very high of course. Well, now it maybe wears of a little.

If I stop talking/acting sexual and cut initiating to zero, there's a risk she'll be the one to think I'm uninterested.