The Mrs has been a bit rude lately and I'm not happy with her behavior. I've let her know exactly what I think of her behavior but she doesn't think she has done anything wrong. We are currently in a 3 day stalemate over this.

Valentine's day is here and everyone at work has been like have you bought your wife a Valentine's card and some chocolates and I said no. The view from the office (mainly women) laughed and said I would learn the hard way.

Now, my question is would I be accepting her rude behavior if I was to buy her flowers and chocolates for Valentine's day?

If I don't is there a bigger problem I'm creating for myself as most women expect this type of stuff from their partners at this time of year?

BTW, my wife is about as stubborn as me and never apologies for this type of thing, how do I get her to see my point of view or is this sometimes lost on certain women? Her way of dealing with this type of stuff is just put her point of view across and she does it effectively. I just stay firm on my point of view and expect some sort of remorse at the very least.

It's not about what she wants or expects. It's about you.

Weather you would be accepting her rude behavior or not is not decided by the action of gifting her on VDay , but rather by your overall attitude.

Not getting her anything would say "I'm so immature I can't get over myself. Look at me trying to punish you and ruin what could be a nice day".

Getting her too much would say "I'm a tool. Please use me as you see fit".


In my opinion , getting her a small token of attention shows integrity. She's your wife. "I'm pissed off with you lately , but I do love you" is the message you should send.


Me and my ex broke up about 3 weeks ago. I contemplated weather I should send her a VDay text or not. I realized that not doing so would've been a major lack of character on my part.

So I sent her a small :

"Have a happy V.Day ."

To which she replied:

" *Hug* Thank you baby , you have no idea how happy your text made me ! Happy V.Day to you too. *Kiss*"

So yeah , even though things aren't the best they could be , you don't have to be a bitch about it.

People appreciate things more when they know they don't deserve them as long as you're smart enough to not come across as a tool.

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Thanks for your advice R.C.

"Not getting her anything would say "I'm so immature I can't get over myself. Look at me trying to punish you and ruin what could be a nice day"."

- is it though? Or is it saying it doesn't matter how you behave with me and are rude, as long as there is a day which has some sort of superficial meaning to it I have to conform to her expectation?

What if the tables are turned and I did get her a little something but she didn't get me anything in return?

In which case this will reinforce her rude behavior as acceptable and she doesn't have to make the effort in the relationship.

i think that in order to answer probably, it is essential to know what the situation is..
have she been cheating i would not buy her a valentines gift..
is it because she did not go out with the trash, then i probably would!

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More of the case of disrespect, as I was explaining to her how she should have done something (trivial) she walked away while I was talking to her. I found this really rude behavior and in my book that is not acceptable.

That's why I said small token of appreciation. Get her 1 rose instead of the usual 3.

Treating her like nothing happened is wrong. Treating her like you're gonna take everything away from her when the slightest of problems appear is equally as wrong.

Walk the midline.

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I tend to agree with R.C here, you're the bigger man, and valentine means alot to women, Im sure she will appreciate it if you get atleast a little token of love to her. You wouldn't want to get a bigger headache by ignoring this day and having a bigger fight with her.

Ok thanks for the advice thus far.

I've been limiting my communication with her until the matter is resolved, so every time we talk it is about the situation and she is not backing down. It is not a full blown argument but a brief discussion in which I realize she is not backing down so I defuse the situation by cutting communication.

What I'm thinking of doing is getting her a card and running her nice bath as a nice gesture, nothing too big but thoughtful.

What I don't want to do is let her sweep the situation under the carpet and make her think her behavior is acceptable. So I will let her have her bath and I'm going to the gym to let off a bit of steam.
I don't think I will resume 'normality' until she accepts her behavior was wrong as it is just a blue print of her getting away with similar things in the future.

What do you think?

You know what, I'm gonna go completely against what everyone said here, and it's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

You should do nothing. If she is behaving badly then why should you do something nice for her. For the person who said Valentines day is a big thing for women, then if that is true, she would think to herself, 'Oh, Valentines day is coming up, I love that day and would hate to spoil it, so I will stop my bad behaviour, and try to make up', but she hasn't even admitted behaving badly (if she is that is). If it means something to her, SHE would have made effort to make up. If it means something to her, then it would be her asking questions to herself about how to deal with it.

I think it would be alright to show her that her behaving the way she has, has made you not make the effort any more. But remember do not show you're angry or upset.

If it is too late, then for future reference, you could have got her something but not given it to her. Waited to see if the situation is better, if it works out, then give her the thing you bought, and if she doesn't care, then don't tell her you got her something and simply return it

Couldn't agree more KurtCobain.

Given the difference of opinion and my thoughts I went with I said I would do as this I see as the middle ground.

I gave her a card and ran her a bath, I did have other things planned but have kept them in reserve to show her later when she has come out of her little strop. So you were spot on with that one as well KurtCobain.

The result: She didn't even open the card.

With it being Valentine's day I would have thought she saw that as truce but she didn't and she wants me to suck up to her. She is sticking to her guns on this one, usually we tend to patch things up after 3 days and now she is making a bigger point out of something so small.

I tried talking to her again before I gave her the card just so we can be on level terms again but no she turned it back round to me.

Makes me think how far she would go with this?

Not sure what the best plan is now but I can't suddenly change my stance on her having to accept she behaved poorly and was rude to me. For me this is the starting point to moving on after this.

Any advice guys?

Dood, if she didnt even open the card this is some HUGE shit going on man..... Your value must be WAY too low for her to desrespect you, try to tame you and make you her bitch (sorry for souding harsh - but thats how it looks), and now not even open that card which is supposed to "melt" any woman that still loves her man deeply...

Theres two things that make my girl start behaving towards what you describe: She feels threatened that i might be setting up to cheat on her, and does this as a "give me more veratention" thingy, OR theres someone else around with percieved higher value than me, and little by little my image is starting to look poorer and poorer...
I love my girl man, and she loves me too...But its a constant fight to keep her love at "top levels"...you can never let your image go down much, no matter how long you have been dating/married, because im sorry if i offend anyone, but women are mostly the same and they WILL change you for the higher value one, if he wants her...

So yeah man, my advice is, bring ur value up...act like nothing is bothering you no more...your life is a joy, a big party, ppl at work are awesome, u having a great time, have good levels of energy and light humor...go out on short informal drinks with groups of friends which include other women, and subtly show her that everything is fun, and shes the only one being silly and grumpy...make new friends at the gym and go out with them too... Try to do all that like its no big deal, and still try to be loving and kind to her whenever you feel its a good chance/moment to do it with no conotation of you being "the bitch", but instead the higher value one...Having higher value should prevent her from ever being desrespectful again if you play it right...

Try it or not man...Im not in your relationship and cant know any better thsn you...but in all honesty man, your happiness is all that matters, and if you cant fix this relationship, shes probably already got someone already got someone else in mind that you are not aware of, and his percieved value might be already too high for you to take it down...and yeah, again all this is raw without knowing much about whats going on, so take it ir leave it man =/

kepelrs - dude that does sound harsh!

I take your point but will like a second opinion from someone else.

If let's say she does perceive someone else as higher value how do you find out who it is? I can only think about looking at this person and trying to see what they are doing that I'm not.

I'm usually quite a busy guy so in and out of the house all the time so maybe your first hypothesis is closer.
.
This demonstrating higher value stuff is unique to each girl, yes social circle is important, higher energy is important, having fun and sense of humor is good, but these things are different for each women.

Like with my ex she was speed junky with a love for cars, I weren't into cars at all so any guy with a bit of confidence in cars can demonstrate higher value than I can in this area. I weren't going to go out of my to learn everything about cars and get the latest sports car just to be the higher value guy because that doesn't fit into value system.

Haha! Sorry man, i tend to sound harsher than i mean it...ill try to tone down moar

I understand what you say about the value system...if she isnt the "social" type of value girl, you should build the valur on her other specific terms - which only you can know....but you are right, there shouldnt be another guy ruining ur value or she would at least have opened the card...gotta be smth else i guess....

Sry i cant be of more help man =/ Good luck though..

kepelrs thanks for your thoughts.

AT work, got a text message from her " I miss you".

This is a test isn't it?

It sounds more like a peace offering.

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