Before anyone starts flaming, yes I'm still gaming on the side, she broke up with me, the break up wasn't bad (it was due to a bunch of her insecurities / lack of communication on her side, maybe because she realized how easy it was for me to get other girls / saw me flirt with them on the side), it was a 1 year relationship.

Now I want to get her back, 9 days after the breakup I contacted her, called her and just talked as if nothing, she seemed happy / nervous to hear me.

Points to take away from the conversation (4 days ago)

- i called she sounded happy / nervous, she asked if i was calling for something in specific, i said no. we started - chit chatting, i made fun of her, didn't react negatively (i dont think) to anything

- she said she saw my fb post regarding some bar (im thinking maybe she was looking at my fb wall, she doesn't use fb much)

- she said she wanted to call me but wasnt sure, so she was going to wait a few days but i did it first

- i told her if she wanted to grab some coffee / drinks one of these days to let me know

- at the end of the call she said "ill call you to organize something"

- i also tried to cut the conversation short like twice, but she just kept yapping away

Now I haven't contacted her again, she hasn't yet either (she's out of town so i doubt she will till she's back), I don't plan on contacting her again either till her birthday / our countries valentines day (22nd/23rd of april) at which point I'll just drop off a happy bday card + rose at her house and have her roomate give it to her, no call or anything. (she'd see it late night after work, after thinking i "completely forgot" her bday, giving her some time to miss me / get annoyed)


Questions:
1) If she tries to friendzone in person what should i say/do?
acknowledge it say "yeah you're right, lets just be friends."? do i just tell her / be cocky by saying something like "ehh hold off on labeling our new relationship, you're likely to end up falling for me over and over again."

2) If she asks about the relationship, do I let her talk about it or do I do the "Let's not talk about this" until I bring it up after a few dates. If I do hear her out do i actively respond, or do i just simply listen without responding more than a "ah, yeah, i see, etc" to let her get her feelings out of the way.

3) If she asks if I'm seeing other women, seeing that she's insecure and possibly broke up with me because of the fear of other women, how should I handle it? Say something like "I'd rather not talk about this since I think my actively talking about women surrounding my life gave fruit to many insecurities between us in the past, but you already know that I don't sleep with just anyone." (it's a bit ambiguous, it's open to interpretation) maybe even stick a " if you heard or saw anything regarding this subject while we were together that made you upset let me know " (to have her talk about it if that's the case, if she says no obviously i wont insist)

4) Regarding the birthday card / valentines day card I'm thinking of just wishing her the best, but I'm unsure of whether or not I should stick a "I miss you" in there or not. The idea is just to show her I haven't "forgotten" her, but that I'm not desperate for her either. (Though I'm still very much in love with her)

I think these are my BIGGEST concerns. suggestions?

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I can tell you right now if your the only one making contact between each other you won't get her back. Makes you look really needy which is the huge turn off to all girls. You need to no contact this chick, make her be the one to make contact between you two and when she does you need to be short, like your busy. Your ex needs to see that she wasn't the center of the world and your life is going just fine without her.(While your doing this game other girls you have serious oneitis over your ex)

I know there's the no contact approach (which I've been sticking to it for the most part), its been 16 days since the breakup, we only talked once since (which was the conversation i mentioned above), haven't planned on reaching out to her again, except for the birthday. I figure that one AFC move during the whole breakup can't be too bad as sometimes it does work (just depends on the girl).

After this AFC move I can simply no contact, give up any hope and move on for real without wondering "what if..." I'd also feel like a major ass if I didn't considering on my bday (3 months ago) she bought me tickets + hotel to rome...

So total number of contacts during the whole break up would've been 2, during the course of 20 days, and then it'll be straight up no contact.

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In my experience the no contact part does work and is by far the best way...but... the no contact method is usually for AFTER you completely fuck things up by trying to do the 'natural' things to get her back. It sounds like you haven't completely fucked things up and just walked away Going no contact without trying your best to win her back the afc way will make her think you never gave a shit about her in the first place.

The reasons you broke up is because she thought you were gaming other girls so she felt like crap and got insecure etc. You walking away from her completely is going to further reinforce this idea.

No contact would also be a lot longer say 30 days ish, however long it takes the negative emotions to fade into the back of her head which then allows you top plant seeds of positive experiences. Positive experiences can be planted such as saying things like I just remembered that time you / saw someone doing "insert something really funny she did that was an In joke between you etc" totally reminded me of you. keep doing this but NEVER say that you want her back. Just try to be friendly to her while planting these seeds but also give her the gift of missing you. Then eventually this will lead to a meet-up and you start leading and using kino again. Don't bring up anything sexual because it will make her think you are just using her, but if things lead that way naturally then take the opportunity.


Hell no

Well Jambi, I like your advice, thank you. Giving it one last AFC move will let her know she did matter to me, so
today I will give her the card (it's been 20 days), and then just no contact another 30 days (with 0 interruptions this time).

I will keep gaming other girls in the meantime (like i have been up until now), keep working on myself, and then recontact if i'm still interested at that point, planting the positive seeds you spoke of.

Lots of changes are going to be taking place for the both of us these next 30 days in any case, so we'll see how these changes can affect us.

If there's an update of any sort I'll post it here (though I'm doubtful there'll be anything worth mentioning).

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You feel like a major ass for not buying her gifts while you're broken up? WTF!!!

Dude, you don't owe her anyhting, IMO do not buy her a card or send her a gift at all. Her birthday no longer matters to you because "You're not together anymore"! You need to go ZERO contact with this girl, I don't mean for a few weeks, do it until she contacts you atleast twice, or you happen to bump into her randomly. Right now you are not on her mind at all and she does not miss you, if she did she would be trying to get with you again!


Peace...

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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

Crypto,

I have one comment to make about your last reply. Good girls, the kind I tend to want long term, don't play well into the NC games. The best one I ever had survived multiple NC bouts. Later, when we talked about it, and when I say later, we are just friends and are both very cool with that, she explained that she didn't contact me at all because she couldn't. I asked her to elaborate, she said she was heartbroken, hurt, depressed, and she said she realized she had to get over me. So she learned to convince herself that contacting me would make her hurt more because I had broken up with her, it was my decision, and she needed to move on.

If the OP broke things off, it's entirely possible that if this chick is a good girl who had good reasons for being insecure, that NC will not work to bring her back.

Now with all that said, Crypto is right, buying a gift is not a good idea. Stick to the NC and give yourself and her real time to heal. After all that happens, then it might be possible that you both could have a better relationship in the future. It's generally a piss poor idea to get an ex back just because you're hurting from the breakup. You just revert to old ways and it's not really a new, better relationship. It's just a continuation of the same old shit.

I didn't break up with her, it was the other way around, but even then she had plenty of reasons to be insecure. I didn't get her a gift, just a card with something I wrote inside (nothing emotional / sentimental).

I then went to her work, slipped it through the door, though it made a lot of noise on impact. I left, after 5 min she called instantly super happy saying "you're around and you don't even say hi?! i love it! thanks! " blah blah blah blah, i asked if she celebrated her bday / was going to and she was going back home to do so, but if i was ever in the area to let her know and hang out.

I'm not planning on contacting her anymore, at least not for another 30 - 50 days and that'll be subject to if I still want to attempt getting her back or not. I know it's a long road, not easy and painful at best, and by then who knows she may have found someone else.

But at least now I feel like I "fought" for her the AFC way, can't wonder "what if", and I've left the door for communication open.

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I would have just texted "Happy Birthday" and left it at that.

Nah don't even send that. honestly. will make her feel like crap. Women respond to emotions

Well that phase is already done with, I'm now on the 5th day of no contact (out of 30), it does get easier, but I've decided to go with what Jambi said and eventually start the "planting positive seeds".

This is very similair to what's suggested in Text Your Ex Back by Micheal Fiore.

Now I know there are plenty of other women for me out there that are probably just as compatible with me or more so, but I've decided to attempt following this route for several reasons:

1) It doesn't hurt to have more weapons in your arsenal - To see if the Text Your Ex Back really does prove to be efficient (for some reason I feel it is the best in my case in comparison to Ex2 and other material out there). This way I'll know for future relationships if it ever does go south. I'll also be able to share my personal experience with others as I don't see many testimonials or anything of the sort out there regarding this

2) It's a long process - It will help me move on in the meantime (as I have said I have not stopped gaming, I've just gotten slightly worse at it because of the hit to the ego but it's ok, I'll be back in no time, those 30 days of No Contact should really help with that, today and tomorrow I'm going to hit up bars because I have exams coming up, but afterwards I'm back into clubs).

3) The result is a byproduct of 1. and 2. - If I do get her to come back, I will accept the reconciliation as long as she worked her ass off to make it happen.

By the end of the process 1 - 2 months may likely have passed and since it's never too late I can always simply cut her out of my life perminantely if I see things don't work out.

I'm also going to be trying this method (during the 30 days of no contact with this girl) on another girl I used to have a fling with.

If anyone wants me to post on the situation and fill you in on my experience(s) I'll gladly do so.

Any tips, suggestions, guides, fresh perspectives etc are always welcome, let's just avoid flaming / bashing eachother, thanks.

Questions
- The methods described for texts / facebook are probably outdated now because there's apps like SPAM / new features in fb that show whether or not you've "read" the message or your last connection time. So does prolonging responses still have the same effect as they used to?

- Do the "I saw X and it reminded me of you" texts ever lose their efficiency if you use it several times?

- Can I take a picture and send it via SPAM for example and then say "reminded me of you" or just send an emoticon with the same sort of effect?
Example:
*Picture of a meal she used to prepare me or I her* "reminded me of you "
*Picture of a place we used to frequent together* "reminded me of you "
you get the idea.

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She dumped you so_

You dont set time frames!
You dont contact her, not in 30 days not in 50 days!
She must contact you... If she does you have the power, if she doesnt you forget about her...
You expect to contact her and ask her to work her ass off if she wants you to take her back... yea right, not gonna happen, no matter what "text ex back" say....

I'm not setting a time frame to get her back, I'm setting it to contact her back, very different concepts, and I'm not texting her to say "work your ass off" nor anything of the sort, it's reintroducing yourself into her life, and pressing those buttons that make her work her ass off. Michael Fiore compares it to Origin in that you start planting ideas / seeds in her head and let the idea grow in her head as if she came to the conclusion on her own.

Furthermore I'm not looking for advice on "no contact", you can't game someone by not talking I don't care who you are. If she comes back just because you do no contact I personally think it's for the wrong reasons.

It speaks volumes to move on, but it speaks more to be able to value yourself, to forgive her and not act like a child who can't tackle a problem head on by hiding and hoping the tables turn. Yes no action sometimes is the best course of action, but not always. She made the best decision she could with the information and tools available to her at the time, she is not me and I am not her.

If she doesn't come back during the period of no contact it doesn't mean she doesn't want to be with me, there are plenty of posibilities.

1) She'd look crazy because of inconsistency (yes/no, wishy washy mind set)
2) Fear of rejection
3) Fear that nothing will/could/may change
4) Loss of attraction
etc

These are all issues that can only be addressed with communication and seeing eachother.

Like I stated before, everyone talks about the no contact method because it's a "win-win" situation, either you move on or she comes back. However I'm taking a gamble on the less favored method maintaining contact so I can share with the community, gain personal experience for future situations and at the same time move on during the long process that awaits me (yes it maybe slower to move on this way, or make it more difficult, but I can always go no contact). It seems no one ever talks about low contact or reseducing an ex because if they do they seem like an AFC, get the typical "you have oneitis gftow" or they probably just ended up with the girl again and didn't care to share their experience.

On that note some progress:
- I sent a text to my fling from a year+ ago, she did respond it was a neutral response. Going to follow up with another in a few more days, to slowly introduce myself back into her life following the Text Your Ex Back method (even though she was never my ex, and I don't have oneitis for her or anything of the sort, but could be good to get her involved in mylife again).

- I number closed a hot bartender last night in less than a minute, one of the best number closes ever hah. (She ran out of the bar in the rain after me), gonna follow up on that today.

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