Let me start by saying hello. I'm new to this forum but not new to PU (migrated from another forum)

I have some questions, I hope you can give me some input as it would be most appreciated:

Background: been with this girl 2.5 years, we're both 29. I see this girl on weekends, occasionally on a weekday. During the week I'm busy working.

I noticed that she isn't initiating intimacy with me recently, in response to this I pulled away a bit one weekend, a week later she initiates sex and we fuck. This weekend she refuses to even kiss me properly, gets all weird when I touch her. This isn't the first time she has refused an initiation. Like an idiot I ask her why she isn't kissing me all of a sudden. She gets upsets, cries and so on, tells me she doesn't know why, but has noticed that our intimacy has been reduced.

I'm sure you guys have heard this a million times. This hasn't happened to me before though (loss of attraction). So I'm reacting like a moron and would like some help.

Shes still crying, I told her she can't control how she feels not to worry about it and so on. I told her to settle down and have a drink of water, she proceeds to moan that I don't initiate contact with her enough when she isn't around me. My response is that it's how I am, I don't feel the need to so I don't. She was still upset.

Later she initiates and we fuck, she's not into it, but she still cums. BTW every time we have sex I make sure she cums.

Some extra stuff that you should know, I'm getting kicked out of my house next month and asked what she thought about me moving in for a bit to which she was over the moon about. We have also been fighting lately more than normal. It's usually along the lines of me being an insensitive hurtful towards her (her words). I've been super stressed with work lately and I must admit I have been failing a lot of her shit tests. I am definately not needy when it comes to contacting her and so on, but I feel I may have been needy sexually and in terms of wanting to hug and so on.

My question for you guys is: Is this situation unrecoverable? Can I do anything to salvage it? I gotta say I've had a handful of long term girls and this one is by far the best so I'd like to keep it going if I can.

Many thanks in advance.

This sounds like it isn't a loss of attraction -- since you get her cumming all the time -- but her thinking you're insensitive. Take her out, give her flowers, do all the beta shit you wouldn't normally do, and she'll love you for it. Then go right back to what you've been doing. Just my thoughts.

hay man 2.5 years both 29, she wants you to buy a ring and get down on the knee--lot of them think about marriage and kids between 27-30...could be decision time

Hey guys, thanks for the swift replies.

I think I confused things with my previous post. I'm almost certain there's a loss of attraction. She said she just 'doesn't feel like it'. Twice she has flat out refused my initiation. I'm almost positive she's not horny for me, the last half dozen times we fucked she wasn't that wet and the last time we fucked she was really dry. Plus she never initiates the sex.

I'm concerned I've been causing this by failing a bunch of shit tests (arguing, taking her seriously) and being too emotionally needy. I got soppy with her a short time ago (calling her my baby) and so on, which she repeats but I feel I've been doing it more.

The part where she bitches about me not texting, calling her enough was her ranting and I think she was just adding it as a 'oh and by the way'.

I lost attraction for my ex-gf because she got super clingy and put on a ton of weight, I feel like this time the roles are reversed. (except I'm being a beta afc)

My bad for explaining stuff poorly, what is the best way to deal with this kind of loss of attraction?

ok, re-reading your initial post and your most recent one, this sounds pretty much exactly like my exes behavior before she dumped me a few months ago.

She is losing attraction. I did all the same things you are doing, being needy sexually, etc because I was at a place in my life/work where other girls simply weren't available. These same things happened with her but I just didnt notice them at the time. Granted this was a girl that wanted to fuck 8 times a day a few months ago that I could barely keep up with. This shit happens, girls lose attraction in different ways than guys.

As for what to do, I'm not sure. Brace yourself for a "we should take a break" talk. If that happens, say "ok, if thats what you need." then hang up the phone and dont speak or respond to her until she says she wants to get back together. I was with my gf 2.5 years as well and she did exactly this. If you are there for her, she will use you as emotional support until she finds someone else. I learned it the hard way. Hope it doesn't come to that point, but just so you're prepared. Message me if it does, as I just went through this exact same thing and learned a lot.

Just because she cums during sex does not mean her attraction is high overall. The fact that she "just doesn't feel it" is a good (or bad) sign attraction is low, women are rarely concious of these things. Are you being dominant with this girl? Are you leading her? Also Whenever I sense a drop in attraction from my girl i make sure to start using a lot more push and less pull. Though ive never let it get to the point where she is denying sex, which is a MAJOR offense in my book worthy of a gigantic next. IMO you should have nexted her (no contact) for a good week or so after the first time she resisted sex to send the message that it is NOT ok to deprive you of such a need. You don't live with her which is good because you can actually run some proper relationship game without making your life too difficult. You just told her you want to move in with her, that is a HUGE pull and should have been balanced with PUSH which is why attraction has dropped.

I sudgest you try and skip a weekend of seeing her, if she doesn't ask to see you, then simply don't organize a meet, if she asks to see you, tell her your busy, then have a guys night out, have some fun without her. Keep contact to a minimum. You want her to feel like you are distancing yourself from her. Do not verbalize any of this. Don't have any more relationship talks. When you see her again, if she refuses sex again or she isn't into it, you need to basically tell her you don't think its working between the two of you, that she is an amazing girl, and you want the best for her, then LEAVE. Cut all contact for at least a few days - a week. Don't be bitter or angry. She will be upset, but its a necessary evil.

Nothing amps attraction more than a next, its the ultimate push.

what killer said x10

Truer words have never been spoken....god relationships are really too much work!!

Thanks a lot for the advice, Killer & Spartacus I know you guys are both right. I will be trying what you guys suggested and I'll let you know how I get on.

To answer your questions I do lead, make the decisions and so on. I must admit, this loss of attraction has been a very gradual slope, and like an idiot I didn't see the warning signs. Definitely let my guard down which I'm kicking myself for because I should know better.

I'm going to start distancing myself from her. I'm concerned that all of a sudden being busy and unavailable will been seen as very reactionary from her. I.e it will be obvious to her I'm trying to push her away some due to what she said. Is this an issue? I suppose it's damage control at this point?

Killer is spot on if this girls not who you are thinking bout marrying.
But I think I agree with Herne more on this situation. I think she is forcing your hand here with the intiating less and being more emotional because she wants you to make the decision to either ask her to marry her or decide to let her go if you dont see marriage in the future for you two.
Arguing yet, still overly excited bout moving in together. She wants a decision made: ask her the question or let her go.

It will not be obvious to her, she will wonder what you are doing, miss you terribly, and reach out to you if she wants you back. But don't reply until she says something like "I made a mistake" or "I want to get back together"

Actions speak louder than words here. The fact that she is not initiating sex, even refusing it at times, means a hell of a lot more than what she said about being really excited to move in with you -- these words are meaningless, I got the exact same thing, bro. Judge her by her actions, not what she says.

I know its hard cuz you've been with her awhile and you feel like you know her, but you gotta be ready to play this game right or you'll get burned.