I would not do this. She's looking for a good excuse to eject from the relationship, and behaving that way would be the perfect excuse to send him walking without feeling guilty. Guaranteed to fail.

The only chance of ever winning her back is to freeze her out for a year or so, then hit her up once he's reformed and learned from his mistakes. But even THAT is a long shot.

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

Agree here^. I'm sure not contacting her for a while and she will come back to you, and things will be great and then back again. Mike, you have problems with having your own stuff going on when a woman gets involved. Before you posted that you threw all that stuff out the window when she came along. No woman wants that, and those who do are ten times crazier than you think your gf is. I don't think that you can work on this while being with her, I believe you can hide it for a few days but you can't work on it. I'm curious about your past relationships, how you acted with them as compared to this girl and how they reacted or why things ended.

Hey Neo, and RC...

Neo you asked if I did some of the same things in other relationships and yes, I did. But in my other relationships, they never resulted in the actions that she has taken against me, (2 week freeze out, don't text me...) but I am sure there was something.

When I said I'll have 2 weeks of hell dealing with all this, I meant I'll be waiting for her to make up her mind (although I am kinda upset that she personally attacked me in that "break-up" email and that really makes me think about this whole relationship dynamic) and I have the Hawaii thing to figure out as well.

I think RC is correct in that I do believe that she is "afraid of falling in love" as she admitted to being hurt even as recent as last year at this time. She did say to me "I think I am in love with you" but that was it. I loved hearing that and she said that to me just 4 days ago! WTF?

Also RC pinpointed something about me as well. That I really need someone who is up to receiving a higher level of emotional intensity. I don't think she is.

Neo, it is hard to summarize all my past relationship break-ups into a single sentence or two. I've had 2 girls cheat on me. I broke up with a couple when I realized that it was not a good relationship for me.

One of my "issues" is that I trust a girl completely right from the get-go. 100% trust right up-front. I think maybe I need to be more guarded. As far as the Hawaii trip being planned after only being together for a couple of months was that we really, honestly, hit it off fantastically. It seemed a natural thing to just go to Hawaii together.

I have mentioned this before earlier in my post, but it is a strange thing that stays on my mind now...

Every single time we have gone out, she has had a blast! We have NEVER had a "bad date" or an arguement during any of our dates. We ALWAYS had, and have fun and neither she, nor I, can think of even one time that she didn't laugh, enjoy herself, and really appreciate the moments together. I am being completely honest here and not blowing smoke up anyone's ass.

ALL of the "issues" we have had stem from me "overwhelming" her AFTER we've gone out and I'm on my way home, or i'm at home, just totally missing her. That is when I over-text, over-reach, or over-fuck-up.

I was leaving long-ass texts for her, and more recently all I was doing was just telling her I missed her too damn much when we weren't together. Obviously that was way too much and I've still got a lot to learn about being in an Alpha mind-set, but it really did not seem to be that overwhelming to me anyway.

But, I'm also the one doing it, so it is easy to not take the responsibilty for it being too much on her.

The problem is that i still really love this girl, but I think i've pushed her too far.. I want to be with her but I am afraid this "issue" will just keep repeating itself over and over.

I do side with those of us who think after a few days of me being "quiet" she'll come running back...She will totally be wondering why i am not sending her flowers, texting her good-nights, leaving her voicemails... there will be nothing for her to "have" from me during that time. I'd place a bet in favor of that.

Just read how she wrote the break-up letter...She still has me on her gym membership to save me money, she hasn't asked to "return" things to each other, She asked for "about" 2 weeks apart, she did not "cancel out" in her mind the Hawaii trip...things like that...

So I think she is really trying to "punish" me for showing up at the Yoga Studio. I mean, she already said "I'm not texting you until monday" this past Friday because I told her I missed her 3 times in one day, and then she did the "2 week freeze-out' because she was pissed off that we happened to run into each other at the Yoga studio. Shit, I have friends there as well and she didn't even show up there until 15 minutes after I was already there, but that really doesn't matter now...

I am also really looking at the fact that this could very well be a recurring issue between us. Kinda like Neo said. Things are good...I over-do something...She freezes up...She calms down...things are good...i over-do something.... and on and on like that.

I have never, ever, had to deal with a woman who acts this way, and I honestly think it intensifies my reactions towards her when it happens, but I can't dial it back in yet. But at least I am totally aware of what i'm doing now and I can, and I will, work on it.

It makes me think that this type of cycle between us may never end, and she will want to "control" the flow of how, and when, we interact with each other, which won't fly with me at all.

Well Yippie..., I've made it thru one entire 24 hour period without texting her, calling her, or emailing her. I feel like blasting her a new a-hole for how she ripped into me in her email break-up letter, but I have been amazing chill and totally quiet. Very unlike me so far for sure. Usually I scream and shout for her attention...haha!

I think I will continue to do that (be silent and no contact) for the next couple of days at least. I think at that time I should just call her on whether or not we are "together" as I really need to know our status, (kinda obvious though and also to act fast on the Hawaii thing to recoup some of my money.

Why she can't just roll with me overwhelming her sometimes and say something like: "Dude...you are pushing me into a corner again...haha!" and try to help me stop doing it is beyond me. Damn, it would be easy for both of us and we wouldn't have these big blow-outs like this. kinda just call me on it, take a day to herself if she needed it, and resume again. but, that is making an expectation of her that will never happen.

that's all I got for now... I liked RC's idea of a random basic text to he and it worked fabulously just 4 weeks ago, but i don't think it is a good idea to try that type of thing yet.

Chinopants idea was pretty radical!!! But I think it would be an instant shut-down...

Do whatever you want to do. But know this. Your relationship with her has no future.Not a bright one.Like I said,you have a lot to give and she's afraid of receiving.There's no way that's gonna change and even if it does you're still not gonna have a relationship nearly as happy as you'd have with someone more compatible with you.

Also,do you wanna change ? Do you constantly wanna go against your urge to tell her "I love you or I miss you ?"How healthy and pleasant do you think it will be for you ? How long will you be able to take it ?

Trust me,this so called neediness doesn't occour 'naturally'. The more unresponsive your partner is the more you feel the need to express yourself in search for reciprocity.


A emotional relationship between two people is THE MOST complicated form of social interaction. Sad truth is that often times you get in a situation like you are in where you have to be willing to lose the girl in order to get her.And even then its a HUGE coinflip. It can go either way and even if it goes the way you want it to , your problems won't just vanish. It might happen again in 1 week , 1 month , 1 year...10 years ?who cares who much time ? Are you really willing to go through this stuff again and again ?

Start exploring your other options. Nothing good can come out of your current relationship.

I know you might think she's the center of your world but you gotta get out of your own head man.You seem to be a smart guy,it should take just 1 small moment of clarity for you to realize that you want , need , and deserve better than her.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

RC... I hate to admit it but I think you are right on the money.

Your perception of my situation is priceless:
That is EXACTLY what is happening. I just need to be with someone who is more responsive to me as i am to her. Damn... so simple yet so hard.

And this is true as well:
I don't want to have to walk around on eggshells all the time just anticipating another "issue" coming up between us.

RC, you are a wise man, you actually can read into the future with us...
And no, I am not willing to keep doing this. it is tearing me up inside for sure. Especially since I have never dealt with this type of thing before.

On a final note:
Honestly, I am scared to know it is, or soon will be over between us. I know this sounds all beta-like and wussy, but just days ago things felt great with her and now I'm faced with breaking up with her because I know what you are telling me, and what Neo87, chinopants, Rough, and everyone else has been telling me, is the absolute truth.

What should I do? Or, what do you guys recommend?

Do I box up all her stuff, call her and tell her I'm dropping it off? Do I act like nothing is wrong? Should I try to convert her to a fuck-buddy? (I think that would hurt me but she is awesome in bed)

Do i just wait unrtil she gives me the final ultimatum? I actually have no idea on what would be the best course of action right now. But, I do believe that this "problem" is going to keep rearing it's ugly head between us unless she changes how she reacts to me when this type of thing happens again which is highly unlikely, if not impossible.

R.C said an important sentence. She is the center of your world. This should never be the case with any woman, and your style of communicating to her sends these signals clearly.
As RC also said, I believe you have alot to give. I disagree in that I dont think she is "afraid" of receiving because it seems like you are being smothering. I've read every post here and in the early posts myself and other posters admitted that what you were saying to her made us feel like puking.
Some women are afraid of receiving love and good emotions. But it doesn't sound like the case here. As you said, she is a beautiful woman with a career. If she was afraid she would just run and would have cut things a long time ago instead of taking some time and coming back. She's been giving you chances. Someone who is afraid of love or doesn't know how to act in a relationship would just run and move on.
She asks for space,takes a while, comes back, you get clingy again, she asks for space.
I'm sure things are great when you're together, everyone gets wrapped up in things. But when she goes home she comes back to reality and thinks "Wow, he booked a vacation a month in advance, is spending thousands on it..." that's a lot of pressure.
I feel like if you could you would marry this woman today. Honestly. You would spend the rest of your life with her. That's the vibe I'm getting. Ask yourself if this is true. If so, then it's romantic like a Disney movie but you're obviously way ahead of the other person. I asked a female friend for a perspective on this, and let her read the thread. She's a nice girl and usually takes guys' sides on stuff objectively. She loves when her bf sends her nice messages . When she read the messages here she was so disgusted and afraid for this woman.
I agree with RC, in that you shouldnt make her the center of attention and should find other things. It sounds like this woman is a great person for looking past all smothering and giving you chances. Most women can't handle vacations being planned, texts saying I love you so much every night, someone at their yoga class every time they're there etc. I've been in similar situations on the other side, with women doing what you're doing. It makes you feel like you can't have a moment to yourself. It's great to feel like someone loves you and you're special, but when someone acts like they're ready to marry me after 2 months, even if it's been amazing 2 months, I look at it realistically and think there's no way this person could be so commited so early. No way you can make a lifelong decision from 2 months. That's how some people are. They're looking for love and whatever person comes along, they see a future with them, kids, growing old and they communicate that. When I'm on the other side, I realize that this person is just love crazy.

Leave her, you're not compatible. But you have to work on not making a woman the center of your world.

I agree that making a girl the center of my world is my core problem...

Your point Neo is well made here:
More than likely, if I am able to control that, (the making her the center of my attention and the clingy issue) I would most likely not run into the problems I'm having now.

I did feel pretty bad Neo that your girl friend read my posts and thought I was psycho...haha!

I'm actually not that bad of a guy, but with me being way off balance as far as priorities go, e.g. making her the center of my world, did not do any of us any good at all.

I don't have anything to lose by not contacting her. I mean really, she would probably go ballistic if I even wanted to text or call her.

It also won't do any good to "announce" to her that "I am breaking up with you" I think that will just make me look even more foolish than I already do.

Who knows? I am a quick learner in some respects... maybe she will contact me over the next few days and we can get together to see if something can be hashed out between us. I am sure that is highly unlikely, but anything is possible I guess.

If that even was to happen (we work something out), I know most of us on here will consider it doomed for failure anyway... The only way I can even see it working is to address the issue head-on and come to a solution that we would use if it was to happen again.

Even that idea could only work if I can refrain from placing her on the highest pedestal and ignoring everything else in my life.

I have no idea what will happen over the next week or so but whatever it is, it will be interesting.

Hey mike, you're not psycho lol. My female friend just said that you were moving too fast and texts communicated you were into her too much which would scare many women away. I think you're a good guy and yeah it sucks that you can't just be caught up with the good emotions and go with it. Regardless of what happens with her, remember not to put a woman on a pedestal and make her the center. In this time that you're "waiting", do the things you want to do. You have a daughter. SHE should be the main woman in your life and you should treasure her, see her, talk to her, and work on ways to better your life FOR her. I don't know what the situation is but she should be the priority. You have to be a man strong enough to not see or talk to a gf of 2 months, if not for yourself but for your child. The only thing that should be stressing you at night should be your daughter's well being. Honestly, besides that...do a few unanswered text messages mean shit???? Her needing space should make you think ," great...now I have more time or money to see or spend on my daughter."

If your gf comes back and I have a feeling she will, YOU should take a step back (not a technique) but this should be an awakening to what should be important to you.

Great news that i'm mentally healthy! haha!

It is so clear now just how I put my GF high up on a pedestal for sure. Obviously it didn't work and made me miserable so no more of that. Keepiong myself from doing that should be much easier than most things I need to work on.

What is nice Neo is that you credited me about my daughter and thank god I have done just that. Even my GF has complimented me many times on how "balanced" and "healthy" she is. At 11 years old, I have done a great job with her so far.

I've NEVER bailed out on here, her mother and I have not had one single arguement in the 6 years we've been divorced, and all of us get along perfectly.

I have always had her 50% of the time and I am always looking out for her. I really appreciate that you recognized how important that is to me, to her, and to the general idea of importance in one's life.

And yes, recently, I did catch myself "skipping a day here or there just to be with my GF. Actually not cool at all but I see it, I admit it, and I'm not doing it anymore.

Why should I? Look at the fuckfest I'm into now with the GF...

Thanks Man!

Remember this is like a detox process. You need to get her out of your system. NEVER MAKE HER A FUCK BUDDY.

You . Are . Going . To . Regret . Every . Single . Second . Of . IT!


Just get out. I know it's hard,harder than you'd ever wanna admit. That's just how it is. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows.


Really think about it...in the long run you will be miserable. Also,learn from your mistakes. Otherwise everything will have been in vain.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

WOW!

Quick update...

Over the past 2 weeks I've been in and out of contact with my (ex?) GF...

What FINALLY surfaced was a crazy kind of wackiness that blew me away.

Over the past two weeks she became super mean, saying things that hurt unbelievably to me, trying to destroy my self-esteem, and generally just dis-respecting me.

But, everytime I would go NC for more than 1 day, she was right back on it, trying to get ahold of me etc., etc.

What finally happened was, and this is because she believes in the spiritual side of the world, including things like past lives together, psychic vampires (which she said I was), crystals, life force energies... just a lot of "spritual" type stuff for sure.

She began accusing me of "draining" her of her life force energies. She even said I was responsible for putting her Mother in the hospital a week ago (for emergency gall bladder surgery) because of "my interactions with her".

WTF?

So, it got worse and worse to the point that everytime we talked or saw each other, it was chaos.

So she went to a "psychic healer" that "healer told her that: "you and I just ended some past life agreements that were contributing to you being drawn to me the way you were." And that the healer; "removed beings from my space today too..."

She went on to say that the healer and her did a "soul reading" on me (now I wasn't there at all, I had no knowledge she even went...) And during that soul reading they discovered that I had "beings" inside of me from the "dark forces" that were causing me to be overly drawn to her.

Then she said that in order for us to have any kind of relationship, she needed to return everything I gave to her, and she would return everything I gave her to me. Then i needed to take those things to this healer and he would remove the "beings" from me and all the objects.

Then she said that "we can then start a new relationship together whatever that turns out to be"

The final straw for me was when I met with her to drop off her stuff. She was mean to me, rude, and it looked like she even enjoyed seeing me uncomfortable (as I still liked her). She didn't even act like there was "anything" left between us at all.

So, there is way more to this total bullshit than that but one hour later I sent her this text:


"This will come as no surprise to you but after we met today, I have had a change of heart.

We have only known each other almost 3 months and in that time you have attacked my character, you tried ( and almost succeeded) in destroying my self- esteem, and now you are asking me to change or mold myself into something I'm not.

Whether or not you "believe" that I'm possessed is total bullshit in my opinion. I am who I am and what I am.

I am my own person who does not need to be treated so poorly by the girl he loves...

At this time I don't want to be treated the way you have been treating me.

If you feel that you want to work on "us" in person, without outside interference, count me in...otherwise I can't accept this anymore.

I wish you the best...

Michael"

Ofcourse right after this she sent back a text asking me to still go to the healer and blah, blah, blah...

Ummmmm... hell no!

I am finally DONE with this psycho chick. for being a "Love and Relationship Therapist" who has years and years of training behind her, she couldn't even deal with a fairly simple issue, and that being my insecurity between us.
I know what i did to provoke her reactions... We all pointed that out to me. But, alot of my "reactions" where in response to her "actions"...

I love my sister and as she saw all of this happening she's like: "Mike, this isn't normal. I've never seen you cling, or be this needy in any relationship before. You both should be still in the "honeymoon" period of knowing each other, having fun, going out... Not fighting about who's right, or that your "soul" is contaminated..."

Well, a lesson learned for sure. Even though i thought I "knew" this girl, her true colors finally shined thru...

I admit to my mistakes but at least I've left this "relationship" with the dignity of knowing I wasn't a complete and total f*uckup.

Thanks to everyone on here who took the time to post! It means alot to me that people like us are out there willing to give solid advice so that us guys can keep our sanity and our shit together.

Peace out for now my friends and thanks again!

Sorry dude when they are truly fucked just let them fuck off. My ex went to a psyic nut job our nabor. She said that her dead mother who she lost at 16. Was raped in real life, and that the dead rape babe that was aborted was her psyick angle and told her to leave me and be happy. So yeah just let that one go.

_________________
Why guys and girls don't mesh.

"Chicks are crazy and guys are dumb." Chinopants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... a_Nno&NR=1

Lol. Mike, I actually thought about how things wer going for you this week. Knew an update was coming

That sounds crazy. Yeah, move on. Wish you had included this psycho information earlier, could have gotten you better advice. She's crazy. Just don't forget to never make a woman your sole priority anyway.

Glad you got out man. That was the good decision,no doubt.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Hey RC, Chinopants, and neo!

Thanks for the comments!

Yes RC, it was/is a very good reason to get out. Have you ever seen that old Michael Douglas movie; War of the Roses? Holy chit! Watch that if you think being with a psycho chick is cool or safe!

Neo, thanks man! But the bottom line is everything that happened early-on was still all me in AFC'ing her to death. The "new-age, spiritual crap" popped up at the very end although she made it clear that she was into that stuff.

I didn't mind a bit, going to a few "psychic fairs", or "getting a mind reading"... What i did mind was getting a mind-fu*king! haha!

How do you feel the advice you gave me would have changed any? Or. did you know of a connection to straight-jackets?

Chinopants, Wow Man! That is a story as well! I'm sorry to hear that even though it seems like it doesn't effect you now.

There were 3 red flags I saw in this girl when we first got together.

1. That she was a licensed Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist
2. That she started pulling the "I need space" chit very early on in our relationship (which caused me to AFC)
3. That she showed very little emotion" around me. Never cried, showed fear, or being super excited, etc., etc.

Anyway, today is Valentine's Day and later I'm going to the gym I joined last month to lift and sarge! haha!

Talk Soon!