My girlfriend (we've been going out for a year) is not that new to sex anymore and sometimes I get a bit frustrated that she lacks enthusiasm when it comes to pleasuring me. When it is both of us, she is amazing. I am alpha in bed, and I show determination to want to be good in bed. I massage her sometimes, get her to climax with my fingers, I try new things, I pretty much always initiate sex. But now and then, I'd like it if she would try to pleasure me only, without sex, through oral. She seems pretty comfortable with me, but whenever it's about ME only, she's useless. I don't want to keep being 100% dominant in every aspect, like every time I want to release myself I have to go through a whole process where I make her feel really good then finally blow my load (by the way I love doing this 90% of the time! it's the 10% I am not happy with). Sometimes I want it just for me, since I do a lot for her in bed when we have sex. The last thing I am is selfish or bad in bed myself. Like I said, it's only when it's about me is when she's bad. Is it my value? Is it that low? or is she plain selfish? It comes to a point where if she does give me a blow job, with me being super patient (I never ask obviously), she'll seem so unenthusiastic about it that it really turns me off and leaves me frustrated. Almost like she's waiting for me to say, "oh you don't have to do that for me". I've seen her enthusiastic before so she definitely has the ability to please me good, but chooses not to any more.

Also... I've realised when she's on her period she will give me oral no problem and be enthusiastic, and the same goes for when she said no to sex at the start of our relationship. So it seems that it's only when sex is an option, she seems to not give a shit about pleasuring me, since even with sex she doesn't really TRY do anything but receive.

Correct me if I'm wrong , but what I understand from your post is that you want random BJ's , not while in bed , but when undergoing your day. That's what I'm gonna base my post on , so sorry if I misunderstood.


She probably is insecure about her ability to pleasure you and is afraid to make a fool of herself.That might be one of the reasons causing her lack of enthusiasm.

Yeah , that happens to women too sometimes.

Women are just as - if not even more - sexual than man. "Selfish" is out of the question , unless she's a stuck-up bitch for which you're the only one to blame , seeing as how you've been going out for 1 year already.

So...ask her for a bj. What's so wrong about that ?It's all about establishing what you like. Communication is crucial. It's not like a conversation goes like this:

You: Hey babe,what's up ?
Her: Nothing much,doing this and that.
You: Nice weather ,huh ?
Her: Yeah,it's so sunny with a touch of want me to suck your dick dry ?

Express what you like - directly or indirectly - and establish your 'pattern'. Once she knows that you like / want the occasional 'you-time' , your chances of her acting on that out of her own initiative improve.


Anyway,as I said , I'm about 90% certain she's insecure with her own ability of pleasuring you. If this is the case , the lack of enthusiasm makes sense. How come ? Well , the only thing worse than sucking at something is sucking at it while being all enthusiastic like you're the best there is. The embarrassment if you get called out on your lack of skills will get 10 times as worse.Make sure to 'reward' her verbally when she does good. Encourage her.


Hope I understood your problem correctly and provided some useful insight. Good luck.

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On top of what RC said, communication is your best friend.

If she does doubt her skills, she will do it less because she does not want to be called out for it. On the other hand, if you want her to improve tell her what YOU want her to do. You can't expect her to know what you like.

If you want some good head, you could always pay to play?