Alright guys, hopefully someone can give me some help on this one.

Background: I was talking to this girl at work, and we found out we had a lot in common, including smoking J's. I asked her if she wanted to come by my place one night after work and smoke up with me, which she did. We smoked up, talked, and she was giving me some serious IOI's. I have a pretty nice condo, and she really liked it (DHV ftw). She even told me she thought we had chemistry, and that there was something there. We talked more, then went and grabbed some food at a diner shortly after. By that time it was midnight and she said she had to get going. I walked her to the subway, we talked for a bit, and then when she was about to leave, I said "I'm going for it." and kissed her. She kissed me back, and we made out for a few seconds. She thought my warning was pretty funny (or so it seemed) and asked "What other kinds of warnings am I going to get?", so I told her she'd have to wait and see. I winked at her when I said that. I stood there as she walked away, and she looked back just before going down into the subway.

We've talked at work since then, had our usual smoke breaks, and made plans to chill again. She bailed on me once, claiming that she didn't think we made solid plans, and that it was just an idea. I asked her if she wanted to hang out again, she said yes, so I told her we should make some 'solid' plans, which we did.

How should I play it when she comes over again? She's already been here, and feels comfortable enough to come back. I suggested going out somewhere and she said "Nah, lets just go chill at your place." She mentioned watching a movie, which has always proved to be an easy F-close for me, but I'm not sure if I should go for it or not. Ever since that first kiss I've been getting mixed signals, but I may just be over thinking it. She will respond to my texts with detailed answers, but never initiate. She'll say things like "I'll text you tomorrow" and then never does.

She's 5 years older than me and thinks that it is a bit weird, although she's dated a guy 8 years older than her. She admitted it was a bit hypocritical of her and that it shouldn't affect anything. She told me she doesn't want a relationship unless it's for the long-haul, but never said anything about casual fucking.

Thoughts/opinions/advice?

Ok, here's what I think (feel free to take or leave anything). This girl is definitely interested in you... HOWEVER, she is waiting for YOU to take the lead. All of the weird mixed signals she's giving you are because she is expecting you to act dominant in the way you did when you kissed her the first time. Obviously this does not mean being a jerk, it just means knowing what you want and acting with determination to get it. BTW, a girl just told me YESTERDAY how attractive this is in a man, so if she said it, you can believe it's true.

She doesn't initiate because she wants you to lead. So, start setting her up for your next date. Use a two-pronged strategy, one designed to be communicated through texting, and the other one to be used when you see her in person.

In terms of texting, start sending her texts that are clearly building up the sexual tension between you and her, and which ALSO take practical steps forward in terms of setting up a date. E.g. "I'll bet you've been wondering why I haven't kissed you again. Well, it's because I'm a bad boy and only put out on special occasions." Followed by "Don't make any plans for [insert day/time here], because that's when you're coming over to my place. I have interesting plans in mind". Tease her interest, and only be explicit about the movie, etc. once the day gets close. Don't mention having sex, this is unnecessary because she knows this is what it's all about... keep the mystery alive.

When you see her in person, practice being calm, cheerful and flirtatious. Tease her a little about reading your texts over and over again. Always BE NICE when teasing, it's not about making her feel bad, it's about getting her into a fun place where you can easily show DHVs (teasing is a major DHV). Tell her "If you've been thinking about me too much instead of working, you've been a bad girl and I'll have to spank you". Girls, for whatever reasons, often LOVE spanking. By this I mean a light smack on the butt, not hard enough to make it sting, but enough so she feels your hand solid on her butt. If she's like 95% of the girls out there, this will FLIP HER LID in a highly positive way.

Try these things out and report back.

Cheers,
~50

_________________
--== I'm just learning this stuff too, so take everything I say with a grain of salt and follow your intuition ==--

Thanks A LOT for the reply.

I've read a couple of your responses to other users' questions, and it seems like you have some valuable input. I like the way you think. I was planning on backing off, and letting her take the lead, but after your post I think I might go another route. I think if she's looking to have fun, playing the dominant roll is the way to go.

I'll send her a text with something like "I hope you haven't forgotten about Thursday. I've got some interesting stuff planned ." I won't see her again until the day of, so sadly I can only communicate via texts. Hopefully she takes the bait and starts asking some questions for me to avoid lol.

Now, the question is, when can I text her? I sent her a message last night about some work shit, and she responded like 4 hours later saying she was in a basement without signal, and she'd text me today. Of course she didn't, which doesn't surprise me, but I feel like if I text her today, I'm being too clingy.

Howdy derflow,

Ok, you have the basic idea... it's your turn to take the lead. Have you ever learned to dance? I mean, partners/social dancing. I ask, because if you haven't, you've missed out on a really powerful method for learning how to become dominant in a relationship in a way that women will like instead of resent. Think about it... in partner dancing, one of the two HAS to take the lead, otherwise the thing won't work. And in the social dance paradigm, this has to be the man (although theoretically the woman could do it to). The objective that the man has is to lead her in such a way that she has an absolutely mind-blowingly good time on the floor... she needs to feel pretty, agile, sexy and wanted, in balance and in connection with her partner. You, as the man, must therefore learn how to lead her so she can experience these things. It starts off really awkward (hence all the jokes about stepping on girls' feet) but you can quickly become so good at this that women will ask to dance with you instead of guys who know "more" moves, because you're so much more pleasurable to be with.

Something similar happens in a relationship with a woman... when a woman is in a romantic/sexual "dance" with a man who knows how to LEAD, it is an overwhelming experience for the woman. She is biologically programmed to want a man to dominate and lead her in this way... and it isn't a matter of crushing her spirit or controlling her, it's a matter of leading her to enjoy life more and feel better about herself than she ever could alone. If you can give her this, she will follow you blindly to the ends of the earth, because she will trust you and feel better in your company than she can anywhere else (with the exception, perhaps, of when she's holding her baby in her arms, but that's a whole other story). So, if you can learn to lead her in this way, you are doing her a HUGE favor.

I would suggest you not worry too much about this particular woman... great women are EVERYWHERE, just frickin' everywhere, once you know how to communicate with women and wake up their romantic/sensual/sexual side. So, use this as an opportunity to learn a lot about leading a woman, maybe have some great sex, and hopefully move on at some point to bigger and better opportunities when the time is right.

So, as far as your texting is concerned, I would ratchet things up a notch in terms of leading. First of all, don't ever text her about work shit... unless it's REALLY important. Make sure she knows that when she receives a text from you, she is going to enjoy reading what you've written more than whatever else she's doing at the time. Text her funny stuff, mildly sexy stuff (if she responds well, you can gradually get more sexual) and stuff that tells her what you and her are going to do. E.g. instead of just saying "I hope you haven't forgotten about Thursday," be a little more daring and alpha: "Hey you... Thursday's only on if you can promise me you're going to leave work behind and paint the damn town red with me. Dress sexy, I want the other guys to be totally envious of my girl."

Here you are doing several things... you are assuming she is into you and wants to go Thursday, and you are telling her how she must behave in order to have you take her out. Of course, this is precisely the kind of date she wants (so be sure to give her a fun, stimulating and --eventually-- sexy date she won't forget). Plus, you indicate for her what role she is going to play... she is going to be "your girl", and as your girl she has to be sexy in order to be with you. And you are going to be proud of her (and implicitly, you are saying you are going to protect her from other guys as well... this is POWERFUL voodoo, dude).

See how this is "leading", you are in control, but it is precisely where she (if she's like most girls) wants deeply to go?

Try this stuff out and let us know how it works... banzai!

~50

Oh, and BTW: When should you text her? Text her any old damn time you please (so long as it's not too often, unless she's started up a hot and/or really fun thread). Be random... text her three times one day and nothing for two days after that. Always be interesting, funny and a little pushy, telling her what you expect out of your relationship. Once you get the technique down, you can mix in nice doses of sexuality, but you have to play this one carefully, because women are not attracted to the male vision of sexuality until you learn how to integrate it well with a powerful, engaging sensuality.

_________________
--== I'm just learning this stuff too, so take everything I say with a grain of salt and follow your intuition ==--

Well that was a terrifying text message to send. Did as you instructed and took the lead. More or less texted her what you suggested, with a couple modifications.

She just replied, as I was writing this. "Lol! 'dress sexy' - I think girls that don't try to dress sexy but still look sexy are the sexiest." So I fired back "Do your thing, but you better turn as many heads as I do when we walk through that door".

She's responding well, thanks for the tip. Much better than any of the other texts I've sent her haha. My texting is the weakest part of my game, so this is huge for me. Thanks bud!

I liked the dance metaphor, it makes a lot of sense. I feel like my response is inadequate to your essay of a post. Don't take offense, I'm just not sure what to say haha.

Kudos to you... Excellent texts! Isn't this texting stuff cool? I find that it's actually more powerful for generating irresistible attraction in a woman than normal in-person game often is. I think it's because it keys into a woman's deep desire for mystery and uncertainty in the "game" of seduction... she has to wait on pins and needles to get your reply, and she never knows how you're going to rock her world with what you say next.

I hope you're having fun with this! Keep it up and enjoy your date...

Cheers, ~50

_________________
--== I'm just learning this stuff too, so take everything I say with a grain of salt and follow your intuition ==--

Man I am having so much fucking fun with this.

Everything I've read and learned in the past week has been a complete game changer. I've never looked so forward to being single.

Huge breakthrough with this girl tonight, I kept dominating, and she was eating it up. Eventually she opened up to some big philosophical shit about her outlook on life. I didn't even ask, she just starting telling me. I think I've got this one in the bag, so long as I stay sharp on date night.

I thought I had to back off, and I've never been so wrong. Your suggestions completely shifted the odds in my favour. You should change your name to 50shadesofawesome. You fucking rock, dude. If you come to T.Dot, I'd wing for you any day.

Seriously though, tonight blew my mind wide open. A life changing moment, if you will. Putting everything I've learned into action, and seeing it work flawlessly was astonishing. It really is a science, and getting this kill will only reinforce these beliefs. I can't wait to learn more plays and test out new lines. This is going to be a fun summer.

Cheers,

Derflow (Fun fact: it's actually 'The flow' in German/English. Because it's all about the flow, baby.)

This is awesome, dude... now that you've started to get into the "flow" we'll want to hear more about your successes (and of course, the inevitable difficulties you encounter and how you overcome them). We love hearing about guys who are leaving AFCdom behind!

So, put your imagination to work and think of new (and fun, for her and for you) ways to lead this girl where you both want to go. Try 'em out and let us know what works... And keep enjoying the single life!

I'll certainly be in touch if I ever get up to Toronto... sounds like you'd be great to sarge with.

BTW if you want to go the full German route, "der Fluss" (or "der Fluß") would be the equivalent. I personally prefer "der Strom", which sounds even stronger to me.

Cheers, ~50

_________________
--== I'm just learning this stuff too, so take everything I say with a grain of salt and follow your intuition ==--