S.A.A.R.S.T. stands for "Smooth as a Really Smooth Thing" or maybe "Suave as a Really Suave Thing."

Day 0 - About Me
~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm a male. I'm 28 years old. I weigh 180 lbs. I'm 6'0". I have long brown hair. I live in a small, dead-end town and I prefer to drive out to bigger cities in order to meet women. I'm about a 5/10; lower to women that don't like my type, higher to women that do. When I was younger (21), I was a 6/10 and when I was much younger (18), I was a 7/10. Too bad I was excruciatingly shy and introverted back then. Right now, I'm only a little shy and a lot less introverted, but embarrassed that I've barely been "out and around" my whole life and that I'm very inexperienced.

I've only been laid twice. I lost my virginity to a 7/10 (beautiful face, kind of short, average build - not quite chubby, but not quite skinny, long black hair, c-cup boobs, art-chick style) at age 21. She was my first girlfriend that lasted longer than a week and only the second girl I'd ever kissed. We started having sex after being together and month and she broke up with me after 4 months and a week. I most recently had sex with a 6/10 (average face, but cute smile, unappealing short haircut, dyed red-ish hair, short and skinny, petite body, b-cup boobs, very simplified country girl style) at age 26. She was my second girlfriend that lasted longer than a week and only the third girl I'd ever kissed. We started having sex after being together a month and I broke up with her after 6 months and 2 weeks.

Since age 20, I've had a little bit of knowledge about the PUA community. I read quite a bit of stuff here and there online back then. I never went out into the field with it, but I tried it where I was comfortable - online. I got pretty good at it when there was a screen between myself and the hot babe and I had as much time as I needed to think up the perfectly flirtatious and scandalous thing to say. I did have chicks out there wanting my dick, but they all lived far away and my facade eventually crumbled before all of them because inside, I still had very little confidence and I was extremely needy at that time.

Recently, I started reading PUA stuff again. Nowadays, a person can actually walk into Barnes N' Noble and buy "The Game" by Neil Strauss and/or "The Mystery Method" by Mystery. I'm about 30 pages into reading "The Game" and I still read lots of articles and blog posts online. I've been keeping a personal journal about all of the steps (approach, flirt?, kino, isolate, phase-shift, close) to seduce a woman so I can learn it in my mind and then practice it in the field.

Day 1 - The College Town Bar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had never been into a bar by myself. I had never been in this bar. I had never drank at a bar before. I rarely drink anyways. I can count how many times I've drank a glass/can/bottle of beer on one hand.

This all happened on Saturday. It was a college-aged bar in a college town. Though not a huge bar, it was packed. I am so not used to going in to bars, the bouncer actually had to call me back as I was walking towards the door so he could check my ID. I walked in and was completely out of place. I'm not college-aged and I don't go to bars and I barely ever drink. I pulled aside the first guy I saw with long hair, he was about mid-way drunk because it was already late (11:30 pm, bar closed at 3:00 am), and I told him I'd never been to this place before. I asked him to recommend me a drink. He just pointed. I couldn't read it from across the bar, but I told the bartender that's what I wanted and I pointed to it. I got my beer and the long-haired guy was already gone. So I just mingled there very uncomfortably for awhile and sipped on the beer. Thankfully, he eventually came back in after about 10-15 minutes. I pulled him aside again and asked if he had a group and if I could hang with them and if he could show me the ropes a little bit.

He lead me over to a table at the corner of the bar. He had a few friends hanging out over there and he introduced me to them. He said "if you're looking to just get laid, I know a girl here who is known to really sleep around." He found her and introduced me to her. Coincidentally,it was the first girl I was when I walked in to the bar. She was a 6/10 and not inebriated. Shy had that "shy on the outside, wild on the inside" thing going on and it was pretty clear to me that she wanted confident, wild, inebriated bad boys. I was none of those things. She basically walked away right after I had a chance to say "hello." So, I settled in and talked to the long-haired guys group.

I got to talking to one of the guy's friends who had short red hair. The long-haired guy was getting pretty smashed at this point. The red-haired guy was pretty entertained by a funny story I told. He asked if I smoked and if wanted to hang outside with him for a minute while he smoked. I don't smoke. I've smoked about 3 cigarettes before in my entire life and I've never finished one. I told him I only smoke occasionally and that I don't inhale it all the way in because I don't want to get addicted. He said that was fine, he just wanted someone to talk to outside. So, I smoked a cigarette with him outside and told him another funny story, this one involving my "fear of flirtation." I can talk to women these days, but I have a hard time getting myself to flirt. I told him about a situation that seemed destined to lead to me getting laid, but instead lead to me getting blown off. It was still an entertaining story in a "that bitch!" sorta way.

After we went back inside, the red-haired guy and the long-haired guy pretty soon went off somewhere. I figured that meant it was time for me to approach a girl. I saw an 8/10 walking around by herself. She was short and very cute with big brown eyes. She had medium-length brown hair and looked about 18, despite the fact that she was in a bar. I walked up to her and introduced myself. She was friendly and not at all bothered by me approaching her. Unfortunately, I couldn't get up the nerve to flirt with her and she spoke very softly, so I could barely hear her anyways and had to ask her to repeat a lot of things. I first asked if she could step back a few steps with me so we could hear each other talk. That didn't work much. We talked about video games (she brought it up) for a few minutes and then I asked her if she wanted to sit down so we could focus on being able to listen to each other talk. She politely declined and said she had to go find some friends of hers. I said that was okay and that it was nice meeting her. I went back over to the table I was at with the guys I'd met. They had just gotten back. I told them that I approached the girl and how it went. About a minute later, I saw the girl I'd just talked to leave. I think she was with other females. I was sitting right near the exit, so she saw me and waved, saying it was nice to meet me. I waved back and said the same thing.

After that, I got up the guts to go talk to another girl. She was a 6/10 and was sitting alone. She was VERY uncomfortable when I approached her. I introduced myself, but because she was so put-off I clammed up and couldn't think of anything to say other than the pathetic "so how often do you come here?" After less than a minute, I told her it was nice meeting her and I went back to the table I was at. When it was getting pretty close to closing time, I approached one last girl. She was a 7/10 and was dancing. I walked up to her and said "You looking to share a dance with anyone?" She said "Nope." And then her female friend, a 3/10, got up next her and said "Sorry, she's dancing with me!" I said something dumb like, "Are you sure? She said she's not dancing with anyone" and then walked back to the table I was at. Another guy that was at the table with his girlfriend was laughing his ass off at how pathetic that was. However, later he apologized when he sobered up. I went with the group I'd just met (3 guys, as mentioned, and one girl; the guy I just mentioned had his girlfriend with him) to a pizza place after the bar closed and we talked about movies and stuff. Then everyone left and went their separate ways and I got everyone's contact info. They all said it was cool meeting me and that I should come into town more often.

So, I succeeded at making friends and having a relatively good time. Those are two things I've generally always been able to do. I did not succeed at picking up women, but there will be a next time. My small, real and achievable goal was to simply approach a few women and flirt with them. Instead, I approached and just talked to them. Next time I go out, my goal will be to flirt. I'm thinking I should test things out at a non-college bar, so I won't feel or seem out of place.

Thank you for reading. Thoughts, everyone?

_________________
Smooth As A Really Smooth Thing.

"This post is published for anyone that's listening/This post is for the broken-spirited man/This post is for anyone left standing/After the strain of a slow, sad end."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q55540EmspI

Doing good so far. Slow and steady wins the race!

considering that was day 0, you did well, you approached 3 girls while sober, you may have been able to get the number of the one at the bar who was meeting her friends, more than likely if you kino'd her a bit. she waved goodbye so you're obviously good to talk to, which is very good considering you've not been at this in a very long time. I'd wing with you anyway if you were in Scotland.
next time you approach always look at her in the eye and you need to be in a good frame of mind so you'l induce her into a good frame of mind, I think you could be very good in a few months time if you start approaching girls 2 or 3 times a week (multiple approaches on those days). To meetup with a gang of strangers and they have accepted and obviously enjoyed you're company shows you're socially good,. it sounds from you're post you have good empathy which is also a big plus.
you done good bro

Thanks! I will keep updating! I plan on going out again this week, this time to a non-college town.

_________________
Smooth As A Really Smooth Thing.

"This post is published for anyone that's listening/This post is for the broken-spirited man/This post is for anyone left standing/After the strain of a slow, sad end."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q55540EmspI

Thanks a lot! That's very encouraging. Damn, I wish I could have gotten the first girl's number. She was definitely my type. But she looked young and acted young. I don't know how to appeal to those type of women, but I'm learning. Maybe I'll run into her again once I go back to that bar sometime, though I forget her name. Haha.

_________________
Smooth As A Really Smooth Thing.

"This post is published for anyone that's listening/This post is for the broken-spirited man/This post is for anyone left standing/After the strain of a slow, sad end."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q55540EmspI

UPDATE!

Day 4, Tuesday - The Strip Club
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd never been to a strip club before. So I contacted my wildest and craziest friend and made plans. The idea was to go to the strip club and for me to practice flirting with girls there and get my confidence up in that regard. Then, we'd go to a bar later in the night and I could go out into the field and actually try to pick up women (or at least successfully get through a set).

It was an hour and half drive to my friend's house, but he lives a lot closer to the happening places than I do. Since he was a lot more used to strip clubs and bars than I was, I let him choose the places we went to. We arrived at the strip club around 7:30-8pm. It was $5 to get in. He bought each of us a beer and we sat in front of the stage, so the girls would come up and dance for us. It took me a bit of questioning the girls and also a bit of watching the other customers to figure out what the proper etiquette was there. If you sat in front of the stage, each girl would dance for you. You'd get some boobs in your face and get an opportunity to talk to each girl (awkward flirting commences) and then you were expected to give each girl at least a dollar.

I practiced eye contact with the girls from a distance. Oh man, am I bad at that. I can hold eye contact with a girl when she's up close and I'm talking to her. But if she's farther away than that and I hold eye contact, I just feel like I'm creepy and I'm staring at her. But because I was in a strip club, I figure it was already accepted by each girl that I WAS creepy and I WAS staring at her, so I've got nothing to lose. I did attempt flirting, though I couldn't get up the guts to Neg-Hit any of them. I'm too fucking nice. I had two Neg-Hits in mind ("Hey, did you just fart" and "You know, I think you're too nice of a girl for me"), but couldn't get up the nerve to say either one of them. I got lucky at one point when a tall girl (6/10) in a black short skirt with long black hair, dark black skin and c-cup boobs said something about how I smelled. I can't remember what exactly she said. But it sounded like an insult, even though she clearly meant it as a compliment. This gave me an opening to start "busting her balls," telling her that I couldn't believe what I was hearing and asking her if she treated all her customers that way. She started laughing really hard. She explained what she meant, that I smelled like I was "clean." I was so caught up trying to flirt with her that I forgot to give her a dollar. Unlike most of the other girls, she didn't motion me to do so.

After awhile, I noticed that many of the girls were walking up to the guys that weren't in front of the stage and spending time with them there. Eventually, the tall girl from earlier came out of the back and walked by. I motioned her over to talk to me and told her "you know you couldn't get enough of smelling me and my friend." She laughed again. I then told her that I hadn't given her a dollar while she danced and that I wanted to give her one. I did. She said "Oh it's okay!" Then she looked at my friend and said "What about you? I didn't get a dollar from you either!" He gave her a dollar. Then I asked her how to get the girls to come to you; if a guy moved away from the stage, would the girls start walking up to them specifically? She said yes. So, my friend and I moved away from the stage and just sat and drank our beers for a little while as we watched the show.

Time passed and no girls came up to us. So, I went back in front of the stage and asked the next girl (7/10), she was tan-skinned brunette with big boobs, how it worked while she danced for me. She said "those guys are the regulars, the ones that we know will spend lots of money." I asked "how much money?" She said "it depends on the girl." I asked, "well, what about you?" She said "$500." That's a lot of money! I said "Really? Wow!" I couldn't think of anything else to say. Haha.

Each girl had different limits on where she was comfortable touching you. After about 7 or 8 other girls, the "friendliest" girl (7/10) came on stage; she was a short and cute 19 year old with medium length blonde hair, a flashy see-through green outfit with an orange bra underneath and a thin and firm tan white body with b-cup boobs. She explained to me that the club itself was extremely laid back about customers touching the girls, as long as the individual girl doesn't mind. This gave me the idea that I should just ask each girl where she was comfortable with me touching her. This girl specifically said I could touch her anywhere other than the most obvious spot. as long as I wasn't too grabby. I certainly wasn't going to argue and got my grope on. After the dance, she told me that the personal dances in the back are $20. I asked, "So what all does it entail? Is it just like out here?" She said, "Well, you get one song. And it's more private." I asked, "Would I be allowed to kiss you?" She said, "No, I don't think I can do that." Then she left and said, "Find me if you decide you'd like a dance."

I thought about it. I'd already spent about what I wanted to spend ($20). But, you only live once. I had another $20. Plus, I'd be able to cross "get private lap dance" off my "bucket list" (if I actually had one, haha). So, I decided to do it. I pulled aside the next girl who walked by (6/10), she was a short blonde with a nose ring. She was about to go on stage and I hadn't seen her yet. I asked her if she could help me find a specific girl for a private dance and I told her the girl's name. She said that she would help me. First, she went on stage. I was still in front of the stage, so she danced for me. Without hesitation, she took my hands and put them on her breasts. I guess there were at least two girls at that place who didn't mind if you groped them.

After that girl got off stage, she went into the back and located the girl I was looking for and brought her back out for me. I told her I would like the private lap dance. She took my hand and led me in the back. I got out my money to pay her, but I only had $18 left. I told her I could get the last two from my friend before or after she danced for me. She said that's fine, I can get it after. "So, you trust me?" I asked. She said "yes" and told me we could sit down there for a minute and that she'd start dancing for me when the next song started. We engaged in casual small talk. I asked if I could still touch her and she said "yes." I touched her back and played with her hair while we talked, common romantic moves because I am a romantic at heart and am just as much romance-starved as I am sex-starved. It's no wonder I asked her if kissing was allowed earlier, even though I already knew the probable answer. When the next song started, she danced for me. I said, "so I can still touch you in the same places as before." She reiterated "yes, though as I said, just don't be too grabby." I told her that if I got too grabby, just to tell me or slap me. She said "I'm sure you'll be fine." The dance was more up close and she grinded on my crotch with her butt a little. It was basically extreme foreplay minus kissing or crotch touching, plus I had to do it while she was dancing without being too grabby.

The song ended and I told her "thank you." I asked if I could kiss her on the cheek. She said, "on the cheek? Yes!" So, I did. I asked her if she would kiss me on the cheek, she said "I would love to." She did. I then asked if I could give her a hug. She said, "sure!" So I gave her a hug. Then I asked her one final question, if I could get a picture with her. She said, "No, we're not allowed to do pictures." I told her that was fine and that I understand. I gave her another hug and told her "thanks again" and that she was very sweet. Then, I went back out to in front of the stage with my friend and got her the $2. The girl who had gotten the girl who danced for me for me walked up to me and asked, "So how was your dance?" I said, "It was great, thank you!" Then, my friend and I got up and left.

We made our way to the bar, but it turned out to be really small and almost no one was there. So, we left. We went back to my friend's place and looked up nearby bars online. It was around 10:30pm at this time. I found a place that looked like it was a decent size. It was open until 3am. I decided that was were I was going next. My buddy though, he was getting tired. So, I told him it's cool and that he can just stay there and I'll go alone. We had both had fun, so it was all good. I went to the bar by myself. When I got there, I realized that it was a big place like I wanted. Unfortunately, it was also nearly empty. The very few girls that were there were with guys. I sat down at the bar and ordered some cheese fries and a water. I had only drank half of my beer at the strip club, but I still had to drive home and figured I better not take in anymore. Plus, I didn't really want to spend any more money. I ate my food, paid for it and left. On my receipt that I give back to them, there was a place where I could write in a tip. Am I supposed to give bartenders tips? Fuck it, I'd spent enough money already. Haha.

After that, I was still disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to run any sets on any girls. It'd taken almost all the guts I have just to walk into a bar alone and hang out there for a little while. So, I drove to a nearby big city to see what was going on. Damn, I HATE big city streets. They curve at times when they should be straight. There are one-way streets everywhere just begging for me to drive the wrong way on by accident (Fun Fact: 8 years ago, I DID drive in that very town the wrong way down a one way street on accident...through three backwards stop lights). Plus, I can never figure out where I'm allowed to park at what time. Do they seriously expect me to pay $12(!!!) to park in a garage if I want to stay in town for more than an hour?! There were a few bars that looked decent. But, I didn't have any cash on me left, though I had money in the bank. Still, I'd reached the end of my nerve. I wasn't going somewhere to get cash out, just so I could pay to park in a strange city to go to an even stranger bar and try to pick up girls for barely an hour before closing as a complete rookie. So, I drove home. If I were going to do any of that, I'd need a good plan, good preparation and lots of time. Perhaps Friday would be a good day...

_________________
Smooth As A Really Smooth Thing.

"This post is published for anyone that's listening/This post is for the broken-spirited man/This post is for anyone left standing/After the strain of a slow, sad end."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q55540EmspI

Dude it looks to me like you're making some great progress. you're gradually approaching each wall you've built for yourself and smashing it down. Keep doing this one by one and you will eventually look back and realise you are now completely comfortable with the early stages of pickup that you had previously seen as impossible.

good work man, keep it up and keep looking forward, not back.

Saarst you've got a rock solid game plan. And your moving really quickly. From 0 approaches to 3 in one night. Your breaking down any resistance to women. I don't know about you but I'm sure I'm going to fail a hundred times before I succeed once. I'll keep coming around for updates. So far your kickin ass and taking names.

Goodluck Sir

_________________
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Thanks a lot! I will definitely keep at it. I still have a long ways to go in terms of comfortability in certain areas, but each day is another step forward. I do remember when I was terrified to even approach and talk to a girl. I remember doing it when I was much much younger. I did it a select few times and chickened out a hundred times more. It terrified me and I probably stumbled all over myself, but without that, I wouldn't be able to do what I can do today.

_________________
Smooth As A Really Smooth Thing.

"This post is published for anyone that's listening/This post is for the broken-spirited man/This post is for anyone left standing/After the strain of a slow, sad end."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q55540EmspI

Thanks! "Rock solid." Man, I hope so. I am trying to get out there as much as I can, before I can stop to question myself and let my nerve end up wrecking me.

And hey man, nothing wrong with failing one hundred times as long as you try one hundred more. Pretty soon, all that experience is going to add up and you'll realize you're a lot better at this than you were before. And then, a little more each day, good things will start to happen.

Thanks for reading! I've got a BIG updated coming later tonight. Stay tuned!

_________________
Smooth As A Really Smooth Thing.

"This post is published for anyone that's listening/This post is for the broken-spirited man/This post is for anyone left standing/After the strain of a slow, sad end."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q55540EmspI

Day 6 - The Mall: Preface [Skip this section if you want to get straight to the Field Report]
~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been aware of the "Newbie Mission" for years. When I read bits and pieces of PUA in my younger years, the very thought of doing it terrified me. Yes, I'm talking about the popular mission that involves going to a mall and simply saying "Hi" to every female that you walk past, stand next to or are in the general vicinity of. That one. I couldn't bring myself to do it back then. I couldn't bring myself to put any PUA into real life action. It was all just theories and stuff in my head.

That all changed on Saturday of last week. I had been awake for 30+ hours and was suffering from emotional turmoil over a girl. She's a long, long time female friend of mine and she's going through an incredibly painful divorce. I had asked her on a date the day before. She said "yes." And Saturday afternoon, we were on that date. She was clearly still miserable over what was going on in her life, but she said she was "just happy to be out with someone who wanted to be out with her." I didn't flirt on the date, but I was nice and funny. I looked her in the eyes and gave her reassurance, as I was used to doing. And after the date, I asked her candidly if I should go into full on seduction mode (as if I actually had one, haha) or if we should just call the date a success and leave it at that. She got really uncomfortable and said "I don't know." I tried to laugh it off after that, but it bothered me. It bothered me BADLY that I'd made her that uncomfortable, especially considering what she was going through already.

Why had I made her uncomfortable? Because I had no game. Why did I have no game? At that point, it dawned on me that I didn't even know how to flirt. Hell, a light bulb flashed on in my head and I realized that what I did, being funny and trying to make the conversation exciting - that wasn't flirting. I didn't even know the first thing about flirting; getting a girl relaxed and comfortable and in a sexual mindset. Geez, was that even what I wanted to do with this girl, my good friend? I had explicitly told her on Friday while we were alone at my house together that I thought it would be wrong for me to sleep with her while she's going through all of this, even though we were both sexually frustrated. So, what was I even doing? Sure, she's a great person and a great friend and her 5 year old daughter adores me, but is this what it was all going to come down to again? I try to act "cool," while secretly putting all my eggs in one basket and begging on the inside for this to work out and for me and to not screw both of us up even more?

No. God damn it, no! Fuck that. I couldn't take away my mistake that night, but she and I are good friends. She'll come back, even if I did make her very uncomfortable. She'll straight out tell me to back the fuck off, if need be. I gotta stop worrying about it. But, this whole thing about lack of game and never flirting, I was ON TO SOMETHING there. Once I got home from my "date," I knew what I SHOULD do. It was what I HAD TO DO. The only question was, could I finally take the first step?

"Well, mother fucker," I ask myself, "are we doing this or are you going to puss out like you have so many times in the past on things like this?" It's a proven fact that on the very, very rare occasions in my 28 years of life that I've gone without sleep for 24+ hours, I start losing my inhibitions and am too out of it to let my fear rule my actions. This was no exception. Yeah, hell yeah I felt that awful anxiety. But, it was just there in my stomach and I was too damn tired to let it stress me out. I didn't have the energy. I had to focus on exactly what I was doing in that exact moment and that's all I was going to be able to manage.

I drank a five hour energy and I looked up bars online. "I'm going to do this." I found a college bar in a town about an hour and fifteen minute drive away. "This is getting done, finally." I wrote down the directions. "All I have to do is walk out that god damn door." I walked out that god damn door. Day 1 had begun.

Day 6 - The Mall
~~~~~~~~~~~~

With the (albeit modest) success I'd had approaching and flirting with girls in the past few days, I thought this was going to be easy...

This was not easy.

I'm going to be honest, I failed HARD on the newbie mission. I nearly crashed and burned. But, there is hope at the end of the story. I promise. So, please read on.

I don't know if this is true of malls across the world. But where I went, almost every single woman was talking on her cell phone, texting while walking, walking with her female friend(s) and chatting or walking with her boyfriend/husband and talking to him - basically, ANYTHING to ensure that they don't notice me and that I couldn't engage their attention when they walked by.

One woman went by me. "It's okay, I'm not even in the mall section of this place yet." Another woman went by. "It's alright, she's not even attractive." A group of women. "That's forgivable, they're all together and it's hard to just single out one." More women. And more. And many, many more. "What the fuck am I doing? Why can't I say 'hi' to anyone?"

Well, I eventually walked by a woman who actually works there. She smiled at me and said "Hi, how are you?" I smiled and said, "I'm fine. How are you?" and walked past. I had forgotten about women that worked there. "That doesn't really count," I thought. "They are paid to be polite to the customers and to talk to them. I already know I can talk to and approach women that I know are more likely to be sociable. I've done that already, this week."

Finally, there was a moderately cute blonde that looked a bit distressed, but she was by herself and she walked fairly close on by me. I smiled and attempted eye contact (something I was failing at all night). "Hi!" I said, loud and clear. No response. She did not make eye contact and she kept on walking, like she didn't even hear me. Maybe she didn't want to.

"Well, that was embarrassing," I thought. But I felt a rush from finally doing it. I tried to allow that rush to carry me as I did it again and again. But, it was to no avail. I kept clamming up or finding a reason not to say something. Eye contact was not going well either. "I HAVE TO DO THIS," I thought. Another cute girl eventually walked by and I saw that she was by herself. "Hi!" I said, this time with just a little less volume, but still very clearly.

She just kept walking. She did not make eye contact. She did not respond. She did not acknowledge my existence. I chuckled to myself. "No wonder I thought this was hard back in the day. It IS hard!" While in the middle of that thought, I noticed that I was walking by Hot Topic. Now that's my kind of store. Sure, it's way too trendy now, but at least I liked the music, the humor and the culture inside. I walked in, hoping to God that there'd be a girl, any girl by herself looking at something. I figured it would at least be easier to get a response from a girl who was stationary.

I made eye contact with the first girl I saw in the store. "Hi, are you looking for anything in particular?" she said. Another employee. Oh well, I'll take what I can get. "No, I'm just looking. So, do you work here?" And from that seed, a conversation sprouted. She was kinda cute and looked pretty cool. And she had lots of big, colorful tattoos. I figured that was as good of a conversation piece as any. "I love your tattoos!" I said. She thanked me and I asked her what some of the words said on her arm. She read them and explained them to me. On her other arm was a Misfits tattoo. Okay, I know who the Misfits are. I rarely ever listen to them, but a good buddy of mine loves the Graves-era Misfits. Well, that wasn't the popular Misfits era, but fuck it. I was going to carry the conversation as far as I could while using whatever little tool that I could. I explained my buddy's love of the Graves-era Misfits and told her that because of him, I was familiar with that stuff and that I think I liked it best to. She responded positively, saying "Yeah, I love every era of the Misfits. It doesn't matter if it isn't Danzig." I responded playfully (and awkwardly, haha), making fun of the fans who only want Danzig-era Misfits. "Ehrmagawd Ner Dernzerg!" (Ha, I wish I would have said that - that meme is actually funny). She laughed.

Bringing the conversation back to tattoos, I told her that I wasn't actually hiding some full sleeve under my flannel; that there wasn't some ex-girlfriend's name scrawled across one of my arms that I was trying to hide. She laughed pretty hard. She told me that she actually had an ex-boyfriend tattoo on her leg. She showed it to me. It was a tiny heart that supposedly had a J in it, but damned if I could even see the "J." I told her that that's not so bad. "J" could stand for anything. "Maybe you just really love jumping jacks." I then mentioned that a female friend of mine who was divorced had her ex-husband's name tattooed on her leg. He has the same name as a cartoon character. "I told her, okay you have a tattoo that says 'Peter*1.' Why not just get 'Griffin' tattooed underneath it? Like, 'Hey, yeah, ya know, Peter Griffin? He's funny. I like 'Family Guy.' That's pretty normal.'" This elicited another good laugh.

Unfortunately, the conversation ran dry pretty soon after that. I went to look at the albums and the shirts. I thought, "Okay, so far not so bad. I should eventually go back up to her, tell her it was fun talking to her and ask for her number." Time passed. She walked past me twice. Crap, I was losing my nerve again! Finally, I was looking at shirts and she walked up nearby to put a few shirts away. Thank you, Jesus! I turned to her. "So it was really fun talking to you. Did you have fun talking to me?" "Yeah," she answered. "Would you like to talk again?" I asked (creepily). "I don't know," she said quite uncomfortably. Big question time. "Well, can I have your number?" I asked. "Uh, I can't" she said. "You can't because its a job thing or you don't want to?" "Both," she answered, "We're not supposed to do that and I have a boyfriend." "Okay," I told her, "That's all you had to say. I'm not in the business of breaking people up. It was nice meeting you." I smiled, but didn't make eye contact. Then, I left. "Back out into the wilderness," I thought, "But, at least I tried!"

A few more women walked by and I still wasn't saying anything. Eventually, I passed a pop culture themed clothing store called Nirvana. Inside near the entrance was a cute girl that I made brief eye contact with as I walked by. I wasn't planning on going into the store. But, there was a cute girl inside and she was going to be easier to approach than anyone out where I was at. So after passing by a few more stores, I turned myself around and decided I was going in there and I was going to talk to her.

I entered the store and there she was close by. We made eye contact. "Hey, what's up?" she said.

Fuck!

A girl just beat me to the punch AGAIN! "Oh not much I said. I just figured I'd drive out of town and just hang out somewhere where I'm a stranger and look around, relax, have fun." She responded, "I get ya. I'd been a mall-rat for years and now I work here." "Now you're here forever!" I said jokingly. Inside I thought, "Damn! Another employee! ...oh well, still better than nothing. Awkward attempts at conversation in 10, 9..."

This girl was really cute. Okay, she wasn't traditionally all that good looking, though I'm sure she could look hot all made up and in nice clothing, but she was my type - I was very attracted to her. For now, she was dressed more like me. She had slim pants that showed off her slender long legs. And she wore a yellow shirt with a light colored red flannel over the top of it. I had a flannel at home that looked a lot like it that I don't wear anymore, because it's quite bland. But hey, it looked fine on her - it reminded me of me. Also, she had a cute hairstyle and hoop earrings that I usually find unattractive, but damned if she didn't make them work (they weren't that big, so that helped). Lastly, she had lovely dark brown eyes that shined as she spoke.

As I was finishing my "here forever" line, she had already walked all the back behind the counter. I was too wimpy to follow her. I tried to cover it up by just acting casual and looking at the shirts. "Maybe I can find one here in the clearance bin that I like and buy it. That will give me a good excuse to go the register and talk to her."

"...Aw hell, $15 for a lousy shirt! And it's ON SALE?!" I kept those thoughts inside. But, I knew there was no way I was paying that. So, I was going to have to suck it up and approach her at the register without bringing anything with me to buy. And then I looked up. She was walking by me. "Hey, was it storming outside when you got here?" she asked.

GOD. DAhey wait a minute, she just initiated conversation with ME. TWICE! Okay, sure, she works there and could just be looking for a customer, any customer (and I was the only other person in the store) to talk to pass the time before the end of her shift. But, we made eye contact. I walked into the store. She talked to me. And then she walked by and talked to me again. At the very least, she wasn't repulsed by me. She WANTED to talk to me, even if it meant nothing and would lead to nothing.

I answered her. "Yeah, it was raining a little bit." I thought of the tornado warning that was in effect until 5pm where I live. That was one of the reasons I didn't leave for the mall until later in the evening. But, I lived an hour drive away from this mall. I didn't know if there was a tornado warning in this town too. I was indecisive about whether or not I should mention it and wasn't saying anything. "I heard there was a tornado warning," she said, picking the conversation back up after I'd just dropped. "Yeah," I said. Phew. This girl just kept saving me. "It was storming while I was driving, but I didn't see any tornadoes. I think I would have noticed a tornado."

This time, I followed her as she walked back behind the counter. Good, we were still talking. "Hey, you're not allowed to be back here!" I looked down. Oh yeah, behind the counter and in front of the computer is employee-only territory. "Oh, I'm sorry!" I said as I stepped back. "It's okay," she said. Well, I guess I didn't have to worry about attempting kino.

I couldn't think of anything to say. That was awkward. "Break the ice! Just say SOMETHING!" I thought. "Uhhh, so you're playing with your phone?" I said. She was indeed playing with her phone. Smooth. Smooth as a really smooth thing, in fact. "Yeah, I was just sending a text," she answered, "but mostly I use this to listen to music while I'm here."

Music! Of course! I know what that is! I can talk about that!! "Cool, so what do you listen to?" I asked. Inner dialogue initiates as she lists off bands. "Okay, band I'm not that familiar with. Band I've never heard of. Uh huh, I don't like that kind of music. Whiskeytown. Whiskeytown?"

Whiskeytown! I own one of their albums! That was Ryan Adams' alt-country band before he became Ryan fucking Adams. I love alt-country (just check my signature).

"I like Whiskeytown!" I said. "I have one of their albums. That was Ryan Adams band before he became Ryan Adams. I also have one of his albums, uuhhh, 'Easy Tiger.'" "Yes, I LOVE Ryan Adams," she said. "I have ALL of his albums." "Yeah, I've heard a lot of his stuff," I said. "But I only one the one album and the Whiskeytown album. I mostly just buy stuff that I can find used." She explained that she had some kind of music service online (I don't remember the name) that she was subscribed to and that she got her music from there. "That's cool. I mostly just use Youtube," I said.

"Well, Whiskeytown is what we are going to listen to!" she said. I hadn't spun that disc in months, but I quickly remembered how good it was. I didn't know the songs that well. I wouldn't have been able to sing the words. But she could. And ever so softly, that's just what she did as she sat there behind the counter. I paused for a moment and just enjoyed the music with her. Once the song was over, I said "By the way, did I get your name?" "No, but it's Lauren*2." "Hi Lauren, my name's S.A.A.R.S.T." I smiled and extended my hand over the counter. She couldn't reach it. She'd have to get up. Luckily, she did and I gave her a firm handshake (best I can muster anyways, haha).

I was already running out of things to talk about. "Let's see, in Hot Topic I commented on her," I thought. I looked this girl up and down for a brief moment."What does your shirt say?" I asked. She looked down at it and then back up. She explained that it was the name of a college (or was it a college team?) and that it reminded her of something. The "something" that she said was a name. But, I couldn't tell what it was that she was referencing. The name was actually the last name of one of my favorite comedians (of whom I have been known to do impressions, reciting his jokes to make people laugh many times). I asked her to repeat it twice. I was obviously puzzled. She finally said, "my hometown." "Oh!" I said. She asked if I thought she meant the comedian. "Yes!" I answered. She said one of his really short jokes. I tried to follow up by also reciting one of his jokes. I'd done this one about one million times. But, I still messed it up. I messed it up and I tried again. I still messed it up the next time. Mercifully, she finished the joke for me. I laughed and probably rolled my eyes at my own awkwardness. "Haha. Yes, that's it! I love that guy!" I said, trying to not to get too down on myself over it.

Next, I decided to comment on her flannel shirt. "I like that you're rocking the flannel. I always gotta give kudos to someone that keeps that look alive. It's out of style. Then, it's in style. But yeah, it's a 90's thing. I love a lot of 90's alt-rock bands, that's pretty much how I dress." "Yeah, I just wore it because I didn't feel like wearing a jacket," she said. "That's cool," I responded. "It's getting near closing time and then I'll be getting out of here," she told me. "Yeah, I gotta get out of here too," I told her. "But, it was nice talking to you." "You too," she said. "Would you like to talk again sometime?" I asked. "Uh, sure," she answered. "I work here on weekdays." "That's cool," I said, "Well Lauren, can I get your number? We could talk more and share music." There it was. The big question again.

"Sure," she said as she hopped up to get a piece of paper. SURPRISE! "Really? Awesome!" I said. Nice, S.A.A.R.S.T. Why don't you just bow down and start worshiping her? I immediately quieted myself down. I needed to retain my cool. I said, "I think I've got a pen." I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it to her. She wrote down her first name and her number and then sat my pencil down next to the computer. " I said, "You're going to end up stealing my pen" and pointed to it. She said, "Oh, sorry" and gave it back to me. I said, "It's alright. Are you sure you don't need it? I can give it to you. Haha." She replied, "No, I found this plastic hat full of pens." She lifted up a plastic hat full of pens that were sitting next to the computer. I said, "So, you just found that?" She answered, "It was here when I got to work. That's all I know." I laughed. "That's funny," I told her.

"So do you have a Facebook, too?" I asked. She said, "Yeah, but I don't remember my web address for it." "Hmm," I said out loud. While I was attempting to think of a solution to this epic quandary, she said, "I'll just write my last name down too." "Okay," I said. And I thought, "That was easy. Why didn't I think of that?" She added her last name onto the paper and handed it to me. I took it and put it in my wallet. "Great, thanks!" I told her, trying to sound more courteous than exciting. "Alright, well it was nice meeting you. Have a good rest of your shift." Those were my parting words. I smiled, but I didn't look into her eyes. I think I was just focusing on getting out of there and not blowing it.

I left. It occurred to me that I still had only really done the "Newbie Mission" on two women. That's really, really bad. I looked around. Almost everyone was leaving or had already left. I figured I'd better get out of there. If I was going to do better, it would have to be another time. I walked into the store that I entered through. I noticed that there were escalators going down stairs. "Weren't there escalators going up stairs when I came in here?" I thought. So, I went down one of the escalators, looking for the exit. It was empty down there, no one in sight. "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure came on the radio. Man, I love that song. That's a song I can sing all the words to. So, I did. No one was around anyways. I mingled for a minute and let the song finish. Then, I kept looking around for the exit.

I came upon two employees at a counter. I asked the nearest one, "Excuse me, where is the exit?" She was a bit taken aback. "Uh, the escalators are over there." "So, the exits are upstairs?" I asked. "Yeah," she said while giving me a very strange look.

God. I do this shit all the time. I am seriously a fucking idiot. Haha.

"Okay, thanks," I said as I sheepishly walked towards the escalators, wanting to just quickly get the fuck out of there. I heard the employee behind me talking into a phone. "We've got a customer coming up the escalator." God damn, I'm a moron.

I found the exit pretty quickly after I got upstairs. But, the journey wasn't over. Where the fuck was my car? Where did I park? Fuck! Did I even come in that way? I thought I did. But, I walked through that area of the parking lot, one way and then the other, but nary a car that belonged to me was found. I looked at the entrance and saw employees leaving. "Geez," I thought, "If the girl who gave me her number leaves and sees that I can't even find my own fucking car, that's it for me." It was really pathetic and frustrating, but I couldn't help but laugh about it. And sigh a really big sigh.

Finally, I decided that I must have just left from the wrong entrance and that my car must be on the other side of the store. So, I made my way that way. And after a bit of walking, there was my car all alone without a single car parked near it. I just shook my head at myself. "Well, at least now that's all over," I thought.

I went the wrong way for a few miles about three times before I finally figured out how to get home. I'm awful with directions. Ludicrously terrible, at times. On my way home, I called up a good friend of mine whom I hadn't talked to in several months. I missed a call from him a few days ago while out doing all this stuff. I figured I should call him and we could talk for a little while as I drove home. I know he likes listening to me tell my crazy stories. So, I told him the stories Day 1, Day 4 and Day 6. He loved it. "You're really brave, man," he said, "I don't think I could have done that stuff. I got lucky. If I wouldn't have met my wife on OkCupid, I don't know what I would have done." I thanked him. This guy was my best friend in Grade School all the way through High School. Since then, we've sadly grown apart. He lives about a 5 1/2 drive away. I don't see him very often. But today, we were laughing like old friends. I told him to have a goodnight and let him go so he could get to bed. I got home right after that.

I settled in and got online. If I was going to add this girl on Facebook, I'd better hide about 200 or so awful photos of myself from not too long ago looking like a fat slob. I looked her up and found her. I thought up something to say and tested it out on in the chatroom here. It got a lukewarm response, but one guy who's sort of taken me under his wing here told me how he thought I should tweak it. Here is a reworded version (in case she thinks its some canned line and types it into Google, I'd rather she not find this haha) of what I initially thought I would send her in a message after I added her:

"Hello. Perhaps you could help me. I ran into this really beautiful girl with a super cool personality at Nirvana in [town] Mall. I see that you live in the same city that she does and have the same last name. Oh, and you look like her. Are you maybe sisters? Could you get me in touch with her?"

Cheesy. But flirty. I liked it. I think she gave me several IOIs. So, I figured there was no need to NEG her, especially considering the fact that she wasn't your stereotypical big-titted babe. But my friend helped me modify it to this:

"Hello. Perhaps you could help me. I ran into this girl at Nirvana in [town] Mall. She was very beautiful, but a bit dorky. I see that you're both in the same city and both have the same last name. Oh, and you look like her. Maybe you are sisters. Could you get me in touch with her?"

I hid all the crappy photos of myself on there and sent that message on its way. No response, thus far. But that's fine, she probably just went to bed. I'm about to do the same thing.

Tomorrow, I think I'll call her and leave a message if she doesn't answer (and if she has voice mail). I plan on going out tomorrow night and trying to get through a full set with at least a few girls. I'd be free that evening, if I could convince her to go out somewhere with me. I also have Sunday night open. Saturday night is booked though and its important, I won't break it.

I know some experts suggest that a guy waits a few days before calling a girl back. I say, "Why wait?" Calling the next day doesn't have to convey neediness. It can be an indicator that I'm a guy who doesn't beat around the bush. I go after what I want and I don't waste time. I figure I should just call her up and be direct - I want to see her, let's go out somewhere Friday night or Sunday night.

If I can get ahold of her or she gets back ahold of me, I'm going for it. If she's unsure, I'll reassure her and give her a reason for why it's a good idea. If she rejects me, fine. No big deal. I can just talk to her on the phone. If she does goes go along with it, then great.

The guy from this forum who took me under his wing, he suggested I write out how I'd realistically like the conversation to go. So, I did. Here it is -

"S.A.A.R.S.T.

Hey, Lauren?

LAUREN

Yes?

S.A.A.R.S.T.

It's S.A.A.R.S.T., the really funny, good looking guy you met while you were at work.

LAUREN

Oh hey. Wait, are you sure I met a guy like that?

S.A.A.R.S.T.

Okay, okay you got me. It's the ugly, obnoxious guy that didn't buy anything and wouldn't leave you alone.

LAUREN

Haha. Oh, now I think I remember.

S.A.A.R.S.T.

Yeah, I figured some time this week we could go to a Whiskeytown concert. But just in case they don't get back together tomorrow and start touring, maybe we could just get dinner somewhere as a fall back plan.

LAUREN

I don't know. I'm pretty busy.

S.A.A.R.S.T.

Well, I'm going to be nearby next weekend. I've got a friend who lives not too far outside of [town] and we're going to hang out for a night and get drunk on Friday or Saturday. But I'll be free the next day. It'd be a lot more fun seeing you than just going home.

LAUREN

Well, I guess I'll think about it.

S.A.A.R.S.T.

No. No think. Come on, it'll be fine. I'll pick you up in the evening and we'll have a good time. Friday at 6 or Sunday at 6?

LAUREN

Umm, Sunday at 4.

S.A.A.R.S.T.

Great! Be sure to dress nice. I don't want to get kicked out of McDonalds.

LAUREN

What?

S.A.A.R.S.T.

McDonalds. That's a good place to eat.

LAUREN

We're eating at McDonalds?

S.A.A.R.S.T.

No, haha. Come on, you know I have more class than that. But, it'll be a surprise. I promise you'll love it though. Just dress nice, okay?

LAUREN

Okay.

S.A.A.R.S.T.

Sunday at 4. See you then! Goodbye, Lauren.

LAUREN

Bye, S.A.A.R.S.T."

It probably won't go that smoothly. But I can try. It's not like I've ever really been smooth up to this point, anyways. Haha.

*1 - His name isn't Peter. But it lead to the same kind of joke.
*2 - Her name isn't Lauren, but it's cute and fairly common like that.

_________________
Smooth As A Really Smooth Thing.

"This post is published for anyone that's listening/This post is for the broken-spirited man/This post is for anyone left standing/After the strain of a slow, sad end."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q55540EmspI

Saarst. Nice Job man! Getting out there and approaching is going to take you to the top of your game for sure. Sounds like you've already had some great adventures. Its definitely helping me stay motivated and out there. Looking forward to the updates on the date too. I just got back from a trip home so its time for me to hit the grindstone.

_________________
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Thanks, man! Glad I could help! I'll catch back up with your blog this coming week.

_________________
Smooth As A Really Smooth Thing.

"This post is published for anyone that's listening/This post is for the broken-spirited man/This post is for anyone left standing/After the strain of a slow, sad end."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q55540EmspI

Busy week.

Updates coming soon, no later than Sunday.

_________________
Smooth As A Really Smooth Thing.

"This post is published for anyone that's listening/This post is for the broken-spirited man/This post is for anyone left standing/After the strain of a slow, sad end."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q55540EmspI