Okay, since Lodewijkp is M.I.A. I decided to start my own “ASK ME ANYTHING” thread. I’ve been a member of the pick-up community for a long time and I’ve dated pretty much every type of girl out there at one point or another. Also, I’ve gotten to the point where my relationships tend to be pretty fantastic. I owe most of that happiness to the pick-up community. Helping others is my way of giving back to the community.

When you post your situation, please tell me what you believe are the important details. Tell me how long you’ve been dating, how old you both are, and how she treats you. Also tell me if she’s a “freak, ho, or good girl” or some combination (read the post on screening at the bottom of this post if you don't know what I'm talking about).

I will attempt to give everyone the best advice I can. The more details you can give me, the better the feedback you will receive. I don’t know ALL the answers, but hopefully I can help you to figure out something that will work for you.

-Wolf


P.S. If you are new here, then please read the links below. They cover most of the basics:

How do I get my girlfriend back: a-problem-we-all-have-faced-before-vt15 ... ml#p735513

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Why do you choose to have relationships vs dating lots of girls at the same time?

Dated for: 1.5 year
Type of girl: good girl (Im her first boyfriend and took her virginity)
How she treats me: She treats me good when we are together 1 on 1, when we are with friends (especialy her friends) she treats me different because her friends dont want to see her with me all the time when they are out so she is slightly more distant then. However when we are in a fight or when she is mad at something she can be one of the most annoying persons i ever met.

Me and my GF where having a good time and all was cool etc. and one day i was pissed of for something that happened at work, and me and my gf had plans to grab some food later on the day. However i was really pissed at what happened and totally not in the mood to see her (i don't want to be with her when im in a negative/angry/annoyed state) so i told her on text that i was not in the mood and that we should go some other time

She asked me what was up and i told her "i dont really want to talk about it at the moment" (I just wanted to talk about different things to cheer me up and forget about the work situation). But she kept asking "what? tell me?" And i told her again that i didn't want to talk about it and i started to talk about something else. She ignored my attempt to change the subject and asked me again what was up, she asked me 4 times in total. At this point i got a bit annoyed and told her that she shouldn't keep asking me things over and over if i already told her a couple of times that i don't want to talk about it.

Then she said "ok, next time i wont show interest in your life" and from then on it went downhill, we got into an argument for a couple minutes and at the end i said

"Lets not fight about this, lets make a deal, next time ill tell whats going on, only if we change the subject of conversation after i told you, however, if there is ever something i don't want to talk about, you shouldn't keep asking me, okay?"

Then she kept saying how she was worried and really wanted to know and couldn't just drop it beacuse she always wanted to help people, i explained to her that it would only annoy me more if she kept asking eventho i think its sweet, then she replied very weird with short words like "ok" and "whatever" and this pissed me of because i wanted to just make it up to her and not make a big deal out of this and told her that i am going to put my mobile aside and ill talk to her later.

Then we didnt talk for 2 days and today we talked a bit but everything feels weird (I started the conversation).

I am really annoyed right now because she says nothing about it anymore and i feel like she doesn't care or anything and she doesn't start a conversation with me anymore, so basically should i just wait for her to talk to me or start the conversation myself again? (Wich sounds needy in my mind but who knows)

You're an idiot. I say this as non-offensive as possible. Learn to appreciate when people are there for you.Not many have such privileges.

Most importantly , communication with your girlfriend is more crucial that any amount of words can express.

To me , "I don't wanna talk about it" translated to "I'm a little drama queen. Feed me moar pls". Might not be your particular case , but hey , 99% of times that's exactly what it's all about.Really think about it. I sometimes used to feel and do that too. But then I had a revelation and realized how wrong it was to do so.


I really wanted to point this out to you , but considering this is Wolf's topic , out of respect I will not 'invade' it with my opinions , so I won't address your problem.

However, a little piece of valuable advice for you:

Never mix your 'work life' with your 'love life'.

Problems at work should never be taken out on your relationship / family and relationship / family problems should never affect your career. The fact that you hurt other people shouldn't even matter considering that you're automatically damaging the more important aspects of your life. That's reason enough to not do it.


-----------------------------------------------------

Back to Wolf's topic.

I don't really have any questions about relationships seeing as how I just got out of my 3yearLTR , however , I would like to know your opinion on rebounds.

Is it worth it ? I mean when you just got out of a LTR , in my opinion you should take the time to regain control and shape the aspects of your life that you have previously been neglecting. You know , become happy as a single man.

Others strongly suggest 'filling the void' with some rebound and mindless sex.

To me this rebound thing feels like the cowards way out. The short term solution. It's like drinking your problems away. Except you're not drinking , you're fucking them away. I'm almost certain that at some point they will turn back full speed and bite your ass twice as hard.


Anyway,what's your opinion ?

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Okay, allow me to argue semantics for a minute. By my definition, a person is in a relationship anytime they engage in sexual activity with another person. Dating a lot of girls is just having multiple relationships. I'm not really here to get into a monogamy vs. polyamory debate. I do, however, prefer polyamory.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

What do you guys fight about, typically? How old are you both?

She's a good girl. She's not going to be happy if you are not happy. If she wants to do nice things for you (like help you when you have a problem), then let her help you. Furthermore, as RC said, you are creating drama and leading the relationship (and her emotions) poorly.

Okay, now it's time for damage control. My advice is to get the relationship back to where it's supposed to be (i.e. you two going out together and having fun). It's Valentine's Day this week, so take her out and have something good/fun planned. Be creative. This holiday is all about giving her a night that she can brag to her friends about. Don't bring up the dramatic stuff. If she brings it up, then apologize quickly and change the subject. Don't let the question change the mood of the date. Go out, have fun, sub-communicate that you still really like her, and then end the night with really good sex.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Well, obviously, the best thing would be to learn to live in the moment and to not rely on others to prop up your self-esteem and happiness. However, not everyone can be zen masters like you and I. The best advice I can give guys, especially younger guys, who go through a break-up is to focus on themselves for a bit. Work out, build up your social group, flirt with hot women. You don't need to rebound exactly, but it's not exactly like you should turn girls down who are interested in you either. Going out and meeting new women can be part of regaining control of your life and "becoming happy as a single man."

Incidentally, having a quick rebound can reignite your ex's interest occasionally, especially if she is a "freak" type (field tested). I don't really advocate this because, really, most of us shouldn't be dating freaks. However, it was pretty awesome when it happened.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

I've got several questions for you for my friend Kevin, he doesn't know about the PUA forum and has been telling me his relationship problems of late. I try to give him advice to the best of what I know and what I've learnt on this forum but he frequently has arguments with his gf.

Guy - 31 years, Girl -24 Years. Dating for 5 months.

Girl treats guy very nicely at times, does his household chores for him, gives him attention whenever he wants as my mate Kevin says "she is like the best thing in the world when she is like that". But here is the BUT . . . .

. . . . she tries to control him very subtly, slowly tries to get her way with him by giving him small shit tests, he doesn't even see it but I've seen it a few times and this I think builds up and up and before it is too late she is doing something or saying something that hurts him. Let me give you an example. she does this thing with her hand out and doesn't even look at him and she expects him to grab her hand and stroke it and if he doesn't he gets the biggest MF guilt trip of his life. On a bigger scale she will just go and plan her whole weekend without him and let him know last minute, even though he wants to spend time with her and lets her know but she does her own thing anyway.

Her body language is like that of an alpha-she, she stands proud with her hands on her hips. She likes to control his movements and constantly questions him. When they argue she throws all the house chores she does for him in his face saying I put so much into this relationship and this is what I get in return.

I don't know all the details but Kev told me she is constantly wanting to have sex and he is starting to lose confidence because physically it is getting too much for him. When this happened a month ago he started opening up to me so we have had many chats on the phone since. I've told him about the shit tests that women do and how they get emotional control over men with emotive arguments and he has to rise above that. However, since I've been advising him to become more alpha, their arguments have become bigger and they don't talk for days (NC I've taught him to use if she steps way out of line). The other thing she constantly requires is male attention, when he comes round to my place she is really flirty with me and before I used to play with it and have fun but now I know what Kev is going through I feel I shouldn't encourage her.

I think my mate started off quite week in the relationship and she saw that and decided to take control of him and get what she wants. Since he came to the realization of it all, he has been fighting with his own tactics and some of mine to regain control and drive the relationship himself. I think that's why the arguments have become bigger now because she got used to him just giving in before, now she is probably wondering what the hell has happened to him.

To cut to the chase, how does he go about making this a healthy relationship again without having to answer to her every demand?

Also, one of the things that hurts Kev the most is her constant need for other male attention and from reading some of the posts on here the general advice is ignore it and be alpha, but to be honest I can sympathies with him because I had a similar incident myself lately and I know how it can lower your confidence.

I'm not even sure where to begin on this one. The main issue here is the hardcore betaization that your friend is going through.

Betaization is "the process by which a woman slowly transforms a man she’s in a relationship with from an Alpha or AFC to a Beta, usually by means of drama, demands, sex (giving or withholding), or veiled threats. Betaization is a completely natural part of a woman’s biological makeup and is usually not done from a place of malice (though there are exceptions to this). A successful Alpha consistently avoids betaization; AFCs, Needy Alphas, and unsuccessful Alphas eventually succumb to it and become Betas. (credit: Blackdragon, for the concise definition)"

It's very hard to turn this stuff around once you've been dating awhile. Girls absolutely HATE when you reverse this process mid-relationship and start acting more Alpha instead of less. I'm not surprised that your friend has had some big fights. Unfortunately, there's no perfect solution to this problem. He just needs to stay the course and weather out the storm. Once his alpha actions become the norm, then he wont see this kind of massive resistance.

What's even more unfortunate is that this guy has a lot working against him. It takes a great deal of effort to learn how to effectively manage this stuff. He may be better off just finding a girl who isn't such a ball-breaker.

I'll add some interesting posts on the subject:

$M on how he handles betaization in his marriage: http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.php? ... a-marriage

Illuminatus on the basics of the betaization process: http://www.personalpowermeditation.com/ ... n-process/

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Woolf, i need your help.

I'm a younger guy, and i'm in an 8month relationship with a great girl(note: she's a virgin). She's nice,smart,hb8 and basicaly she's the only girl that touched me emotionaly in a very very long time. In the beggining of our relationship everything was great she loved me and it was all blissful, later on she was kinda shifty, her behavior would often change e.g. she is head over heals in love with me for 5 days then the other 5 she's acting like I don't even exist, all that lead to a break-up, i went no contact and found a new girl, then she came back to me saying she can't live without me etc. etc.
When we talked and decided to continue our relationship we agreed that we won't go too fast and go easy with texts, calls, going out. Even though we had an agreement, she called me often, text me, and ask me out, got all emotional with me, and i was really happy about it. But suddenly it all stopped, we don't text, talk on the phone, or go out often.We see each other for an hour or two for the whole week. I feel as if don't have a girlfriend at all. It's like i'm dating myself lol. The only good thing she does... on saturdays she leaves her friends and comes from one end of the city to the other alone to see me for and hour or two, and for that short period of time we are together she is so madly in love with me and we have an awesome time. I got sick of all that and decided to tell her that i will leave this relationship if she is going to continue this kind of behaviour. So i called her up yesterday and asked her out so I can tell her all i think, she refused by saying i don't feel like it and that we will go out on friday.

Don't get me wrong, i've got strong feelings for her, she is a real quality girl. But don't have oneinitis and i didn't go beta. I've got and exciting life, a great social circle and lots of other options beside her. By all that i don't think i'm the problem in this relationship, she is. What are your thoughts on all of this ?

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Heat

Easy fix. First, avoid the dramatic break up talk. You guys are already kind of broken up. Just go with it. She's acting like a FB (i.e. you only see her for an hour or two once a week) and you should treat her like a FB. Continue to see her while also looking for new girls. Enjoy the situation for what it is.

DO NOT under any circumstances issue her an ultimatum (i.e. "start doing this or we are breaking up"). It's beta behavior, it's drama, and, more importantly, it doesn't work.

Further reading on having a FB ("relationship rules" by Tubarao): http://puarticles.blogspot.com/2008/01/ ... rules.html

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

I was reading that post by tubarao but I don't feel like I completely understand the idea of a MLTR. first off do you treat each girl as if they were your "girlfriend", do you even call them that? also is it ideal that they know you are seeing different women at the same time? i don't imagine they be to excited about that if you see them multiple times a week and treat them like a girlfriend and not a FB.

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Current status: AFC

"The key is to diversify...Whatever works. It's like fishing with 7 lines in the water instead of just one. You're more likely to a catch fish that way."-PUAninja

[/quote]
Easy fix. First, avoid the dramatic break up talk. You guys are already kind of broken up. Just go with it. She's acting like a FB (i.e. you only see her for an hour or two once a week) and you should treat her like a FB. Continue to see her while also looking for new girls. Enjoy the situation for what it is.

DO NOT under any circumstances issue her an ultimatum (i.e. "start doing this or we are breaking up"). It's beta behavior, it's drama, and, more importantly, it doesn't work.

Further reading on having a FB ("relationship rules" by Tubarao): http://puarticles.blogspot.com/2008/01/ ... rules.html

-Wolf[/quote]

Hey man, thanks for the advice. I've got an update on the situation, give your thoughts.

*update

She was complaining to her girl friend about our relationship and her friend told me all about it. She told her she thinks that i don't even care anymore about her which isn't true. And that it's my fault that we got into this stage of our relationship, and she complained on my aloofnes and non-compliant behaviour and some other stuff. But assure you, my behaviour is normal and i'm great to her.
I think if this is true what she said that she basicaly put up a defense shield, and is expecting me to call her up one day and say we're over.

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Heat

Thanks for the posts on Betazisation, that's a new one for me and having read the post I know exactly what it is all about.

I'm not too sure what you mean by the above quote as in a lot working against my friend? How do you effectively manage apart from having loads of arguments?

I've already told him to end it but he looks at the good and says a lot of guys don't have this so he will work on the bad and keep the good.

First, here's a very comprehensive guide on how to manage dating multiple women (Blackdragon on non-monogamy): http://www.fastseduction.com/cgi-bin/se ... 1871591100

I could quibble over some of the details, but basically BD has the right idea and the post contains a lot of useful knowledge.

If you are making future plans with a girl and she knows you are dating multiple women, then I'd consider her an OLTR. Basically, an OLTR is a serious polyamorous relationship. This is the girl I refer to as my girlfriend. I do not refer to any other girls as my girlfriend. MLTR's are basically FB's who are cool with the situation and want to see me more than once a week (and do other stuff besides having sex). Most of my MLTR's start as FB's, actually. They kind of promote themselves by being awesome.

Personally, I like to tell women that I'm seeing other girls. I do this because I HAVE an OLTR and I screen for girls who might be into threesomes or a more serious polyamorous relationships. However, most guys advocate using sub-communication (i.e. strongly imply you are seeing other women by your comments, stories and actions without actually saying it directly).

The reason sub-communication works best is because women do not like to take risks. They are also much more aware of social consequences than men are, generally (i.e. they don't want people to call them a slut). By not telling her directly that you are sleeping with other women, then you give her plausible deniability. If her friends/family ever find out that you are sleeping with multiple women, then she can always claim she had no idea (and that you are an asshole).

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html