Hey everyone,

Me and my gf have been together for about 6 months. For the past couple of weeks my girlfriend has been acting suspicious with her phone, taking it everywhere n being really protective. Finally, I decided to check her messages whilst she was asleep. Im not proud of it but i found messages to an ex of hers she had whilst in Australia (we live in the UK).

I played it cool and earlier asked innocently if i could look at her photos. Whilst i was on her phone the discomfort was obvious and i asked her why shes acting so suspicious. She tried to deny it saying shes bot being suspicious. I asked her outright if there was anything shed like to tell me n she said no. I then told her that i had seen things i wasnt happy with and asked her to admit and explain (id only looked at the phone once but blagged that id seen everything to make sure she didn't omit any details). Basically this guy (a stripper btw) has been sending her photos n trying to flirt with her. She told me she asked him to stop but carried on talking regardless, deleting the messages as she went.

She ensures her actions were not flirtatious, but i explained that if she knew she should delete them she knew it was disrespectful.

She is now very upset n feels very guilty but i dont know my next move. She thinks i may break up with her about this. I do care a lot for this girl but dont want to be treated like an idiot. Should i let it go seeing as she promises it was only him flirting and she asked him to stop? Or should i dump her for this blatant disrespect for my feelings. I asked her what she would do if this was the other way around and she said itd be over. I never responded.

Any help would be great

Dump. If she's proven she can be this deceptive 6 months in, it aint getting better. She is DISHONEST.

I agree its obvious she was trying to hide it from you and this is only 6 months in what happens in another 6 months?

A) Never check a girls phone, it fucks up your mind and she will lose all trust in you.

B) Investigate further, I don't think you have gotten to the bottom of it. Why didn't she tell you? Why did she reply/How did she reply? When people are careless and dishonest it's a good sign something is missing.

C) A man once told me that people lose respect for you if you don't make the correct decision no matter how difficult, will she respect you the same if you stay with her?

_________________
"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about Creating yourself." So what are you waiting for?

Amen to that brother. Totally fucked up my relationship which was Grade A from the start. Never again will I do such a thing as my ex totally lost all trust for me. It showed my insecurities and therefore she lost all interest. I worked hard to get it back but... In the end it just didnt work out and we went on our separate ways earlier today unfortunately.

Read my thread, itll help you out along the way if its too late.
need-help-girlfriend-ready-to-leave-me-vt158605.html

Good luck!

Would it fuck with your mind if there was nothing illicit when you read it? Exactly. There's being paranoid, sure, but if you've dated enough women, you'll know if something's up.

Your not looking at the text isn't going to reverse the downward trajectory your relationship was already in. It was still sent.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Dr. Jones is right. Why is she texting her ex six months in? Should say something about your relationship. I'd say try to figure out why the attraction and love isn't higher on her part for you. After you explore that you can salvage and get her addicted to you. Otherwise dump and go learn those skills so the next one stays hot in it.

Why can't you trust a woman?
How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Muhahaha. Long live misogyny.

Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them.

I disagree... You can check her phone... You just cant ever let her know... EVER. Knowing what is going on gives you all the power. Letting her know u sneaked sends signals of insecurity even if you "saw it by accident" and isnt insecure at all...

Check it...You find something, you dump....no words about it. She will beg you to get back, i promise. Push pull.... Use her the same way she was planning on using you

WIN

Hi guys,

Since I've been having similar problem the past couple of days and I've tried to fix it in the past (silly me) I've got some questions.

I've got almost no experience with pua, so I might be pretty AFC-ish and I know I should went through the doors right when I first heard about this guy.

The story:

End of 2012:
Her ex was texting her (mind you, she was telling me all of it, he texted her first, but still she was the one to respond, because he was so persistent in it, saying this like "why are you not answering, you still didn't move on?" and similar till she finally answered him) often in December, saying things like he's horny or w/e. She couldn't block him (old phone), but she still didn't want to tell him to just get lost, so in the end she met up with him and told him to stop texting, because we were both pissed by it (she came up with it and after some arguments like he was the only one to never regret what he did in the past and never apologized for it, so she felt like she need to prove something to this guy). After that he stopped texting till last week.

Last week:
Some of my buddies came over for the weekend to have some fun in our town. On Sunday we meet her ex in a local restaurant. On Tuesday she told me he texted her asking if she still works in a photographic equipment repair service because he dropped his camera and she told me she gave him some advice just so he can stop messaging her. That's what she said, she didn't show me the messages.

This week:
We met yesterday, because she's going to family for Easter and I noticed she's acting strangely and it's related to her phone (afraid of leaving phone around me or even let me touch it). Same evening I've checked it and found that her ex texted again earlier the same day and her last convo with him didn't end in the way she described, basically, she went out of the way for this guy to repair the camera for as cheep as she can and then asked if he can text her to let her know how much he paid for the repairs. The second convo was related to the location of the service and how he left the camera there.

Anyway, since the December drama I've asked her to tell me always if this guy is still bothering her and she didn't tell me yesterday that he talked to her. Yes, I'm not proud of myself to check someone else's messages and I'd be pretty pissed if someone did that to me, but I felt like something is in the air and I was almost sure it's related to this guy.

Except the drama related to this guy I have no issues with her in our relationship and I feel the need to ask someone else what should I do now? Should I approach her about that in some sneaky way or dump her immediately without telling what's up?

I cant think of what should you do man.... Just in my opinion dont let her know you saw the damn messages, and whatever you decide to do, dont ever come across as a insecure guy... The rest is already up to you

Good luck

Yeah, I've read your post and you're right. Telling her that I checked her phone is really a bad idea.

Still, my options are limited. I can't punish her for something I don't know and dumping her out of the blue (it's getting better and better since the December drama) would be weird.

I thought about mentioning the guy and asking if he texted after the last time, but I don't know what should I do then if she said no

Honestly, I can bet my money on it he'll do it again in the future and I can't think of a way to make her be afraid of losing me so much so she wont respond to that guy.

/edit

I think I'm just gonna end it telling her that she can't be in a relationship while she still didn't move on without mentioning any drama, phone checking or whatever else. How does it sound?

You don't need to dump her out of the blue. Just tell her the truth (and realize yourself). She has damaged the trust in your relationship.

Tell her you want to see other people and take a break. Then work on your PUA skills for a month after learning how to interact with women see if you really want to get back with her.

Thanks, that helped a lot!