Hey everyone, I'm brand new here although I've been reading through the site through out the past few years, so I'm not necessarily unclear with how things work. I recently hooked up with this girl i met while visitng my friend not far from where I live, and I need some advice on how to move forward.

A little background first,

I am kind of at a strange place in my life right now, about a year ago I dropped out of a private liberal arts school because of how expensive it was getting. Realizing the amount of debt I was racking up as a junior, I decided that the random classes i was being forced to take were not worth my time or money, so I went back home to Chicago and I'm finishing up school at arizona state online. I had a girlfriend while at that school and we dated long distance (only about 3 hours away) for some time before she cheated on me with not one, but two of her exes. I dumped her of course, about 2 months ago, but maintained contact. (Clearly an issue with neediness). I also have been working for this company for quite some time and they unfortunately went out of business and so I am now also job hunting.

Alright, so you now know where I am at in life, 21 years old, jobless, and entering the adult world of dating that seems a little more daunting compared to what i'm used to back when I was single still in uni...which is walking into a random frat and leaving with a girl in like 15 minutes.


My best friend lives about 30 minutes from me, and he invited me to come up and party over the weekend. I ended up going and I had no intentions of trying to pick up chicks or meet women, I was pretty much there to just get hammered with my friend. On Friday night, we did just that and pregamed going to a bar, and when we showed up, two of these girls recognized him as a fellow classmate. (He's in grad school). We actually blew them off at first and went to the bar for shots and beers, and then things get a little fuzzy for me. But basically, about an hour later we were dancing on these girls. The girl I was with kept telling me how sexy I was and things to that nature, and even though my eyes were probably literally crossing from how drunk I was, I number closed her. They also gave us a ride home back to campus, where she lived in the building next to my friend's. (Her friend was apparently sober enough to drive all of us...I hope.)

Anyways, the next day I texted with her a bit, and she went out to dinner with my friend and I. I invited her over for drinks, and the night basically repeated itself. we all got pretty hammered before going back out to the same bar, just the three of us. She actually is about 2 months out of a long relationship and seemed to be in similar shoes to me, although she is probably a step or two ahead of me in embracing the world of being single.

I have to say, having her mention her ex periodically would probably have been a red flag, except that it totally kept me from mentioning mine until later. Anyways, to try and shorten this up a bit, I ended up going back to her place and f-closing her. I had a few issues with my old enemy whiskey Dick, but we laughed it off. (I wasn't able to climax after like 2 hours of intercourse). However, the next day we woke up, and I sexed her again. She got hers, before I got mine. We talked for a bit longer, and then I parted ways.

She texted me the whole next day, and things seemed fine. My friend and I are going to Michigan to party with an old friend next weekend, and it turned out that she is going to the same area as well to see some family, so we are carpooling up there. So I know I'll see her in person on Friday, although we probably wont party next weekend because I'm not sure what her plans are while she is up there.

So here's where I am at and now I guess I should make clear what I want. Being with this girl, who turned out to be totally rad, made me completely want nothing to do with my ex. She reminded me of how much I enjoy being single, and how much a piece of shit my ex was. (She didn't do this explicitly, but I used to like hanging out with the friend I was visiting, but because of our tendency to party really hard, my ex was very controlling and I never hung out with him really)

I know that I need to fight my tendencies to attachment, especially given my recent break up, but I would not mind seeing this girl again. She made her position fairly clear in that she is enjoying being single and meeting guys, and so that is where I would like to stand as well. Being single and meeting women. So when I say that I would like to see her again, it's not in pursuit of a relationship, but more so for the chance to hang out with someone really awesome, who also happens to be a great lay.

How should I move forward in this? I gave her a hickey by accident and she was texting me yesterday, the day after we hooked up, about it and was being flirty and what not, and so when i found a bruise on my tricep this morning from her squeezing it while I was on top of her (lol) i mentioned it in a text. It's been about 2 hours, and she is likely just in classes, but I kind of feel like I shouldn't have texted her two days in a row? How should I play this text game to my advantage so tat i can get her to come over sometime or vice versa? She's 24, and I'm 21. I've never met a girl in a bar and f-closed her, so I'm not very clear on the culture or ins and outs of getting it to happen again with the same person.

Sorry that was so long, I'll need to work on making my posts more to the point I suppose. Any help would be great!

This is pretty important...because things generally dont work out when somebody is a step ahead or behind.
It's pretty obvious that this girl is a welcome change to your nutty ex, but us humans have a tendency to look at something new and assume its perfect. I totally understand meeting a girl and feeling something completely different from an ex. But a lot of that is the initial excitement of something new, something fresh. Just don't get lost in that mindset or you'll look like an idiot.
Should be a casual, fun, time...IF you can manage follow your plan.
Texting somebody 9 days in a row is fine as long as you guys have chemistry and the conversation mutually continues. But if she's not texting back and you are trying to get her attention with texts, not a good situation. Also consider you are 21 and she is 24...if you come on too strong at any point she'll definitely pull the "look...we are different phases of your lives" or "you're just so young", which is all bullshit, its just a convenient excuse to cut you off. So, be cool, don't get all needy and persistent. Text her like you'd text your sister or cousin and keep it light. If she comes running, great, if she fades away, who cares?

Have fun!

Hey man, first of all, thank you for taking the time to actually read all of that. I didn't realize how long it was until after I posted it. You're advice was actually really helpful, though I wish I could have read it sooner.

In terms of texting, and not coming off as persistent, should I try out waiting for her to initiate contact since I initiated today? I've got nothing to lose, I'm going to be in a car with her for like 4 hours on Friday so we'll have to be in touch again. What I have zero experience with, is making it clear that I'd be a good guy for her to go to for that casual, great time without making it seem like I'm going to latch on to her. (I may have that urge more than other guys, but I've learned how to bury that a while ago). I believe that if she realizes I'm not looking for the things that might scare her off, I may have myself a great fb.

Guys love to use the "I've got nothin to lose anyways" tactic, and I think that's mostly a good thing.

But in this case, since you are going to have to see her for 4 hours on Friday anyway, you have a lot of fking to lose out on. Your mindset should actually be, "I'm gonna see her Friday regardless, so fk it, I don't have to talk to her." This now puts the ball in your court.

I do understand that you are REALLY into this girl. While you do want to develop this into a FB, I think you're attracted on a much deeper level. I make this judgement because if you have plans on Friday anyways but you STILL want to talk to this girl, it aint just sex.

So you need to somehow get rid of this "I really want to talk to you" aura that you are probably giving off (explains why she is a little slower in her texts back to you).
The way I (and friends) have handled situations like this is to NOT GIVE A SHIT (at least appear this way). Sounds simple, but women who are looking for casual flings are looking for men, like men look for women. Do you want to meet a girl at a bar with the sole intention of smashing, only to realize she's super into you and wanting to text. That's annoying right? Same applies to this girl.

The language you use in normal conversation is going to give her small hints as to what YOU want out of the "relationship" (sexual or not). It's almost like subliminal messaging:

During a conversation, add phrases like this:
- People need to have more fun and stop sweating the small stuff.
(You are open to doing cool, spontaneous things. You don't deal with unnecessary drama.)
- We're so young at this point anyways, make mistakes and have fun right?
(You are open to doing cool, spontaneous things. You don't deal with unnecessary drama.)
- Drama pisses me off. Why not just have some fun and go about our lives?
(You are open to doing cool, spontaneous things. You don't like drama.)
- Sex is underrated. All these guys and girls thinking candles and Marvin Gaye is this secret ingredient. Sometimes you just want to FK, you know?
(You can very well come across a creep here, but if you can deliver this nonchalantly, it basically destroys any "what if he can't handle this" feelings. It puts you on the same playing field, finally.)

Obviously, if you aren't a certain personality, perhaps these lines would be harder to say. But what all of these phrases DO do, is that they make her form an opinion of you...as a dude that is super open and cool about sex. If the physical interest is there (you guys already hooked up so, there is), then all she needs is confirmation that you are chill and open about it all. Transcend your age by acting like a confident adult (confident as a man, as a lover).

You aren't fishing for a reason to hang out anymore anyways, you got a 4 hour car ride ahead of you! My main concern would be to make sure its an awesome trip, not talk to her via text. You'll need the extra convo stock on the road anyways.

Good luck!

So, the advice makes perfect sense. I just want to make sure I've got my plan set in stone. I'm going to just chill on the texting (not initiate or reach out) because i'm going to see her Friday anyways. I essentially have her in the car friday for 4 hours, and then again on sunday for another 4 hours once she swings by to pick my friend and I up. I am concerned about one thing, while I've got her for those chunks of time, we will be in the car with one of her friends, and one of mine. So I feel like I'll have to be somewhat surface level friendly. I wont get the chance for kino or more flirtatious behavior...unless we stop somewhere to eat. But maybe it's a good time to drop some of idea's you were mentioning? And I could spend the time establishing DHV and demonstrating my maturity as well? The weekend after this coming weekend, I've got some party plans and I intend to invite her along. So I think I can use these car rides as a way to start prepping for that.

Honestly, while this website is being very helpful...I think it's making me over think. Thankfully my next few days are really busy. It should help with that "I wanna talk to you" vibe you mentioned.

Edit: I haven't texted her all day, just to see if she would initiate. And she hasn't, but I don't really care, I've been gaming two other girls pretty successfully and one is coming over tonight. (I'm not developing oneitis) I just can't get a read on this particular girl...I wonder if she doesn't text me up until the ride on friday, I will actually need to text her to confirm details since they haven't been laid out yet, since my buddy and I are relying on the ride and if she flakes, we'll have to grab his car.

This is an important part of the mission. Make sure you don't come across TRYING to get her attention, especially in front of the two other people, that can turn into an awkward situation...with nowhere to hide except sit right next to the person. The pit stops etc. will be good times to subtly interact with her, just dont make it obvious. If anything at all, only talk to her when you need to. She should be more receptive to that anyways. If she keeps ignoring you or not interacting, then its a simple answer: she's not feelin you.


Let this topic come up naturally, don't try to bring it up on your own.
The "thinking" is a prerequisite to analyzing a situation in order understand what that person is feeling/thinking. So while there may be a lot of information going your way, in the end, its your own experience that will help the most. Much of all of this is learned behavior and are products of trial and error. Just don't act needy/desperate and you should leave most people with a good vibe, build off of that.
That's great man. Keep it going with the multi-tasking (girls) and you will start giving off a naturally confident vibe. That is confidence, knowing you got others waiting if one girl isnt receptive. And this is obvious to women, they feel your confidence and on many occasions, wont want to miss out on it. And don't text her unless you need to, saying "we good for tomorrow? 6 at mine right?" or something similar, keep it simple and short.

Let us know how it goes man.