Critique my POF profile?



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 Post subject: Critique my POF profile?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 10:18 pm 
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Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2012 7:01 pm
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Hey can you guys give me any feedback on my profile?

I tried to incorporate as much I could find on the forums.

Thanks!
Quote:
About Me
First and foremost, I'm a really busy guy and sometimes I don't get a chance to respond to messages so please don't be offended if I don't reply.

Why am I on a dating site? Well I'm new to San Antonio and in between taking over the World and sailing the Black Pearl, I work in the oil and gas industry. So as said before, I'm busy.

I like unique people who I can have an interesting conversation with. I find it immensely sexy when a girl is passionate, ambitious, and independent. I'm not particularly looking for anyone, I love my life the way it is. I spend my time with people who have a positive impact in my life and enjoy providing for me as much as I enjoy providing for them. I also live a daringly dangerous life, so a spark in her eye and the ability to run in heels is a must.

Am I interested? I only require honesty and a fun personality. Anything additional, I consider a fantastic plus! So if you message me, I will be glad to provide you with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, quality references, awards, publications, wanted letters, mug shots, sexual history, pictures of my ping-pong trophies, and my top-10 celebrity bang list. If you want a guy that consistently blows your mind with awesomeness, hit me up.

I can make an excellent hot chocolate and have been known to give fantastic massages from time to time.

First Date
I'll treat you to McDonald's McFlurry....if you're lucky! ;-)

Also, I'd like to go to space. Preferably the moon, I hear there's a great view.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2012 6:39 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2012 9:37 am
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Location: Sheffield
i thin it's good and bad in equal measure.

I think you seem confident when you say you might not always reply cos your busy. BUT you then repeat that you are busy, girls may look at that and think you are trying TOO hard to be alpha, and think it's BS.

i would re-word it something like this: First and foremost, I'm a really busy guy and sometimes I don't get a chance to respond to messages so please don't be offended if I don't reply. l am new to San Antonio and in between taking over the World and sailing the Black Pearl, I work in the oil and gas industry, and this is what brings me to the Magical world of POF"


The bit about what you want in a girl is good. But i would remove the whole section about "what i am glad to provide". it looks weak, as if you are so eager to qualify yourself to a girl that you will answer any question on your history that they ask.

remove the "from time to time" after the bit about foot massages.

The rest seems cool


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:25 am 
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Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2012 7:01 pm
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Ok, I made some of the suggested changes. I'm thinking of something to replace the reference bit with at the moment. Here's the link to my profile.

w ww.pof.co m/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=12328487

I'm not allowed to post web addresses so I put a space in the "www" and "com"


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