Hi i keep having trouble with my relationship, i keep getting frustrated and hurted..

now here is what i think is the problem, i talked to my girl last night about relationship in general and a bit about ours.
We talked about how she has had 2 other relationships before me, but favorites ours since she knows that we are gonna be together for a while, and therefore she feels like she doesn't need to invest so much time into it, and can have a normal life while maintaining our relationship. BUT i think that i want a relationship where we are like sugarsweet, cuddle in bed all the time, and have this high intensity love for each other (maybe a bit like in fairytales?).
But she wants us to be around each other without the need of being close the hole time like i do.

Here are some examples on how this brings up problems.

-When we were going to sleep last night, i wanted to get under her blanket in the bed, but she said she sleeps better when she has it to herself, but she still wanted me to have my arm around her. This hurted me because we use to fall a sleep tucked in together..

-She gets tired of being called and calling me sweety all the time (usually that is all we call each other, we dont use our normal names) so last night i got frustrated when she said my real name when calling me.

-i get frustrated when she wakes up and not togging into me getting close.

- i get hurted when she gives her dog more attention then me, feels like she gives it more love then me

Now i think it might be because she is too big a part of my life, but it seems like everything else is un relevant to me, and i dont really care about it. I tried to invest feelings and time into a game, but then i just get the feeling like, what does it really matter this stupid videogame...

Okay so now for the big big question that i have been leading up to:
Is this problem only a problem because i don't invest enough time into other aspects of my life, and she does. is it just because she knows how to keep up with other things and unlike me knows that the relationship is not everything.
and therefore i just need to learn how to do the same, not just with her but in general if i want to have a happy functional relationship???

OR is it because the two of us just dont matches very good, and i need to dump her and find someone who shares the same opinion on relationships as i do??

PLEASE comment i need advices

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

Exactly for you my man :

this-can-kill-a-relationship-vt158072.html

She is definitely way too important to you.

If you want a girl who will be super cutesy and intimate with you all the time, then you find a girl who will do that, you can't impose your rules on someone who just isn't going to do that. Sure, you can calmly and rationally communicate any issues you have, but ultimately you have to accept her for how she is.

If you can't accept her, then you should leave her.

But yeah, you definitely need some hobbies and focuses outside of this relationship as if I was a betting man, I would guess that this relationship is your primary source of happiness and self worth. It's a surprisingly easy trap to fall into, but it makes you needy and destroys your relationships. That is the direction this one is going in.

I'm gonna assume that you don't have many friends with whom you actually enjoy to spend time with,do you ? Nor do you have any passions / activities you do on a regular basis.


I say this because although what you say is quite fcked up , I assume it is because you are making this girl the center of your universe. Stop doing that.

1. You will push her away (suffocate her)
2. You will get buthurt constantly.
3. If she dumps you you'll be shattered.
4. You are unable to act like a man.
5. You irradiate neediness , which is not sexy. At all.

Start on your hobbies and spend more time with friends. Please, do it now before it's too late.

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No offense but you are really a ultimate needy pain in the a..

You want her to be a Stepford wife who will make you her whole world because you dont have life or any interests outside of relationship...

For god sake, you are jealous at her dog... It is not healthy relationship, it is pure obsession.

So yes, you can dump her and try to find some lifeless, mentally insecure girl who will share your obsession until you both get completely drained up, or you can try to get a life and so you wont be frustrated with all things that happens in every normal relationship

Thank you all!! And this and some of the others posts was exactly what i needed to hear and what i was questioning.

My biggest hobby use to be to game girls so i cant use that as a source of happyness, and i have lost some of my best friendship cause the thing we had in common was to go out and hook up with girls. though i still have some very good friends whos company i enjoy a lot, but i dont see them as often as i probably should. And i do ofcouse have hobbys and school, but due to the winter my one biggest hobby is something i have been unable to do (soccer).

But this answered my question wether i was wrong or the relationship was, and clearly i was wrong, so now i can focus on focusing (haha) on other things then my relationship, i am planning on running regularly and maybe find a part time job!
THANK YOU

edit: mostly i also were in doubt if the girl and i just didn't fit, and the problem would be solved if i found another girl, but clearly it would not, cause i my self am the problem!

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

I've gotten burned doing exactly what you are doing now.

I fell madly in love, and gave completley in to my emotions.

Here's what happened:

>I started picking up the same interests as her (enjoying the same movies, music etc.)
>I wanted to be with her ALL the time.
>If I weren't around her, I kept sending her texts and keeping the conversation going.
>She started flaking.
>I forgave her, I had no other choice.
>The relationship ended, she only saw me as a friend at last, and I couldn't meet her as just a friend.
>I ended up having an all-time low, and have never felt worse in my life.

At the end, I felt that I had nothing left. I had given up 90% of my normal life for her, and those 10% I had left.. They just couldn't fill the hole..

On the bright side, I've learned A LOT from the experience. Now, I don't want you to have do learn the hard way aswell, so get hobbies, interests and passions. Prioritize friends over her from time to time. ALWAYS know what you like, what you don't like and have your own oppinion, and NEVER hesitate in stating them. Be a man. Be yourself.

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Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

Perfect advice. Sometimes however, it takes learning the hard way to really hit it home. Judging by the other topics this guy has made I can see it going only one way; the hard way.

True shit, i have really been through a hard time fighting my emotions and i have lost a lot of those fights, unfortunately.
On the bright side i feel like i have been enlightened by this particular topic, i think i really did need to hear that i was wrong in this relationship... i hope now that i have realised this enough, to win the fight over my emotions!
thanks a lot for helping me through this, cant imagine where i would stand at this moment if it were not for this forum and pickup in general .. :p

besides, i started out with getting this girl only because i got control over my emotion, and dammit i can do it again!!!!

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

To be honest i dont believe it is enough. Of course that running and part time job are good start... But it is just good for killing some extra hours...

You need to found some goal and purpose... Make some long plans and dreams (that are not "Relationship")

Relationship and love with right girl is great thing... But relationship have to your 2nd priority. Relationships are great addition in life, but you cant make maintaing relationship as your life purpose because in that case you are setting up your life to be very hurtful and insecure.

And most important thing is that you have to become less sensitive. All "problems" that you listed are not problems at all... In every LTR affection have it ups and downs, no matter how good in gaming and great challenge you are. Sometimes there are simply other things in one of partners mind, it doesnt mean that she doesnt love you anymore...

Keep relaxed and maybe you two can have some nice future together... If you start analyse her behaviour and every word and move she makes you will start panicking every time she doesnt fit in your expectations. And when you start panicking, relationship goes to ashes..

So, work on your behavior and not hers.

Trust me, I ruined some quite good relationships, cuz of similar things... So good luck

Mate, when I make posts like that I don't mean to sound like some wise, know-all. I have the same weakness, the last girl I was in a relationship with became the centre of my universe and my emotions were never in check. But once you learn about it you can improve yourself.

"The Chimp Paradox" is a book that teaches you just that, its amazing and turned my life around.

lol, my nigga, you are as whipped as whipped can be!

The only way you will ever have that sort of relationship is if YOU are the one NOT initiating it. Let me explain, people want what they can't have. This is true in relationships too. Don't make a big deal out of it, and maybe treat her the same way she treats you. Who knows maybe she may miss your cuddles, and miss you calling her sweety. If you are too easy, she won't appreciate it, and ultimately take it for granted. Surprise her by finding other interests, and occasionally tell her you are too busy to meet up or anything that will prove to her you not so damn easy.

well as i see it my school will of couse be first priority but on the other side, it is not a source to happyness for me.

Therefore i believe that what i need to get more of in my life is other source of happyness, because if my girl is the only then she will weight too much in my life and if i were to loose her, i would therefore loose to much joy of my life and that is why people get hurted when the breakeup becuase they lost a lot of happyness in their life.

SO what i need is to get other sources to happyness, short term or long term doesn't matter, as long as it is stuff i wanna do and wanna spend time on. but off couse long term probably would be best!

But i do agree with you on most of your post though, and i really do try to work on my self, (last night i saw her, and she said something that would have made me sad, something that could easily be misunderstood, and i just her it like a bad thing, and then caught my self feeling bad about it, my reaction then where to laugh at my self, and stop feeling sad, great reaction imo)
Anyway thank you!

Well I am happy to know that what you wrote are based on real life experience, though it is sadden that you had to go through rough time, especially now i know how hard it can be.

But last night it really made sense for me and i really think it clicked for me in the right way, btw that book looks like something i could need, going out to find it now, thanks!!

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

Here's a simple rule I tell most of my friends who's having trouble with women.

Women in general WANT boyfriends for sex. They don't need boyfriends to share their emotional problems and they are not your therapists for your problems. They can get guys easily from Facebook, chat, etc.. if they want to friend zoned guys. So if they want just sex with you, what do you do if they aren't into you for that. Well guess what, you've got stuff to do and a life, so walk away and do those stuff. When she calls and escalate you into getting back for more sex, you simply comply. Eventually, she will up the ante to get you to be much closer to her. You'll see a change in her wanting to be more intimate with you like asking you if you're ok with cumming inside her vagina with her on BC without a condom after passing the S.T.I test etc... In a relationship, you keep moving up a notch until she's totally want you. It's that simple.

Your job is only to evaluate her attitude. It's difficult to find a woman that completely share your same interests. I mean they read romance novels and watch chick flicks, where you read Popular Mechanics and watch occasional Stallone flicks killing the bad guys by blowing off their heads with a machine gun! Two completely different species. There is a compromise, but let HER guide you to those. You just simply enjoy the ride.

I am sorry but i really do not agree with you, and i have so many memories and so much experience which argues against your opinion!

EDIT:
sorry to be honest i wont argue with you on what women in general want boyfriends for, since i haven't made an opinion on that topic.
But in my relationship i can assure you that your theory is not the case! :p

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it