Been with my gf just over 1 year, good serious relationship.

2nyt i was at her house and i decided to look through her phone when she was out of the room,

over the past week she has been talking to her ex bf nearly every day ((she had his number saved as "mum old" 2 avoid detection)) (3 year relationship, split up about 6 months before i met her) the messages wasnt sexual or arranging to meet they were more him saying he missed her etc but she was txting him all the way through the days sending him pictures of her dinner etc and telling him what shopping she was doing, telling him her bday was coming up, asking him what he was doing that night (she was also txting me similar kind of messages that day) he also sent her old pictures of them 2 together she would replied something like awwww have u anymore and told him she had some of them on 2 together saved on her laptop..

i confronted her straight away, she was begging saying crying sorry etc he doesnt leave me alone, i was going to tell you. i was mad but stayed calm, got my clothes on, told her its over and left.

she has been non stop txting saying she loves me, she doesnt want 2 break up, im her world, she wants 2 be with me, hes nothing to her etc iv hardly replied and when i have iv just told her were done.


Want are your opinions and what would you do?

my problem is i think im in love with her, i pretty certain she would never cheat but im hurt by her doing this and i think its very cheeky and disrespectful.

is there something i should break up with her over?

Should i meet with her and see what she has to say? what should i say to her??


Thank you for reading, help and opinions appreciated.

I think you overreacted.

Find me a girl that ends a three year relationship with a guy amicably and doesn't still talk to that man every once in a while. Meanwhile, I'll find you a unicorn that poops rainbows. This took me a while to grasp, but it's really painful to put white-out over the time you spent with someone and make like it never happened. You may think, "Well, if I received a text from my ex, I would ignore it. Why doesn't she?" She isn't you with tits.

If the conversations are more frequent and initiated by him, you gotta assume that ex is having a desperate week. Is she on the prowl for cock, or deflecting his advances with politeness? He sent the pictures. He said he missed her. She didn't say, "I miss you, too", and her old pictures with him are stored in a dusty file on her laptop. Which is Ex Protocol 101 for every girl.

She sent a picture of her food. She said "Aww" to a picture he sent. In my eyes, that's perfectly innocuous and shows no intent to cheat on you. Neither is her asking "What are you doing on X day?" no matter what you presume the purpose of that meet-up was to be. If she was going to go to lunch with him, you confronted her too soon to even know if she was going to let you know first.

Other people on this board will have better advice on what you should do from here, but you called her out on something before it had the chance to become something devious. Think of how much worse it could have been. The things she could have said, but didn't.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

It really depends on what you want man. I'm big on trust and hiding shit with exs is a huge red flag so this on this I'd probably end it.

If she had nothing to hide, why did she save him as "Mum new"?

Just because the texts are not sexual, the frequency of texts is alarming. You don't text an ex daily.

I agree that I don't think she wants her ex sexually at all, but misses him as a friend.

Don't throw away love for the sake of texts. You can't have a healthy relationship unless you forgive her and move on from this. Sit down have a talk with her. Say she needs to earn your trust again. But don't hold her to ransom forever. Eventually you just have to trust her.

Establish a relationship which is upfront and honest. Try and find out the reason why she felt the need to hide this from you. Be open and don't get angry when she admits to stuff. The more angry you get, the more she will be scared to admit to stuff. Tell her its not the the fact she was in contact that got you, it was her deceit and the frequency of texts.

Good on you. Now it's up to you if you wanna be with her or not.

everything is tru of what was said above. and to me its all about trust. the minute she has to change the name she is hiding and its not for a good reason. if she was going to tell you then she would tell you from day one, not after she gets confronted. it depends on the relationship and trust you and your gf have for each other. but yea, she cant be with someone that long and not communicate at some point. seems like he is running game on your girl friend and she is slowly falling for it as if she wanted it or knew it would happen.

So a girl is in constant contact with her ex, hides the name in her phone and that isn't a problem?
What????
She was deceptive and did something she knew she shouldnt have been CONSTANTLY for 1.5 YEARS.
Read that shit again. 1.5 YEARS. If she had any respect for your relationship, she would have cut that shit after a few months when things got serious with you.

Either she hasn't moved on, or she doesnt care enough about you to not hide shit from you. If she cared, she would have stopped. Texting an ex is a relationship no-no for most people and even if she missed him as a friend she should have said, "I care about X(you) and shouldnt do this."

You catch someone hiding something from you once, you can decide if you can trust them. You find someone hiding something from you for a year, and smiling in your face, can you ever trust them again? If she didn't stop after 12 months, she ain't stopping now. Get back with her, and I can assure you the phone will get a lock.

Hi people, thank you for the responses.

i would just like 2 add more details that maybe i should have included in the 1st post,

while we have been 2geva iv had the same mobile number i had b4 we met, ex gfs of mine have txtd me iv told her and shown her, she wasnt happy 1 bit so i told her i would get a new phone and number which i have done this week, also it was her bday last week, i got her what she wanted and spoilt her very much, why im so mad is the fact while iv been saying sorry about exs trying 2 get in contact with me and theres nothing i can do besides get a new number and because im committed to her i have, while im running around buying all her bday gifts etc shes having similar conversations with her ex bf like shes having with me.. at nyt saying night with a love heart and a kiss like she does 2 me etc..

im confused, theres nothing more i could do to be a better bf, she always says shes so happy with me, never been this happy etc..

okay in the messages she wasnt saying anything 2 bad like she missing him nothing like that but not once did she say shes got a bf and shes happy... how hard would have been for her to say dont msg me cos shes knows it not right!

theres no need for her 2 speak 2 him everyday is there? i think they may have been speaking on the phone aswel.

it could have been going on over a year i dont know.

i just think shes gone to far staying in contact with the guy so much, maybe a few messages i wouldnt have been so mad but when there communicating all day i just think its totally unacceptable and i really cant see at the moment how i can let her do it and 4give her, after id change my number etc and the time she was still talking to her ex... im hurt confused and feel very disrespected. im 26 shes 22, shes has tried contacting me 2day and iv ignored her as i want time 2 think things over.. please more feedback!!!

Its clear to see your more into the relationship than she is. Your communication is more open than hers. Dude take our advice and move on man. I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship but one thing ive learned frm my grandma and my mom is that once a girl hides something, its for a reason. If she continues to hide it and then gets caught, she will say sorry but then come up with a different game plan(like the other guy above said, u'll soon find a lock on the phone) if she wanted to end it with her ex, she cud have done the same you did. I wish i had found this forum six yrs ago bcuz my relationship had the same situation and i never bailed. I kept tryin to work stuff out and she supposedly wanted to do the same. But guess wat, 7 yrs later and we still have the same issues along with a child together in the middle of all the drama. And being a young guy with other options, you dont want to be in those shoes bro. Your becoming a PUA so finding another girl in the future shouldnt be a prob for u but if its this girl, u really want to stay with, be prepared for arguing, sleepless nights, stress and headaches

So she gave you shit when you were honest about your ex's texting you, you had to change your phone number, and she's been doing the same shit but to a worst level. Why be with someone who can hide things from you and be a hypocrite like that...
It sucks because you sound like a good guy, but ask yourself if you can ever trust someone who hid things from you and was so terrible to make you feel bad for shit she was doing. Sure, she may not have sucked his dick or technically cheated, but the situation and way she handled it would kill all of someone's trust.

in my opinion there is nothing wrong with her texting him and sending him pictures of dinner etc. There is no problem about her being still somewhat sissy towards him like saying 'awww' or remembering some good memories. That is what happens.

There is a little bit of problem asking him what is he doing tonight, though this might be or might not be an indiciation of her cheating.

And for me it would be a big problem hiding him as 'mom' - this factor makes everything else very suspicious...

Long story short, be carefull, there might be sth happening between them.