Bear with me, this might take a while.

Girlfriend: HB8. Girlfriend of almost one year, I'm 29 she's 20. Met when she was 19. Brunette, intelligent, great hips, ass, nice tits, part native (gorgeous eyes because of), very attracted. Good in bed, has hard time sometimes of getting over the cliff of orgasm. I'm confident in my secks/control, comfortable with positions and talking dirty. Good sex. Closed personality sometimes, keeps journals, jealousy works easily on her, outspoken, talks over you sometimes, opinionated but not arrogant. Strong woman, weak brother, father always pulling pranks on her, capable somewhat hard-headed but talkative man. Shit tests in bursts once a month around the same time. Needs dominant sex, but not too rough, into some kink, experimentation. Likes being held down and fucked. Very intelligent, driven.

Situation

We Met through a mutual friend, initial attraction was great kept it very open. Asked her to hang out Valentine's Day, she was involved with someone at the time but said that she couldn't, to which I said that I respected her decision. Some casual, playful texting throughout the next two months. Asked her to hang out one night while at the gym, went over pretty late, she had already had a few beer, escalated into sex. Was nervous at first, tried to use condoms, didn't work, still had sex. Decided to hang out, dated for about two months, she then went away to school for five weeks. Talked on SPAM every other night while she was gone until she came back. Attraction was still high, fooled around on SPAM while away. Came back was slightly AFC, bought her a couple small gifts based on things she had mentioned casually over SPAM. Asked her to be exclusive, she wasn't ready. Had a great summer together, spent a lot of time together, was very AFC and tried to hard. She broke up with me beginning of September, I was very AFC, seemed desperate, After being a sulking beta went no contact. Got back together beginning of October after one month of no contact, after she texted me and I gave her a non-committal "do what you want, door is open but I don't care either way", found out through mutual friend that girlfriend was shot down after two attempts during break to hang out with another guy. Girlfriend doesn't know that I know this. I start to improve my game, find SMGP blog. I think everything is going fine, find out end of November, 2 days after the fact, she was drunk and high at a party and kiss someone else. Still let her stay the night that she told me, had angry sex, forgave her after about a week.

Fast forward to now, relationship is good as far as I can tell. Handling shit test better, handling jealousy better, emotions still affect me, try not to let it show but backsliding Slightly. She was the one who brought up the word love first, only said a number of times during intimate situations, not a lot. Christmas was great, I didn't go too overboard, valentines day she made me something very romantic and unexpected. I took her to dinner, snuck flowers in her room while she was at school. I keep a journal lying around that I never let her read, I read her one entry from that day (valentines) ending in "you'll never know how much I love you" trying to take some advice from Shark on smgp. I've been trying my best to work on myself and show increasing social value, new car, taking on more responsibilities at work. Working out occasionally (not enough), dressing better, always expressing amused mastery (she says she can't read me most of the time, if we are talking, she can't gauge what I'm thinking to which I smile slyly and try and say something funny, aloof, whatever..). Sometimes brings up age difference and exclaims how "crazy" it is, but it doesn't bother her. We have fun together, we love each other but we don't overdue it with mushy shit, as I gave up a lot of it, I tend to dive in too much. She's says I still give her butterflies, she loves how I make her feel during sex. Recently said how the sex was so so good lately and that she loved me. I mostly wait for her to say love.

I find I'm spending far too much time analyzing this relationship and it is affecting that great sex life she loves lately, losing confidence when I think about how I'm supposed to fuck her good and last longer and longer. It gets in my head and I get softer boners and can't last ad long. The more I think about it, the more it concerns me, the less hard I am and less I can enjoy our sex. AFC fuck sakes.

Bottom line, up to date as of this evening. Sex Saturday was ok, she came close to orgasm as it takes her a while, lots of sex transition to fingering g-spot and clit feverishly. She didn't finish me off until she said something to the effect how that wasn't important in a joking manner, I said that fine I don't care I'll do it, or something. To which she sucked and fucked me really well and asked me how it was. I can't tell if I played it right or not. I go to work, text sporadically, she asks to sleepover, I say fine, she drives over and I neg her some, we shower together she gets in bed for sex. I stay out and watch some more Adventure Time and down a couple more beer, not tired enough for bed. Get in bed, we put on a show, she's watching I'm spooning and trying to get her going, she isn't too responsive and beer takes hold and I fall asleep. Wake up early, no morning sex, she asks for back rub before she had to get up, I sigh slightly irritated, she notices, I play it off "no I'm not mad, relax babe" three days not hanging out, she asks to have a sleepover, I say sure, two hours go by I ask if she's coming, she says "uh no" I text back "?" Wait and get no response, she calls explaining she's gonna hangout with some friends and if they don't show she might show up later. I tell her that's fine, I'll be around just working on my office for small business customers. She's in a playful but sarcastic mood, I know I feel tense and struggle for frame control doing the best I can.

I go to bed and read she texts "I wish I was getting in bed with you" some slight sexting, she calls, says she had a weird dream but she doesn't want to tell me because she said I might get weird. I say "what did you have sex with someone again? Haha, it's just a dream girl" she says "we got married, i hated my dress, cancelled te whole thing " (paraphrasing) I say "that's not weird, etc" Nd we joke about it. Says she's wearing my shirt and misses me. Today she shit tests me hard after I call her about a laptop we are trying to get for her. "Hey, I know it's short notice but we need to order it by this afternoon or we are gonna have to wait" 'well I don't even know what it looks like' "well it's black (sarcastic/playful" 'I can't pick it out on color alone..' "Girls do that all the tiiiime" 'are you saying you're a girl?' (Condescending) "mmh (huffy non-response, totally caught off guard)" 'mmh' (she mockingly repeats) awkward pause then 'what..are you mad?' (Me trying to regain frame) "hmm? No I'm reading an email, I gotta get back to work, we'll have to keep looking" 'ok, well have a good day'.

Failed somewhat, almost called back after emasculating conversation to express how I was trying to help HER with HER laptop and to not disrespect me that way. Decided against it after I cooled down, felt it was too beta a response for a trivial shit-test I failed.

I'm leaving work and ask her if she wants a coffee for studying (she has an exam tomorrow) she calls as I'm leaving work saying quite cheerfully that she is bringing a friend (male, old high school friend, stoner, non threat) to a head shop and that she won't be home, said she needed a break from studying and that in case I was on the way. Said "oh well I guess I'll see you tomorrow anyway." (Misheard 'study break' as 'studying with' lost some frame potentially, asked her 'oh does Andrew live out this way?' She explained about the head shop etc. I said "cool, well have fun, I'll talk to you after"

She seems like she is in very high spirits, which is great but she's thrown in a few extra shit tests more than normal, may be pushing her hand slightly. I'm wondering if she may have some
Gina tingles over someone she met? I did tell her I was meeting our mutual friend (girl who is one of my best friend, through whom I met this current gf) last time we hung out before valentines day she seemed jealous, this time not so much at all when I told her. Not sure why, but maybe she will be later after I'm down to the show hanging with the friend.



At any rate, I need to know how to handle this girl, she's assertive, shit testing a bit more than usual. Expressing more happiness this past week but fine to change plans to hang with friends (not that plans were set in stone) either way. I gotta stop talking I hope this is enough to go on for the start.

JF

Bump

Tell me I'm crazy. Had an exam she felt she flunked. First time in a year didn't get any goodnight message from her. Never happened before. Maybe she fell asleep. But. Today laconic texts, phone call was please but she needed my help with laptops. I teased her about how contrary she was after her exam. I kept it all light hearted didn't break frame. I still am worried, see how tonight goes at the comedy club. I wonder if she will stay over or will the sex withdrawal reach a week for the first time in a very long time.

What should I be looking out for here. I feel she's distancing. I'm having n a hard time keeping my anxiety down and my work is suffering.

Simply withdraw a while... Disappear, say you are busy or something or even better just drop off her radar...

When guts tells you something is wrong, then something is wrong... If you try to fix it, you will break it..
So just back off, dont arrange dates, dont call, dont text... Even if you get sex tonight, your guts are still right so make her feel that you are distancing from her. It is only thing that can pull her back. Been in your situation many times, and every time i did any action to change it, just made things a lot worse.

Withdraw and evaluate your intent in this relationship. Is it only an open sex relationship and nothing else in the future or is it an intent to make this into a marriage?

Dreams are a reflection of someone's subconscious mind at work. Her mind is telling you somewhat that you are not the right man for her in marriage -- "clothing" or dress is a symbol for someone who is very dearly close to her. Her gut feeling probably told her from the get go that she was moving too fast too soon, but sometimes when people are horny they rarely listen to it.

If you change your intent, make it genuine. Faking it to get her back will eventually lead you back to this situation and then you're on the way out just like the other guys she dated.

So, I read far too much into something before comedy club show. Thought she was actually going to break up with me. Totally threw my frame internally. She wanted to meet me there in her car because she was hanging with a friend. I took having both cars as a weird sign, I'm being a god damn moron and I know it. Really gotta relax. So comedy club was fine, back to my house, pizza, couch, some
Cuddles. I initiated some sex, kissing, petting, etc just trying to get her in the mood. She was just into cuddling that night, I should have just let it go at that. The intimacy of Lying together on the couch was nice, but I kept trying to get her motor running subtley to no avail.

I'm distant and get up after not getting anywhere thinking this is the way to go and maintain frame. I tell her I'm gonna shower, she doesn't come in (I never asked) and she falls asleep on te couch. We go to bed, I try again ask her if she's in the mood (I've never done that....ever....) she says not really, she's tired and just wants to be close. We both lie there and I toss and turn a bit, I can't relax cause I'm way overthinking everything. She asks me if I'm mad because we aren't having sex (i say no, im just stressed and i wanted to be intimate with her) she says we HAVE an active sex life and that I was like that two weeks ago (don't even remember such a situation at all. I'm aware of this one though). I don't apologize but the next morning before we et up and start our day I give her a kiss saying some shit like "I didn't mean to be that way last night, I've been stressed from work this past week" she said 'I thought we were gonna forget about it?' I say "we are" few kisses goodbye and she goes home to study.

We have been fine up until like this week as far as I can tell and she definitely saw a couple holes in my consistency about game, like working out
"Streaming Simpsons? Where are your DVDs?"
'Down at the folks, I watch em while I'm working out down there'
"You're not working out" *half laughing*
'How ya think I look like thissss'
Some half assed attempt at control

*talking about sex/anal play, I'm sitting on top of her*
She fools around down there, she likes doing that shit while she's going down on me or jerking me off but in conversation makes a casual "think you got a touch of the homo" to which I try to amplify and play off in a fake gay tone of voice not letting it brother me.

The more conscious I am of trying to pass shit tests the worse im getting. I'm spending too much time on SMGP and analyzing my relationship and ways to react like an alpha and i find its fucking me up even more.

So tonight. We are going to look at laptops, have supper, she's going to a show with the mutual friend that set us up first. One of the dudes in the band had turned her down twice while we were on a "break" she's working the door for the band. I'm going to a party to which she SAYS she will be coming to after the show...I feel she will stay later and not come up to the party. I'm staying at her place tonight.

I don't think she will cheat on me again... But she may break up with me within a month or so if I don't get my shit together. So


How do I do this without it seemin disingenuine at this point? And what steps should I take. I am worried that no contact today as we have plans might push her away rather than having the affect I want and maybe I should wait for Sunday rather than today.?


To answer the other posts.
Yes I want to try this for a serious possible marital thing, I think.

You're 29 she's 20. Don't fool yourself and think something serious that leads to marriage is there. You're both in different places in life, simple as that. She's not on the same level as you emotionally, and that's to be expected. She's 20. Even if you were doing everything perfectly and full alpha, deep down she knows you're not gonna be the last dick. The fairy tale is ending and reality is sinking in. Just relax, enjoy it and let things play out.

We've been through those discussions before. Both ok with the age thing. I don't think it's quite that simple although I respect that view. I need constructive stuff here guys, please.

*Facepalm.
I was not saying that she's uncomfortable with your age. You're at different points in life which is not good for a serious relationship. Your goals and her goals will be different. She may SAY she's where you are emotionally, but it's not going to be true. Where you may try to save this relationship, she is going to take a whatever happens, happens attitude. You want it to be something complex or something you can fix or work on.
20 yr old girl:
1.cancels plans to hang with friends? Check
2.Got drunk and kissed a guy? Check
3.Being overly emotional? Check

29 yr old guy:
1. Hope marriage potential? Check
2. Overly concerned about relationship? Check

This is what most 20 yr old/29 yr old relationships are and why it's not a good idea to get serious with a 20 yr old. She could be thinking about someone else, or getting tired with the relationship, or she could just be stressed. Either way, you shouldnt be concerned too much. In other words, you are crazy if you let your work suffer and screw your happiness over a woman who isn't old enough to drink alchohol. You're a man worried over a girl.

Hung out the weekend, I should have left Sunday but I hung around. Saturday night, holding hands she would briefly tap and pull away shortly. Some cuddling on the couch, body language is pensive and somewhat resistant but not cold, just distant. I think she's evaluating me and us. No sex Sunday night, took her to dinner as a break from studying. Talked somewhat long term, she mentioned marriage and what I felt because of my age. I said too far off I'm working on career, she's going away to school but not for another couple years. The conversation I didn't give up too much info at all on my feelings. She definitely said things that made me figure she was evaluating the relationship.

Went and bought some lube, were supposed to try it out, lying in bed, chatting but not much. I was a bit too nervous, vibed it. Tried to initiate sex, no dice, never complained or anything. We just led there and she said "thanks for just being here with me and not talking or anything I'm just stressed out and I want to be close to you".... I said you don't have to thank me I'm your boyfriend. This will be the 8th day of hanging out, non-consecutive, of no sex.

Got morning texts cheerful from her, but whining throughout the day about school. One word to two word answers in texts still, pretty laconic. I expect a talk of sometime soon, but I'm trying to do my own thing. I did finally ask her once what was wrong she said "nothing's wrong, just so many things"
Said "worker bee, gettin shit done" sent her a pic of us "found this from the other night, pretty sick " she said "or not" but I really don't know if that was to the 'gettin work' part or the picture... Text came in mid send.

Let that go, I told her it she needed anything is be around but I had to get back to work.

Asked her what she was doing over the next few days she said "school stuff probz"

This shit, whatever, but the lack of sex and whiny shittiness. Will no contact even work at this point or am I risking too much or do I have a choice? I'm not asking her to hang out, if she asks to come over do I say yes or reschedule? Or just shut my phone off?

She talked about lastnight lineups for Osheaga music festival how we were supposed to go in the summer and how she thought some of the bands were ok but she wasn't totally into it. She then posts that same evening about how the lineup was up and her and her friend should go. Thought it was gonna be our thing. The friend is mutual but, I dunno.....little things like that.

Little more help, pretty bad oneitis...how can I switch this around at all??
I know she can't stand people ignoring her texts, she gets jealous pretty easy. But will those tactics work where I am under such a time constraint??

Fuck, any help?

It's pretty obvious that she sees you only as a guy interested in sex and not really who she is. You keep advancing and she keeps declining. It's like a Best Buy sales guy who keeps trying to sell an Android phone to a girl who has an iPhone and kept at it. Not very bright dude.

To me though and since you're so desperate for sex she probably thinks you're her only venue. You've got no one else! In my definition, sex is the key to the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. When she is declining sex for that long, your status as her boyfriend is no longer valid. You think you are still her BF, but perhaps you've been downgraded as her best friend (friend zoned is the term). Once you go down that slippery slope, it is almost impossible to bounce back.

I agree that age and points of life are not her main issues by being cold and distant, otherwise you guys wouldn't be fucking like rabbits. But being needy for sex is a complete turn off for her. You are not interesting to her anymore and yet you are so predictable. You come to see her with the intent of getting laid.

What you should do is step back and do NC and let her chase you back. Don't bother going with her to see a laptop. What for? Further cementing to her that you are just a 29 yr old guy who has no other girls but her. She knows that.
In the meantime, if you're on the mend, buy a fleshlight and practice your stamina and erection.

She texts me last night while I'm at work saying she wants to suck me, and to come play with her. It was late and I told her I had plans already to go get drinks with the guys after work. She told me to text her when I was leaving I said fine, then she said actually don't bother I won't be awake, goodnight xo. I responded in kind and she texts me later teasing back and forth and she falls asleep. Today conversation goes like this

Her: hey you
Me: hey yourself
Her: up to?
Me: laundry, groovin to sly and the family stone, doing small biz stuff
Her: Cool. We should hang out early afternoon/evening (I think she has swimming plans with friends)
Me: that's very specific, haha.
Her: so? Is that a no?
Me: when I'm finished with my work here I'll be over
Her: I'm busy until 3ish
Me: Alright

Stand offish for past couple days, no sex for 10 days, denied her lastnight because I wanted to hang out with my buddies and if I gave in I felt I would have been whipped entirely. I feel I'm beginning to get used or that's the way this is going, kept around to fuck until someone else comes along.

Or I'm just being paranoid

Yes, you are being used. You were beta-sliding again. When she asked "up to" on the text, you should have answered you're busy with stuff and take the lead in the conversation. Instead, you told her you're doing chores which equals to no life. Then she asked you to hang out with her. Once she said that, she is the leader and you are her boy! Everything else then goes down that slippery slope called the "Friend Zone". She's already hinting you that "Friend Zone" feeling already with swimming with friends. If girls like you very much, they won't divulge their whereabouts to guys who they know are playing games and neither tell you to come over at night unless you asked them and they said, I'm only available at nights after a 2 to 3 weeks NC. That means they want you bad for a fuck fest. In your case, it's highly unlikely she'll ever be your fuck buddy. Perhaps she's already got someone else lined up as a fuck buddy and it isn't you.

Here's a lesson for you. When a woman starts changing her game during the middle the dating period, you know that she is responding to your Alpha ways (you're not easy failing the sh*t test and you are aloof and non-chalant) and that her past boyfriends failed because well they are not up to this guy's class and game proficiency. She probably got some tips from her other girlfriends during their night out. When she's upping the ante, you know you're really becoming even more attractive. If things don't work out and you drop her, she will want you to be her fuck buddy because she feels safe and needed sexually and emotionally from an Alpha man and then take refuge with all the beta males because they love to talk until she finds another Alpha male of equal or grandeur stature than yourself. But by then, you'll be sleeping with another girl and she's history or he'll do both pussies!

Just stay NC and when she keeps texting and calling you, you should begin to lead as a man. Tell her that's what I'm doing this weekend and join you if she likes. If she keeps saying oh I can't make it, then you have your answer. You've been friend zoned, but if it's not then you lead until she begins to indicate to you that she wants to fuck. Then test her again. If she refused again, then drop her for good.

So that night we hung out, got drinks, walked downtown, went to some novelty shops. Back to her place, helped her study briefly but it segwayed into sex quickly. We were pretty equal in the sex, I was dominant, never came, stopped because she was sore and inflamed she took the reigns and was pretty adamant on making sure I came. Did all the things I love, I finished up. We've been together almost a year the end of this month. I don't expect this to really end in marriage,
It's crazy to, but I'd like to continue it and see what happens.

You are right on taking the lead in convos though, and I will leave out the monotonous shit from conversations. Today just saying goodbye first on the phone turns her sweeter. I need to work on my older ways before I got such bad oneitis...

So yeah, keep taking the lead in convo, keep working on my stuff. How can I handle snippy comebacks in texts without going NC for weeks on end? It seems a bit heavy handed? What level of shit test warrants what level of NC? I can't gauge sometimes what to react to and what not to.

I do know she's not jumping all over me like she used to, but this has only been recent. That being said we do see each other less because I'm trying to pull back some and work on me, social proof, etc.

Edit* in my post before Mike the information in brackets was not spoken by her. It was assumed by me because of the previous week that was what she was doing.

To handle snippy comebacks, return them with light and funny short remarks (just use your imagination). NEVER SEND anything heavy and dark and that will only incite more hateful snippy comebacks. You are anticipating NC as in terms of days, weeks or months. NC simply means, you don't initiate contact. If she wants to initiate contact; that's fine but you lead the convo with light and funny remarks of your own. Now if she wants to get together however, you keep leading her on YOUR terms. And then when you do get back with her, always forgive what she did to you. No hate, no anger, no animosity; just being cool and treat her right and then continue to lead her and be a man! Only beta males become angry and hateful and revengeful.

Women rarely do sh*t tests on men they like a lot, but one of the best ways to deflect sh*t test is by you leading the convo and deflecting those tests. Remember that if women hate you, they'll throw in tests that you simply can not win. Deflect and stalling tactics are the only way you can out maneuver her. The key is to LEAD everything. When you lead, she can't open her mouth and when you don't challenge her, she can't open her mouth either. Your challenge is in your actions that causes her to chase you!

Lastly, what's this thought of I don't expect this to be a marriage crap. That's negative thinking dude! Positive, positive always. You have to exude POSITIVE ENERGY and that can only be done if you have positive thinking. If you think you're going to fail doing something, do you think you're going to succeed? I guarantee you this, it's a 100% fail! But if you have positive thinking and said, I can do this then who cares about the outcome. Even if you failed and didn't get to marry her, so what, you've did your best and she knows it. She felt the energy, but you're not the right person. Any PUA experienced enough NEVER think he can't do this. No failure mentality. Just do it like the Nike ad said. The future is not set in stone, it's always changing.

Good luck on your girl!