So here's the story, my girl and I have been seeing each other for around 4 months. She's 19 and I'm 20 and we're both in college. this is basically what's bothering me the whole night.

She's still in good terms and communicates almost regularly with this one particular ex. He's definitely an Alpha and I respect that. But what's bothering me is that during thanksgiving break (during our dating phase), the prick laid her. They also still maintain constant contact because they're "good friends". She told me this guy was "disappointed" when he found out we started dating. I spoke with her about the seeing our exes subject and she was very pro seeing our exes. Mainly because she is in good terms with almost all hers, even suggesting I should maintain contact with my exes. I remember just telling her I think its best to let our exes have their own lives, as it usually puts stress on new relationships.

Last night I asked her what she's doing for the rest of the day and was very vague in her description(usually tells me who she is hanging with). (off-topic: should i always ask who she's hanging out with? I'm not sure if that transfers as needy).

Back to the topic, next time she calls me is now at 5 in the morning telling me she hanged out with the ex-boyfriend and his group of friends and that she drank a lot of wine with them. I'm not stupid that he wants to get in my girls pants. I run this relationship with a carefree and fun boyfriend attitude and does not have any insecurities. I want to know if I should take action or if I'm just over-thinking things.

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Learn the rules, so you know how to break them properly

I doubt there is any woman out there that bears the idea of her man possibly having sex with one of his exes. Call her bluff. Meet with your exes every now and then and see how she takes it. 100$ says she'll become jealous and ask you to stop doing it.

Usually women have a naturally inherited hatred for any of her mans' exes,so yeah.

Don't always ask her who she hangs with. Its ok if you do it every now and then but not always.

The will get you far in a relationship , but also know when to stomp your foot on the ground. Be fun and carefree but don't let yourself be disses or taken for granted.

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VERY important right there, as I just made this mistake. I took the attitude of.. no matter what, I'm having fun, and I'm going to make this as fun as possible for both of us. Nothing bothers me, its all good. This got me very far when I would've otherwise not made it past a few days. But then as things got too deep, I realized this attitude also set me up to be taken for granted. Stand up for issues you feel strongly about.

Don't want to sound negative but if your gf messed with him before and keeps in regular contact with him and hid from you what she was going to do that night, its over a 50% chance she did something with him especially if shes using the drunk card (drank a lot of wine)

I don't really speak with any of my exes, I took your advice because it wouldn't hurt anyone. It's going to take a while to start hanging out with her but I just spoke with my ex through fb and it seems she's doing great and have finally moved on(she has a bf). I think by doing this I might stress her bf lol. Funny how the circle of life leads.

Should i just randomly mention that I'm speaking with my ex mid-conversation?
I feel like this would only lead to jealousy games. I'm not sure if that's what you're implying I should do. If it's gonna come to jealousy games then I feel that I would rather have the relationship end.

This has been what's bother me. I'm well aware that they could've done something and she's not telling me the complete story. I've been thinking of placing an ultimatum on her, but the last time I did something like that it really made me look more of an AFC. I am willing to break the relationship if she did do anything and she knows that, which is why she called me this morning, because if she didn't call and went to hangout with him that night. I would've ended the relationship right then and there.

I really want to trust this girl, but with them being so close kind of makes it hard to. I even told her one day that "He sounds like a fun guy! If he invites you to hangout, tell him I want to come to."

Dude , the thing is that trying to build a relationship with someone while they're constantly hanging around with their ex is like playing basketball and your teammate constantly keeps passing the ball to the opposing team.

Yea,sure, you can still win. But it takes 2x the effort and you're kinda playing it alone.It's no fun.

What you wanna do is get rid of the ex.You already got a few pointers towards how to do that.

If not , just get rid of both of them.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Personally, I would absolutely not be cool with her seeing her ex regularly, especially if he laid her during your dating phase. This reeks of dishonesty and bullshit on her part.

I don't think its unreasonable to express your displeasure over this situation and be prepared to walk away, she's messing with you. Though you should note that I am jaded when it comes to girls I date seriously still seeing their exes, in this situation they usually end up lying to me or ultimately leaving me for them because there were still too many residual feelings on their part for their ex.

so an update on the story,

I just got off the phone with her and apparently because of "ambiguity" of our relationship. I broke it off with her a week ago because we were going to college in good terms and mutually and blah blah blah. She also indicated bunch of red flags so I did what I had to do(being aloof). But the next following days leading to now, we spoke as if we were still together. She told me that they kissed last night. I am now happier and more relieved as this actually shows me that I dodged a bullet. She's telling me that she fucked up kept apologizing and still wants to see me tomorrow as we planned before. I'm now in control of this. I want to know if any of you have experienced a girl doing this and if she changed or did she keep her unfaithful ways.

If she did it once, what's to stop her from doing it again? People rarely change IMO. She would really have to prove herself to me, if I were in your shoes. But having the upper hand is a nice feeling, isn't it?

Firstly I think you did great! You saw the signs and took action! You can hold your head high and she will feel like shit. Though she will try to make herself feel better by getting attention from the ex!

In the dating phase I don't say what a girl can or can't do but if I found out that she slept with someone then I'd bail and say that we are not a good match. I'd not do that to a girl I'm dating so I'd expect the same in return.

Now after your exclusive you need to know when to enforce your moral standards. If she doesn't comply then you bail. Chalk it up to very different personalities.

I'm married now but when I was dating my wife an ex of hers sent her a message about how much he wanted to sleep with her when she was next passing through his city. I asked if she would meet him like he asked and she answered "yes, but only for a drink where I will explain where nothing will happen".

Now this crossed my moral boundaries...I told her that the decision is hers but I want her to know that I'm very uncomfortable with the situation. It's disrespectful to me and its something that I would not do to her. I said that meeting an ex who's a genuine friend is ok but meeting an ex 1 on 1 for drinks after he explicitly offered you sex is not acceptable.

She told me an hour later that she would not meet him and she didn't!

Ohh and PS...

Stop texting this girl! She's not worth the effort if she's that dumb and disrespectful

^^^ I strongly agree

Stay away from here and move on at most use her for sex like her ex has been doing, but def go at other girls