hey, am new to forum, would appreciate advice.

Dated a girl 3 years off on. We finally broke up last July, it was brutal, I instigated it because it had turned toxic, we were hurting each other, and she really didnt seem interested - she ignored calls, laid into me a lot (not being commited enough despite being the one trying), and just generaly showing disrespect.

It was hardest thing Id done. I wanted it to work and loved her a great deal, but she had changed into someone I simply didnt recognise anymore. Tried twice to talk things through with her before we called it quits and she cut me out, told me to never contact her again, and deleted me and everyone I know from all social networks. It was hard letting go, but I did, I was broken a long time and didnt contact her.

Anyways, she contacted me in Nov, which I ignored. Then again on NYE, I ignored, and more recently in Jan. I replied, and things turned ugly quick, she laid into me etc etc. I calmed her down, and she invited me for NSA sex, which I declined (somehow, despite her being hot). She persisted and I didnt cave. Then we didnt talk again for a month and a half.

She got back in touch few weeks back wanting to see me, and Ive ignored it. Guess Im seeking advice here. Its taken me long time to get confidence back, and Im still not 100% which is why I havent taken her up on her offer......but part of me wonders if i should keep in limited contact? we were together a long time, part of me still loves her, but the other part has major reservations of opening anything up with her again

So if i got the point: You were 3 years in on off drama relationship... You got out of it hurt and fucked up... Then it took you many months to recover your heart and confidence, so now when you did it, you ask if you should let her mess you up again?

Well, if you are some kind of emotional masohist and want to repeat whole story again, then contact her...

You need to simply let her go. She's only good for a FWB if she's willing to, but really it's better for you to de-couple from her as quickly as you can and be a more stable relationship vehicle for some new girl who deserves you better than her. Use this as a lesson, a gift for you to learn and become a better man the next time around and don't waste too much time making up. You're not getting any younger you know.

Most of the time, North American girls are strong willed individuals and when you got her, you were assertive and they like that. As the relationship goes on and rather than you should have maintained your delicate art of assertiveness, you became more dominant and controlling and loss your alpha side. Remember that a dominant and controlling individual is someone who does one thing against what he wants to apeace another individual for the purpose of manipulation. This is different from someone who is a player and manipulate women through being assertive to get what they want and women follow, except the good quality ones who see right through and drop them.

Because of the strong willed individuality, she will morph into a more aggressive dominant and controlling individual like yourself, because a woman always acts as your mirror. Then of course, you don't see what you like and then you back off and become more submissive (beta) and then she starts loosing attraction towards you. When you did NC on her, she came right back because she did like you at one point in time. There are 2 sides to a coin, so either she's looking for a proper closure which you didn't give or she's looking for revenge. Depending on how much you like her, making up is difficult because you now have to show more assertiveness towards her than you have to had before you met her because she now know you are submissive (by talking to her after NC) and she will remember this for the rest of her life. Meaning even if you are married, she knows how to push your button to get what she wants out of you! Not fun!

Yeah your right, Ive not contacted her for 3 months, while ive had 4 missed calls, as well as 5 messages. I tried to work things out around the breakup - once when we last tried to talk things through, and once when she told me to move on, so guess there was nothing more I could have done to salvage it - she just wasnt interested.

When you say revenge or closure what do you mean? I was straight leading up to the breakup - said I couldnt handle her jealousy, but if she was willing to cut it back I was willing to do what it took to make it work, she denied there was a problem so I instigated the breakup, as id caught her looking through my phone and shed accused me of sleeping with others a lot.

Thanks very much for your replies, i needed a dose of reality!

You could go for the revenge sex, treat her like a slut, fuck her in the ass and send her on her way. lol

Relationship bonding is not all about sex alone and the chemicals they ensued, but rather deep inside the subconscious mind of you and your girlfriend the spiritual bonding that need to be detached to provide proper closure. Basically, like attract like so if she has plentiful of jealousy in her, then some of that jealousy exist in you too as well. Women are a reflection of their men, so what they are plentiful of is a reflection of yourself.

You need first to forgive yourself of your own jealously. You don't have to be jealous of anything and everything, like why you're not rich and others are, and why you don't have a nice house while others are. This jealously translates into relationships with women. Just observe the many women you dated and you will find similar traits of varying degrees on all of them. A man who is not jealous of anything won't attract a jealous filled woman or man.

There are 2 ways to deal with it. Don't be jealous if she meets a new guy and he fucks her. If that's the way, so be it. Let it go. If she contacts you, don't contact her back unless it is not relationship based like making up sex etc..
It's nice to get back to the good old times I know, but this simply will just make it worse. The sex itself is not worth the hassle.
Revenge is basically the epitome of jealously as she is making sure that she can't have you so neither does all other women. If you play this game, what usually ends up will be you competing with her and playing each other's jealously. Not good as well! I dated a woman who was exactly like this; sleeping with men and having unprotected sex just to re-create the same scenario as her ex 20 yrs ago and taunting and teasing him to this day. He in return sleeps with just an equal amount of women unprotected. Both spreading the STIs to their pawns. If you want to play this game; go ahead be my guest. You won't win.

OR.. Best way is to walk away, work on your own jealousy and be forgiving on this. Trust me.. Once you worked out your jealous towards everyone you meet, work and socialize, you WILL MEET new women who WILL NOT be jealous to you.. It works. Me is a good example.

Hope this helps!

Well, I did reply, and she threw and awful lot of stuff at me, abusive, liar, scum bag, pay for sex, etc etc, I remained cool and calm and brushed it off

She then contacted me again and wanted to see me. And I said I wanted nothing to do with her anymore, shes slagged me off across town with stuff which simply isnt true, and that i dont care about her anymore in any way. Harsh?

She's doing all of that because she is not over the relationship ending yet. The best thing for you, and her it sounds like, is for you to cease all contact. After time she'll get over it. Maybe she'll use somebody in order to do that. And if she does, feel bad for the poor guy she uses. My advice, let it go, let her go, if it wasn't toxic, your giving in and seeing her or talking to her would have been a positive experience, not a negative one. Sounds like you made the right decision. Focus on your future, not your past.

Its kinda about self respect eventually, I dont need people like her in my life, she was one who broke it off, she was one who cut all ties, she was one who still wasnt happy with that and bombarded me with insults.

So I just said "i want nothing to do with you anymore, and really dont care about you in anyway anymore"

Not nice I know, but hopefully shell get the message