I think this calls for an emotion based approach. Act like in a chick flic. Tell her how you realised she was the one for you and you know you screwed up but now it's gonna be different, bla bla bla. Some acting is required, u gotta show believable intense emotions. Can't do it with a poker face.

But it's just a suggestion. Seems resonable in light of what you told me. But you know the situation better and should decide yourself. But women love this. If you think that you actually treated her bad and she is right to be offended - in such cases remorse and sincere apologies tend to work.

Or you could do a calm one. Like "I know I was wrong and I don't expect you will forgive me. Just let me take care of you, it will make me feel better". U don't necessarily have to feel that way, just act. This is scratching her back and due to human nature she will be inclined to reciprocate.

Again, u gotta decide yourself. And correct me if I misunderstood something, then I can adjust my advice accordingly.

Also, dynamics in a relationship are apt to change. I.e. u can give her some power now but u can get it back later when she is invested in you again and doesn't wanna lose you. Don't be scared of "acting afc" if it gets the job done. U can recover your dignity later and get her jumping through your hoops. Nothing is final, that's my point.

Yes, dumping chics is great but this man asked about getting his back. So I'm answering that as best I can.

Terrible advice which will keep you in the friend zone. This^^ only works in Hollywood films.

If you ever want to fuck this girl again, do not listen to the above advice.

So why do chics love those movies so much? Every woman wants to be a part of a fairy tale. Will it get her wet? No. But she will be grateful enough to keep him around and give him time to change the situation. Time together is everything. Sometimes that's all it takes.

After our last fight, she said we were on a break and i did the apology route, flowers, etc...and then she broke it off. I tried to go no contact initially, deactivating FB, etc.. she blew up my phone immediately and started the various messages and acting how i posted earlier.

She's British too, can't get that accent out of my head. I've slept with another girl since, played with a couple that are better looking but it has not helped, so i do want to at least try. Her sister contacted me early on saying that i had to prove i had changed and that the only way i could get close was being friends. Just not sure how i would handle the 'friends' thing when i want more, not really ready for that yet.

There is nothing here that I can see a relationship is based on, what?!?

If one in the relationship is needing someone else to make him or her happy, this relationship is doomed from the beginning. A loving relationship is based on mutual respect and love.

Soft next and NC work only with a, in a spiritual world, Sexual Karmic relationship which is based on complete sexual attraction and tension and nothing else. It works because it creates an addiction that is hard to withdraw from -- think drug dealers and dopers and how they get them hooked. Take away the drugs, those dopers come begging for more.
It works great with 17-25 yrs teens or 30 yrs women. Not so much with a 40 yr woman because they are not all that naive, cause they have a lot of more life experience than a teen girl. What you should have done with this is during the make up period, TO GET TO KNOW HER as a person and not treat her like a sex object or some object that you depend on to love you, but it will take time for this to work. 2 yrs is still not enough. For a mature relationship to happen smoothly, you must be able to LOVE YOURSELF first. If you can not, you place a huge burden on your girlfriend to give you love and herself. It's an unfair prospect and I think she's feeling the pressure. NC basically separates both of you apart more. She doesn't need more sex nor more attraction from you. She needs to understand that you also need to invest something from yourself into the relationship. Otherwise, it will die soon. Communication is helpful, but I think you yourself are already getting the message. Yes you're on meds, but why are you on meds? Is this a stressful or medical condition that you can easily avoid by changing lifestyles or work commitment?!? Women are usually a pure reflection of the men they date (it's like a mirror).

The answer you are looking for is right here
Play her game and "fight" to get her back, you get nothing

Go no contact and she blows up your phone

There are several psychological factors involved here.
1. Humans have a tendency to take things for granted.
2. Humans will fight ten times harder to save from losing something...than to gain something.
3. Humans tend to want what they can't have.
4. Humans tend to want even more...what is JUST out of their grasp.

Ex txts me a few days ago asking about when i'm moving to ATL, said wanted to do something when i arrive, but nothing romantic....not ready for a relationship yet.

I did respond after a few hrs saying end of week and we went back and forth a bit about my dog chloe. So i've moved and anxiety levels increased dramatically so i'm not ready to meet with her yet. Any ideas, should i just wait it out, meaning if she is interested she will respond wondering what i'm up to?

She's not ready for a relationship. But more importantly, YOURE not ready to see her if you're that anxious. Deal with your anxiety first before you even think about seeing her.

This is my first post ever.
I'm just writing because this situation is some similar to mine.
I'm 45, my ex is 29. We had a 6 years relationship. We meet each other in vacations, in a beach, she fallen in love, and made a huge effort to join my life, cause she was born and living in other state, 1.200 km from my city.
She gave up all her life (family, friends job) to come live with me.
A woman in love can do unbelievable things for her man.
Kind of fairytale, wright?
No.
A lot of shit tests in 5 years of relationship.
I started like some kind of alpha, but the relationship always drive us to a beta mode (be friend, sensitive, etc).
The GREAT sex was gone, besides an external "beautiful couple" was framed to other people.
She decides go way back to her city in last December.
She was too immature to an adult relationship.
It was a heart brake for me, but I knew: part of guilt was mine.

Now what i did, and my opinion in this posting series:
Less than 24hours after leave, she tried "friend matters" in FB and email.
I cut off Facebook.
I didn't respond email. Ok... I had responded some, three or more days after she sent.
She shit tested again. No response, or respond cocky funny.
I just moved my life over: started personal projects, gone in some places an be photographed with beautiful women.
Even I was suffering and in real pain.

Of course she noticed it. And one month after she regretted.
She was flooded by a huge maturity wave, sent lot of great and lovelly emails, assuming her (biggest) part of the guilt for break up.
Now we are talking about a new chance.
In my conditions.
I took the risk to lose her forever (in the way it was I didnt want her anyway), and she responded with "still loving" and "admit my faults" things.
--
Two things::
- It is impossible be "alpha" and be a husband, at same time, 100% of time.
It is a fragile balance between strong frame and be flexible and friendly. Second part wins biggest part of time. Many times, be a real man (in couple) is to become "beta", when you have a great relationship. If you have a mature woman, she will admire that and give back to you the biggest things in your life. But still having frame is important: she will respect you for that.
Tactics to pick up, seduce and get laid are not the best way to be a half part of a couple.

- You need to know if you love her. It is most important. But you need to know if you want her in same basis you had her. To change your relationship, you need change you frame. I cut her off and acted like I was moving way.
I still love my girl. But I will not spend my life with one "Shit Test Queen" in my bed.

Sorry the long message and bad English.
Greeting from Brazil.

Sorry, I forgot:
Assume you will suffer.
Will suffer without her, suffer with her (if she still gaming you), suffer if she gets laid, suffer if you get her back in same way it was before...
After few weeks, you will deal better with this kind of suffering, and you will be able to take the better option to you life.
As said Hunter_Foxe above my first post, do NOTHING in that anxiety state.

Latest update, need to know where to go from here.

2 weeks no contact and txt ex, we chat back and forth until i ask her to meet up to do something fun. She agrees to dinner but does caveat saying we are over and she doesn't want anything more than friends. I respond that i just want her to be happy and will be in touch.

Observations and what i want:
[*]been with other girls that are hotter and over anxiety
[*]I still want her back over the other girls
[*]I don't know all the reasons for the breakup. She is not telling me everything and i want some level of closure.

Realized our relationship was basically sex oriented. This girl goes from begging me to move in, telling me for over a year that shes never loved anyone as much as me and then goes completely cold after a petty fight that appeared to be similar to others.

Also she called me out specifically on no contact. Said that was the nail in the coffin and i was being childish, that she wanted me to fight for her and that sealed it for us and she wants nothing more than to be friends.

So do i go back no contact or go ahead and plan a dinner and see where that leads? I want to have fun and not really talk about relationship at this point, i can do that latter if it doesn't go anywhere but i feel it may be too late. Thoughts other than I know i'm stuck on this girl, but she is one of the few i would fight to the end of the world for. i was married 17 yrs prior to another and don't want that one back so i don't have a history of doing this.

Wait, who broke the no contact? That is crucial. Why dinner? You are putting her back on a pedestal again. Make her come to your place or not at all. The answer to the "fight for me" question is simple "I shouldn't have to fight. Love should be effortless. I'm done chasing"... Fighting for her gives her all the power
Be very very careful. It is very likely that this woman is a sociopath. Google "female sociopath" for specific characteristics and see if they match her personality

I broke the no contact and subsequent txting led to me asking her to go do something. I mentioned some good times we had and chatted back and forth for a while. During the conversation she specifically brought up my no contact and said it was childish and helped shut the door of my commitment Said that our time is over, but that she would like to try to be friends and would meet up for dinner but not interested in getting back together.

I indicated i would be in touch. Now i have to decide should i go forward or just back off and try to forget about her for a few months. I don't think she is psycho, shes 43 with a kid, and we had what appeared to be a healthy relationship for a good while until i became complacent and stopped spending much time with her over other priorities. I want to show I've changed my priorities around. Most of the advice on the forum is to just move on, something I may have to do although I don't want to give up on her.

So you just want to keep running in circles?
You ask for advices but you dont want to listen to them?

You say you dont want do give up... Ok, we got it... But with refusing to move on you ARE giving up... Read your post a few times and try to get some consclusion!

You want her back and she doesnt want you back... She wants you as friend and dinner buddy. Is that what you want? So she cant meet your needs but you are prepared to meet hers. And you seriously believe it will get you anything and that you will be satisfied in it? Why to satisfy her if she clearly state that she doesnt want to satisfy you...

If you want to be her dinner companion - sure go ahead. If you want to actually have some life and eventually MAYBE get her back one day, forget friendly dinners with her and stop breaking fucking NC!No matter what she says, NC is not childish, it is healthy. Kissing her ass in friendly pet way is childish and definitly not healthy...