Guys, how do I turn this around and what is actually going on here?

Last week me and my wife had a bust up over something really trivial. I gave her a Valentines card even though we were in stalemate just to not make a big issue out of the whole trivial thing. She opened it a day later. I felt disrespected by that.

We kissed and made up that day even though I was thinking that it shouldn't take a whole day to open my V card to her. All was cool on the weekend until I noticed she disrespected me in front of my family as I asked her to do something and she didn't do it. My family were gobsmacked she just ignored me blatantly.

I let her know later that day that what she did was disrespectful and she should show a bit more curtsey to me. She became a bit moody.

Having got over that bit, we had nice evening together. The following few days I've noticed that stuff she previously used to do for me with her eyes closed are now being left undone.

I've been very busy in the last few days and have not had a lot of time with her, but yesterday I did some shopping and she asked for certain items which go against my healthy diet. I didn't buy them so she went online bought twice as many unhealthy things. When I found this out last night I got the feeling for the last week she has shown me no respect at all.

I'm confused, what on earth is going on here?
Have I lost my wife's respect? Is she just testing me?

Be honest guys, do you think I have been a bit soft with her and she thinks she can getaway with this type of behavior?

Forgot to add, she is expecting delivery of shopping today and I've thought of 2 options:

1. I throw it out and say not in my house, if she can't respect my lifestyle then she can't respect me.

2. I let her carry on and don't eat any of it, make sure she eats it all or it goes to waste. Then make myself busier.

Is there a third option?

Wife!!!!! I wouldnt even put up with this from a new GF let alone someone i married. How long have you been together?

I wouldnt start with the petty games like your option number 2, shes not a child.

Sit her down and talk about it mention exactly what you have written above.

GL

Hendo

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Hendo

We've been together for 6 months now.

Mentioning her lack respect doesn't get me respect. I need to find out what is really going in her head but i know her well and she will accuse me of making a big issue out of something small, then i look like lost control of the situation. All in all she will lose more respect for me.

Pissed off with her!

Have you been married 6 months or together 6 months?

If she asks you to pick up a few things for her why dont you just do it? Its not Nazi Germany. I know your on a health kick but its her choice you dont have to eat it, she probably resents you controlling her and it doing all the other stuff to make a stand.

Like I said talk to her about it. SHe is never going to respect you if you keep on doing things like you have mentioned.

Hendo

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Hendo

Together 6 months, she was great before we got married, never had an issue.

Considering I didn't pick something up, shouldn't she just accept that?

Also, with her not opening my valentines card, disrespecting me in front of my family and now this, I get the impression she is trying to influence a bit of control over me.

To be honest this appears to be direct challenge to me almost to say 'If you aren't going to get me something I want then I will get it anyway'. Now there is nothing wrong with in essence but when you are in a relationship and trying to make it work you have to accept the other persons lifestyle choices. This appears to me that she is not willing to accept mine but more trying me to accept hers.

I understand what your saying buddy its a tough one, somethings not right. The valentines situation is wierd i never understand when people say its a con and we wont do anything. Fair enough i understand the presents/flower are expensive but you can get a card for £0.99. It being your first valentines together and not even exchanging cards is a bit wierd

You have only been together 6 month before getting married. This is very soon IMO.

You should still be in the honeymoon period not bickering on minor issues like you are at the moment. Its like your trying to get one up on each other all the time.

The best days of a relationship are at the start and they go downhill more there, so if you are like this after just tying the knot your in a pretty bad situation.

I hope you can work it out

Be well

Hendo

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Hendo

Thanks Hendo I appreciate your advice.

Any second opinions on what I should do with this shopping situation and overall?

Yeah man, in your other post I was already gonna say that in a way maybe you were being too harsh on her, but I decided to drop it.... Now it kinda of confirms it man...

Yes, you have to tame your woman and all, but theres a line. I workout basically everyday, and watch my diet strictly, but i always make room on the macros/calories to fit a few not so healthy meals with the girl throughout the week, and I always bring her the chocolates she asks for (except when i honestly forget them). Here and there I have a cheat day where we go all out pig style, but even when its not my cheat day, i still go out for her to eat junk while i either dont eat, or fit something not junky.... She likes to cook me stuff, and with (little) time she started weighting my food, counting the calories so that I could fit it perfectly in my diet... but the point here is that she only did it because I respected HERS and she naturally feels she should respect mine...

It strikes me like you might be slightly overbossing your wife a little on your attempt to impose yourself as leading side of the relationship, and then when u deliberately dont bring her what she (kindly?) asked you to bring, it's the last drop for her and in her head she goes like "he doesnt do anything for me, EVER, and demands respect all the time (which you are right man, verbally demanding it reduces your value....make her respect you silently and by example, not by sitting and talking about it - it risks sounding like you are begging) so fuck it, im not gonna do anything for him, until he starts compromising for me too" or something like that...

Thats a theory man...think about it. There might be some true in it, or it can be mostly inaccurate - i cant know...

Im kinda in a similar situation, where my girl little by little is starting to try to "mount me", so yeah thats why i feel for your posts so much man ...Right now Im indirectly letting her know she has to respect my individuality, and that she has to be less of a spoiled child, and then i went away (2nd day today im freezing her out)....I believe its working out, but lets see =/ You are married though, I dont know how freezing works when you live on the same roof...

Anyway good luck man!

Good advice kepelrs, maybe your right I'm being a bit bossy but that's what I'm like and in the last week I feel like I let her get away with murder and she hasn't realised.

If it was one thing I wouldn't bother looking too much into it and just keep my frame, but this is stuff building on top of each other and I don't like it.

Sometimes she does play these little power games to test me but this has been one after the other.

Would be interesting to know how your'e indirectly letting her know she has to respect your indiviuality?

The Valentine thing hurt to the core and will stay with me forever - maybe that's why I'm feeling wounded.

Sounds like you can be really controling, you even said you were bossy. She does not want bossy, your not her daddy, your her husband. You respect your woman first, then she will respect you, then she will feel safe and secure and she will then do anything for you.

Seems she didnt realize how controlling a person you can be before yall got married. Now she knows and she is not happy with you bout it at all and doing things on purpose to piss you off.

Hmm, its kinda of hard to say how overall Im doing the framing here without explaining the whole situation, which would probably be too long, boring and out of context... But in a nutshell, I never ever start a fight with my girlfriend for any other reason, except when I feel Im being disrespected - in which case i usually go ape shit...

In this case, I went to her place to sleep over (as usual) so when the whole disrespect thing happened (it was very subtle) I just closed my face, didnt try to be entertaining or fun (as i usually do), didnt show any signs of caring for her (as i usually do), and overall just looked pissed for some time. She then asked what was going on, and after giving her a few short and dry "nothing's" as answers, I finally told her what had gotten me f$cking pissed, and why it got me pissed....She somewhat tried to apologize, but I felt like she was just trying to fix my mood and go back to having a good time, while in reality she didnt really see nothing wrong with what she did. So it only got me even more pissed (i didnt show it) and even though i was tired, I felt like it would be terrible for my image to sleep over- it would set up for similar disrespects to happen again in the future, since she didnt feel like she was wrong, and a simple "lets just have sex" apology would seem to be an "easy fix"... So yeah, i held ground and said not in an aggressive but firm tone that i felt disrespected, that she knows its the only thing that throws me off hard, and that i was gonna go back to my place since i had no mood to stay.

I didnt come back the next day, and the only contact we had was a short chat on facebook, just to let her know i wasnt coming today (said i had to work late - but she knows thats not the reason...)

Anyway, even though this doesnt seem to be at all indirect - since i did tell her what was going on, i still consider it indirect, since she didnt really listen neither made an effort to understand when i told her what was wrong about what she did. The likely end for this whole story will be that the freezeout will end with us having a direct conversation about where the disrespect line is drawn. We will then be on a mutual understanding that none will cross it with the other. But since she didnt listen the first time, she needs first to feel some kind of "pain" and "uneasyness", in order for her to be more willing to make "a deal" with me, and then finally have things go back to normal. And thats the whole point of the freezout: it makes her uneasy if you still love her or not; if you are seeing someone else or not(or anything like that) - it then gets her more sensitive/fragile - and she will be more likely to accept any conditions to "get back".

Now Im not sure this is a good idea for you man...The freezout is good for when YOU are the only one pissed...In your case it looks like for some reason your wife is pissed too, so if you do something like this i really dont know what might happen man...

Thats why to sum up forever my rambling: In your case, honestly, I would be the "bitch" for a while....Do all you can, treat her good, be loving and everything...stop asking for respect, say that you love her, say that you are sorry even if you dont think you should, and just try to fix your marriage. After some time, there's two things that might come from this:
1. She continues not to do any effort - at which point i would confront her and ask "what is going on, you see im doing my best, working really hard for you, and you do nothing for me, are you trying to ruin the relationship?" or
2. She might actually get her mood much improved, thanks to your trying so hard and showing so much care....at this point you are already winning since theres nothing worse than a terrible mood at home....but in time, after you have gathered all of your "points" for being "the one who is making the relationship work", you can LITTLE BY LITTLE start making requests, and eventually if she refuses, you can play the card "please? ive been always doing so much for you and blabla". At this point if she refuses, THEN you can start thinking about the freezout card, where you would kind of stop doing stuff for her, as a form of silent protest, and if you were to ever be confronted about it, you wouldnt come out as the egoist one because you have a history of being MORE than kind to her...

Anyway man, this is about all i got...I started writing this, thinking to write a short answer, and ended up writing a huge one...The worst part is that i believe it aint gonna be of any help either ahahaha.

Ah, and one last thing man...Yes, being too nice is dangerous, specially early in relationships....but the deeper you get in a relationship, and specially after you are married, try not get too attached to the "early relationship pua rules"...A lot of stuff about being alpha should still exist maybe even forever, but come on, it would bizarre if you refused to jump through a few of your wives hoops....People say: dont ever buy drinks to the ladies. You think you can do that on your wife? Hahaha Keep that in mind

Good luck!