Saturday 16/2/13

So I meet a friend of mine at Piccadily Circus at 9pm, this is Traveller. We go to the institute to pay the small fee of £5 just before 10pm to get a stamp at this place, before the prices get hiked to £25 at 11pm just for entry, classic ridiculous club prices in London. We stay there for a minute or so before leaving, grabbing a bottle of wine from a tescos and walking around Leciester Square and Covent Garden - drinking until it's gone. We head into a pub just off Trafalgar Square and stay there for two drinks, have a good chat and catch up, until we head back over the institute.

On re-entry we jump the queue with our stamps, go straight in. It's rammed at this point, and it's pretty unpleasant in the main room because of this, but luckily anyone who's been here knows it's split over about four levels.

We head right to the top just to get adjusted to the environment and it's a bit quieter so we can actually talk, I order us a round too. We end up getting in a conversation with some strangers, and this guy is the spitting image of Frodo, we play on that for a bit, he laughs as his friends call him that too.

Immediately after we have a girl who's employed purely on her looks try to sell us shots, I see this as a mini warm up of talking to strangers and keep the conversation going as long as I can. To be fair she was pretty cool, she was happy to chat and not just sell shots and move on. The reason? I saw things from her perspective she's used to drunk guys leering on her and their only interaction is buying shots from her, it probably feels lonely and boring, however you just skip that crap and give her some real conversation; she was happy to oblige in this case.

So after our first and only drink in this place (the prices are mad), Traveller and myself walk around a bit to find girls we want to approach. He tries a couple of direct to the point openers, to test their interest, probably along the lines of "Hey I think you're hot/cute/adorable, I wanted to come and meet you" but they don't really lead anywhere.

Approach/wing 1

So we walk around a bit I'm leading the way and go to turn around to tell Traveller where we should go. But he's a few yards back talking to a girl, it's two of them so I immediately go and wing, which was fine because she was attractive and I probably would have approached her anyway.

"Hey, how's it going? I'll keep you company while you're friend talks to mine."

"Not bad. But she's married."

"Let her have her fun for the minute, she'll enjoy the attention."

She obliges but also keeping a close eye on her friend, I even move into the path of her eyesight to block the view as she's shorter than me, but she carries on looking past throughout the interaction. Knowing I'm on limited time, and also treating this as an approach warm up I escalate things quickly, I get close, there's a lot of touching involved, hands on side shoulders, leaning in, strong eye contact; I do all this in the first 30 seconds.

So we talk for a few minutes I discover she's on holiday with her friend, and it was the friend that dragged them out that night. I tease her whilst escalating things and she reciprocating exactly the same way. So things are going really quick right now and a kiss is the next natural progression, and the feelings are definitely mutual, as there was so much sexual tension between us. But then it all breaks down as quick as it escalated, she jumps out of the interaction pulls her friend away from Traveller shouting "she's married." She pulls her friend along and they start walking away, then as she passes, turns back to me and put her hand on my face saying "sorry, goodbye."

If her friend didn't happen to be married? Well I could honestly see myself leaving with her, within the next 5 minutes, it wasn't even late it was probably 12am at this point. So being a tad shocked at the success of the first approach/winging, because what I normally try and do is get rejected straight away. There was only one thing to do.

Approach 2

So we walk around to the other side of the club, and it's fucking loud here and cramped. There's a gorgeous blond here at the bar, with a friend who's getting hit on. So I use that as my opener.

"You're friend's getting hit on isn't she"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"It's pretty obvious, you look like a third wheel"

She laughs and we end up talking in a stop start fashion for a few minutes, but it's hard because it's so loud and she has a scouse (Liverpudlian) accent which makes it even harder. I get to know her as quick as I can, and find out she's a singer, I say I'm a guitarist. And play around with the idea of us in an imaginary scenario writing songs and performing together.

After this the guy shakes my hand and walks off, no idea what happened and they're laughing. But after asking about their laughter, the girl who was being hit on, pretended I was her boyfriend; which in my view gave me some kind of acceptance/approval to hang out with them. So I mess around with that dynamic, joking about the hard 3 years together and "remember our first fight/argument?" And Traveller comes back over so I introduce him to the girls.

At this point the girl I was chatting too was giving me a bit of a yellow light, and this was even more apparent by being a bit more touchy feely with traveller, asking about and touching the necklace and bleached streak in his hair. He also senses the lack of direction the conversation takes, so I just decide to leave them some bait:

"Nice to meet you two, we're going upstairs to grab a drink."

"Ok we might come and join you."

Approach 3

So we head upstairs and Traveller heads off to the toilet, I let him know I'm going to approach this girl sitting on her own in a chair.

I sit down, "Hi, my friend's just gone to the toilet can I borrow some conversation for a second?"

"Hi, yeah go for it. I just spilt a drink on my dress, I'm drying off."

We talk for a bit I found out she's out for a 30th birthday and I guess she's 29 but she's really hot, so I try to avoid her frame of talking down to me by being "only 23" through her eyes. I do this with a simple comment of "Don't let age distort your perception." In fact, what I'm capable of and demonstrated was chatting to her was easy I'm used to hanging with people in their late 20's and early 30's.

So just as we get into the conversation, I see the two girls from downstairs come up spot me, sitting next to this new girl and chatting to her, "shit..." I thought to myself and this knocked me off my thought pattern for a moment, I was stuck on whether to go and talk to them at the bar or see this interaction through. So through this indecision, I saw them walk past Traveller without saying a word, and go straight back downstairs. So guess I made the right choice to stick with it.

NB: after talking to Traveller about this later on, I still have no idea if they came up to chat to me again, no other reason to simply go upstairs and straight down, plus I did half invite them too.

So I talk this new girl for a while I joke and tease her, while sharing experiences and stories about the boroughs we live in in London (because of this we'll call her Angel-M). I feel this isn't going anywhere and the chairs we're sitting on are too bulky to even make a move, they were like a cross between pod and office chairs. So I see Traveller come down the stairs from the bar at the very top and use it as my queue to eject.

After this there's no more success, or approaches. However there's one thing I wish I did: on the way out we grabbed coats from the cloak room and I saw Angel-M again just in front of us, this was an hour after talking to her maybe. And that was to simply use The apocalypse opener. Which would simply look like this:

"Hey, Angel-M"
"Hi Artful Roger"
"What are you up to now?"
"Going home."
"Do you want to come home with me?"

Why would this work? it was 2:30am, she was leaving on her own (so her friend's couldn't judge her), I already demonstrated I was a real human being by relating places, people and experiences to her. What was there for her or I to lose?

But I didn't, and I regret that so. But at least I've realised that possibly for next time.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

This is a thoughts/ramblings/overview update

I'm maximising my attractiveness right now, what I mean is, I'm really looking after myself physically; I'm eating on a strict diet, bar one cheat day a week, and I work out 4 days a week. I'm not near the physique I want to be yet but I am seeing improvements, I'm losing 1-2lbs a week and I feel great because of my diet. I'm starting to get some definition on my arms and chest but no way am I ripped, and I took this to the test on Saturday. I wore a well fitted plain white t-shirt and the collar was simply dropped a bit, with just black jeans and brown shoes. The eyes I got were the most I've had in a long time, and every set went particularly well, there were no straight out rejections but I did only make 3, out of 2 of those I feel as though I may have been able to SNL or ONS. I'm not saying girls are that shallow, absolutely not and I really love talking to and meeting new women for their individuality. But to give it an analogy, looks are what gets your foot in the door, but it's your conversation that slowly lets that door open to let them invite you into their world.

Current girls

I re-engaged contact with girl I met on the back end of December trying for the 3rd time to make a date/meet up. I just went for the old date scenario of going to the cinema and a drink after, however after catching up for a day the day via text, the "date" I suggested wasn't good for her "ah I can't next week, I've got plans with some girlfriends x" So I assume this is dead, 2 times cancelled 3rd time a soft no.

I also decided to start contact with that girl I worked with way back in November, we've been texting every now and then but never really got anything going. I've decided I will try and get a meet up and see where that goes from there, however she's not back in the UK until Sunday.

Pick up aside:

I really need to sit down and find some balance in my life, I feel like I'm flying at everything at full throttle, which is exhausting. Like one minute it will be fitness, then pick up, then work, then university, etc.. It's not working hard I'm worried about, it's that inconsistency of building things up slowly. I think I need to sit down really break down my life into categories and work out a plan, or at least analyse and make some changes that adjust my proactiveness so everything in my life builds at a steady rate, rather than stop starting everything. Obviously university comes first, so I don't mind dropping things for a week or two to get some work done, my final result in that dictates my life. I should be doing whatever necessary to make that a priority.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

So nothing new to update here but more a reflection on my part of Saturday, in approach 2 I mention she's a singer, well I've done a fair bit of performing in my life, played in bands and on my own as well. Stupidly I should have really stayed on this subject more, right now I'm looking at myself saying "you stupid man," I know a lot about music having studied, played and performed on it for 10 years but it's often you forget or become non-interested in the things you already know a lot about. This is where I could have turned that hypothetical yellow light into a possible green one, connecting through our passions for music.

Another thing bugging my mind, is my brother is getting married at the end of June, so I'm kind of swaying towards getting a girlfriend so I have a date to the wedding. But before you say "weddings are the perfect place to pick up," well this one won't be it's a small intimate wedding with a maximum number of 30 guests. The dilemma is I don't think I would want to stay in the relationship long, so would it be like wedding over and end it? Then she would take up a temporary role as "girl for the wedding" which isn't really fair on her, also when I look back at pictures or they're ever shown she will be there and possibly not mean anything. This is all hypothetical of course I may actually be really found of her, just this is a bit of an indecisive moment for me, and I was hoping a thinking out loud post would help me out.

Another note is I need to review How to win friends... again, I'm taking my time with it, but I'm sure there's some principles that have definitely slipped my mind.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

I like this blog... thanks. There's not too much fluff and it shows a good progression.

I think you are over-analyzing this wedding situation. If you find a girl that you like, take her. If not, just go by yourself. If you just want to take a date and don't have a girl you really like, just take a girl you are casually into and keep it very non-serious, act like its not a big deal that you are taking her, and don't lead her on in other ways (hanging out with her too much, being in constant contact, getting too emotionally involved).

Girls are pretty emotionally resilient people and they, like us, are able to understand the concepts of serious, casual, "testing the waters," etc...as long as you are clear about your intentions. You will find, in dating - and with all interpersonal relations - that when your intentions are made clear things just tend to work themselves out. If the other person has intentions that align or coexist with yours, you will continue forward. If not, you won't but it will still be a "clean understanding" between the two of you.

As long as you are not lying or misleading her, I think you are both capable and "in the right" in doing any of the things mentioned above and having it be a win-win for both of you.

Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you think I'm progressing as well it's something you personally don't notice as you are yourself every day haha.
Daniel, you are completely right there. Maybe it's the pressure of my brother and his fiancee wanting to meet this potential girl before she attends the wedding, which is reasonable because they don't want it to be the first time they meet her, and they are paying for certain things for her etc. But more importantly this has highlighted how inexperienced I am thinking that, i.e. I'll have to miss lead them into a relationship to attend the wedding with me....


On another note I missed a day game approach on the bus today. The girl was reading Jane Eyre, which will probably make that girl horny as sex is written about gratuitously, and that would have been my opener if you like. "Is that book really just about sex?" well not quite that, but something along the lines of it, but it didn't come to mind until about 2 hours after the journey.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

So I went out Saturday night for a birthday and have nothing to report really. There was a lot of attractive girls in the social group, but all of them but one I slowly found out were in LTRs. The one on her own I never really hit off with, plus I was way too drunk, to even have a conversation let alone try and pick someone new up. It was a really funny night with friends, but it has caused me some financial backlash so will have to lay low for a while unless I come up with some funds in the near future.

self-analysis
I thought I'd delve deeper into my thoughts here, and write some things that are on my mind. I feel like I'm slipping into a reactive state of mind right now, I feel like I'm letting things come at me rather than attacking them. I could make excuses like "I've got no time, I'm busy etc." but what all the time!? no, no I'm not; yes I do work 3-4 days a week and study in the evenings as well as hit the gym 4 times a week - but what about my weekends, they're purely not for fun/relaxing only. Even if I just take the 2 hours every morning to be productive that's a hell of a lot more than I'm doing. Right now I need to work out some balance for myself, I really need to sit down and look at myself, get to grips with my state of mind, because I've not been sleeping well which means there is stress in my life somewhere and I need to figure out why that is, (it's happened since Thursday night), so I can adjust that and change it. I really need to look at myself and analyse and come up with a plan to sort my current problems and then move and accomplish some more goals.

PU stuff
I just caught this interview with Ryan Gosling because I'm doing a bit of looking into charisma, and see what makes him so charismatic. In this short interview he does, he really dominates the set and conversation, it's crazy, like his presence completely changes the SPAM of the show almost, Jimmy Kimmel is completely engaged by his conversation, and I'm just trying workout what that aura is, and how to recreate it for myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YPLrw8io2k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfsZHJEkilQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeA6Hy7-_V8

On a side note, I've kind of chosen Gosling as an idol to look up to,, and who can blame me - not only does he have amazing charisma, he is successful and loves what he does. Also you should check out his dating record, he has dated some of the most beautiful women in hollywood so he must doing something right.

But anyone who's got some thought on those videos, please let me know your thoughts.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

So my life analysis I broke down quickly and figured a number of things I was doing wrong. I've no schedule first of all, my work is temporary and via an agency so I rarely know until the day before - if not the morning whether I'm working that day. It definitely makes a hell of a difference for your ability to plan, just look at it as being on call for every weekday.

A side from that, there were some unhealthy habits I found myself slip into, due to the lack of sleep, I started off by looking at what I do before bed, which is generally on my laptop which I will coin a phrase as "information chasing." I did this before sleeping, so my brain never stopped being in learning mode, so I adjusted that quickly and put my laptop down an hour before I go to bed and now pick up a book instead and just read for an hour or until I can't read any more, the results were instant.

I've a lot more to do, but I feel if I can get a schedule going to schedule in things I hate doing (things I like to call life admin); then when I am doing the things I enjoy doing, I'll be fully present to that situation rather than thinking "oh shit I've got to that still" then return to conversation/situation like I was really there. There's a lot for me to do here.


Tonight I'm just out at my student bar, for a birthday, I'll be meeting some new people in the group, so I'll find out what they're like, before I go off and approach.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

A long awaited and needed update.

The Saturday I went out 2 weeks ago was a disaster for approaches while I was actually out, the place we went was dead and no one was up for moving on because the prices were so cheap. However there was something strange that happened to me, I was on the night bus home and a girl turned around in front of me, and I just opened, "hey, how's it going?" we started talking then she left her friend and came to sit next to me, at this point I just wanted to go home accepting the night was over, and I want to say I soon perked up but I didn't really. So we were talking away about our lives what we did etc, and she started drinking the milkshake I bought on the way home, (which I didn't mind). As the conversation breaks she starts putting head on my shoulder, then after a few seconds asks something else, anyway she asks me for my facebook, but I give her my number instead. I had to get off the bus shortly after this, so we talked for a minute or 2 more before I left.

Anyway I get go home and go to bed and the next morning find a message from her on my phone, saying she wants to see me again. So I text the next and just joke on the milkshake thing with "do you always drink strangers milkshakes on the night bus?" we text a bit for a couple of days before I go for a meet up, and then she doesn't even respond to that text with a yes or no or "insert some other excuse."

In summary if someone starts chatting to you on the night bus, and you managed to kiss her then it's a given you should say "do you want to come home with me" in an alternative way obviously, kicked myself for a few days afterwards.

However my current sticking point is getting further than that, I can open and talk for a while I get a lot of numbers but I always fail with meet ups or dates. I really need to work on this, I don't why it is, maybe it's something completely out of my hands and something I can't control - but if it's consistent that can't be the case.


My activity has been a little distant as of work and university duties hopefully I can get them sorted so I can start my pick up journey again.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Wednesday 27th March

So I got an offer of something that's never happened to me before, and that's to go speed dating. I was pretty keen to be honest, a friend of a friend has set something up at a local pub and they were short of guys so suggested they get in contact with me. Now I won't go into every single detail but it was a great experience and I highly recommend it for anyone wanting to meet women quickly that they do this, I can't think of a better way of meeting multiple women in quick succession.

Now to my results and pairings, the format was to tick in the box 'Yes' 'No' or 'Friend.' I got one match of 14, we actually connected pretty well in the 3-4 minutes we could chat, and there seemed to be a deeper level of connection and understanding, I put this down to we could see depth of character within each other. We got each others contact details and I've already messaged her about a meet up/date next week.

I got one 'Friend' result and I actually connected pretty well with this girl, but I was a bit gutted she just wanted to be friends; we had a bit in common and I could sense a lot of mutual attraction. I even told the host I was gutted about the result and apparently she had just come out of a relationship 1 week ago, maybe this had something to do with it, and I guess she wasn't even ready to be there. However there is still an option to get to know her, so I will explore that.

For an ego boost, I got 3 'Yes' that I put 'No' too, 1 of them mad crazy and the other 2 not really memorable.

That's it for now, I'll update if anything develops with my match.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Update on my speed date girl, she called on Tuesday saying she was really busy this week and at the weekend, which is fine because I am too as it turns out. So we can't get together until next week sometime, however she said "feel free to call me," and that she was free around 9ish all evenings - I was planning on doing it tonight, but I just didn't... There's not really an excuse apart from I was cooking my meal and watching the football (soccer) which didn't end until just before 10pm. She didn't ask me to do this, however I thought it would be good to do it and just keep things flowing and try to find out common ground for a day/date we could enjoy going out together.

This^ sort of behaviour has become very apparent in me, I seem to be very lacklustre when it comes to following through with things right now. I don't know why this is, admittedly I am a bit fatigued from exercise and dieting, but that's all in the mind really. There's countless other things I've set as a to-do list that I just haven't done. It's terrible really and I need to get it in gear and pull through this bad patch.

On another note, and back to pick up stuff; I'm just slightly annoyed and confused on a certain patch of what's happening with my dating life, it never really seems to pick up. I get numbers and we exchange texts for either a short while or it will dwindle quickly, the thing that's getting to me right now is I always, always get flakes on the day 2's or dates. I've no idea why this is, it's really frustrating I don't know if it's the way (or lack of) I'm coming across via texts or it's just coincidental. At this point I am stuck, this is my sticking point. We'll see how this turns out with my "match" from the dating though.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

It happens all the time is the only way I can start this post. And that's because simply, I always go for the girls with a boyfriend and that seem to be in a secure relationship, well at least from the outside looking in. It happened last year, I got into "Game" for completely the wrong reasons, I learned everything to use on this one girl that I simply fell for completely. If you search my first posts you'll see how stupid and naive I was, but the good thing is I've grown up a lot in a year (now a year into it), and my perspective has increased immeasurably from a year on.However this is what I mean from my opening sentence:

Wednesday 3rd April

So my friend K. has 2 friends coming over from Athens in Greece, K. and I get along really well just good friendship with rarely any sexual feelings, I like it because it's safe, I know I'll never "catch" feelings for her. However I did for one of her friends, and almost straight away, from that first moment of eye contact that was held a little bit too long with each other.

So the night is just something casual it's to meet at his bar have a few cocktails and just chat, have a good time and then head home at midnight. Perfect. So anyway I'm introduced to the group and I get sat next to Greek-L and K. is on my right, followed by the guy she is seeing (Maguy for a nickname), and on the far left is the 3rd Greek girl (sorry can't be bothered with an alias).

All of us are tucking into cocktails and we're asking and sharing stories, about London, Athens, then what they study, their future etc. So the conversation is pretty standard, but it's always Greek-L that's initiating any new topic she wants towards me. So we kind of develop this little bubble as we're in the middle of the booth and we're just talking and there's so much teasing and chemistry going on. Then she drops in she has a boyfriend completely out of nowhere, it's more of a self reminder I feel, than a don't let this progress further than flirting; I was prewarned they both have BFs but still I completely forget that moment we got in conversation. After we just headed off, it was a casual night.

Friday 5 April

This is where it picks up again. We all go out to dinner as they leave the next afternoon, the same 5. Although K's Maguy never showed up, he had some family fight, but apparently quite notorious to be un-contacatable and distant.

So anyway just the 4 of us and I feel almost like a gay best friend, it was quite weird. But I was sitting opposite Greek-L again. Now I'll try not to drag this out, because nothing happened. But we connected even more over dinner, and I used a lot of callback humour from the night before made her laugh, and teased her a bit - which she was enjoying a lot. Her body language was pure attraction often pushing her hair over, and revealing her neck. And a lot of other subtle gestures that a psychologist knows well. Then we all took a walk towards the tube, and I just did the european thing and kiss them on both cheeks to say goodbye, but then Greek-L was first to ask "When are you coming to Athens?" typical...

So this post is more of a display of emotion, it seems I always fall for the stable girl in a relationship, which makes me question do I really want to be a PUA or do I just want a stable relationship? Gives some things to think about definitely.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Saturday 6th April 13

So back in my hometown for one weekend, and I meet up with 2 friends I’ve introduced you to before TJ and Turt. We head to Turt’s for some drinks before hitting the town, a town that I spent many of my youthful moments in, with so many memories like meeting my first girlfriend and contradictory – meeting my first fight. I can assure you tonight was all about just having fun with two of my very good friends.

So we get to Turt’s for 7pm and we’re actually a little later than planned, so the classic British binge drinking starts here; we drink a few beers before getting a taxi into town just after 9. We just joke around and catch up with each other, nice and chilled but sets the night up with a great vibe.

So we get into town, and we head straight to the nearest SPAM, load our wallets full of bills ready to be dispensed in a few short hours at the bar, kebab man and taxi home. Then head to a bar, that always seems to be lively on a night out. However it was dead, but we were hopeful it would be pick up a little later on.

We grab a table, pick up from where we left of with more jokes, teasing and of course drinking. And let’s say the drinking gets a little out of hand, we have a new drink about every 15 minutes and it gets to the point where the barmaid asks each one of us “the same again?” when we order rounds.

So we’re tucking into more drinks and the place takes a while to pick up, to the point they even start offering table service, which they’ve never done before. Turt tries his luck by asking two of the guys that are collecting glasses if they would do us table service like the previous girl offered, by to our luck we had get up this time. We should have taken that offer while the place was dead…

So TJ is texting this guy he’s seeing and apparently he’s at the same bar, but sober and driving; so TJ is nervous about crossing paths with him as when TJ drinks, he puts it so well in his own words of “Getting out of his tree.” I’m not quite sure what it means really, but it’s an incredibly accurate description if you see it. So the guy eventually comes over after meeting TJ by the door and this is the first time he’s introduced a guy to us after not so long after coming out as gay publicly within the last 9 months.

So we meet him and chat to him for a few minutes before they both go off outside for a cigarette. There’s a perfect part of a conversation of how I was feeling at this point:

“So you feeling drunk yet?”

“Yeah, I’m fucked”

“Really!? You don’t seem it.”

“Yeah, I’m ruined mate. I’m just good at pretending”

So they go out and I realise Turt is talking to a girl he knows from school and there’s a girl just as the third wheel, so there’s my cue to approach. I see her on Facebook on her phone, and just tease “I can’t believe you’re on Facebook in a bar.” It goes from there really, the funny thing was I actually had really bad Approach Anxiety for this one, and it took a minute for me to actually get the words out. Nothing happened with this interaction really I saw it as a warm up, and it was either sit alone or talk to someone. So I made my choice.

We grab one more round before heading to the local club, where it’s 1am right now and we need to get in quick, we pay the £5 entry fee and head straight in and get more drinks. Absolutely out of our tree’s right now but that doesn’t stop us.

We head to the dance floor and it’s quite crowded, I end up sitting down at this small sitting area just off the dance floor there’s a few stalls and small ledge for drinks, the perfect place for what I like to call guys that are wall flowers*.

So anyway there’s this girl (we’ll call her hometown-L) that I know because she dated and old friend of mine that I grew up and went through school with (they broke up at the tail end of September). And there’s always been mutual attraction to each other, one of those things you can just sense, the two times we’ve come across each others paths. To be honest I’ve always had that mentality of “she’s too good for him” but obviously never voiced it. So I kind of felt weird about approaching this one, but she’s so hot and just captures my attention, so I told Turt I want to talk to that girl over there. And this is classic, in his drunk state, goes up to her pulls the high school move and tells her “my friend wants to talk to you.” Brings her over and she sits next to me. Brilliant. Couldn’t believe it worked to be honest.

So we’re just chatting away and there’s this undercurrent of sexual tension even though we’re just talking about things on a pretty mutual level, strong eye contact, leaning in, it’s all there. So we’re chatting for a little while and I don’t really act on things, because I’m confused about the etiquette of going for an old friend’s ex. But sooner than later I ended up kissing her, something I couldn’t stop thinking about, and it was worth it, and to be fair for 2 drunk people it was pretty passionate, also her figure was amazing I have to say, visually, but also having my hands on her hips made it even better, so it gave me an excuse to get in close.

Anyway after this even she feels bad about it and says so, so I just say “Yeah we shouldn’t be doing this” and she agrees, asks “do you see him often?” so I’m honest “Once or twice a year.” She smiles and says “oh, that’s ok then.” We laugh and she says she better get back to her friends.

So we part ways and I meet back up with TJ and Turt at the bar of course! We decide to dance, with our drinks and move all over the dance basically wanting to dance with girls, but I was unsure as I was still interested in hometown-L and we were shooting glances at each other for the rest of the night. I just carry on having fun at this point, and we dance away for bit just kind of mucking around. Before we head off at just before 3am, when the lights come on.

We start walking out towards the door, and I tell Turt "give me a sec, I’ll meet you outside.” I turn back to find hometown-L and she’s actually coming my way, I stop her and say “I’m just about to leave, but I wanted to come and kiss you some more” with a bit of a smirk, she laughs and complies. We kiss a bit more, I grab her number and leave.

TJ, Turt and myself all jump in a cab and head home.

Analysis

So with hometown-L, she was a bit of a shit tester according to Mystery Method, she was testing me about my height as she's the same height as me (5'9") but she had some heels on so was a a couple of inches taller. Which was fine I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin and showed this by openly declaring my ex was 5'11", which she was impressed with and gave me a high 5.

The thing is she is at Uni a good 200-300 miles from London, now I really don't want to date her, unless it's like "magical" but I would love a bit of a fling with her I just don't know how to instigate it, it's something I've never thought how to do. Problem is I have her number but I can't think of a time when I would see her, she admittedly said she's never in London so I guess in the summer is my only chance. Although I'm pretty much permanently in London.

I'll shoot a text out to her tomorrow and see what's happening, although I do know she's going back to her Uni tomorrow sometime.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

It's really funny to me that you ended your post this way because as I was reading the first few paragraphs, I was thinking to myself "What he really wants is emotional intimacy more than anything else."

And that's completely fine. You seem to find yourself attracted to girls that come across as mature, stable, and emotionally open people - who happen to be in good relationships. I would guess that means that you are looking for mature, stable, emotionally open people who are capable of being in good relationships.

If that's the case, you simply need to go out there and "game" in a way that screens for that sort of girl. Ask the "hard" questions about where she is in her life, if she's single and looking, what she's looking for, what kind of relationship she is capable of having at this point in her life. Then, be as open and authentic about how you feel about those things in yourself, even if they are at odds. I love sexually open, emotionally intimate, affectionate, and stable girls. Therefore I need to be open about that. It might seem "beta" to tell a girl that I love affectionate girls and value intimacy and stability, but when I say those things, I am being strong and proud about who I am and saying "If you aren't able to provide that, have a nice day, it was great to meet you."

Sure, you may clash and maybe you won't get laid, but you will be taking control of your dating life to get what you really want. Sure, you will identify emotionally unstable, manipulative, untrustworthy girls who you could bed and have sex with, but you will know that they really can't offer what you are looking for and you will let them pass. You'll screen out X number of girls and those potential hookups, but you will meet that girl that can satisfy you, you will know it from the start via your honesty and authenticity (and her response to it) and you will find that that is worth much more than a bunch of meaningless hookups with girls you didn't align with.

That leads to the all-important question: what is it you really want?

First, being a "PUA" is retarded. Don't fall into the trap of identifying yourself based on your social exploits. Its a deep, dark hole.

Second, if you replace that with "Do I really want to have a lot of casual sex or do I just want a stable relationship?" you arrive at a much better question to be asking yourself. I've said this before but there is nothing wrong with either of those things...if that is what you, and only you, genuinely want as a means of finding fulfillment in your life.

As I sit here, I look back on the last year of my life. Right now, I am in a stable, committed relationship with a girl that lives a pretty long plane ride away. Some would say that's crazy. Many more seem to think its awesome. The truth is what anyone believes about the situation is irrelevant, other than pointing out the people in my life who are supportive and loving.

We have a strong bond and one that we've both agreed that despite the difficult circumstances, is one that as two stable, emotionally, healthy and mature adults, we want to explore. I think this is because we both have been authentic in our communications and in really, genuinely looking into our own emotions and intentions. I have essentially screened her for being a girl that is looking to put a lot of work into making a relationship work, meeting my requirements, and developing this thing over the distance and the obstacles. If I had not done those things, we would be on a long, hurtful road.

Before I met her, I was "at the top of the game." I was getting incredibly sexy, beautiful girls very regularly, but somewhere, deep down I didn't feel content. It should have been easy and straightforward to recognize that but I kept telling myself "I value my independence, I value my flexibility, I value being able to be noncommitted to any girl."

In reality, and I've posted on this before, I simply valued the validation I got from casual sex. I valued it from people who gave me props on that lifestyle. I valued it from the girls I was getting with. My self-worth was getting wrapped up in it. That's not a healthy way to go and eventually, I realized that I just wanted some stable emotional intimacy in my life and that is what I am pursuing. And its been great. And now I am able to find my self-worth independently, from the things that I do and the ways that I live that make me great. One committed girlfriend or 100 casual partners should not be large parts in the security and value I take in myself. Me and only me.

On the other hand, the exact opposite could hold true for someone else. Perhaps their friends or parents or whoever place great significance on being able to hold a stable, secure, intimate relationship. And if they find themselves single, they feel great pressure to get into a relationship, even if really, they don't want to be in one (casual sex or not).

I guess that point is, you really need to dig into your own emotions and evaluate what these things mean to you. And ask yourself if you are motivated by your own desires, by other people's views, or by a lack of self-esteem or worth. Only one of those is the correct answer and the second two are probably pretty inter-related (i.e. low self-worth means acting in a way to impress/please/demonstrate to others even if it is not truly what you want.)

I think you will find that if you look at certain situations such as this one, the writing will be on the wall as to what the proper decision is. I know it certainly was for me, even if I had my back turned to that wall for sometime.

Hey man, I see things are going pretty well over here! Nice to see.

About the girl you want a fling with. You can't force a fling, just game her as normal and see how she takes it. If she wants it and she knows you live far and are leaving soon then it's one of two things, either she wants a relationship too, or she wants a fling, too.

And if you're thinking of long-term gaming, it's possible. I've done so with a girl I knew and she was in Scotland and we chatted over Facebook. I pretty much gamed her like I would any other girl, however, we became something like pen pals, telling each other how our day went, etc. Add to that some cocky, funny statements, some teasing, some playfulness, and you keep the attraction up. Then when you see her next time there's a mutual attraction and comfort between the two of you and all you have to do really is to be normal and keep that going and escalate.