She tells you again, and again, and again, like 6or7 times not to freak out. And still you make it as big a deal as you possible can.

You told her you feel its the tip of the iceberg about to sink your relationship. Right now you're draining ME of MY energy.

You're still trying to hard to "fix it". Asking her to give more and more attention to the relationship.

"I have no idea on how to handle this"-Stop trying so hard to handle it... just be cool

Wow!

All I can say is "Thank You" for the solid advice!

I really need work on my inner game and to drop the neediness. The suggestions and comments you gave me mean a lot to me as I really like this girl and I kinda feel like you don't get a lot of chances at true love like this.

I will just chill out... I hope for my own sake!

Unfortunately I texted her all of this before i read your last post... I think I'll look to see if there is anything posted before texting anymore!

ME: I'm stopping all of this after I ask you one question... Why would you text me this at 10:30 at night:

" I miss you and want to be w u Really signing off now."

And still not want to see me? It is confusing for a guy (no, that is assuming something)
No, it is confusing for me to understand.

You don't have to answer back. I just felt that up until Thursday I understood you at least a little bit...

I feel like I know nothing now...

I am not trying to guilt trip you either.

Okay Sweetheart, have a great night!


Her: I can miss you and still want my space. I think about you often during the day. I want to be w u means to me that I'm not interested in being w another man. Texting can be ambiguous. Sorry about the misunderstanding

Her: I don't feel like I'm getting my space and am now feeling very irritated.


Me: Sweetheart, please understand that I do not want to keep making the same mistakes. I am sorry for making you irritated now.... Really I am...
I appreciate that you took the time to tell me this and to also let me me know you are upset with me.
The last thing I want is to see you unhappy with anything I do.

I hope you accept my apology.

For me, unfortunately being oblivious to your boundaries, I acted without thinking for your consideration, like we talked about in bringing you the coat, and the bathroom thing at yoga.

Until then, I was acting innocently (and I thought helpfully) toward you. I never once considered that it made you feel uncomfortable and that is the problem that I am having now. I wish I could turn back time and re-do all of that but I can't...

I feel just awful right now and I wish I could just hold you right now and say I am so sorry fo
r what I've done...

I really want to get past this and laugh and play like we always do, and I guess I am being way too impatient which again, may be running up against your boundaries.

I thank you so much honey for reassuring me that by saying what you did about not wanting anyone else... I want to be the man you turn to, the guy you love, and the type of relationship you have always wanted.
I know all of that can easily happen! It just takes knowing and learning about a person and what they desire from each other. I am a smart guy... Please give me the chance to figure it out...

I love you, and dang if
It is too bad that I can't seem to just leave you alone to reflect on yourself and have time alone.

I will do that for you now my dear..
I promise you sweetheart!
You know I care about you so I will do my best to respect your wishes....
Later Gator!

Okay... I need to get my head together and quit bugging this sweetheart! Thanks Man for all your help and I appreciate the straight up honesty as well!

Funny thing...

She just texted me back 10 minutes after I sent her the last text above and she said:

"Apology accepted "

And again another text right after:

"Thank You "

OMFG! If I screw this up I really need my head examined....

I will just not text, call, or bug her until she re-initiates contact...

Fuck dude... I even just wanted to text back

"Thank you" to her! hahaha!

I'm cool now (I hope!)

Keep the ideas coming if you feel like it...you have saved my ass Bro... I owe you one!

Quick update if anyone cares....

Things are still weird with her wanting "space"... I ran into her at the yoga studio this am we hugged and she said "Thanks for saying hi to me".

That is bullshit. I could feel the tension in the room from a mile away...

At this point, I think I am just going to tell her that I realize our interest levels in each other are different... Like in "I feel like I love you, and you don't match that, which you don't have too..."

But, it is making me miserable... I don't need to be "shut out" since last Thursday it has been basically, (thursday, friday, saturday, and now today).

Yeah, I texted her good night last night blah, blah, blah, But fuck it. I feel like I don't need this SPAM.

Our mutual hairdresser and I, (who by the way is a knock out HB9) thinks that she is got some other issues to deal with. The hairdresser said if I had come off that needy to her, she would have reality checked me and we'd continue on, which is how I feel it should be...

It's like, WTF? So I did a few needy things,,, Jesus Christ, I feel like I slapped her or something to get this SPAM.

Tonight we are/were supposed to go to her friends house for a house warming party. It starts at 5:30, it is now 2:45, and i haven't texted her at all today and she hasn't texted me or called me to let me know if I'm picking her up, or we are meeting there.

My gut feeling and the feeling of the hairdresser is that I shouldn't go...

I think I'm the one now that needs time to figure out why I am putting 5 times the effort into making her like me, she comes close at times to matching me, but she is still a dsitance away...

you guys have any thoughts on this? I mean yesterday I asked her about the text she sent saying she missed me and wanted to be with me...

i asked "so if that is the case, why don't you want to see me?" And she answered that I misunderstood her meaning which was that she isn't interested in anyone else right now. I do believe her but I have no idea what the hell to do...

Hey man,

I'm no expert, but even I can see some issues with your game. I feel like you may have misunderstood the advice given to you in this thread.

You need to back off from this woman and give her the space she's asking for. She isn't playing games with you, she's being honest and expressed to you the issues in the relationship. You are still being "shut out" because you haven't given her the space she asked you for. Imagine if the roles were reversed, and there was a girl that was head over heels for you....always blows up your phone and somehow appears wherever you are, and you didn't feel the same way about her. How would that make you feel? I'm not trying to say that she wasn't ever into you, or couldn't be into you, just giving you something to think about here.

I think you should shorten your messages to her, avoid sending multiple messages in a row, and keep the banter light and flirty. Obviously you need to get through this situation first with her, and I feel like you're confused about how to do that. I can't offer much advice for that honestly, but that advice is somewhere in this thread I'm sure.

Just take a step back and breathe. Your judgment is clouded, think about why that is? Re-read your conversations with her, and give yourself honest feedback on them. Think about the way she interprets your messages, and if there's any justification for the way she feels.

PS, I wouldn't see her tonight.

this is unbelievable that we can all help each other on here.

I appreciate the suggestion for sure. I did take your advice and re-read everything multiple times and everyone on here is 100% spot-on...

I AFC'd, got needy, clingy, and insecure. It pushed her away and now it will take some time to recover.

I'm good with that and believe me, I have mellowed out considerably.

no more "expressions of love" that do not match hers, or make them even slightly lower, No more long-ass texts, I'll keep em' short and sweet...

sometimes we all have to learn a hard lesson with women. I can agree whole-heartly that my main issue is my own "inner game", which I am working on identifying.

Time off was good but I do miss her and seeing her today just made me feel bad. Also, i didn't go there to "run into her" I had no idea that she would show up for the class right after mine...

anyway, thanks!

One thing I learned from this thread, is that 40 yr old HB 9's are increadibly forgiving and or desperate.

Dude, your messages would have scared away any woman. You are needy as hell and text way too much and too long. Stop texting her. No good nights and all that bs. She wants space so just leave her be for a while. She obviously cares about you to give you so many chances (no idea why because you sound near suicidal and desperate). You dont need to text her every f'ing day and you have NOT given her any space what so ever. Don't go anywhere she may be, and give her the gift of missing you. Honestly, any other woman would think you were the stalker type.

ugh. you sound like a good guy, good intentions. but I feel like you're clinging on to me and i haven't even posted in here yet. everything is getting to your head. or nothing is. i don't know. in general, there's nothing wrong with the things you're saying. at least there wouldn't be if you were both head over heels in love a year down the road. where you're at now, the things you're saying.. you don't sound like a 40 year old man. more like a 14 year old. and i really am not wanting to be mean...

here's my point: spend some time to work on yourself. based on your responses to other guys here, you seem to really be seeking our approval and acceptance as well as hers. you don't need her, you don't need us. if you can accept this, you'll be better off. you have to be ok with yourself for others to be ok with you. work on your self confidence.. it goes a long way into not only your feelings, but about how others perceive you and how you interact with them.

i can picture you reading this, happily nodding your head, and screaming... "you're right! you're awesome! thank you so much!"
but what the fuck do I know? this could've been a pile of shit I just spewed out. Tell me to fuck off! Punch yourself in the dick and remind yourself you have one.

The main reason I post that i appreciate the help is because i do...

There are a lot of knowledgeable people on here that straight up got me to think straight in a very fucking quick time.

No, your right, I damn well don't need her approval, or yours... But I do want to make it clear that without the help of all that posted here I'd have run her the fuck off and I's still be doing that bullshit AFC crap.

I re-framed fast. My balls are back were they belong and I am seeing IMMEDIATE results.

I even went to that thing at her friends house tonight. Probably a good thing as there was only 6 of us total.

I kept my shit together, we had fun, I walked her to her car, kissed her once and said good night...

Guess what? 10 minutes after I'm home she texts me that i looked hot tonight and can't wait to see me tomorrow if possible...

Will i go? Maybe, maybe not. I'm the alpha male again.... thank god!

Damn if this forum isn't spot fucking on!

Hey Gomike,

I've just seen this thread after I made my own post but your story is almost exactly where I was at 2 months ago! (and we're pretty close in age) except I AFC'd... it's not as if I got down on my hands and knees and started begging, I thought that I was pretty controlled but the effect of what I was doing was bad!

If I could turn back time I would have tightened my game significantly - I think you are getting great advice and doing really well with it. It's short term pain for long term gain - if you don't accept the short term pain you will end up like me...in no-contact and trying to figure out how to get her back...a big challenge and it's killing me. You don't want to be where I am, believe me, so stick with it - you're ahead of the curve.

Take it from me my friend, you're getting a chance to fix this and you will - just don't underestimate how important details are here and the necessity for sticking to a strategy. In my situation I was picking up these weird withdrawal vibes but she was saying everything was cool - if I had listened to my gut I should have realized she was feeling smothered by me but I just wouldn't admit it to myself (dumbass). I was complacent and figured it would all work out so this is a time to not be complacent.

Anyways - this forum should be like a support group for this kind of thing - before you act on an urge, think! and get feedback here if possible before making the decision to do something.

good luck,

Lor

Loads of good advice here.

Personally, when she texts I would do something else for a bit, 10 minutes, and hour, whatever. DO SOMETHING ELSE. You are responding with pure emotion and not considering the effects of your actions. And as others have said, keep your responses shorter - be a bit more mysterious. If she learns everything there is to know about you in one go where do you go from there?

I always think of a relationship like water in your hand...you close your hand tightly and it disappears, instead of just holding it there. Wasn`t it in the 48 laws or power? - If you want something really badly be careful not to show it too much or you won`t get it. Something like that anyway.

Good luck dude, hope it works out for you!

I'm being SHIT-TESTED now I think!

Okay, if you have been following this, I went from alpha males for the first 4 weeks to a total AFC whiner.

Then, after getting good advise on here I turned it around big time and regained my "Alpha" mindset.

Last night was great like I said, I went to her friends function, they all LOVED me, the first time one of her best friends had met me and I charmed her big time.

she rubbed my leg during the night, after it was over, I walked her to her car, kissed her a couple times (she kept her mouth closed) and said good night.

She even asked me if I was "okay?" I said i feel great! then we went our separate ways.

I got the "You look dashing" text from her like 30 minutes later

And here is what happened from there:

Her: you looked very dashing tonight! I look forward to bowling tomorrow!

Me: (I waited 20 minutes) You looked as beautiful as you always do to me
Bowling is going to be amazingly fun tomorrow.

Her: (a half hour later) Thank you Sweet Dreams

Me: (10 minutes later) Nite, Nite, Sweetheart. Sweet dreams to you too. I'll see you there.

****That was it for last night*****

This morning I woke up wanting fuck the hell out of her so I texted her this:

Me: Make time today.... I want you

Her: (2 hours later) Good morning! Lonnie isn't feeling well so we're not going bowling today
We rescheduled for next Monday same time.

Me: Answer your phone (I tried calling her to see if we could hook up, i just left a "answer your phone" message and hung up, then I texted her this:

Me: Let's use the bowling time making love

Her: I've only had one day from you and still want space. I'm sorry. Soon.

Her: "From you" means not in your physical company or having you email or text me about any issues. I know I we didn't see each other last Wed and Sat but the communication still felt like I wasn't getting the space I need. You heard how I felt last night about feeling like I had chains on me-- strings attached-- not feeling free. If I don't get the space I need, I will become more distant. Pls don't make more of it. If you text me in a way that continues me needing space, I will need more time.

Me: I was just thinking how hot your ass looked last night....

Me: Thanks

So at this point I am thinking she had just really bent over backwards during the first 5 or 6 weeks of us being together. Granted, her therapy work with her fucked up clients might drain her energy, and I didn't help any either, but it honestly looks like even if shit was fine between us, she will still need this "I need space" extended bullshit time which won't work for me at all.

Sure, take a day off, a night off from us, but lock me out like this? Fuck that!

So, does this look like a shit-test?

I thought it was funny that after she bitched me out I just said I liked her ass...hahaha!

I'm ready to almost say "fuck it" to this girl even though I really do think I love her. Her shit is too much to handle.

any ideas???

Plus I want to add that unless someone says otherwise that has way more experience than i do...

I am NOT under any circumstance, going to call, text, email, or even go anywhere were she might be.

Even if she sends me a picture of her tits and says" Come over right now and fuck me"

I'm going to be saying... "Jeez babe, I already made other plans"

I just wanted to throw that in there.

This is going downhill, fast.

Could be a shit test. handle it well. Dial back your expectations. You pushed her all the way to the edge of her patients.

"Me: Make time today.... I want you"
You get to ask for NOTHING! After you said this she was going to move back a little. And don't fool yourself into thinking "Her shit is too much to handle" YOU started it by spooking her

And you will never get her to buy your re-frame
"Me: I was just thinking how hot your ass looked last night...."--I'm sexual animal not a needy wimp.

You tried to see her 3 times today. And got kind of pissed with the "Answer your phone" text. That shit ain't alpha

Start back at zero, remember my 1st post.

"how was work?"
"hey"
"I burnt my pancakes "
"blah, blah, the little things, blah, blah, I have a life"

Just talk to her and let HER move things forward. She's testing the waters.