I was motivated to write this post from a response I gave to another thread in which the OP decided that he would "flaunt" his sexual career and attempt to look cool on the forums. Bottom line, guy looked like and idiot, and I just have to be the first to say it. At any rate, Chief touched on this subject slightly, and I have made previous posts about the subject. However, I think I needs to be said in this forum.

I know that the purpose of this forum is to help men achieve the sexual lifestyle of their dreams, and this is quite fine. There is nothing morally inferior or superior about having sex. Sex in the end is sex. However, in today's world, there is just so much pressure to have sex or prematurely enter into romantic relationships. There are a lot of young men on this forum who are overly concerned with having a girlfriend or losing their virginity.

It can be disheartening at times seeing people smiling, holding hands and kissing. Sometimes my heart stops and I cry a little inside. But you can't stay stuck no matter what. You cry a little and you move on. You learn to live with what you have, you do not accept defeat, but you also do not allow your quest to improve yourself to overwhelm you with hatred and envy. I honestly want to say, that you are not a creep or a weirdo just because you can't sleep with a girl or you don't have a girlfriend. Too many men spend their time chasing social dreams of pussy galore. Trying to measure themselves to standards that they can't possibly meet.

Don't be another one of those men. Look, it doesn't matter if you don't have the hugest most awesome spectacular social group ever. To be honest, living a lifestyle in which you come in contact with so many people can be stressful and requires a lot of effort. It is not cheap going to clubs every week, or spending lots of money on new cloths. It can be very expensive to give off the appearance of something. Aristotle once said that there can only be a few complete friendships. So what if you have sex with fewer women, or you never get that awesome threesome. So what if you never get so drunk that you black out, or have a billion friends. Honestly, life is much richer when it is lived simpler. And that is something that has to be said.

I know that sometimes we strive for independence and autonomy, but there is no man which is an Island. I know you all are striving to achieve a life of great success, and never lose sight of those dreams. But most importantly, never lose sight of humility and vulnerability. You are not invincible or impervious to hurt. You have a heart and it bleeds red. You cry when you are hurt. Stop trying to play insensitive macho man, that shit is so lame to me. I never understood why people waste so much time trying to put on a face for the world to see.

Did you live in a Bosnian war camp? Or were you forced to dumpster dive in the alleys of New York? I mean most of the guys here lived in nice safe suburbia. Far away from violence and crime. We come from safe homes, with loving parents, who provided the world for us. Try spending some time with them. Even if it's to just drop by and say hello, or if its dinner together once a week. Show love to those people who are already in your life, and realize what a good life you already have. Or spend some time with your real friends, the people who warn you not to do stupid and harmful stuff to yourself. Or the ones who are willing to go the extra mile to get you out of trouble. You know, people who actually care about you.

Once you do that, and you realize that people already care about you, and that you have a awesome life with family and friends, you'll start worrying about sex and relationships a lot less. Although the feeling of loneliness never completely goes away, you will grow to understand that romantic love is just a part of a complete and healthy lifestyle. It is not the end all be all of life.

Stop trying to fill the void in your life with "stuff". That never quite works out the way you intend it to.

There's one quote I've got to reply with:

"You only know what you have right now, is if you lose it".

Right now my mother and father fortunately still live. And I see them everyday. They can make me frustrating and 5 minutes we can have the time of our lives. Most of the time, I have no realisation of how valueable they are towards me. Man, when they frustrate me hard I sometimes even hate them.

Though I can't imagine to live without them. You can never be ready for losing someone or breaking a relationship.

But trying to become independant, not needy is something that builds confidence. You know that you can live through and 'survive' even though some people are not in your lives anymore. Chasing dreams are what makes you motivate to live, to progress, to advance, to become a better self. If chasing sex and popularity in the end is not what they were looking for, then let them find out themselves.

Right now, I enjoy having more friends then I usually did. I was anti-social, not looking for any human interaction by myself or only the people that were close to me. You know what? That makes you isolate yourself from the world. And the world is big, with a lot of people. Being popular = socially strong. However, always look out for the people you can trust and the people you can't.

Wallie

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The Learning Journal:
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Wallie the point of the post was not to discourage independence, self-strength, and social fortitude. The only reason the post was created was to tell the audience that over concerning one's self with the sex or getting new friends can be time consuming and have negative effects. The ironic thing about worrying about sex is that it often initiates behaviors in a man that often prohibit you from obtaining the sex life you desire. Because worrying about it often ignites negative and egotistical behaviors. The ego forces a man to act in a very disingenuous way. Instead, a man should recognize that he wants sex, and take steps to reach it, but that should not be one of life's primary goals. Having something like wanting to travel, or write a book. Something you actually care about outside of women.

As for the socially strong comments, it depends on how one defines friends. I only consider people who I have complete friendships with to be my "friends". I don't use the worry very lightly. To me a friend is a person that you may share values or understanding with, and a person who in great times of stress can keep you on a straight and narrow path. I guarantee you that all 100 of your "friends" are not really your friends. There is nothing wrong with having "associates" but I think it is a good thing to separate and divorce the two.

Having a few good friends is key to health and social development. There are people here who talk to 1'000 people on face book and yet have dreadful social lives. Quantity does not necessarily equate to quality. And that is key in all and any social interactions. Quality. Without quality there are no healthy or useful relationships. To each his own, but having 3 close friends beats having 3’000 associates and not truly knowing one of them.