Wow, never tought i'd post anything on here. But anyway, here we go. F*cking complicated story about a complicated girl. I'm sure I'm leaving some parts of the stories out of this, because it's been a real rollercoaster. Some of you are probably going to face-palm while reading this. Be my guest.. This is really fucked up.

So I met her a couple of months ago on a vacation. Blonde, blue eyes... Stunning! Really liked her, and I felt that she liked me as well. We had sex, and after coming home we stayed in touch, and I got her to go on a date with me. It was awesome! We dated for a number of weeks, and I felt that we were well on our way on becoming a couple. It was great. I had never felt anything like it. I was in love with her, and she told me she had never met anyone like me. She had feelings for me.

Before I go any further I should tell you guys that there is something about the past of this girl that's probably related to what happened next. She says she's been through a couple of rough breakups, and had been hurt several times. She always needed confirmation that I was serious about her, that I liked her and so on... But I was still so in love with this girl, I was confident we were gonna be a couple. Anything else seemed unthinkable

And then something happened...

She found out that I had not told one of my friends about her. I didn't really think it was a biggie. It was not like I wasn't telling any of my friends about her, because I was! But this was a friend that I hadn't really met a lot during the period that we were dating. Besides (and perhaps the most important point), I'm not really the type of guy who brags and shares everything that happenes in his private life, but there are certain people in my life that I pretty much share everyting with. And these people got to know about her, and I was pretty open about us dating to them.

But the problem was, she did not believe that. She got the impression that I wasn't telling anyone about her, that I didn't care for her etc. So she told me she didn't want to see me again, because I had hurt her.

A couple of weeks later I called her, and said I wanted to talk. Just could not get this girl out of my head. We had a talk, but it didn't really help. It only made me more confused. She told me she had feelings for me, and that we were gonna figure this out.

Two days later (without meeting) I got a text saying it was over between us.

So bottom line, this girl seems really insecure!

I met her at a party a few days later. We had a discussion. It ended in us kissing, and everything seemed to be going uphill. She opened up to me about her past, what she had been trough (daddy issues, ex-boyfriends etc.) She told me that she could see us being together in the future, but she needed time to get over certain things.

We agreed to stay in touch, and maybe meet up occasionally. But we only texted each other now and then for a couple of weeks ("how are you?" and so on...), but then all of a sudden I got a text from saying that the two of us are never going to work out as a couple because I had hurt her by not telling one of my friends about her! It just came out of the blue. I told her I wanted to meet up and talk to her, but she wasn't really that keen on meeting me, telling me there was nothing to talk about. Eventually we agreed on talking at a party we were both attending, but she never showed up. After exchanging a couple of calls it was enough for me. I gave her silent SPAM.

Then all of a sudden, she wanted to meet me after all. So, we're meeting next tuesday, and I'm not really sure what to tell her, and most of all what she's going to tell me... Is she interested again? Or does she just want to get this final talk over with? Any tips on what I should do?

I am sure many of you don't see the point in trying to get this girl back. She's obviously immature and indecisive. But still... I want to try, because the months that everyting was cool between us was the best of my life. The months after haven't really been that good...

Okay, it's cool. Don't panic.

Yes, her behaviour is bizarre. There could be a lot of things happening in the background. First, there could be another guy. Your communication has been sporadic from what it seems -- talking only every couple of days. Do you have any reason to suspect she could be seeing another guy? If so, this could explain her volatile behaviour.

Second, it could simply be insecurity on her part as you highlighted. Insecurity can make girls do crazy things.

Either way, this is how you play it: simply give her the impression you're about to move on. "I had great times with you, and I can promise you I told my friends about you. However it seems like you have some things to work on, and that's okay. I understand. Perhaps we weren't meant to be and I'm at peace with that." Or anything of the sort. But generally, that's the language you should be using. Not only using, but also showing. Don't turn around the next day and tell her you want to be with her. If you do this, she'll find the strength to get over her insecurities (which I suspect is the cause). However, this language I'm prescribing for you will probably need to be employed on a regular basis to keep her around. Because even if she does come around to you, in two weeks time she'll panic again and tell you she can't be with you. Are you prepared to put up with such volatility? If so, good luck. If not, you know what to do: move on.

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

GIANT redflags man girls with daddy issues are all about drama I suggest you start talking and gaming other girls unless you want to deal with this many times during your relationship. Just be sure not to get even worse oneitis from this girl than what you already have start talking and texting other girls because I doubt this ends good.

"I got her to go on a date with me"

Hmmm, it seemed like you had to do some convincing to get her to say yes? Why does it sound like a struggle to get her on a date when she went willingly to have sex with a total stranger like you?

If I have to speculate, it seemed to me like she liked you for the one night stand but really was not looking for a relationship. But of course, girls hate being alone so she went out with you anyhow cause it's better with you than by herself. Free dinner and entertainment? Sure, what woman wouldn't enjoy that huh?

Then the bomb shell arrived. You didn't tell your friend you guys are exclusive. Are you that naive to fall for this crap? It's her way of punishing you that you got yourself into. When you are dating a definite maybe gal, you get a definite maybe excuse. No, she's not mad at you're not telling your friend you guys are exclusive. It's her way of saying, you dragged me to a date that I never actually liked in the first place, at least deep inside her subconscious mind. She actually said yes because she didn't want to hurt your feelings and also she had sex with you already so she might feel somewhat obligated. Everything about her exes and problem dad I think are just her excuses, but also perhaps there may be some truth to that. You just don't know for sure, but I don't think you really care. Guess what if she found prince charming? All of a sudden, none of this problems would ever surface.

Find another girl.

Lol... Definitely not a girl that was looking for a one nighter bro.

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

I agree with mightmike. Read his post 2-3 times to understand it. I have a similar situation going on with another HB and he opened up my eyes. Be wary of these type of playful women. Give her the impression you're about to move on and see what happens. Keep us posted im interested in how this works out, because i'll be giving the same impression to my HB.

Hahaha lot of us poor saps in this situation right now, I will also update using the "moving on tactic" to let everyone know how it works, Watch for my update because I will be more prepared to type out one full story than making two story posts haa

Well, in fact it was her idea to "keep in touch", and meet up for a date. So it was really her that suggested it. I can see now that you mention it that my post gives another impression of things, but it was her, not me. "We went on a date" is what I should have written.

I can't really imagine what you are describing to be the real case. She even introduced me to her mother and sisters, started planning on going away with me etc., which sound kind of absurd if she was only after a "free dinner". Wouldn't you agree?

Yep, not surprised to hear this from you. As I was saying, she was not looking to just suck your dick or get a free dinner. She genuinely likes you but has some serious issues (most likely) or is trying to balance another guy in her life (less likely).

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

I doubt this chick has another guy on the line. More likely that because of her past and issues she doesn't have worked out she likes you, and that scares the hell out of her and she looks for any excuse she can find to pull away and keep herself protected. When you get hurt, it takes a long time and a lot of hard work to work through it all. This chick isn't done doing the work yet.

I'm going to give you a piece of advice that someone gave me on here once. You have feelings for this chick, that is clear. She has feelings for you too, if you tell the story right. But she is not gf material in her current state, and it's just going to be painful for you to sit around and put yourself through it with her. She needs to figure her shit out on her own, and when she does, THEN, MAYBE, you could engage in a relationship with her.

As far as the advice, it's simply this: Next time you're thinking about her or struggling, go jack off or fuck some other chick as soon as possible. It's highly likely that you're just letting nostalgia get in the way and you're thinking about all the good shit about her and pushing all the not good shit out of your mind. Keep it all in perspective, and make a good decision. If you can stick to your frame you win. Either you'll end up in a relationship with a great girl who doesn't have the issues this girl does, or this girl will figure her shit out, and be really glad that you forced her to deal with it, and your reward will be a chance at a great relationship with her after the fact. In the event that she never figures it out, you still win, because you spared yourself a lot of stress, heartbreak, frustration, etc.

Also, I'm not sure how much it applies, but refer to Wolfwood's 3 types of girls posts. This girl MAY just be a freak period.

Great advice vhou812,

However I understand from your post that he should tell her these things? That she is not relationship material SPAM in a subtle way? or just freeze her out and hope she gets the hint herself? Wouldn't telling her make her go angry ?

Thanks a lot, guys. Think this is really going to help. It obviously looks like she needs time to to sort her life out, but we'll see what happens on tuesday. Definitely not going to beg for her to take me back.

The OP indicates that this is not just a week old relationship. They've been involved for a reasonable period. For that reason, and because nobody likes to look like a dick, I would deliver the message and inform her why his decision is what it is. It isn't a bunch of BS or letting someone down easy if what is being said is the cold hard truth. The OP even makes it sound like the girl knows what he would be saying is true, which enhances the likelihood that she will appreciate his demeanor.

There was a song back in the day called Popular. Had some good lyrics that made sense. This is from memory, but it was something like "There's still a feeling of rejection when someone says she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company. But if you're honest and direct, and avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news, the boy will respect you for your kindness, and honestly, he'll appreciate the kind and straightforward manner in which you've told him your decision."

Suffice it to say, this is an instance where I think that applies. The hard part is following through on the decision, but if the OP keeps everything in mind, he'll be glad he did in the long run. The only way he can lose is by slipping up or going back for the wrong reasons. For me, pussy is the reason I'm most likely to slip up at this sort of thing.

The fact that she gave you a no win sh*t test suggest something else is happening. Do you think it is a reasonable expectation that you must call, email and send registered mail to all your friends about your relationship status with her? What if you miss one? Most people will understand, but for her to pick you on this seemed strange especially if she has high interest in you. Why are you defending her action here?

If a woman has a high interest level in you, she will help you and forgive you for missing one friend. Here's not the case.
Why the change?

Secondly, did you tell her that "I will tell this friend only if we are truly married" when confronted with that sh*t test? Say it to her then and then walk away.
That puts her on the defensive and you on the offensive. If you did this and she keeps accusing you of lying, I would advise you to walk away from this girl. Could be a mental case you're dealing with?

Find out why she did this to you when everything was ok. Usually, it is usually nothing is ok when you get this test!

Because a lot of poor saps are dating a social drifter, a woman that likes to drift from man to man, date to date and husband to husband. Their M.O is usually an intense sexual encounter followed by what seemed like a super fast lusting romantic relationship and then it goes downhill from there until another man washes in front of her and the whole process starts again. These women do not have loyalty nor commitment with their men eventhough you've sealed the deal or gone through marriage (that piece of paper and I do meant nothing to her). They are selfish, but they act well and great manipulators. They only care about themselves. When they divorce their men, they'll milk every single penny from him even though he is a good man and cares about her. The one who's enjoying free dinners, entertainment and a good time is always her, not her man.