Hey guys! Long story short:

I am currently getting back together with my ex, everything seems perfect. We weren t seeing each other for 8 months. Now we are kinda like in a relationship again.

She told me that she had sex with 1 guy in the time we weren t together, what was hard for me bcuu she was my first an i hers too. But i actually thought it was ok after some time...

Yesterday we talked a lil bit and suddenly the conv. Went bad. In the end i figured out, that the one she had sex with, was a pretty close friend of me for about 5 years. She told me every detail.. She didnt kiss him but only had sex and everything without feelings. I believe that.

The problem now is, that this really hurts for me and shows, that she and he really didn t have any respect at that time. I m constantly depressed because of that story

Any ideas how i can get over that, and enjoy the time with her again, without having to think about it anymore?

What would you do?

Cya

For your sake ,please man the fuck up and understand that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

Yeah,she had sex with someone else and it hurts like hell.I get it. Maybe you fear / feel things will never be the same again.I get that too.Now here's what you need to get.

Either accept what she did and invest your energy into being happy with her , or don't accept and let it destroy you both for good.


There's only ONE way your relationship with her is gonna work. And that is if you never EVER talk about that again only if you are 100% certain it means nothing to you anymore.Not 99.99% , 100% !Also,you will not let that affect your actions towards her. You will NOT think "I cannot do this because sex with some other guy".I cannot stress this enough.Do not mention this event , not ONCE , never again. If she brings it up you'll say :"I'm dealing with it best I can , talking about it will do far more harm than good. Don't worry,I'll get through it" and then you kiss her forehead.

Next time you have sex with her you are going to put all that negative energy into fucking her like no one every did or ever will and I expect to hear her scream your name from halfway around the earth.Got that ?

If you manage to not let this affect your way of behaving towards her you will cultivate a healthy relationship which in turn will make it seem like a completely unimportant past event.
You can't do anything about the past.What's done is done. But you can do everything about the future.

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Yes... i think you are right bro. i will really try to to this.


but the fact that it was a close friend of me fucks me up. i'd like to devastate his face... believe me, i'm not that type of guy who is violent. but there is such a big amount of anger in me - also to her. Its extremely disrespectful to do this. If it was a complete stranger i would not mind for a minute.

i dont know how to handle that fucking ridiculous amount of anger.

Dude, you just dont' have much of a frame of reference for all this, so it seems really fucked up to you. But trust me, as a guy you need to numb yourself to the idea that the girl you are with has fucked other guys. Especially if you weren't together at that time, and you know that you weren't getting the sloppy seconds, then who cares? Girls aren't yours and yours alone. There is no 72 virgins in heaven for you to enjoy all to yourself forever. Guys share girls, and girls share guys. It's just how it works.

Be careful not to fall into that overly possessive insecure type guy mode. You'll just make things harder on yourself, it will be a turn off to women, and you won't enjoy life as much.

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That's called rationalizing. You think that if it were a stranger it wouldn't matter. If it were a stranger indeed , it would've mattered exactly as much.

Look at what Ninja said. You weren't getting sloppy seconds and you weren't even with her at the time.
Most probably that guy was a rebound.So , she was with you , rebounded him and is now again with you. Who's the better man ? Why feel the need to devastate his face ? You're winning already.


I already told you how to get over the anger. Realize that if you don't , you're relationship will fail miserably. If that's not motivation enough , nothing is.

You're not paying attention here. I understand where you're coming from.But your emotions are keeping you from understanding what we're telling you.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

She probably hooked up with more than just that guy

There's literally no way you can make an assumption like that.

More importantly , doesn't matter if she was with 0,1,2,10. Like I said before,what's done is done.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I definately get that i have to get used to the idea that girls fuck other man. She told me 5 months ago That she has fucked another one. I just cant stand it that it was this person. My girl which was together with me more than 3 years alsays said that this guy is a complete idiot with girls and that she soesnt rlly like how he treats them and would never be together with him.

Just wanted you to know that... Its not only the fact that she has fucked another one, what drives me crazy. I did that too. Its that she didnt find him hot or erotic.. And even did it.

Well i ll do what r.c. Told me now. Already did. And i m doing better now. But its still hard when i come to imagine them fucking. I have to fuck my hatred out... As r. C. Told me to do. Or any further tips?

Thanks guys

If you can't get over this, your relationship with her won't work and you should walk away.

• You weren't together, she fucked someone. Get over it.
• You want to beat up a guy that had sex with a single girl. What the fuck are you thinking?

"She didnt kiss him but only had sex and everything without feelings. I believe that." "Its that she didnt find him hot or erotic.. And even did it." "alsays said that this guy is a complete idiot with girls and that she soesnt rlly like how he treats them and would never be together with him."

Honestly?

You currently embody the very definition of an average frustrated chump.

that very afc is living in nearly all of us. so he came out a lil bit and i noticed it. thats why i asked you guys to guide me.


my plan now is: get over that shit and have fun. if i'm letting this touch me... everything will become worse. so its in my hand to either choose to let it be an unmeaningful past event or a reason for break up. i choose the first thing.

thanks for advice guys.


but still i'd be totally pleased for any further information/help

i've been in similar situation, she had sex with somebody I do not know by the time we were FWB and I allowed that to happen.

I don't think I would be as affected if it was some of my friends, because the idea of not knowing who/how, that was what was killing me, but AFAIK she never did that with my friends so I do not know the feeling
At first I showed that I did not like it (fail), later I started keeping my frame. Still remember it from time to time though.

You are jealous about particular person. Is it actually because he was somebody you knew or it is just because he is a douchebag?

Not to make you feel even worse but I have a feeling that that might be very likely.

But again whats done thats done. Man up somehow. Fuck her hard like you never did before, and think about it as a punishment. Be dominant and kind of positively angry. This will make things easier inside you, and she will probably like it as well.

if you get back together with her, remember a few things.

A. MAINTAIN frame and congruency. Always make sure you have the stronger frame. If she fucked other guys, say you fucked twice the amount of girls to her guys. Never fall into the scarcity mindset. Even in a relationship you need to maintain willingness to walk away.

B. Don't act like a fucking pussy. Seriously, don"t do it. Just stop. She's attracted to you because your a MAN, not a chick with a dick, so act like one.

C. NEVER get jealous in the relationship. Jealousy is beta, and will kill the attraction. So what man, she fucked another guy(s). Get over it. If you can't handle that how is the rest of life going to work out? What happens when the other guy gets the promotion at work? You can't just go punch his face.

Man up, get over the jealousy and stay with her. Or go fuck ten other girls. Or do both for all i care.