over 1.5 years; had ups and downs. but i was pretty shocked cuz i thought there was enough love in the relationship where we would work things out instead of breaking up.

but she explained is as having enough of fighting over the same thing and it wasn't stable enough. which is fair i suppose.

she was on the rebound when we first started dating (i didnt screen well enough) and she was only truly over her ex Id say about a 10 months ago. but it took a toll on the relationship and I never fully felt like she was a healthy girl emotionally. which made me insecure in turn and i always brought it back when i got angry which clearly caused the demise of the relationship even tho i promised a few times i would stop. so she basically stopped trusting that i could change and move past it.

she was also extremely demanding, high maintenance type. expects me to go above and beyond for all the time basically. she was 19 when i met her, im 6 yrs older. i started focusing on my career and she pretty much resented me for it even tho I was doing everything I could to juggle everything in my life.

I was happy overall in the relationship. after the initial breakup which was 2 days ago, she send a message like "thanks for all the memories and il never forget the things u did for me and your the sweetest guy i ever met and i hope in your next relationship youll learn to do better blablabalbal" that type of thing.

i reciprocated the message and agreed that a breakup was probly the best thing. since then basically deleted her from my life.

she is the type that cant stay single for long. she will either find sum1 (or already did) or will come back.

im not saying I want her back necessarily but whats my best play from here on out if I want her back and want the relationship to work?

what do you guys take from her message and the whole story?

thanks guys im pretty bummed right now

Good luck mate,

Time heals wounds. Make the best of it!

For the story, it's 1,5 years between 2 people, we cannot have a better view then you already have. She will have her reasons, and they might be correct, but that's up to you to know.

Do you want her back?

Make sure your life improves without her. That's the most important thing, and no-contact.

Remove all contact with her as you have already done so, don't speak to her, even if she calls you or contacts you (she will.)

Break ups are such a miserable experience, but just keep reminding yourself that it WILL get better and you will be okay. I've just had another potential relationship fail and I am feeling bummed out myself, though of course nothing on a 1.5 year one.

Surround yourself with good friends and start exercising and taking up new hobbies. Music is my biggest soother when I am feeling shit. I like to listen to various songs by The Smiths about unrequited love, disaffection and loneliness. It's a bit depressing but kind of makes you feel better through identifying with it.

First off , when relationships don't work the first time I rarely ever think about getting back together. Not any time soon ,anyway.

Say after 2-3 years when you both will have dated other people and still believe that you are the best match for each other , miss each other , than yeah , a second shot at it would be good because you both have a different , healthier perspective ,more life experience and a + to the "I know what I have and will appreciate it this time" factor.

What you should do ?

Go NC(No Contact). Now,some people misinterpret this.No contact doesn't mean not initiating conversation with her. It means cutting every form of visual / audio or written reminder of her.

-If you have her SPAM ID , delete that shit.You don't need your eyes glancing at the bottom right of your screen everytime someone comes online , just to see if it's her. At some point you will , she'll be online and you'll start wondering what she's doing / who she's talking to , you'll see her profile picture , you'll secretly hope she'll start a convo with you...all those things are very unhealthy. Delete the contact ID and feel liberated.

-Facebook. Same shit. Unfriend her. Why ? You DO NOT need to see her profile updates , pics she's taking in clubs or whatever with this guy or that guy. You don't wanna see her conversations with other people either. And most importantly , you do not want to see when / if her relationship status updates. Unfriend her and unfriend most of her friends which you don't care about. She might get tagged in their pics. Again , all this only contributes to mindfuck and nothing else.

-Phone number. If you think you can control yourself,no reason to delete it. I didn't delete my ex'es number when we broke up , I never was the 'drunk caller' . When I'm drunk I just don't give a fuck and hit on anything that moves (almost) , I'm a happy drunk as opposed to the sad ones. Anyway,it's your call here.

-Photos / emotional gifts (stuff like stuffed animals , love letters , you get the point). Destroy them or banish them. If you don't wanna destroy them (I didn't destroy mine. It seems stupid to destroy any evidence of 3 years of your life -my case- or 1.5 of yours) put everything in a box and stash it somewhere you won't stumble across them on a daily basis. I stashed it in my garage.

-Clothes. If she got you a cool t-shirt / dress shirt / shoes / stuff like that ,no reason to give it up. Wear that shit if you like it. I have no problem wearing clothes she bought me on different occasions. But again,if you find it difficult , stash those away too.

-Sex tapes / hot / nude pics of her or of you both. That shit has to go. Either you delete them or put them on a flash drive which you bury in cement under the foundation of your house. This is the first and most powerful 'regret' a man will have. My best friend went through a brake-up about 9 months ago (he had 2.5 years with her,something like that). The idiot didn't delete his home made porn with her. Needless to say he was jerking off like a dog and then would fall in a vicious depression. Eventually I convinced him to move everything on a flash drive. He then gave it to me ( he said he wants me to kick him in the balls if he ever asks for it back and I consider he's not over her). To this day I still have it. That girl was insanely hot and for 9 months I'm still not sure weather I should take a look or not. I REALLY wanna see that chick naked but something about seeing my bro's dick is very unsettling. I probably won't do it. .

When you clean these things up , make sure you did it properly. I recently found a love letter from my ex with whom I broke quite recently in one of my books that I did not open in 1.5 years. Needless to say I was pretty fucked up after seeing and reading it. I felt like running back on my knees to her - thank God I didn't. Anyway,make SURE there's no reminders left.

-Music. DO NOT listen any song that makes you think about her. Nothing about heart brake / cheating girls / love. Nothing like that. Spend 10 hours on making a pump-up playlist. Put in there songs that get you fired up. For me rap & hip-hop works the best. Those beats turn me into an animal and I feel invincible. Play me a love song and I'm on the floor rolling in tears. I exaggerate ofcourse , but my point stands. You might think you find closure in love songs , but you're only torturing yourself. Your mind is very flexible. If you surround yourself with positive music , and a positive environment ,you'll find it much easier to get over her.

-Hobbies and Passions. Definitely work on those. Hit the gym like a beast , learn a new dance style if you're into dancing , learn MMA. Pretty much any physical activity will release dopamine and endorphines. You want those , it will keep your mind happy and positive. You will relapse from time to time and find yourself in a dark spot. At which point your pump-up playlist should be used to it's full effect.

-Don't masturbate. Seriously just don't. At all. I mean NO FAPPING. For how long ? For as long as you can. I mean that ! If you can reach 3 months,YES 90 DAYS , you're golden. I realized that after my brake-up , during the orgasm and a few minutes afterwards you're all "Fuck her,I'm so good without her". 5 minutes later your curled up in a ball sad and pathetic. The higher your testosterone levels are , the more emotionally stable you'll be. I haven't wrestled with the snake for almost 30 days now. My sex drive is through the roof and I feel invincible. Also , you feel an unstoppable urge to go out and socialize whenever you see a sexy pic. If you're out and see a sexy girl , you'll be all over her.
The best part ? That emotional stability I was talking about.You won't feel as sad and pathetic any more. Not even close. Add to that the energy boost you'll feel and you're golden.
Don't think it's easy though. Every time I see a hot pic on facebook my hands shake. I wanna devour that shit.The temptation will seem unbearable at the time. Turn it into motivation to do...well,anything , and you'll be very happy.

-Lastly , being single after all that time will enable you to 're-acquaint' with yourself. You'll find it pretty awesome to be single again. You'll think of her less and less and start enjoying your own self more and more.

With NC , if she initiates a convo with you , you can either ignore it or respond. But responding is a thin line to walk. You might relapse pretty nasty. If you do respond , keep it short and casual. Anything beyond that should be shot down immediately.


Again,a failed relationship is failed. Think of it as a car. You buy a car and you don't really like it. It doesn't suit you. Would you buy that same car again ? or would you rather go out and try different brands ?
After you tried several other cars and you're not as pleased with any of them as you were with the original one, you might consider buying it back. But at least now you come from a place of abundance and actually know how good it is,right ?
Besides , there are tons of different brands and models , chances are VERY HIGH you'll find one that suits you great,if not perfectly.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

That advice right there is golden -

That fapping advice is priceless lol , I'm actually going to apply immediately. I'm dating a ultra HB and I'm sure this will help me out.

Excellent analogy on buying a car. I don't think there is a better way to say it. It doesn't cover the sentimental value of the old car though, and wondering if you should have kept the trusty old jalopy.

That is right up until you slide into the seat of your new Ferrari.

Thanks for the responses. Its weird because ive never taken a breakup this well before. I think its due to knowing all the PU and trusting that i can easily go out and find a new girl. Also that it gives me a chance to focus on myself and my career etc.

I went NC and she mesg today asking how im doing and if i want some book i lent her i coud go get it anytime. At this point i became weak and asked her to dinner which she declined. Altho i did feel that she was happy that i asked. She sd she didnt feel the same but had good memories and who knows what can heppn in the future blablabl.

I think its just an ego thing that makes me want her back, so that i can end it on my terms lol. I also miss banging her nd now i have to put in effort and time to get an equally hot broad.

You're allowed a slip up, but from now on strict NC. That means simply not replying whatsoever.

Don't relapse again !

Few weeks after my brake-up , my ex updated her FB profile picture with the most gorgeous fucking miss universe model-like photo I've ever seen of her in my entire life. (although I did unfriend her ,somehow she commented somewhere , I saw it ,blablabla)

My adrenaline went through the roof. Obviously my other head was doing the thinking at the time. For seriously about 2 days I could not stop thinking to myself "How the fuck did you manage to let that perfect hb12 slip , you god damn idiot ?"

The amount of effort it took to maintain NC was ridiculous. Regardless , I didn't slip , and I'm very glad that I didn't.

Stay strong , and don't relapse again.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I advocate just completely blocking them on Facebook. In fact, I find it easier if I don't even have girls I am dating on my friends list.

Legit. Anyone that's ever had to walk through that fiery bullshit will know what this guy suggests is the best remedy.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Strict no contact with my last ex also gave me a feeling of at last taking control, not being needy and having my emotions controlled by her. Still its fucking hard.

Her twitter was public even though i deleted my account and the temptation was there... So I had my computer savvy SPAM block access to Twitter from my computer. Sounds extreme but it releases you, especially if you're a serial profile checker after a break up.

OK so like you said, some days I feel like 'this is for the best, she wasnt for me, it wasnt working for a reason' etc etc and other days im like ' o my god how did i let this happen, she was my dream girl, i was so happy'..

So i want your guys opinion on some stuff to maybe help me clear my head. also maybe just talking it out would help me.

things that bothered me/were causing drifts:

- without my sacrifices the relationship wouldnt work. i was the one going to her place 90% of the time. she doesnt drive, has a curfew, cant sleep outside the house (strict parents etc) which meant I could never get some other than the occasional blowjob at hers. instead we would have to rent a motel room or bring her to my place and then I would have to drive her back (she lives 30miles from me) and after a while I hated doing all this. we were only having sex once every 3 weeks on average.

- she was a little immature in that i didnt feel she quite appreciated what I was doing to make it work, because she was very emotionally demanding, not that i disliked that, but again after a while there were times when it made me frustrated that she wasnt a little more independant. if I was getting busy with school and work and didnt have time for her, she would act cold instead of being supportive. she basically wanted to be the priority. maybe this would have eroded as she grew up a little.

i would have liked someone who was more up to my level intellectually and motivated like I am for the future and making good money etc but her last relationship was this controlling fucker who just manipulated her and she even told me she was this super weak type because of it

- like i said earlier her previous relationship was almost 4 years and was her first love. in the beginning she kept telling me how deep the love was and all this shit that was just really damaging for me. she compared me to him, wanted me to act like him, have the same facial hair etc. it made me insecure. this is understandable i guess as she was not 3 months out of the relationship when I started courting her and 2 months later we were official. i always felt like I couldnt make her as happy as she used to be.

then 8 months into our relationship her ex's grandma died and she lied to me saying she didnt talk to him, only his family. i find out that not only she spoke to him on the phone but also sent him a FB shortly afterwards claiming how short life is and she cherishes the time she spent with him and maybe she still had this deep love for him and again me reading that had a really bad effect on me. she explained it as just a weak moment for her because he was crying alot on the phone cuz of the death.

i got over it but basically the whole ex thing in out relationship played with my psyche and i could never trust her or feel that we had something special on a subconscious level. i dont kno if that makes sense or if i blew thigns out of proportion but I would get angry some days out of nowhere and bring up some reference to her ex and it was what caused the demise of our relationship. I know I can improve on my confidence and not let minor shit get the best of my emotions. becuase the truth was that she was loyal and stayed with me because she wanted to but getting over an ex of 4 yrs and a first love like that doesnt happen in just 1 year.

things that I loved about her and the relationship:

- she was super affectionate, caring, sweet etc etc all the good I wanted from a women. very high feminine energy/polarity. very strong family values which I also loved, I was pretty much part of her family, there for xmas and easter and all those things.

-she was beautiful and sexy. good tits and ass plus she let me do whatever I wanted in bed. (might be material but its still valuable to me)

- she would be a good wife/mom. just based on seeing her mother and family values

so thats pretty much it i suppose. what do you guys think? do you think we were even compatible? like we got along and always had fun together but not like these deep conversations/intellectual ones. i duno im just super confused now and I wonder if I should try to get her back

Notice how the things you loved list is so much shorter than the things you hated ?
Some of the ex stuff is seriously fucked up dude.


At one point you mention that you think she will eventually out-grow some of her immaturities. Irrelevant. Doesn't matter what 'would have happened'. It didn't happen when she was with you,that's all that matters. What if she never out-grows them ? You willing to bet more time on it ? You shouldn't be.


You might also believe she's the best thing that ever happened to you. If that's the case ,I want to remind you that the actual truth is that "She's the best thing that happened to you so far". From you negative traits list however,I for one am reluctant to believe she was so good for you. As time will pass and your head clears , you'll probably reach the same conclusion as I did. One thing's for certain though - you want more - and you should pursue that.


Regardless, bottom line is , as you said , that you are confused. Which is normal. I assume you already know that the worst possible decisions you can make in life are exactly those that you make when you're confused / uncertain.You must give yourself more time.


Personally however , I think you seem to have been contempt at best with your relationship. Nowhere near happy.

You're the only one who holds the actual truth, so do yourself a huge favor and give yourself enough time to see it come to light. Wait for as long as it takes and only when you're 100% certain you can judge things with a mind unclouded, should you make a decision and act on it.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Make a list with two columns.

In the first one, write all the things about her that you didn't really like, but you feel you could live with and put aside.

In the second one, put anything you feel is simply UNACCEPTABLE to you and would want her to change or erase from her behaviour etc.

This is an exercise that has been used by relationship counselors, or by therapists etc to help someone move on from a break up. Statistics show, that if even ONE thing is written in the second column, the relationship is doomed to failure most of the time and she wasn't the person for you.