gomike,

Langlo is right. You`re going to have to rebuild your position in the relationship, and build it strong. Not many guys get THIS many chances. Use it. And please stop with the "you`re so beautiful" texts, at least for now. It`s not doing you any good whatsoever.

Op, The only one who has been f'ing up in your relationship is YOU. Sometimes people need a little space. No texts, no calls. Give her a chance to be alone, geez. She tries to be nice to you and you rush back in. Can you really not go a week without communicating with this woman? Trust me, she aint going no where. She needs space. It doesn't mean she's looking for other guys, sometime people need some personal time. If you keep texting her she will get tired of you not taking a hint and not having confidence

Personnally, i'm not your age (far away from that) but i'd say this would be caused by 2 things:

1. Maybe she has an ex that contacted her not a long time ago and it made her think about all this. And she needs time to fix those things...

OR

2. She really needs a man "Therapist or not, she wants a MAN, not a boy!" this guy was totally right for that. I mean, you can be like this after 1-2 years in the same relationship, not 2 months! I mean, i've been with my girl for a while and I sometimes feel like a "fagget" doing some things but she doesn't care cause she loves me and she knows how I really am. She can't know if it's only been 2 months... :/

But either way, you haven't "fucked up"... Everything can be fixed. You have the chance that this girl is a therapist and thinks before taking action. In those years with my girlfriend, so many things happened (seeing her ex back, etc) and it hurt me so much you have NO IDEA! But everything's fine now :p

I read some of this and what I did made me queasy. Thing to do to get you off this AFC neediness. Go out and talk to some other women. Seriously It will center you and you will fill your desires to smother this poor woman with the space she needs. I am not saying go out and fuck around or even lie about it but it will make you a better catch. Sarging fixes allot of issues.

_________________
Why guys and girls don't mesh.

"Chicks are crazy and guys are dumb." Chinopants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... a_Nno&NR=1

Wow...

Okay, that all makes sense. I keep rushing back in even while I am thinking i'm not...

I had no idea that to her, it would look like i tried to contact her 3 times!

Why I can't get this thru my f'ing skull i don't know. I'm good now ( yeah right, it's been what, like 6 hours?)

I wasn't even looking past a day or two but neo87 hit it on the head pretty good with the comment:
Langlo you are right... back to the basics:
Jean-Michel too... your post makes sense as well:

[quote1. Maybe she has an ex that contacted her not a long time ago and it made her think about all this. And she needs time to fix those things...

OR

2. She really needs a man "Therapist or not, she wants a MAN, not a boy!" this guy was totally right for that][/quote]

Chinopants you Rock! haha!

Hey Gomike,

I'm going to have to be cruel to be kind here (please realize my intentions are good and I have made these mistakes myself - I'm not being sanctimonious, I speak from experience and I'm just giving you my perspective straight up).

YOU ARE GOING TO LOOSE HER! period! if you don't change your behavior. Read that again and soak up what it means for you! - It's actually that simple..

You currently have some control over the situation because you guys are still talking but that will change soon because, no matter how much you think she will tolerate, she sounds like she is reaching her limit.

Theres a pattern here that you need to break, look back through your posts - it goes like this - I'm good, I've got my shit together, I have a plan....then that changes to...I fucked up...

Look at what you do to result in the second part of that pattern and you have your answer - stop doing that.

Here's something that I have learned - women, as a rule, are turned off by someone who is not secure in themselves...this is hardwired into them and no matter how much anyone thinks their situation is different... its' not.

At the moment it seems like you're in an insecure place, flip-flopping between thinking the relationship is working/broken. Accept what it is right now (ie: find your balls) and build on that and it has the best chance to work out - find something to do with your spare time other than think of her and tell her so. But tell her something like "I've had a lot of spare time on my hands lately which I think is unhealthy, so I think I'm going to get involved in...(insert something that works for you)" If you're smart about it and if it's something that she may be interested in too...I dunno..say Yoga...maybe she might consider getting involved too in the future when you have become more secure.

If you don't get your stuff together you'll be back on here in a few weeks (like me) saying " I fucked up and lost her"...sorry 'bout the tough love 'bro.

Peace,

Lor

Great great advice from Loralei.

I wanna add; Gomike, you're getting so much tough love because everyone can see how winnable your situation is. You're getting this much advice because everyone believes it could make the difference. Not because you fucked up more then normal, or it's hopeless. lol

Hey Lor and Langlo,

Sometimes we all need some tough love.

you guys are absolutely right. no matter what "I thought" I was doing right here came off as pretty messed up.

The funny thing is that I am a very secure guy. I live alone, own my own house, I've been a real estate agent for 11 years, and I run my own retail car store to keep the bills paid.

The flip side of that was in when I broke up with my last GF back 5+ years ago, nothing filled the gap until this girl. Yeah, I dated etc., etc. but NOTHING even remotely looking like any type of LTR at all.

Then "SHE" comes along, closer to me age than most of the girls I date, beautiful, funny... you know the drill...haha!

We start going out mid-November and back then, I'm doing great both balance-wise and Alpha/Beta-wise as well.

I can't pinpoint exactly when the tables turned for me, but when they did, I ended up to where I am now.

Yes, I really like/love this girl, and could see it going the distance if not just be a longer relationship for me.

So, as hard as it is, I am doing what the "masters of experience" are suggesting I do.

Remember where I left off yesterday? Where I tried to see her like 3 times via text and phone call?

And how my communication ended with her when I said "I was just thinking how hot your ass looked in those jeans"

And she replied "Thank you "

Well, even though you guys called me on that (still not listening to her, and trying to make her think I've "re-framed" into a sexual being) which is totally true...

I did my best after that, i didn't try to contact her in any way.

Last night at 11pm I get a text from her:

"Thank You Sweet Dreams xoxo"

Man, I wanted to text back... "Hey baby what's up? How ya doin?" or some shit but I didn't. I didn't text or say anything back. I respect her now and she was, i think, thanking me for backing off!

Not sure what step to take now, but I will remain in the "don't text, call, email mode" until she contacts me again I guess.

Last night is the first night since we have been together that I didn't wish her a "good night". up until then, every single night we said "good night" to each other. I'm sure it's okay, bnut I hope I did the right thing and she isn't thinking i'm fgaming on her now which i'm not...

I'll keep us all updated because there is a chance to pull thru this and I hope that my HUGE fuck-up here will help another guy on here to keep his head on straight!

I still can't believe all the support we offer each other on here.

I took the advise and re-read all my convo's with her. I thought about what she said to me, and I realized what the problem might be.

I remember that she said to me that she feels like she is my daughter or something... I'm ALWAYS doing something for her. Not like, opening the car door, or stuff like that. but things like waiting outside the bathroom at the yoga studio to see if she was okay instead of being in the class on time (this emabarrassed her a lot).

Things like, bringing her a coat after she said she didn't need one (violating her boundaries). things like "hovering over her" to do anything I could for her.

THAT is the core problem I feel in this case. Hard to guess but I'm putting my money on that.

So, in addition to doing the "hovering type shit" I was bombarding her with words of love ,flowers, long-ass texts, on and on.

Actually the flowers, texts, and all didn't push her to the edge. It was my overbearing "watch her to see if i can do anything for her" issue.

I did want to ask if anyone on here that has follwed this, what do you recommend I do now as far as contact?

She texted me the "Thank you Sweet dreams xoxo" last night and I've yet to reply, if at all?

Thanks!

Just continue playing it cool. Don't text her back unless she asks you a question. If she asks how your day was, a simple "great...what about you" is enough to show you're not being rude. When she says how her day is, do not text back. Trust me, by not texting her you will show her you can give her space when needed.

Neo87,

very interesting! I had not texted her at all for over 24 hours... c(from yesterday at 10 am until today at 1:00pm)

I had to text something so i just sent a smiley face.

I knew she was working all day but at 4:30 she texted back:

"Hi Michael!"
"I'm about to see a client, how are you?"

I waited a few minutes thinking i did want to get back to her and said:

" Workin' away! haha! Thinking about you... How are you doing?"

Now she is with a client but it doesn't look as bad as earlier!

Now that you guys know me... haha! I couldn't help myself and I did text back "thinking of you" along with the short "Workin' away"... But damn, for me that is a fucking miracle i didn't write her another short story novel! haha!

I'm just staying cool now... no more texting unless she initiates.

I only sent her the smiley face earlier because i felt shitty that I hadn't said good night to her last night...

Up until then i never missed a night saying that.

okay... I'll post more info later.

ok I going to haft to say it. No more smiles faces. They should only be sent by little azn girls not grown men. Your sending her a gift that sez hey look at me lol OMG i'm 12 and tee hee. Sure girls send them and its a quick way to get friend zoned.





See stupid.

_________________
Why guys and girls don't mesh.

"Chicks are crazy and guys are dumb." Chinopants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... a_Nno&NR=1

Well, I’ll pick it up from the smiley face I sent her after not texting, calling, or emailing her for over 24 hours that I mentioned in my post above. At this point, I’ve broke it off with her before she could break up with me.

What does it mean when they keep “multiple ex’s” lurking in the shadows?

Anyway, I’ll leave notes beside some of the key texts… I don’t know if breaking it off was good or bad but what’s done is done. We quit talking around 11:45pm… I laid there staring at the ceiling until 1:30 in the morning.

Since she never answers her phone, and I wanted to get shit off my chest, I called her at 1:40am and left a message to the effect of:

“Hey, I know it’s late but you don’t always get to the phone when people call you anyway. I want to let you know that I think I need time to figure stuff out and it is probably better that we just end it between us. Going out with David to yoga isn’t a bad thing by itself but doing so when our relationship is feeling weird doesn’t do it for me. Plus, we’ve got Bill from the Yoga studio you recently broke up with, and Mark, the guy you were going to have come over to say “hi” to everyone during the holidays.

I know you said Mark was just an old family friend but honestly, their just are too many “ex cocks” in the room for my liking. I’ve always said to do what you want to do, but this is too much for me to want to deal with
Believe me, this is the very last thing I want to do but over the last 5 days, I’ve just felt miserable. I don’t need, or want, to feel this way and that is why we are where we are now…

I started to say that I wish I knew if this was the best thing…but I started crying right after I said
“I wish I…” So I paused and her phone took all of the above as the message, unfinished like it was.”


This guy “David” is her “Clinical Supervisor”. Meaning he has a PHD. In psychology and is overseeing her final internship before she receives her full counseling license by the state. The problem is that “David” was alsolso an “Ex-Boyfriend”!!!!!

Of course we’ve talked about him in the past, and she said that for a guy who knows what he knows about people, he had some issues during their relationship. She mentioned finding recent “closure” with him and that they see each other once a week when he “counsels” her about her work.

So guys, that’s it for now. Maybe I spun out? Maybe I fucked up? Or, maybe I didn’t!

The very fact that she threw the trip to LA next month in my face, (and I think “David” would be going as well) and that she got all “defensive” when all I said was that the David thing “bugged me” just pissed me off enough to say “fuck it”

Luckily at no time did I lose my cool last night. Even when I left her the phone message, it was calm and collected. When I started crying, I just stopped talking and the message was done.

Let me know your thoughts, suggestions, or comments!

Tonight to kill the pain, I’m either asking out the hairdresser or going sarging! Peace!




ME: (first text to her after over a 24 hour no contact at all) 12:45pm

Her: Hi Michael! (her getting back to me at 4:30pm)

Her: I'm about to see a client. What are you up to?

Me: Workin' away! Haha! And Thinking about you... How are you doing?

Her: I just finished w sessions now typing notes. I'm feeling much more centered (this is at 8pm when she was finishing up)


Me: Nice:) me too sweetheart. I was just journaling out my feelings about everything when you texted:)

Her: Nice!

Me: It is actually both funny and serious... I would love to share it with you

Her: Ok

Me: It will cost $5 but I can take SPAM if that helps?

Her: Haha

Her: I'm still working on these notes! It's going to take a while to enter in so much info

Me: Wow! Busy girl! Did you use the pen and paper while working with your clients or type stuff while talking?

Her: Pen and paper still

Her: Leaving now and didn't finish one client for today-- after the foundation is there, it'll be easier


Me: Jeez, no wonder your there late, having to transfer everything over....the system you showed me looked pretty awesome

Me: Oh, I emailed you the letter... I'll just put the $5 bucks on your account...

(this was the letter I wrote and emailed her at the same time we were texting about losing my balance and how it affected what was happening. I am a great writer and this was light, funny, and obviously well-written as she comments on it later)

Her: I'm not going to read it w fear it's going to feel like it did before w us when I needed space.

Me: Scaredy cat...
It's not heavy... It's like a revelation.... Haha!
But do what you want... I'm going to have some frosted shredded wheat

Me: On a sidebar, you text cute as hell, you know that right?

Her: I text cute? Haha!

Me: Yes, u r so cute w the way you say stuff. Idk how u do it

Her: Just bought my airplane ticket for LA 2/16 Sat - 2/19 Tues. this was preplanned.

(she dropped this “plan” on me on Sunday while we went to that function that her BF was having a few days ago the fact that she would be “gone” for 3 or 4 days in LA. At the time on Sunday, I never skipped a beat and acted like I didn’t care either way, which I honestly didn’t. I actually thought it was great that I didn’t care that she was getting her “space” by going)

Me: She's got a ticket to ride...

Her: To the point short and sweet

Me: Ummm... Okay? Hahaha!

Her: Am "I" to the point?

Me: About what?

Me: I know you have some pointy.... Ahhhh, nevermind

Her: If your speech is not useful and beneficial, Buddhist teachers say, it is better to keep silent.

Her: Useless words suck

Her: Haha

Me: Are you curious what you have that's pointy?

Her: No

Me: It was your pinky fingers...

Her: Buddhist teacher would say best to be quiet

Me: Yeah but they are celibate....

Me: My teacher says go for it

Her: I received the gloves today. They fit great

( I bought her $100 dollar gloves for xmas we took them back and couple of days after xmas because they were too big and Nordstrom mailed her out the correct size)

Me: Wow! So much for them being there on the 3rd...

Me: Glad you got them finally!

Me: I miss you...

(now, nothing from her for like 15 minutes as we had been bantering back and forth casually. Maybe she just got up to take a shit, who knows?)

Me: Well, time to sleep. I'm doing the 9:30 ZUDA tomorrow. It would be fun if you wanted to go... Maybe we could grab a coffee after but I bought 5 cars yesterday so I can't stay too long....

Me: Nite, Nite, cutie pie:)

Her: Sweet Dreams....

Her: Reading your email, thank you, have a client in the am then clinical supervision, then yoga, then clients Sweet dreams xoxo

(now she is reading the letter I sent her a couple hours ago, she is going to yoga tomorrow and the “Clinical Supervision” that she is talking about is done weekly with her “Ex David” in his office. The Clinical supervision is legit. I know that for a fact. Also, I never even whined in the slightest about him and her being together under those circumstances. She even said that there was “no attraction” left between them a few weeks back when we were talking about it…haha!)

Her: Congratulations on buying the cars

Her: That was really really sweet of you to take the time to write such a thoughtful letter. I appreciate your words too. All useful and beneficial

Her: (According to Right Speech in Buddhism

Me: Yep, i might have fallen off the horse so to speak but at least i got right back up there again...Man, you are on some kinda Buddist roll tonight girl....

Her: Yaya

Her: Nite

Me: I could swap my yoga times around and that actually might work better for me...it would be fun to see you... Okay good night

Her: I saw you're going to do new head shots soon. If u can wait, give yoga a few months and you'll see how different you look! Remember my friend? I showed u his before and after pics.

(Since I am an aspiring actor as well, I got busy on Facebook over the last few days. I posted that I was getting new headshots etc., etc. She friended me on Facebook like one week after we got together so she read all of that and now commented)

Her: I'm going to yoga w David who is trying it for the first time

Me: Oh yeah....that's right. I am just wanting something newer for sure.

(I texted just as her comment about David was coming in so I missed it)

Me: Do I know David?

Her: You're doing it again just say'n

Me: Haha! Funny. Thanks:)

Her: David my clinical supv

Her: Lol!!!

Me: Oh right...

Her: I'm glad u thought that was funny

Me: See ya!

(I actually meant this “See Ya” to be sarcastic and cut her off… she didn’t see it that way)

Her: Ok, sweet dreams honey

Me: Funny about the " your doing it again" but the David thing bugs me.

Me: Just being honest and you do what you want. I have always said that.

Her: He'll always be my friend and occasionally we'll do activities together like other men I've dated. Ok I'm starting to need my space again. Don't blow it.


So this is when I laid in bed staring at the ceiling until 1:30 in the morning thinking “Is this how it’s gonna be all the time? With her “running” the ebb and flow of the relationship?. With me having to deal with multiple “Ex Cocks” orbiting around her?” It got the best of me and I said to myself “fuck this” and left her the message I talked about in the first part of the post.

I honestly feel like maybe when she got pressure from me, David swooped in and made everything all light and fluffy again? I think they host a Monday night workshop together as well is when they might have “talked” about it. Maybe she had this “issue” of him in the shadows since they broke up? Or maybe I read waaaaaaay too much into it and like Lor said and I fucked it all up….

Oh Well… what to do.

I think you might possibly have overreacted by leaving that phone message breaking things off with her.

I've done it before, as a kind of stupid self defense mechanism as I could see I was becoming needy and overbearing. You should have just not replied and then not contacted her until she got back to you.

In all fairness though, how healthy is it to always be living inside your head and overthinking EVERYTHING, reading into every tiny thing they do? It's pretty awful and I'm not sure if its real happiness, I was like that in my last relationship. I only remember the good times now though.

Hey Rough,

thanks for the understanding...

If you read my entire post, i think theone thing that saved my ass was NOT being jealous at all. She even big time tested me on that issue a few days ago and i think i passed it with flying colors.

If fact, during the first 2 or 3 weeks of us being together, i told her she should be dating all the guys she wants to because then she'll know if she wants to commit to me or not.

I also told her that i've never asked her where she is going or who she is with.

I don't know why she feels like she needs to go to "Yoga" with him. If you have ever practiced Yoga, it is a spirtiual, mental, physical and emotional journey.

In fact, the time I AFC'd her by waiting outside the bathroom at the yoga studio when I thought she was sick, had her telling me that it kind of messed her train of thought up while she was doing yoga that day,

So now her "Ex BF" and her are going to yoga?

To me that is total bullshit and I called her on it by breaking up with her.

My feeling is that "hey, I know you guys work together, I'm cool with that, but I'm not comfortable with any of these "extra-curricular" activities together."

Does that sound like I'm being to jealous? I just don't like it and i wouldn't do it to her.

For sure I'll get some type of response from her... I'll post it when it comes in.

Fopr whatever reason, I feel more "solid" than i have over the past 5 or 6 days...