So here is the deal....

I have known this girl(HB9) for a little over a year and we have tons of mutual friends. We both got out of relationships around October of last year and we started hooking up in January. We started this off as just a FWB relationship. We started it off this way because we both wanted to be single as we feel we are more career focused when you are not in a relationship. Then it kind of evolved into something more as we see each other quite often. We were having a good time up until last night where we had a conversation about trying to be just friends again. We have had this conversation before and she ended up calling back in a couple of days. This girl is extremely confused as to what it is that she wants. She calls me everyday and I feel like she has gotten very attached to me. Her reason for trying to be friends again is that she feels like she is getting to dependent on me and she is loosing her independance....

This has left me confused because she has given me all these indications that she wants more but then suddenly stops herself...

Have any of you guys encountered this before? Not sure how to play this one. The only thing I can do is give her her space and if she comes back, she comes back if not move on....

Needless to say I am looking to move this into a LTR

Any suggestions?

Was she the dumper and you are the dumpee?

Typically after a breakup, a makeup involving FWB will eventually morph into a real relationship seemingly because now she is truly seeing who you are really are rather than the first relationship where perhaps she may have a lurking ex-boyfriend that she was undecided on and was based solely on sex and lust and nothing else. Make up sex helps bond both of you back. Now that she went back to you and realized what a catch you are, she is slowly falling in love in you again.

My advise to you is to go really really SLOW on this and explain to her that you were extremely heart broken when she dumped you (if she did this to you) and that you need time to build the "trust" on her again. Self moderate on the sex with her also and don't fuck her like the good old times. Only fuck her when you felt she's making you special. No punish and reward please, because now she sees you as an asset rather than a liability in your first relationship with her. Just be passionate when you do her. And please don't act like a nice guy when doing this. No self-doubt or fear and be always assertive and remain aloof but still caring for her; well you shouldn't be scared since you broke up once so it's like do or die anyhow.

In the mean time, explain to her about "trust" and "respect", but also ask her to write a list of her wants of what an ideal man she wants in her life. Assure her that you will not leave her after the list. Once you have the list of her wants in a man, figure out a way if you can meet her wants and than try to act for change for the best. She will notice this and change accordingly towards you.

The success rate of the two getting together permanently are pretty low, but that does not mean that it is impossible. A good friend of mine was in a similar situation like yourself getting dumped 6 months into the relationship and then got back together 6 months afterwards. Today they are happily married for like 10 yrs and going strong using the technique I listed above. A few other people I know apply the same principles as well.

But both of you MUST DECIDE to move forward mentally and spiritually for this to work. You MUST NOT HAVE any emotional baggage from past exes nor does her period. If she has past emotional baggage,then please continue open FWB if you wish (though I think it's a time waster) and date other girls. The reason for this is that, you're always her back up man if she's still emotionally tied to something and when a new man comes in, poof you're gone.

If she asked for sealing the deal again, ask her if she truly has no lurking exes and boys texting on the phone, email etc.. Be assertive when asking this and be prepared to walk away if her reply isn't up to your satisfaction. Tell her upfront, when you decide on this call me; you've got my number. That's why I said, moderate sex because you'll be thinking with your head rather than your dick!

You can not make this work unless she's clean of all emotional baggage or she'll have relapses when times are tough, especially when you are married together. It will be tough when she's continually torn between you and her ex or whatever she has grudges and haven't forgiven yet as there was a strong reason why she dumped you in the first place.

Hope this helps.

This sounds rather simple.

She was in love once. Broke up, you took it slow, etc, but the fact remains that she is not prepared to be in a serious LTR because she hasn't completely worked through her issues related to getting over her last relationship.

When she has done this, her fear of committing or being too dependent on you will subside. In a nutshell, she's just gunshy about getting hurt again, so she pulls back to protect herself when she feels certain things. My advise is to accept that she may not be ready for a serious LTR yet. Getting to involved with someone in this state can be stressful because you typically want more than they can give, or, they simply use you to get over the last relationship completely and when done with that, done with you. Instead of worrying about her feeling too dependent on you, make sure that you aren't being too dependent on her and make sure that you're not just the rebound guy.