OK, this next list of events will sound like a huge mess to most here, fell free to share your thoughts about it.
After years of being mostly isolated, i returned to my hometown with some new "goals"
one was to get into a relation ship like the ones i had in High School.
it is a little tougher here because "good girls" here tend to be religious.
"regular girls" have lot of what i like to call "greedy issues" and vices.
so that leaves me with smart girls, who are hard to come by.
How i met her
at around october, i walked from the vegetable/butcher shop to my workplace taking a long route.
passing by a salon, i spotted a short haired girl and "tested" my new beardstache by smiling at her, she smiled back.
as i walked i thought "mmm , could it be that it really worked?"
Next day i tested again , this time passed by and said hello.
3rd time is the charm? i headed towards the place and she was walking the opposite direction, wearing a hooded shirt, looking at the floor. i said HI and she looked at me & smiled.
one friday i decided to go meet her. Beard was scruffy so i went.
She trimed my facehair and aftershe finished wemade some small talk and i toldher that it would be nice if we gotout or something. She said sure, gave me a little pieceof paper with her name and last name and her cel phone #. i told her i would call her at aroun 4 pm on saturday. i would get some money confirmation by that time and so, if thing went well we would go out and hang around.
MIstake #1
saturday comes, i'm at the work place and somegirl near by that works there is another one of my pursuits.
after 2 failed attempts at going out with her, i try a 3rd, a movie that very saturday at 8 pm.
if she said no, no problem , i still have my new friend to have fun.
problem, she did not say no, she said " i will let you know at 6pm if i´m available"
so decisions, decisions- forget about her and call my new friend at 4, or wait and call her at 6 pm in case 6pm gal says no.
Well , i called her at 6, she sayd, i cant , "i´m doing something now, i waited for your call."
6pm girl, of course, said no.
Rapport ?
during the week , i went to see Newfriend, she told me she actually waited for a call from her sister, but did not get it, mine neither, so she went ahead and got busy with something else.
later on i went again and talked, about anything, found out she does not smoke, nor drink , hardly goes out to clubs and mentioned she likes dance and theater.
she mentioned that some kind of interpretative dance thing was going to happen at some forum place and i said that it might be nice if we met there.
thursday comes in and i´m bummed bored and a bit hurt, i had plans with the workplacegirl, but again she cancelled them. I call Newfriend, and asked her about the show, she told me the place and i went over.
she wa up in the second, balcony-like row of seats , recording the thing. I stayed under at the 3rd row, met a friend ofhers during the "halftime" wnet back to my seat and when the show was over, met Newfriend at the lobby and she told me "you should have come up to seat where i was"
i said "well how didyou get up there in the first place, the route to it was not obvious"
i told her if there was anything i could do to help out with equipment or anything and she said no.
so i told her good night and i will see you later. NOTE -
i do not hug NOR kiss ANYONE
Surprise
next time we see each other, she tells me that her friend asked who was that "greñudo" (wild-ish long haired guy) that talked to her on thursday, and that her Chick got jealous of me.
"Chick?" i said
"yes, i like girls, i got a girlfriend"
Me - "
"
Next time we see , we talk about the lord of the rings, she mentions Viggo mortensen , and how he looked really hot when he sports a beard and long hair, (i have beard and long hair)
she mentions old boyfriends, a story about a guy that pretended not to like her but did,
I told my story about my old 2 girlfriends, my lack of touch and how i would only reserve it for special moments and she replied with "do not hold back acts of affection, because you never know when people you love might leave your side"
i mention the internet rumor of how "black swan" was based on the anime "perfect blue" and so we end up wtih the idea that the next time we see each other, we watch the anime on the laptop.
its laptop movie day, we whatch it half way and it was kinda boring. Her workmate arrives crying , we quit the movie, i leave.
next time we meet , she has drawings on her hands, love writings ,etc .we talk about stuff, Girlfriend arrives, knife eyes come at me but i still say a warm hello. i take my leave.
Mistake #2 ?
next time we meet, she mentions her girlfriend´s jealousy.
i tell her the truth. i met you cuz you are atractive and i like you, but i expect nothing & don't want to mess your relationship.
i tell her that if she wants me to keep coming over to visit or should i stop, or have a talk with her girlfriend or write her something.
She said, no problem. i could keep coming over.
December blues
by december 15, i had already asked her out to see the film "skyfall" she declined on the grounds that she has never seen a Bond film, so it wasn´t her cup of tea. by this time i had to work at the other place for 2 weeks straight about 8 hours a day, 6 on sundays.
one day before work, i wrote some meanings of her name on a piece of paper, and the meaning of my name.
i told her i did it because she seemed to have a hard time remembering my name.
she seemed to like it and he next day gave me her usual big smile. after this before the start of some of my workdays, about 3 times i walked by and said hello, but the she did not respond the usual way.
I called her on a saturday, and everything seemed fine, she sounded happy and all.
next time i walk by theres a bunch of people she knows, and gives me an awkward acknowledgment.
By the 24th i did not know what to do. i usually like to give presents to people even if they are recent "friends" i was going to give her either a stuffed animal (related to my name) but then i had the idea to give her a custom t shirt featuring the female "troll face" with a slight modification to match her hair.
I own a "troll face" t shirt that has a beard like mine so i said "why the hell not"
Problem ?
turns out the design of the thing gave me some trouble , her hair style was not easy to remeber so i call her Workfriend and ask for help she cant remeber nor describe how her hair went.
next day i text her Workfriend and ask for either a picture or a sketch.
no answer so i go and ask for her opninion on the design (original or mod) but get an eiher way answer
I go over on the 24th (very busy day for them) and as i was about to ask her Workfriend for help ont he size of her shirt and the hair design, Newfriend comes over and acts a little rude towards me.
i leave after the banter was not so fun, but forgot to ask, so i go back, and while she is busy i get the shirt size in writing from her friend.
Stupidly, i forgot to make a sketch of her hair. I had no other choice but to call her and ask for her facebook account.
I dont use facebook because i have not hacked it to my liking, and she knew this.
so she asks , why the hell did i want it , i said just to make a test to see if my weird account worked, she says "bullshit" and hangs up. I call again and she says "Sorry, hey, why do you want a picture of me."
"I fell harrased" a bit jokingly - i laugh & say thats just silly.
i say that it is a surprise, don´t want to spoil it and since she can draw, ask her for a sketch or drawing of her hair style. since the reception was not all that good , she just responds "What?" and i just say that never mind, i´ll do with what i have and see what happens.
Custom shirt is not ready until the 5th of january.
either way , the celebration of the 3 kings is still coming up, it is like Xmas second chance.
since a bunch of days went by, i decide to show up dressed up as a creepy harrasing guy (raincoat, dark glasses, Black O.J. Simpmson "murdergloves" and the shirt neatly folded with a red bowtie ribbon.
I arrive and say "hey, miss Newfriend, your time has come" and reach for the present as if it where a gun
She looks at me puzzled, and asks "why are you dresses up as an inspector?"
she unfols the shirt and seemed to like it.
Afterwards i told her that she seemed sadder lately, i told her that if she was having trouble with her girlfriend because of me, to tell me, that if she wanted me to stop visiting or if she wanted me to visit less often i would be fine with it.
She tells me that she broke up with her girlfriend.
as we talk she plays with the ribbon, she tells me a story about some other guy that would come over and giver her presents and that fell madly in love with her to the point he would cry, a how he stopped visiting.
She told me the old story about the guy that denied liking her again.
then some other stuff and as i was talking she put the ribbon on her head, turns to me and i say
"you look pretty", she says that it did not combine with her current clothing.
then the starts passing the ribbon and runs it through her lips, keeps it over her mouth for a few seconds, and the she puts it over her eyes like a blindfold for about 5.
I erred on the side of caution and did not kiss her (i was sitting at about 1.2 meters of distance anyway)
again she mentions that she only likes girls and something ammong the lines that we are only friends.
I had that old little doubt about why she accepted going out with me ont he first place, so i asked her.
"i though we would go out just as friends"
MIStake 3?
i responded "friends? you know, i pretty much did not even hide my interest that day, if i asked you was because i like you...."
silence for about 10secs
I mentioned her art work, she shows me some of her sketches, client comes over, bye bye.
2 days later i walk by, say hi, she still seems kinda bummed.
Friends try to help out , make ridiculous plans so she can see me outside her work,
i just want to cheer her up somehow.
ask her out. it will be fine......
MIstake 4?
during the week her workfriend asks for a music videos dvd, i said fine, i could get it , since i was going to repair a game cd.
i went repaired the game and got not only the videos cd , but a dvd of Skyfall.
i write a note tothe girl to tell her that she should give the bond franchise a chance, some dark joke about how she can summon me in case she watches it alone,etlc
i hand the disks to her friend, and tell her ina playfull way why the heck did she tell Newfriend about the pics request , she sais because she was concerned over the weird request -since she asks why i keep on visiting ,i tell her this very story so far, my perceptions, and that she should not worry & i felt fine the way we talked and all and did not want to change the nice thign we had going.
Mistake 5 ??
Saturday 10am ,call her up says she is busy, happened before once so no problem.
aks her "in about what time should i call back?" she says don´t know.
i tell her i will call in about an hour
Hour pasess , call ,no response, again 15 minutes later , no response.
since the plan was to go out to the movies with some other buddies, i saw no problem in texting her at around 2pm "buddies and i are going to the movies, text me or call me before 5pm if you want to come with us"
at around 6pm she replies with a nasty message.
"i dont like men in all caps.
we will never go out, you dont get subtlety and dont make me take other measures against you...."}
i pretend i did not see it, and visited the next friday. had the beard trimmed.
went over an introduced a couple of friends before we went to downtown , she does not mention the message, but said she had a nasty saturday with a "Quinceañera customer" (sweet 16 girl) and that she could not perform miracles.
a week passed, went over and she tells me in person pretty much what she told me on the text message.
we will never go out, that i pay too much attention to her, that she was uncomfortable that i liked her, that what the hell was the deal with the present, and the notes, etc.
I was not that surprised, but was not that good at coming up with answers neither , and her gay friend that was watching the whole spectacle did not help the SPAM.
i took her aside , we talked some more, told her that i wish she where a man so she would stop putting somany barriers, she replied that she had some doubts about our frienship, i was strange and weird, then i said something about some wierd plans if we could pull them off, told her see you later and walked away.
Fixed the problem.
I wrote a note ,with part of this story, and item by item adressed her concerns, heck , i even wished her good luck and that i hoped her Girlfriend came back to her.
things seemed to be back to normal
but.
Mistake? 6
the 14th of february.
what to do, give her some acknowledgment? stuffed animal, candy
hell no - lets troll some female friends -
carry around a fake hollow present on my back, tell the to come close, "close your eyes"
eyes closed . "i want to give you a kiss" eyes closed = kiss, eyes open = chocolate kiss
with Newfriend everything goes awkward , she does not want to get closer.
i go over and she giggles because she can see the "present " on the mirrors, close your eyes
--- no , you are acting weird--
just close them
--closes quick---there, what for?
bah , do it the right way i want to give you something.
--just tell me what is it--
well i wanted you to close your eyes so could give you a kiss
-- oh no---
Not that kind , here..
candy kiss not so funny...
same day,i go back with the empty box,
"forgot to give you something" and leafta flyer with some cultural event info for friday.
(i arrived to the thing late on thusday, did not even go friday)
Saturday, friends have a show ona local bar.
i go over to give her some of the info in case anyone she knows wants to go.
i ask her for a pen, she comes over...
she tells me that she will tell me something that will sound very very mean....
she can't be my friend,
i say, "well i guess you hate me now "
(the joke might have been interpreted as something mean)
NOt at all she says, i just though about it really hard, i dont care about you at all.
you are too weird and odd, your interests are not mine
"i suppose you know all my interests"
look , you are nice ,but i just don't care, i can't picture you in my heart ,you are just -- you don´t belong.
i turn around and say fine, i mention how at a party the previous night i did not belong, and really how different i am from everyone else.
i say well, there is the info , if anyone wants to go...
see you later and laughed.... (while mad and confused inside)
unbeknownst to me, a friend at the party gave me the piece of paper i used to give her the band info, along with an email adress, this message was written:
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”
she probably read it...
about 2 weeks passed, i went back to have my beard trimmed,
she seemed to treat me fine, we bantered, i read her some kind of note (with some good amount of NLP) explaining my actions of the 14th and read it to her, % then we finished the conversation with a 3 option thing
awkward pause, traveling object, or banana of mystery.
she chose the object (a tin can rose with a brief history) but did not seem to be able to carry the "burden" that came with it, so she ended up choosing the awkward pause. She seemed to enjoy it.
Today went over, she is watching "ghost", i sit there and see the ending with her. she is still not in a good mood it seems, and I ask a BS question about seafood or sushi, if she knows any good places to go so i can take a female friend of mine with her Boyfriend from out of town.....( i hate lies)
IS there still hope?
Next time ,it seems , i will have to go until i need a trim, try out some new stuff i have been learning , like body languaje and such and try some light KINO..
CHAT