Hi Everyone,

I'm probably pretty old for this forum at 35 but stuff that I learned here in the past has been a huge help to me to hook this girl..now I'm hoping you guys can help me again.

So, there was this girl who I became friends with at work - she had it all, looks, personality, body...oh and boyfriend. I worked my BUTT off to get out of the friend zone and rid of the BF and boy did it pay off - we became inseparable (I know..alarm bells) and she was a demon in the sack and this went on for 18months.

About 6 months ago she got a new job and this put a lot of demands on her time and she was making new friends etc... but I didn't recognize the effects of this at the time. All I felt was that she was getting distant but in reality she was just getting into her new role at work and enjoying it. Anyways, I had let my guard down bigtime - so I unconsciously started pursuing her with increasing txts, calls and email...classic AFC stuff...you all know where this is going...So two months ago I got the "I need a break" speech and that I was being needy....Fuck!! it was like a ton of bricks was dropped on my head!

So I backed off the communications but I didn't initiate no-contact (in hindsight this might have been better) - however, I continued to call/txt once or twice a week. It turned out that this was too much for her because she pulled away even further and started avoiding my calls (No need for abuse here guys I've beat myself up enough over this and I can now see the error of my ways). Two weeks ago, I called and told her that basically I felt that the relationship had gone to shit because I hadn't left her alone (I'm paraphrasing ) and that I wouldn't be contacting her again - she got a bit of a shock and said she was still processing everything and had been unfair to me for not communicating better. I was expecting LJBF but that didn't happen...which could be a good or a bad thing. Anyways, I told her that I felt we had a good thing going and we could work things out and if she was prepared to give it another shot then to call me.

So I've gone into no-contact for the past two weeks, which is so fucking difficult. I know that things are pretty grim and that chances of success are low - but I got her before under challenging circumstances and I'm damn well going to try again. What I've learned about her is that she hates conflict/pressure - if she feels like I'm going to want to talk about this stuff or meet up she takes that as pressure and she'll run a mile.

Ok, so I need to figure out my next strategy and need all the help I can get. Here's what I'm thinking - if I get no contact from her after 1 month I'll call her and give her the LJBF speech - try to get into the friend zone and work my way back in from there. Alternatively, I can wait longer on no-contact but this makes me nervous because of the presence of lurking ex-bfs. Or should I contact her earlier..any suggestions or help would be really appreciated...I feel like I need to get her to make the next move but just don't know how to do it.

Thanks,

Lor

Initiating No Contact with the sole purposes of winning someone back will set you up for failure, I know this from experience. When you initiate No Contact, you need to prepare yourself for the chance that you WON'T get her back, and that she will move on. It is tough, but go NC for you, to let you heal and move on, if she comes back then so be it.

I say stay with the no contact, work on bettering yourself and gaming other women. Most likely you will get to the point where you are not thinking about her and are over her and that is when you will hear from her again.

Yeah - I'm fully on board with rehabilitating myself and to be honest it felt really good to take control of the situation, although it was probably the only option I had left. The thing is 'though is that I'm not convinced that there isn't a game to be played here still - anyone come through something like this ?

Lor

Me and my Ex broke up, did the no contact thing, she came running back a few months later...maybe3-4?

Gave it another brief whirl, (maybe lasted another 2-3 months) and neither of us had resolved our issues or really forgiven each other for the first breakup.

Anyway, since then (this whole thing started over 2 years ago, and were initaially together approx 14-16 months I guess? My memory is shit)

Since then...I moved on, I still loved her, and still do now, but I moved on with my life, knuckled down working my ass off for my company, made a fuck load of money and met new girls, sure they werent here. but I achieved other things, I had 3 hot girls on the go at once, I was "young again" Living it up with my PUA skills, what more could I want? Oh yeah...HER!

Well, about 4 weeks before christmas, I was drunk at a work event with my dad (family business) And he asked if I had seen or talked to her, in my drunkeness I text her "Boo!" and played it all alpha and she was obviously more than happy to talk, told her I was comming over to see her on X day at X time, so saw her a few times over the next 2 weeks, went away on holiday for 2 weeks over christmas, and since getting back have been seeing her a few times, great sex each time, with her begging me to come around more etc.

Now, sure, this is great if its what you want. I was in the same mindset as you, I want this girl, theres no other like her. It took me along time to realise, and I cant remember who said it, but you have to set them free, if they come back they are yours forever, if they dont, they were never yours in the first place.

You cannot set out on a mission to get her back. Trust me.

I have been dating 2 other girls whilst seeing her, she saw me in a bar with one of them last saturday, and was ringing me at 3am and texting me... "i love you" "call me" "if you have that girl at yours im going to kill you" All that type of drunk/crazy/love shit....

The next day I went round and f*cked the shit out of her.

Stick to your guns, no contact. No ifs, no buts. Accept that it is the end.

Yeah, in agreement with the others. You have oneitis. Sure she is great, but so are a lot of other women. Get out and meet some of them why don't you?

Best thing you can do for yourself while you wait is just go meet new women. Who knows ,maybe you'll find someone better in the meantime. Plus , it makes the waiting process a lot easier for you if you focus on something else , right ?

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Thanks for all the replies - I've been getting my shit together this past few days and starting to feel better about the whole situation. At the weekend I was having a few beers and I got it into my head that I would just send her a message to say...if you're not sure about the relationship then maybe we should go our separate ways..we had a good run...please don't contact me for at least a couple of weeks yada yada..

So, within 20mins she emails back saying she's in a much better place now and that she had not intended to stay out of contact indefinitely..and talk soon..

I nearly shit myself - something weird happened then - I felt pissed with her, for the first time in months I actually felt angry with her for being such a jerk! so I didn't reply and have no plans to.

This could be an opportunity to start some push/pull...should I just ignore her ?

Don't ignore. Push / pull and dont pull too hard.

If she starts feeling like she fucked up with you and that you don't want her anymore , she'll start backing off.

Women can be scared too,they can be AFC's too. gradually feed her feelings. Don't hold back too much and don't pour too much in.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.