a girl i been dating, had dumped me and tried to F-Zone me after calling me needy and insecure. i told her im not in the market trying to make girls i like into friends, besides i have enough friends already.

shes been dodging me like no tomorrow. and text my girl SPAM for lunch dates and such. my b-day is coming up and i made an events list. she was NOT invited.

yesterday she had the nerve to ask me : hey did u uninvite me to your b-day party?

what is the best way to handle this? i feel like blowin out and givin her a piece of my mind but thats stoopin to her level. or would you explaining over txt why in a civilised way and still not invite her?

last thing i want is drama. there will be other girls there that i will be Mackin on


thoughts?

_________________
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.

Its your call man personally I would ask her why shed want to come and make her justify to me that she should come. I'd let her come ignore the fuck out of her at the party and openly go at girls in front of her

well, here's whats been happening lately,


her - Did u uninvite me to your b-day party?


me

i dont think i need to xplain why. Lifes abut leavin ppl better than when you found em, so u can probably see where im going with this. i want positivity in my life so get back to me when you're ready to act right and learn some respect

HB
2 be honest I think you take things a bit too seriously. Im not quite sure what u are mad about this time.Sorry if i have offended u.
One minute ur apologizing for being a dick and the next ur offended because i couldn't catch up with u on Sunday... Don't really understand.. Not to mention we had been on one date and hung out twice since then and you were acting aggressively in town towards other guys. Physically shoving other people for over a 15 second conversation. I don't see how that's such a positive thing and would scare off a lot of people.. Justifying it with 'trust issues'

me
Look, ill be honest with you, these last three weeks since our date have been absolutely ridiculous for me and a lot of that is to do with my old man pulling stupid antics in aus - the dude nearly died. ive told you this, and it's put me all over the place. so the only sorry you're going to get for now is sorry for confusing you as you've come to see mostly the wrong side of me and it doesn't make me out to be the person that i actually am. BUT! you're right on one thing, i do need to relax and not give a shit like i used to. but the way you're behaving is a bit uncalled for with whats been happening with me lately and i feel like its all turned out to be a disappointment when it shouldn't have been this drastic

her
I can understand that. Thing is I don't know you that well.. I am not trying to make an excuse it's just i don't quite know how to support you over it, if you get what I mean. I guess that what I assumed your other mates were doing. I'm just some girl you meet in a club right?

me
you dont need to support me. we are not BF/GF. just needed to xplain why i was being needy and crap coz thats deffo not my style. its actually cringe because i have so much going on in my head. and no. you're not just a girl i met in a club. if that were the case, things would a been way different as im not into the habit of picking randoms up on dates.

her
well I can understand that now, just not 'back then'.
Well with all that being said.. apparently i need to learn to act right?

me
you were quite quick to jump the gun on that sat. perhaps the best way is to ask me wtf is going on with me? then u'll know where im comin from

her
I dont know you that well. How Am I meant to know thats not normal for you.

me
Dont be angry. its just a silly misunderstanding. shit happens

her
i wasnt. I was just wondering the motive behind the 'uninvite'

me
be weird, having a girl that i like at my show when things are on the ropes like that. plain and simple. i thought u woulda figured that

her
oh. that might have been better than telling me to go and sort my shit.

me
hahah ur fiery. thats a good thing
its funny coz i can never imagine you to be the pissed off one

her
you barely know me..........? just some girl

me
lifes about taking risks
if shit were too easy and ordinary than we'll all be running through a field full of flowers and bees

her
lol i dont see how that relates to anything you have been saying.

i feel like i bought this back somewhat. there still maybe a shot here. i need some expert advise on where to take things from here

_________________
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.

For someone who says he wants to avoid drama, you sure are inviting it vigorously. If you want this girl to come to your birthday party, you should have invited her in the first place. If you don't care, you should have answered her something like 'I didn't invite you? Major oversight on my part! You're totally welcome'. If you don't want her to come, you should have ignored the text.

What you have been doing instead is creating an argument. The worst kind of argument: with someone who is not close to you, an argument without any point whatsoever, and through a medium that makes it hard to resolve. When it comes to texting, I would recommend waiting a little before you react. Give yourself time to cool down, think about what you want to say, and how it will be perceived.

As for what you do now, you decide what you want from her, then you act upon that. You say you want to hit on other girls, which I don't really believe considering your preoccupation with this chick. But if it is true, just ignore this one and go for the others.

_________________
One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

Wow, holy drama queen. I'm with Timo on this one. Here's how I'd handle it:

her - Did u uninvite me to your b-day party?
me - It's very possible. On the other hand it could have been Facebook. That site has done more strange things to my social life then you can imagine.

Then she'll try to talk about it, which you should avoid by answering every question in the most absurdly ridiculous way you can.

her - You take things too seriously
you - It's true, it's because when I was eight I was attacked by a clown at my pet cat's birthday party. It was horrible. Now I take birthdays and clowns VERY seriously.

As a parting note. From what you've written it seems that this girl actually cares about you. Maybe because you have some emotional issues and her "care taker" is active or maybe she is interested in you. Anyway, hope you can work that out.

Lovin the reply's here.

interesting bit of background though, this girl is massively independent and is all about her freedom. i may have made her understand where im coming from. now its recovery mode. where on earth do i take it from here? i was gunna give her a call today and suggest we give things another try while i back off a bit and give her space. there will be an issue here tho. giving her freedom means that others are free to do whatever they want with her and i also have no idea on how to open relationship/dating phase or even suggest one?


so far the banter had been :

ME: lol you kno what? it doesn't . i just happened to see a bee outside
but u get my Flo

HER: Loud n clear

ME: real busy at work today dood. ill give u a buzz 2nyt if u gonna b around sweet?

HER: Honestly its fine. We sweet

ME: haha its not about that u knob. its gonna be short n sweet

_________________
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.

What do you want out of that relationship? Are you being needy? If you are honest, do you fear being alone? Does that girl bring positive energy and fun into your life? When you are with her do you feel secure enough to work on some of your issues? Are you trying to figure out how to navigate relationships better or learn pick up and seduction?

Think a bit about those questions. If you want to work on your game, ditch that girl and put yourself into the uncomfortable situation of having no one and then follow the advice on this site and work on getting many beautiful women that you can give some of your attention to. If the relationship is worth it, then go for it.

The answer of where do you take it, depends entirely on where you decide you want to go.

The independence of the girl isn't relevant. I don't think you are in control of this relationship, which means you can't dictate the terms. Once you move into a dominant position, meaning that she accepts you as dominant, not that you force dominance, then you can dictate the terms. I'd just accept in yourself that you are needy and insecure and use seduction as a way to get over that.

This almost made me throw up.
Not only did she dump you but she got you to reinvite her to your party. Now you're wasting time and going to be wasting time on her instead of other girls. She has you by the balls. You're writing to her about your personal shit to explain your neediness to her.

Here's how I would have handled it:
"Did you uninvite me?"
Me: (No response)....

I go on and life my life, find other girls and don't even think about someone who would try to date my roommates after dating me.

i dont think you understand the situation here. she tried to re-invite me. but! i declined saying things are on the ropes and till its sorted there wont be any "Hangouts". she isnt "dating" my roomates. she asked another girl that i live with, to catchup on lunch with her.

_________________
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.

Oh ok. Misread it. Regardless, you're trying to recover with a girl who called you needy by explaining yourself (about your dad) and trying to act cool. Why not move on and look forward to other girls and your party? Despite the WORDs you're texting her, the subtext is "you dumped me and I'm trying to keep a conversation going with you...but no...I'm not needy...I can walk away...but let's talk about what went wrong." You're trying to not appear needy by explaining to her why you acted needy...which is...NEEDY. The best way to play it would have been to have her come to the party where you're the man and have other girls.

PS-Just read Timos reply. 100% ON POINT: If a guy can read into the messages and see that you still want to make it work with her, what do you think she's thinking?

Ok, there are a select few girls that i find attractive, that are coming to the party. but! to be honest, i don't want other girls. i went out last night and couldn't give a fuck about any girl, despite gettin IOI's from girls across the room, just by sitting there talking to a few females that i knew. that's the point. so yes. TIMO is 100% bang on there.

this ones on the top of the list. if i invite her, and she gets hit on by my friends, then that's the last thing i want. id rather have a drama free-birthday, and enjoy-myself. this is why at the moment im trying to sort things with her and depending on what happens, I'll choose if she should be there or not.

am i wrong in wanting to make things work with this girl? she seems to still care by the look of things, but i told her ill call her and she said it's cool we are fine. WTF does that even mean? i completely fobbed it off yesterday and was thinking about first flicking her a text saying : "hey hows it going? keen for a quick call tonight?" and depending on how it goes, i was gonna be brutally honest here, and put whats left of my ass on the line by asking her to give things one last go. i truly dont wanna put labels, i wanna give her space and do my own thing. if things get serious in the future, im open to that. if i take that ROUTE, whats the best way to word things?

_________________
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.

Man, as she said it's not that serious. You weren't bf and gf and there's no reason for her to be your only choice to get some/date. You have a major ONE-ITIS for a chick who you went on one date with.
Anyways, since you're probably gonna still be crazy over her then put everything on the line. At least then you can get some closure, will come off as needier than you did before, get rejected and at least learn.

It's called a happy birthday party, not a preoccupied-with-how-my-ex-feels-anxious birthday party. Push aside how she feels for one day, will ya?

Focus on the frivolities: clinking a few glasses and having a good time. If you dwell on inviting this chick, and "OMG, what's she thinking right now? Who's she talking to over there? Why'd she wear red?" you just push all the fun you're supposed to be having to the wayside.

A happy birthday to ya mate.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Yeah trex1024, Happy Birthday.

I really think you are in a needy place mate. Not to call you out, but I really think you need to recognize that in yourself. Everything you are proposing comes off to me that way, and I think it will to her.

Try to imagine how you'd act if you were dating the absolutely highest value girl you can think of. I mean a real HB12; perfect looks, perfect personality, perfect interaction. Also imagine that you had the life you wanted, the money, the job, the look. Put yourself in that situation and then think about how you'd interact with your ex.