Learning about pua got me married so maybe pua can help me keep a healthy marrage!

Ok I will try and keep this as precise as possible. Been married for about 5 months. We have recently moved country. She moved back to brazil and I went with her.

In Europe I was very strong emotionally and was on the top of my game. Her shit tests never affected me too much. However moving across the world has taken its toll on my emotional strength. I miss my family and my friends a lot. It can sometimes get me quite sad, which is expected really.

We are both crossing a very stressful time such as apartment hunting, job hunting and sleeping on floors. I'm the type of guy that gets in a bad mood quickly when faced with sleeping on people's floors as I like my privacy. The stress of the move the marriage has both got me into a weak mental position.

I'm beginning to notice things about my wife that really annoy me and I'm trying to deal with them. They usually don't bother me but due to me being extra sensitive at the moment they are really beginning to big me. Things such as being late for everything and answering for me in her native language (which I'm learning). Also at parties I can get very frustrated when she doesn't include me in a conversation (I don't speak the language yet but I can still participate). Everyone will be joking and she will be laughing but she never tells me or includes me until I ask.


When we where apartment hunting she brings her sister along and always talks to her sister first about the apartments. This is meant to be a couple activity and I want to feel like an important part of the process. When I confront her she is really apologetic and seems to understand. It's gets much better for a day then its right back to the previous behaviour.

I've tried being open and talking. She listens and improved briefly yet it always slips back. I'm tired of complaining and I know she's tired of me complaining.

I I think the problem is me and her! I'm currently too sensitive and she is not listening to what I want. I'm too sensitive because I'm stressed and she's not listening because she is stressed.

I'm really trying to be less sensitive but its difficult! I need tips on how to not give a fuck!

Example was this morning. I woke up on the floor in a bit of a bad mood. My wife was on Facebook talking to friends ect. We had an issue with Facebook that had not been resolved previously and I got pissed.

The issue: She has a close friend that she wanted to tell in person that she got married and she wanted to do it in person because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. She refused to add me on Facebook because he would see that she got married without telling him.

He is her childhood friend, they dated in their early teens but he is just a friend.

She tried to set up a meeting with him but he said that his gf wouldn't be too happy with him meeting a girl 1 on 1. So that's where it ended! She won't tell him unless its in person and he won't meet her for fear of his own gf!! So she still won't add me on FB!

Now I hear you say..."it's Facebook dude, who gives a fuck"! Well I agree, however I'm 6000 miles away from family and friends. My friends and relatives want to feel close to me and my wife. They want to follow us on Facebook to see our photos to have conversations ect! My family keeps on asking "Why are you and your wife not on eachothers facebook? We want to see your wife and her family ect".

I got pissed about this today and confronted my wife. I told her that her friend was hardly a best friend if he won't even meet her. She said that she was just trying to protect his feelings. I asked well what about my feelings? She said that she always put me first and that she had explained why she hadn't added me and that she would when its sorted with her friend.

I said that it was meant to be sorted months ago but it's not!

She said that I was being childish. She said that Facebook wasn't important to her.

I said if its not important then whats the big problem then?!

I told her that I just wanted to share her with my friends and family! Being 6000 miles away means that Facebook is a very affective way of keeping involved.

She hen claimed that I was trying to manipulate her by saying that!

I got super pissed and left the apartment after telling her that what she said was deeply hurtful! It was an attack on my personality and was very damaging.

Before leaving I asked her..."Ok so if I'm being manipulating then what's my manipulative reason for wanting to add you to Facebook. If its not for my family and friends then whats the big reason. She couldn't answer!

I left and told her that I needed a time to myself.

So that's where I am! I'm currently freezing out and I don't plan on returning until tonight.


What's your advice?

Did I handle it well or was I unreasonable?

Do I need to let these things go and not give a fuck?

We seem to be arguing a lot recently

Why would you move to Brazil for your wife? Seriously, I know marriage is about doing whatever it takes but you basically said you're willing to drop all your friends and family for this woman. And traditionally, the woman would be the one to move for the man, I hope you didn't take her last name too.

Your wife wouldnt even put your marriage on facebook and you moved thousands of miles for her....Dude, this is just not going to work already. I'm not a facebook junkie but the reasons she has given is bs and downright disrespectful. If a gf had fed me that shit, I would have sent her packing, far less for a wife and especially one I moved to Brazil and sleeping on floors for. This is a big red flag of how she values your marriage if she would put another dude's feelings above your own.

Meeting the ex, next red flag. If they're friends, they don't need to meet to say I married XYZ. If they were friends he would know about you. Your wife is already showing you she can be sneaky. Heck, the dude is showing his gf more respect that your wife is showing you. Either they are friends and then he'd be happy for her and she wouldnt have to protect anyone, or there are some feelings there in which case she should not be chasing his ass to meet 1 on 1.

I suspect the shit tests you saw earlier were just a woman playing games and still playing games with you. You've given up your life for a woman who won't even add you as her husband on facebook. I know I'm just some guy on a computer, but plz do not buy a house in Brazil. Your honeymoon phase is arguments and her putting others before you, and you being beta. Things will not get better. Move back to Europe and see if she comes. A while back you posted that she wanted to meet a recent ex. If these guys are different....hell...she just has a thing for her past and isn't in to you. You are seriously making excuses and rationalizing these situations. If someone can offer an explanation for her actions, wanting to meet exS for "closure" and not respecting your feelings I'd love to hear them.

I agree with Neo. I also saw your last post. I'm struggling to decide whether or not to end my own marriage, and I can tell you that when I look at your situation and mine, I'm dealing with a lot less than you are. My wife and I didn't put each other first, but I never had to put up with such bullshit as this. Your wife has repeatedly put Exes or "old friends" ahead of you. As hard as it is, my play in your shoes is simple:

Clearly, plainly, and in as nonconfrontationallly as I could put it, I'd tell her that you feel disrespected, that you do not accept that she puts ex boyfriends and/or past friends ahead of your requests, which you feel are reasonable. I'd tell her you would not expect her to accept that the last few women you've slept with or been close to get to see you alone, face to face, so you can tell them you're married. I'd tell her this doesn't work for you, and that you are not willing to accept this as a condition of marriage. Then I would tell her you are going back home. And here is the thing, you need to go. Don't let her manipulate you into somehow thinking that you can cave and stay and all that. Get your bags packed, get your ticket home, and tell yourself that anything less than her adding you to facebook and ending the bullshit before you take your seat on the plane is all you need to know that leaving is the right decision. Anything short of that tells you that she doesn't value the marriage, and if she doesn't value the marriage, you will never be happy.

Best of luck man. Tough situation for sure.

Dave, that's just Facebook. It's a fucking non-issue. You're overreacting.

But if you insist, get a lawyer to review your prenuptial agreement and see if you can get alimony from your rich wife.

Personally, I never bothered girlfriends or my ex-wife to add me in their social networking site accounts. I'm not also the type who checks on their emails or cellphones.

I just don't give a damn.

As long as you're banging her properly and masterfully, all other dudes will not compare. You don't have to worry about cheating and all that. There are signs to look for if you're giving her the vaginal orgasms that she needs. Here are some indications:

• 1. She will cook your favorite breakfast after a night of marathon fucking. And while she's cooking your meal, she will be singing some silly, cheesy song.
  
  2. She will give you a back rub or massage while you're eating your meal.
  
  3. She will walk faster than usual with a free flowing sway to her hips. She will almost tiptoe with her walk.
  
  4. Her eyes will twinkle every time you talk with her.
  
  5. When you wake up, you will catch her watching you as you sleep.
  
  6. When she falls asleep after a fuck round, she will be unconsciously holding your cock so you won't be going anywhere while she's asleep.

You're good if you're seeing at least 3 in the list. If not, consult your lawyer.

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This might be true for a good girl. But if his girl has elements of freak in her, then she might do some or all of that you mention, and still not meet his requests. Read the entire post. The problem is not facebook. The problem is her insistence in delivering the news that she is married and taken in person, to MEN who may have fucked her just like you claim to do in the past. In my mind, there's no woman I would expect to allow me to do this. For christ's sake she won't even let him go along and meet the guy in person so she can say, I'm married, and this is my husband. I'd like to see you allow your ex to come visit me, alone, just to tell me she's married to you. While you are all cool with it, I will be too, especially when I blow a nut in her mouth. I'm not trying to a dick here, but tell the guy the truth. Any woman who insists on telling past bf and other male friends that she is now married, in person, while alone, is just irrational. I'd love to see her face when he insists that he has to go tell a past gf that he is now married, but she cannot be there when he does it and he HAS to do it in person.

Ridiculous request, and in my book, not acceptable. Shows clear lack of respect for my wishes, and for that, a bitch earns a one way trip out the door. I have more self respect than to put up with that kind of disrespect.

The ex bf is a world karate champion according to Dave's other thread. The dude might have a violent streak and his wife is just concerned with Dave's well being.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2KYY3GtRTQ[/youtube]

One of my ex's ex was also a full contact karate champion. She initially had concerns about the two of us meeting each other until she realized I'm a better fighter than her ex. Her ex and I interacted several times civilly. It's within women's nature to care for the people they love and not put them in unnecessary danger.

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You mention a good point I missed. That being said, seeing said ex, in person, does absolutely nothing to insure his safety. All more contact does is increase feelings, ceased contact decreases feelings.

This may not be true in the short term, but it is true in the long term. If she ignores her friends long enough, they will quit orbitting. In my book, she's not concerned about him, she's concerned about those guys besides him that feed her need for constant validation. That or she just needs a fallback option. In either case, I don't want to be with a woman who needs either. That was my message to the OP.

In addition, the best way for him to get what he really wants, which is her to just make the news public and quit demanding that she tell these men from her past that she is married, alone, and in person, is for him to show he has some respect for himself and that he won't let her walk all over him. Remember, the one who values the relationship least has the most power.

I would also add that if life with this woman is this dramatic in the first 6 months of marriage, I'd have little desire to subject myself to it for the rest of my life. World karate champs don't scare me or bother me anymore than a regular douchebag who went off the deep end when he lost his girl and would whip out a 9MM and plug the next guy in "if I can't have her no one can" fashion. In a nutshell, from what the OP describes, this woman is easily expendable, and my life is better off without her in it.

Dave's wife is a rich woman who belongs to the high society in her country as Dave describes her. Marriages from rich clans are often publicized in major newspapers in society pages. Again, Facebook is a non-issue. As long as Dave did his part, he has nothing to worry about.

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Lol. There is no reason why she would have to tell her "friend" she got married in person. This is the second "friend"/ex she has wanted to meet up with in private (The OP says they haven't dated in years, and the karate guy was her recent bf). So it's 2 guys

The facebook, is not the issue. Dave has a reasonable request that she wouldn't do because of some other guy for a stupid reason. He moved for her and would just want his family to see what he and his wife are up to. All she has to do is click a button. No one would be hurt and she doesn't have to do anything. Can you imagine if your guy friend got married and he can't put it on fb because of some other dude who his wife insists of meeting in person??? How stupid would you think your friend was.

Regardless, Dave moved thousands of miles for this woman and she can't click a button if it makes him happy. If she feels bad for the friend, genuinely, she can call him. It doesn't get simpler to see than that and who cares more about the relationship. She is basically putting the guy who moved miles for her and is sleeping on floors AND his family who he left wishes, below some dude. Lol, even the other guy's gf says no to the 1 on 1 because she doesn't believe that shit.

From the post, my-toughest-test-so-far-vt146256.html So the wife has this strange habit of wanting to meet guys to explain things. above is the 3rd guy during the relationship
So she's wanted to meet a guy she had a thing for to explain why they couldnt sleep in the same bed, an ex and now a friend.

According to one of Dave's posts, he married an alpha female. Masculine women want to be in control; hence, they often have relationships with beta males or effeminate men. Dave wanted an alpha female. That's his preference. If speaking in person with her male "friends" is the wife's way of asserting control in the relationship to temper down Dave's reactions, then that's just the way it is.

But if Dave's wife is the feminine type of woman, then this wouldn't be a problem at all. The wife will simply submit to all of Dave's wishes without objection or any form or resistance or 'rebellion.'

Either Dave goes back to the expected role of an alpha female's husband or he tries to act alpha and change the wife into something more effeminate. Changes cannot happen overnight, especially when the wife is an alpha female all throughout her life.

As I've said before and I'll say it again, Dave has to watch out for those telltale signs that the wife really loves him and is horny as fuck for him. If Dave cannot see at least 3 of those signs, then he better cut clean and as fast as he could. Otherwise, he has to fit nicely into the role of an alpha female's husband or he should have enough patience to transform the alpha female wife into something more effeminate and submissive.

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Not caring about someone does not make her an alpha female. An alpha, male or female would still put their marriage on fb if they knew the other person would be happier. Plus, he has a valid reason; his family. I'm not a facebook guy, but I can understand a family watch their son move to another country and want to see how he's doing. Sure, she's in control, but doesn't care what makes him happy and would rather he be unhappy than to click a button. People who are in control but don't care about their partners aren't alpha, they're called jerks.

With respect to the alpha female/beta male dynamic that would be fine. Different strokes for different folks. But in the previous thread, she dumped her ex because he was beta. I have nothing against anyone's relationship dynamics but whether she is alpha or not, she gets turned off from betas. What's more beta than changing your life for someone, moving across the world and being slave to their whims and stubborness? Eventually she is going to get turned off completely.

I'm in Neo's camp on this one. Alpha female, or just a rich woman with the same typical problems a lot of women have, from what I've heard, it sounds to me like she doesn't value the relationship as much as I would prefer, if it were my marriage.

Like Hellhound says, all that matters is that Dave ask himself if the relationship is working for him, if he feels he's done his due diligence or what the voices inside him tell him is right or that he should do, and the rest is moot.

There's a reason why I posted the Youtube video above to illustrate a point. NLP reframing has been used to the extreme in pick up that it now validates mainstream scientists' take on NLP: it's a pseudo-science.

• Dad confronts son regarding some bullying incident he heard about.
  
  Dad: "Owen son, one of the neighbor's kids said somebody punched you in the face. What did you do about it?"
  
  Son: "It's nothing dad. I taught the guy a lesson."
  
  Dad (feels proud that his son is finally taking a stand as a man): "How's that Owen?"
  
  Son: "I destroyed his fist with the power of my nose."

Reframing a World Karate Champion as beta is simply unreal. Before you can join in the world competition, you have to win the national championship fights. Before you win the nationals, you fight some regional or state tournament. Before you can represent your dojo in a state/regional tournament, you need to beat up more than 20 guys.

The mere fact that you've won a couple of fights will already make you a chick magnet because of your testosterone high. You don't need any canned lines to f-close girls. Girls f-close you if you're not too stupid enough to "get" the subtle hints.

Women ovulate. When they're at their peak ovulation, they prefer to have sex with more masculine "alpha" men. When they're not at their peak ovulation, they prefer the more effeminate "nice" or "beta" guys.

The skillful PUA who wants to handle a long term relationship should know when to be a nice guy and when to be alpha; not just act it out. Of course, a long term relationship with an alpha female is an altogether (more difficult) different challenge.

Without those signs of love or horny-as-fuck-with-you indicators, you're better off packing your bags and leave, practice your f-routines (none of those Sex God concepts will work if you pop your load in less than 3 minutes), and hopefully find a more feminine wife instead of an alpha female.

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Hello gtdave,
my story short:
I was really alpha. King of the pack.
Picked the cutest girl in town.
Get married. Have kids.
With the rational of teaching by examples and leading through effort,
Big mistakes! I think I demoted myself to beta in her eyes.
She started putting other needs in front on mine. I proportionally cut my flow of feeling toward her.
Continued with the good sex.
She started cheating me, while regularly having sex with me also.
I forgive her, she continued. I moved out. Fuck her.

Returned alpha in 10 days, EVEN IF with the help of PUA community.
Now she see how much other women can carve for me, she's praying hysterically to reconcile. Not in a proper way from my point of view. Lost trust hurts a lot and it is hard to heal.

I say EVEN IF because I saw that the PUA tools can easily bring you to conquer a territory you didn't want to defend. In these months I PUAed properly, even if clinically depressed. The end results was that I projected an image of myself way too much energetic than the real one. And after the first sexual encounters with the turn's woman, I didn't have the motivation to look good as at full PUA energy.

So now I think I wouldn't rely too much on too powerful pua tools to gain a really long term relation.
Maybe you had played too good with your wife to be sustainable on the long run.

Anyway Family is a value that has to be preserved. And here it is my suggestion.

1st. Do everything you can to get in your comfort zone. I'm sad I had realized too late that a reasonable core of oneself has to come before anybody else. No more floor sleeping and find there the hobbies that made you happy before the marriage. And build your social circle, a circle where your skill, experience, are highly regarded. Make you look independent again.
2nd. Expat has charme. Use it. Mild flirt with everybody. Stay good looking. If your wife has the value you state it could be simple for you to become the object of attention of a lot of other females. They just want to use you to prove they are better than your wife, so don't indulge too much on them, but give them "handles" to show their pretended interest to you and your wife.
3rd. Make noise. Don't start quietly drifting away. Express your true feeling. To everybody. Politely confront her with your well thought arguments in front of her friends and family. The amount of ambivalence that women can carry inside themselves is unimaginable to men. Use her circle as a 3rd part to negotiate better dialogues with her. She can't say dumb things in front of people she respect.

you proved your strenght in a lot of ways. Deciding to relocating to a foreign country requires strenght and a big hearth!
you are strong! now it is time to use your strength for yourself, or otherwise confront the consequences of being perceived weak.

Best wishes from Italy