Hey guys, so I've known the girl about a year, went went out for around half a year and broke up for 6 months now we are back on. When we first went out it was my first real relationship and I made a lot of mistake, that looking back on were kind of embarrassing. But I hope I learnt a bit since then.

So here are my questions

My girlfriend always used to compare me to her boyfriends, my ex would do this, he would do that, he would have done this for me etc etc, I found it extremely disrespectful and upsetting and tried to just ignore and brush it off as much as possible, but why if I was 'the only guy shes ever actually cared about' did she do this

we broke up ultimately because the way i behaved was immature and she did not believe I could provide her with the lifestyle she wanted, shes from a wealthy background and believed I was cheap , from my perspective I wasnt going to be spending lots of money on a girl who even if I really like her, is going to make me jealous as above.

When we broke up her status on SPAM/bbm was about how she met a new guy, how addicted she was to him and posting pictures of presents she recieved from him and it hurt me a lot but I didn't rise to it and I kept no contact, then when she sounds like she's in love with this new guy she messages me saying ' I just drove past your and its odd but I really wanted to come up and see you are you home?' i reply 30 mins later saying yeah im home, she send a message 'well I'm home now so I guess it wasn't meant to be' Seems like a mind fuck especially when she is apparently in love with some new dude.

Fast forward a month or so again and she sends a message saying shes sorry how things ended between us and sorry for the rude words she said. Fast forward 1 month and I still cannot get this girl out of my mind ever, its been 6 months since I last saw her so I send her a message for her to meet up with me. She accepts and we talk things over and its all good.

We start off seeing each other once or twice a week and she sends me messages with hearts and stuff and i reply back in a smiliar way ( should I do this??) but I don't talk about my emotions to her, say i miss her or any long emotional messages. We just hang out and its good.

The next week im driving with her and a couple of times she mentions about this friend of hers who has been messaging her cos they had something going on, presumably when we broke up,. but she doesnt want anything to do with him and its annoying her. I don't rise to it all, keep it cool and just say ok. I want to know why the hell she did this, the last thing I want to do with her is tell her about some girl i got with, its rude and disrepctful. The same day she then starts talking to me about marriage, how she wants to get married and have kids in 2 years time and what I think is a good age to get married and have kids. I want to know why she said this stuff because its obviously directed at me. Fast forward a bit more and my mum and sister are visiting ( I live abroad) and she asks me if it's ok if she can meet them because she'd like to, to me that is a big step and would seem to indicate she is committed to me, but the crap about the other guy makes me not want to introduce them. She always tells me to say hi to my mum for her and asks how much I've told my mum about her. We also discussed about the prospect of going away somewhere for the weekend casually, then next thing she tells me she ' wants some guy to whisk her off somewhere far away and promise her everything is going to be ok' Again I found it disrespectful and just said nothing really.

I want this girl to value me more, not compare me to other people or have to listen to this shit about being compared or hearing how other guys are into her and I want her to want me more. SOunds pretty easy right?

I do have a lot going for me, she is good looking and stylish and I know she does get a lot of attention ( well that's my perception). If its any difference I'm a pilot and I do spend some time away . she is arabic so culturally may be a bit different.

I also have to STRESS this is my FIRST relationship, any general tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers guys

Next time she says shit like this, tell her "What a coincidence, I want a girl that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose!" Then just grin at her like a KING! with a look of Fuck your stupid game! I'm not playing!
Likewise this shit; brag about the pussy you were getting around the world as a pilot! ex; "American girls sure like anal!"

What is your normal stance when her shit tests are using you as her free whipping boy? Stare at your toes and take it?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Heywood Jablowme ideas are brilliant, but probably it'd just be funny rather than actually helping you accomplish what you want.

It takes a lot of work to grow up and learn how to handle women. Sarging is a great way to begin that journey. Learning to pick up women and have sex with them will do wonders for you in many ways.

For your GF, it's clear that she controls the interaction with you. She manipulates you to try and get you to change how you are, but not that she really wants to change, she just wants to control you. My guess is that she does control you.

Some questions: What is it that is interesting for her about you? Are you good looking? Are you tall? Are you quite aloof? There is something that keeps her interested in you, but only superficially so, IMO.

You are in the middle of dominance games, which it sounds like she is winning. If you want to solve these problems then you need to overhaul yourself. Let go of the confidence issues that hold you back (sarging can help you for that). You don't need to know what your life is going to be about, but choose what you want short term and pursue that with determination and purpose. Define your boundaries and don't cross them. Believe in yourself and be willing to walk away. Mostly man up.

Yeah man up. Tell her she WILL stop comparing you to other people and except you for who you are or move her ass on.

Hey guys thanks very much for the suggestions. You are correct she does control the relationship, no doubt about it and I need it to stop if itwill ever turn into anything worthwhile. Am I good looking, yes i think so, I get a lot of comments that I'm good looking, kind of in the pretty boy way and I do take care of my appearance and style. I can't say i have confidence issues atleast with girls, I have no problem walking up into a club and going to talk to a girl, the harshest rejections wouldn't bother me in the slightest since I don't know them! Certainly when i first met this girl she was convinced I was a ladies man because I can talk the talk. I would say I can be quite aloof and different and when I am quiet with her she tells me she hates it when im quiet and loves it when I talk. When we first met we got on so well, and shared an amazing sense of humour together. She told me a number of times there is something about me, that is different.

If it gives you any idea about this girl, she is from a culture where the guys will shower her with expensive gifts, I refuse to. Her present to me was a diary for me to write in when i think about her, so controlling yeah i think so! Thank god i didnt write much in it and I never showed her or ever will. She is a very attractive girl. She is also 2.5yrs older than me. She has the worst temper ever and freely admits to it and I think deep down is kind of proud of it, so when she says stupid shit and I react it get blown to such a proportion that me being the forgiving type i just say its dumb we argue and lets make up. Having said that, we have had zero arguments recently and she has admitted she was mean to me and said she tried to make an effort to be nice.


So anyway theres a lot more but that just a part of it. Tbh i felt a bit annoyed this morning so i just randomly messaged a girl i worked with a couple of months back, i think she pretty hot and well, she suggested we spend this weekend together at hers, she was pretty graphic but you get the point. Still doesnt solve the problem but might give me a different perspective on things.

Thanks guys!

Yes, that's helpful.

This girl is shit testing you constantly. Everything is an effort to test you. Girls are shitty like that.

She is obviously insecure. Try to focus on the fact that she is trying to see if she can change you. Not to change you for better or worse, but to control your sense of identity. It's typical in pretty girls who have become dependent on external validation for their sense of identity. They struggle, subconsciously, with people who have a strong sense of themselves without any relying on external validation. It is a constant challenge to their felling of self worth.

You'll be a stronger man for all of this, but just remember that it's all bullshit. Don't change your behavior, don't give into her demands. Don't change yourself. It should be a mantra for you to say, "You know I care about you, but this is how I am."

The trickiest thing here is to differentiate between what she may truly resent you for, versus her just being high maintenance. You don't have to answer this, but is there any chance the girl has daddy issues or has been abused in her past?

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Obviously you have other options.

Every time she leaves you she should be wondering if she will ever see you again. She should be wondering how much you like her. She should be wondering if you’re seeing other girls.
Let her wonder.
That is the art of the chase. The more time she sits around wondering what you’re doing… the more she begins to convince herself she is in love with you.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Hey, I want to give you an update on how things are going and see what you think I should do next. Ill give you the facts then my take on them.

Last saw her 1.5 weeks ago, she was ill but we had a nice lunch spent the afternoon together. She apologised that we didnt do so much since she was ill but said she had a great time and thanked me. As I left she suggested we do something the day after if she feels better.

Day later she feels better but her friend is coming over, she told me her friends name and asked me to give her ingredients for a recipe as she was going to cook it for her. She came to the supermarket underneath my apartment and I helped her with shopping. She couldn't come to my apartment as her families driver was waiting outside for her, she is Muslim so you get the idea. Later in the day she calls me as she is cooking the food for my help.

Day after she tells me how her dinner went , asks me if I'm working that day and wishes me a nice day and sends signs of affection like kisses and hearts etc. I rang her up in the evening and she's feeling ill again.

Day after we send messages with sign of affection and she's still ill, I suggest we do something in the evening, she says that would be nice but shell have a nap and let me know. I hear nothing.

Day later I wish her good morning and she replies with signs of affection, turns out she been given pain killers and she feels better, I suggest we Go for dinner in the evening and she says sorry her 3 friends came over today so she can't . She suggests that maybe tomorrow her friends and us will go out.

Day later I suggest we all go out in the evening and she says her friends are out but she'll let me know, she didnt.

Day later I do not message her

I go abroad for 1 day and receive a message from her just saying hey, I reply but late at night just saying hi I'm abroad, she didnt know. We have a quick chat and then I tell her my family are coming over and she straight away asks if she can meet them if its ok with me. I say sure we will plan something. I tell her to send me some pics she was telling me about when she was younger and she says ok and asks me to send her some of me. I say sure but I never did send her because I wanted her to send me them first.

I ring her a day later just very briefly and she wishes my family well and tell a me to say hi to them for her.

I don't hear too much from her for the next few days, she didnt check her phone and has not been affection the last couple of days, these both kind of pissed me off.


So to sum it up, I'm annoyed that I didnt see her the previous week because she was ill but she could have her friends staying over, the next week is her school holidays and shell move to her family home 2 hrs away for 2 weeks, so I think she should have made an effort to see me . I'm kind of annoyed she didn't send me the pictures I asked her to, it's not the first time that I said to send me a picture to which she agrees but never did, I don't care about the picture but the fact she doesn't feel compelled to do it for me. I'm also annoyed she hasn't checked her phone regularly to see if I sent her a message and the fact she hasn't sent me any signs of affection for maybe the last 4 days.

I haven't shown I'm annoyed and I don't intend to, I'm just interested if you think in overreacting or if my annoyance is justified and how I should play it? Should I ask if she would like to meet my mum , it'll just be showing my mum around the sights of the city that this girls family lives in, she always talked about my mother and I would genuinely like her to meet her and if she doesn't meet her this time around, it's going to be a very long time till she would get the chance. I'm from Europe currently living in then Middle East.

Thanks!

You are obviously bf material. She is controlling the interaction and checking you out. You are playing along very nicely. That's good of you. If you want her as a BF on her terms then keep it up, you'll get there.

If you want to control the interaction and have things on your terms. Stop texting her to try and go out. Text her, I'd like to hear from you when you are ready to meet up. Then stop asking.

It's really nice and all, but helping her shop and helping her cook and her meeting your mom, they are all nice, but they are all her ideas. Don't agree to her ideas, whenever she suggests something don't agree tell her you are doing this thing, she can come along if she wants.

Get your balls back man, you are going to need them. Don't be bugged by her. Get busy improving your life so you don't think about it.

If you were my friend I'd slap you. This girl is not gf material and her actions after the first breakup show how flighty she is. I understand this is your first relationship but I guarantee you she will cause you more heartache down the line.

Yes, girls on the rebound are like that. Highly emotional, affectionate and extremely sexually (great for sex) and love to compare against her ex, the one she had the most time and pain with. She's just using you as one of her rebound guys to make her ex jealous. Now she's using a new dumb guy. You can bet that she's still into her ex or exes because she compares them to you. Typically, that's what these women who have severe oneitis with their men do; compare to illicit jealously and envy from their men to show them that "LOOK, I'm still wanted". You dumped me, you're a fool type of excuse. Don't get too emotionally attached because your heart is guaranteed to get burned. What's less obvious that these guys don't know is that she's trying to manipulate you into making you look and act like her 1st ever and most dearest boyfriend; the one who dumped her. You can not and neither can any men emulate and become her 1st boyfriend. This is simply impossible and she'll just keep sleeping around and repeat this cycle on and on and on. Tons of cougar women do this as they had severe oneitis with their exes after they were like separated by 20 freaking yrs!!

You are completely correct. She is disrespectful when she even mention the word ex, because she should have started with a new clean slate of mindset after the breakup of her first boyfriend. Instead, her strong will and dominant character fuelled by her ego convinced her that she does not need proper time to decouple from the last relationship by being alone for a long while, but rather that the only fix she believed would help her numb the pain is to have sex with other men and to promise them the moon. Wrong move. Don't bother marrying her as she is NOT marriage material. She is fuck material only. Millions of couples divorce because of this. Why benefit the lawyers right?

Now, the reason why she's still talking and thinking about you and perhaps coming back to you is because maybe she likes you more than the other exes or her main ex. She's a bouncing yo-yo, bouncing from ex to ex and to you and to the new guy all the while getting fucked by all of them. You really want to marry this girl when she's not even being clean. Make sure you go get checked for STI if you know what that means, because HIV can get transmitted not only through sex but also through kissing and oral sex when her gums are bleeding after flossing and you guys passionately do the deed afterwards.

Did you read this?? wtf?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You are really really close to being friendzoned which we all know is a horrible place to be, she's not far off putting you in the friendzone for some guy who won't stand for all her bullshit and be her puppy dog

The only way out of this now if is you get gaming other girls, like her who wanted you to come to hers, if i was you i'd of been over there banging her brains out, if your girl finds out then so what its her fault for trying to mess you about but if i know girls like i think i do then she will come running back

Hey guys, thanks for the input. You know what? When things were good between us I was still feeling a little dissatisfied, now that she's been distant , I've been wondering about her and all that shit. Even looking at the same picture she has now become hotter, which is just messed up. Think I'm just going to have to put her to the side of my mind and focus on something else. You are right in that it is wrong to make a girl your number 1 priority. If she does contact me, I'm just going to try and ignore it and be distant for a while to see how she likes it.

Run far the fuck away from this girl. Hol-ee shit, that is ridiculous.