I've recently lost the girl I was dating to another guy. We've been dating for about 3 months, she's a very passive, quite and submissive girl which made me gain a lot of trust in her and what she says rather quickly.
Our communication wasn't the best because of her quiet nature we didn't really talk much about our relationship or what we are, I guess we're both kinda introverted and have trouble expressing our feelings.
However I she said that down the road at 2 months she started talking to her ex b/f again, and they reconnected. I didn't ever check her phone, I tried being the none-jealous confident type. We started seeing less and less of each other, she assured me theres nothing to be worried about, its just bad timing, said there was no other guy.
Then I catch her in the subway with another guy and have a fight with him infront of her.

Then I guess she decided this is the guy she wants to be seeing now, and we were over just like that..
I guess the more she connected with him, the more she became disconnected with me, I tried really hard to keep us together by displaying all of the best parts of my character to her, but it was too late.

Should I have checked her cell phone? Should I have spied on her when sensing something was wrong? I know guys go to this extent to make sure their girl is loyal, to make sure she's not seeing anybody else. I don't know why I didn't pursue.
I asked her about other guys and she denied, and I just said OK I trust you.

I realize its a woman's natural instinct to deny about other guys. Especially in the first 3 months things are always kinda rocky and uncertain.

I don't know what to do now.. this really makes me understand why other men like to control women, pretty much control their lives and who they even talk to. Because women lie and cheat!

She told you that she reconnected with her ex, while she was still dating you? That's the time to eject in my book. My most recent ex started talking to her ex after we had been dating for 2 months. She told me that she missed him. I told her that we were done, and she can talk to me if she wants anything with me. Texts me a week and half later that she's "not ready for a relationship right now". Her loss. Move on to the next one bro. If you have to check her cell phone to see if she's faithful, GTFO, IMO.

She told me that a month after I got into a fight with her b.f at the subway, which was the last time I saw her. She contacted me to say she's sorry last week, but I didn't respond, its a pretty fucked up way to lose a girl, I still think about it everyday, it was a shock to find out the girl you're dating has a b/f and then have her b/f punch you in the face a few times, before you storm at him with your own punches. Even thought I meditate and try to prevent it from changing me, trying to stay away from the path of revenge.

Its events like these that make you lose hope in women


I'm at the point where I hate women right now, not just the young one's, but the old one's too. The drama, confusion and judgmental way of thinking greatly outweighs the feminine energy I'm able to absorb from women here in Montreal.111

It does knock you down a little bit. But in my case, her friends at college really really liked me, said that I was so much better than her ex, and said she was being a stupid bitch for even thinking about her ex when she had me. Hearing stuff like that boosts my ego and it really is her loss. I treat every "failure" as a way to learn the stuff I don't want in a woman, and the signs that those attributes are there. Keep your head up.

I'd a few rough experiences with my last two girlfriends. I was reading the pua stuff and I was being the secure leading, non jealous boyfriend. Both of them cheated on me! The first one with her ex boyfriend. The second one I'm not sure who the guy was but I turned up at her house after suspecting something weird and she was in bed with the other dude...

The first one I actually alway knew she would go back to her ex! She was a freak and he was the violent type. I saw it coming but I used the situation to gain knowledge but all it showed me was that she was a good lier.

The second was a bit of a shock. She was a strong person and as non needy as a girl could ever be. She seemed very mature. After I found her cheating a mutual friend showed me something she put on Facebook about me while we had been dating. It was hurtful and childish. She was saying how she disliked spending time with me and her friends where giving her excuses to tell me as to why we couldn't hang out! With hindsight I realised that this conversation was happening right in front of me on the sofa while she was being all sweet and nice...She was too immature to just end it. I would of been fine with it and I'd of actually respected her for being honest and open.

These events really fucked me up and I was in danger of hating women. I'd very little trust and was quickly coming to the conclusion that good women don't exist.

However I decided to give it one last go! I decided to really screan my women really hard and if they didn't match up to my expectations then they where dumped with immediate affect before feelings got involved! I was ruthless. This was only becasuse I was trying to protect myself as I couldn't be with another cheater! I didn't want nasty women ruining me and my morals.

Fast forward 12 months and I'm now married to a girl that I can honestly say is fantastic. We make a great team, she's hot, good upbringing, smart and well educated!

When I first started talking to her I was quite guarded and I tested her a lot! I was quite scared of getting hurt and I actually told her that she wasn't the girl for me (to protect myself). However this made her more motivated to win me over. She got me to open up and vice versa. Out first date lasted 48 hours lol!

You never know what can happen in the future but my advice is...If your looking for a relationship then the most important thing is screaning your girl! You have to make sure she is compatable, has no ex issues, is honest. Comes from a similar background.

For example no matter how hot the girl was I refused to date them if they had broken up from a long term relationship within 6 months! I did not want ex drama!

I dont know why the cool trend now-a-days seems to be "NO JEALOUSY"
Because the girl is with you and not with them.

I don't know but I see its the controlling guys that have the girls glued to them, and when they lose control, they dump them.
I guess there are different types of women too. I personally have a very low tolerance for masculinity in a woman, so the girls I date are very submissive. However I don't exploit that, but after what happened to me I'm curious as to how much of control do you really need on your woman.

This whole "don't be jealous or otherwise she'll think you're insecure" thing really isn't working for me, a lot of women are like children, if your candy is sour and the other guy's candy is sweet, then she's gonna go with the new guy, it seems obvious. Besides hot women are always approached, always admired by other guys. Why wouldn't you set boundaries right away?

I tried following Zan's philosophy which is "If she decides to leave you for another guy, who are you to stop her" but I guess it has to do with your level consciousness and the polarity you have with your woman. Complicated shit... I know!

^^^
This and to be honest I've given up on really trusting a woman

People lie and cheat. There are good, honest, communicative people in both genders, and those people always go through a LOT of shit to find someone who deserves them. Just because you haven't dated a man, doesn't mean women aren't going through the same exact thing in their relationships. There's a difference between trying to control a woman and being cautious with your trust. There's also a difference between being trying to control another person's life as opposed to being territorial. Territorial makes her feel like she has a protector; controlling makes her feel like you're an insecure schmuck that's going to make her life miserable. If she leaves you for another guy it's because she wasn't happy with your relationship. Period. Men sometimes cheat just because they're excited by new pussy, but women cheat because they want to move on --even if they're too co-dependent to admit it or go through with it. A good woman who is genuinely happy with you is a locked car and only you have the key. There are times in a rocky relationship when that car is unlocked... it hasn't been stolen, and nobody is trying to break in, but it's open to attempts. Maybe she feels neglected, or maybe she's bored and isn't attracted to you anymore. Whatever it is, you're not going to fix it by controlling her. You've got to fix the relationship and figure out why her opinion of you has changed.

Make sure a woman knows when you see other guys flirting with her. Don't blame her for it, just tell her "I don't trust that guy. He thinks he can fuck my girlfriend." Talking that way puts her on your team and shows that you consider her your territory. If she's happy in the relationship, then you just a) boosted her ego and b) made her want to remain loyal to you to prove the other guy is wrong to think she's that easy. You're not accusing her or blaming her in a way that will put her on the defensive (making her defensive is the worst thing you can do to prevent her from growing distant). Tell her exactly how you feel when she entertains other guys' flirting attempts but do it in a manly, territorial way without sounding pathetic. Again, this only works if she's already happy in your relationship. If it's doomed to fail anyway, then the "other guy" wasn't really the problem.

But look at it this way. If you did start spying and checking her phone, all that would do is confirm that she is indeed cheating on you? Then what? Start a fight with her about it? That won't A) prevent her from cheating, or B) help to repair your relationship. So why focus on that type of behavior?

Instead, the moment you start feeling insecure or think she might be talking to other guys, start reflecting upon what you are doing to drive her away. If you feel like you are being your best self, then that means this girl is probably just a whore-bag who cheats on guys and is never content with a good thing. Therefore you should be more than happy to dump HER at that point. But if you determine that there are some things you are doing wrong that you can fix, make the necessary changes and try to win back her affection and loyalty.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Do you consider talking to guys a bad sign, or do you think she has to be chatting these guys up about something illicit and out-of-bounds to be disrespectful?

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

If she knows that what she's doing is something most guys would not approve of, then yes, it's a sign of disrespect.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Sometimes there's nothing you can do.

I ended my LDR with the greatest girl I've ever been with (3 years) simply because LDR's are complete shit and it's seriously messed up. We ended it in the best possible terms. There was no cheating , no hate ,no nothing. Just LD and no foreseeable future in an acceptable timeframe.

Fact is,we had a very real connection and we loved eachother.

Now you can chose the most alpha PUA out there and game her , even though I already broke up with her I'm still gonna be MILES ahead of him. I can pull her back at any time simply because the reconnecting process with me is much much easier than connecting with him.

What I'm trying to say is that if she's not completely over her exes (specially if it ended well,although rare)you can do everything perfectly and still you'll have no chance if he decides to step in.

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