Ok, Ill try to sum this up as much as possible.

Been dating this girl excusivly for about 2 years now. I am a college athlete at 23 years old. She is 19 and studying to be a lawyer. Needless to say she is VERY smart and also very attractive (she knows it too)

We "talked" for around 5 months before i decided to make her my girlfriend. I was at the top of my PUA game for sure at this time. I respected her enough to drop all of my fb's and just be with her.

We were excellent up untill she asked me to move in with her. Knowing my mistakes in the past with a girl i moved in with i didnt think it would be a good idea because i felt she would lose attraction for me ( i told her it was a bad idea but she had a way of explaining that i just couldnt say no to. plus she was moving into a bad part of the college town and i wanted to be there and keep her safe).

we lived together since september up until the first week of march where she told me that she wanted to move in with her friends and didnt want to live like we were married. That was cool, i agreed i told her the only reason i really made the choice was to keep her safe.

During this time we lived together we slowly stopped going out as much, mostly because we were both busy with school and my internship. I felt we had enough space apart from each other but she dropped this on me a couple weeks ago when i told her that we needed to talk about our rela since i wasnt feeling it like i used to.

" I just dont know what happened, i love you but its not like it used to be, we used to laugh all the time and i loved when you would just come over, i dont want to break up i want to be with you i just want to miss you agian".

Standard stuff you think

Then she starts working out every day and starts tanning all the time. I try not to show my insecurities towards this but i know what kind of sign this usually is. Like i said she told me she doesnt want to break up and she is happy she just wants to work on things. Am i being to paranoid here??? or is she gearing up to leave my ass??

Then she tells me that she is going to visit her friend in iowa. (she goes to school out there) no problem she has done this before and all was very good, but i fear all was good because that was back when she was head over heels for me and i was still at the top of my game.

Here is where the twist is that i am kind of sketched out about. ( i hope maybe i am just looking too far into this but some insight would help".

I started dipping tobacco at the start of the baseball season, this is an addiction i have quit multiple times with the help of her and she loves when i quit. She does on the other hand HATE when i dip Hates it so bad that she told me that until i quit she will not shave her "area" HAHA i know right she is good.

well with this trip coming up and she leaves in two days she mentions shaving. I jokingly say "no dont shave now, you mean you are going to shave then leave, why not just wait till you get back"?? She says " i am doing it for you, i want you to remember it being good before you go on your trip and before i go"... I am freaking out about this because i eventually said "no its fine just dont shave it will help me quit soon enough". Well the next day WHAT DO YOU KNOW it was shaved. I hope this dont sound crazy but man why else would she shave right before she goes on this trip to another college campus.

Any insight? Am i missing something? If i am slippin with my insecurities feel free to bitch slap me through the screen.

Thanks

Dude what the fuck ? You're overthinking her shaving ? Come on..

About this. This is something people and women in general fail to understand. The experience of 'discovering' someone is thrilling , exciting and most importantly , very very mentally engaging. Ofcourse you 'laugh all the time'. This doesn't happen necessarily because you find the other person amazing , but moreso because you find the experience of getting to know that person amazing. Does this make sense to you ?

That doesn't mean that as soon as you already got to the point of knowing them , the relationship sucks,it's just different.This is what happens when people get used to each other , and they inevitably do because that's how LTR's work. However ,the closer you are to someone the more thrills you can get from them from a variety of different aspects , except the initial 'getting to know them' one.Why ? the word initial says it all.

Anyway, my opinion is that at this age , 18-26+ moving in together is the ultimate relationship killer. Keeping things fresh and interesting while living in the same house requires quite a elevated level of mental maturity that has to be shared by both people. Reciprocity is crucial with this.

People love a fresh start - or the recollection of one - because 90% can't for the life of them appreciate what they have when it's undergoing,not to it's true value.Consequently they fall into the mental black hole of self destruction.

What can I say ? it's normal.


I would advise you not to worry about it.You're overthinking things and are getting insecure.


That's my 2c.

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What RC said.

I think getting paranoid and insecure about it will kill things for sure.

I agree with R.C that this is a normal course of the relationship evolvement and she's trying to catch up with her lost friends when she was being with you. The key to relationship success if you're still getting sex from her and a little affection. Looks like you are because she's doing something special for you. Most women in this stage of the relationship will do a little differently to be more affectionate and loving to you devoid of the physical things you both did and expect early on in the relationship. Don't over think it. Just relax, keep your game up and keep monitoring her interest level in you. You will feel that the intimate connection is waning is when you have to jump into action. If the intimacy is still there and is strong, the absence of the physicality should not concern you.

I'll second R.C as well.

As far as shaving, well that's obviously circumstantial and doesn't mean much until you can provide a hell of a lot more circumstantial evidence or more concrete evidence as to why you shouldn't trust her.

BUT. Let me point out something that other posters have missed. You've been dating her for about two years now. During this time, have you ever felt insecure to the point you needed to have a talk with her about your relationship? To the point where you needed to hear her say "baby I really love you and wouldn't ever leave you"? To the point you needed to look online for help from a PU forum?

If not, then there's a good reason for that. For the first time in two years, she's not giving you what you need. If you become insecure and she doesn't reassure you, there could be two reasons... 1) love/attraction has died off (this is normal... research has shown that many relationships die off around the 2 year mark -- product of evolution to prevent incest within families) or/and 2) as you seem to be worried, there may be another guy in the picture.

So, as is often the case, your prescription for this problem is to back off, act distant, and observe her behaviour. Does she become needy? Does she care? Does she ask what's happening? If so, you know you were panicking for no reason. If not, then you'll have cause to explore the future of your relationship.

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What Fly says is quite true.Most relationships die off at the 2-3 year mark. If they don't , they certainly struggle to the point in which 1 person carries the entire relationship on their back.


I've read someplace that love can only last for 2 years. After that it's pretty much habit and adapted lifestyle (you become used to the other person as a pylon in your life) - so you "think say & probably act" as if you're in love.However, the actual feeling itself dissipates. The intensity of it certainly does.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Recent studies done by Acevedo Bianco and Aron Arthur have proven that long term relationships do exist past the 2 to 3 years mark without the "Obsession part" associated with short term relationship. Common held believe that as the relationship lingers longer, the romance attraction part melts away and the relationship turns into more of a companionship/friendship type. Passionate love (obsession love) drives the early part of the relationship which includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety which the original poster is experiencing. What these authors indicated that as soon as you remove the obsession love, then it becomes romantic love. One of the main ingredients of this romantic love is to learn to work on how you can love someone the way they want to be loved and not the way you think they should be loved! A very different concept from us PUA. I've always been continually criticized by my parents and married friends that the failures of my short term relationship because I didn't want to put more energy and devotion as I want the woman to chase me. As it turns out, it is the effort and energy and devotion you put that turns this into a longer lasting relationship.

My parents used to use the analog of weight lost. It's fun and exciting that a person found a way to loose weight. Weight loss is a multi-billion dollar industry. And why is that? It's because, it's so easy for a person to loose weight, but it is easy to gain it back! Because, we humans strive for the path of least resistance and keeping the weight down is very hard work. So we gain it back, then we loose it back, then we gain it back. Sort of like passionate love. It's easy to get a girl in bed and keep her attracted to you through uncertainty and anxiety (yours always aloof and unpredictable), but eventually it gets old. The hard work comes from keeping the relationship by both people working at it. Sadly, most of the time, it's only 1 of the 2 parties that work hard at it which usually results in divorces and breakups. It takes 2 to tango I suppose.

About this. This is something people and women in general fail to understand. The experience of 'discovering' someone is thrilling , exciting and most importantly , very very mentally engaging. Ofcourse you 'laugh all the time'. This doesn't happen necessarily because you find the other person amazing , but moreso because you find the experience of getting to know that person amazing. Does this make sense to you ?

That doesn't mean that as soon as you already got to the point of knowing them , the relationship sucks,it's just different.This is what happens when people get used to each other , and they inevitably do because that's how LTR's work. However ,the closer you are to someone the more thrills you can get from them from a variety of different aspects , except the initial 'getting to know them' one.Why ? the word initial says it all.""


I like what you said here. Now is there any ideas on how to break this to her or is this something only i should understand in this relasionship.

What i am asking is should i let her know that this is normal and we both need to understand what is happening? How do you go about bringing this up without making it look like i got on a forum and started researching dating/ relasionship advice? lol

[quote="Fly_Swatter"]I'll second R.C as well.

As far as shaving, well that's obviously circumstantial and doesn't mean much until you can provide a hell of a lot more circumstantial evidence or more concrete evidence as to why you shouldn't trust her.

BUT. Let me point out something that other posters have missed. You've been dating her for about two years now. During this time, have you ever felt insecure to the point you needed to have a talk with her about your relationship? To the point where you needed to hear her say "baby I really love you and wouldn't ever leave you"? To the point you needed to look online for help from a PU forum?

I actually have gotten on here before and read through other problems that always seem to relate to mine, this is the first time posting because i really feel like some red flags are shoved in my face.

"2 year product of evolution to prevent incest within families"

This is super interesting to me. I study alot of psychology, do you have any literature about this???

Well since she's the one having the issues it's pretty much important that she knows it too. However,it's not an excuse to slack around. A relationship should always be fun and thrilling. Do stuff when given the opportunity. Go for a walk instead of staying in and watching a movie. Better yet , go bawling , play some pool. Ice-skate. Snow-board. What have you.

Monotony is vicious. Don't invite it in your life.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Here's a link to an article detailing why love has been biologically hard wired to die off at the 2 year mark.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/opini ... -life.html

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

I feel there is not enough info to really say whether she's shaving because she's gonna be with someone else while she's there.

Another thing is, who doesn't trim their pubes when you know there is a chance that encounters might escalate to sex or giving head. I know I manscape my shit when I know it's gonna happen. It makes it look clean and jungle free lol. TMI? Nah..

*update*

So she went out a few times with her friends to a few bars got drunk the normal routine. What has me now is she didnt text me like she normally would. Granted she was out, there were times where she would go 2 hrs without a reply then reply something short. 3 words or so. Also she didnt call me in which she usually does at the end of the night she said she "had the spins" and wanted to lay down. I dont like it, as a man trying to get the girl back into me do i just take this and not say anything about it???


O and the shaving thing. She made me feel lik shit about it. We snapchat sometimes and i asked for a pic of her"like she used to" she gets irritated when i asked for this and said it makes her feel controlled. I dont give off any ultimatums EVER so why would she say this?

Tough situation. Could be the relationship is getting boring/the love is dying and her shaving and tanning could be her consciously or unconsciously being open to something new. Her snapping at you could be she's in "get pissed off easily so problems can start" mode. Plus her being 19 means she's in the doesn't know what she wants stage where she's thinking about everything; should she be single, does she want to experience more, does she want to be tied down etc. But it could also be that you have insecurities and seeing things out of context. You have to know yourself and think about whether it's your insecurities or whether your emotions are pointing you to something.

I think you hit the nail on the head with whats going on with her...

my question to you fellas is what the hell do i do? How do i deal with these lil pissy episodes especially ?

I have moved home and gave her her space. I feel like when she ia with her friends she always acts different like maybe they get her wondering if the grass is greener. I want this girl, i know i have to be prepared to lose her but i dont want to do anythng too drastic in case this is more my insecurities and being too harsh wrecks it.