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Ok, so when I talk to girls I talk slowly and calmly, to show confidence. But just a few minutes ago j got a comment saying that I have no emotion in my voice. Is this good or bad? And ya it's defiantly true, I don't show emotion in my voice. How do I show more emotion? Should I show more emotion? Thanks guys.
I'm very monotone and naturally speak slowly and calm. I've been given compliments about it like "you should be a radio host." or light hearted jokes like "you sound like a golf announcer.". I just either joke along with them or just play it cool.
I do however notice that when making a conscious effort to pace your speech rate with theirs as well as reach your vocal tone closer to theirs it makes people like you and feel more comfortable around you. Generally I only make a real effort with this when I'm at a job interview.
Basically if you speak at 130 bpm while you're talking to someone who speaks at 180bpm then you should go up to [180 minus... divide by 2... add to... ] 155bpm. If your vocal range is in the middle octave and theirs is 3 octaves lower than you should drop roughly an octave and a half. It's almost instantly noticeable how much more relaxed they are while talking to you when you do this. You don't go all the way to where they are.
Same with things like mumbling, slang, speaking clearly, use of metaphorical phrases, [insert speech pattern/characteristic], etc.. If you come closer to how they talk they not only understand you more while feeling as if you understand them more but they feel more comfortable around you as well.
e.g. Someone who speaks a bit of skater slang with a mix of stoner slang, mumbles a bit, uses physical metaphores [e.g. "I FEEL you.", "That's SOLID, man.", "You're keeping it REAL."], speaks at a slow pace, has a robotic emotionless monotone, and a small vocabulary is NOT going to feel comfortable talking to a Harvard Law student who minored in music [that will most likely use Audio metaphores (e.g. "SOUNDS like a good idea.", "Screw that NOISE.", "I went to school and all that JAZZ."), have a larger vocabulary, speaks clearly and understandable, quick thinker with a faster rate of speech and more animated, etc..).
However if both compromise and pay attention and use "trance words" and/or phrases the other uses they'll ease off the tension and feel more comfortable and as if they can relate better.
Personally I don't care that much. I talk how I talk and do just fine making friends, talking to girls, and other social issue. Feeling relaxed and comfortable also helps you out [keep it in your mind that the girls you're talking to don't matter in a sense that you don't care if you date them, kiss them, fuck them, whatever and just enjoy the conversation and get to know them and you'll be more likeable since you don't care and aren't pressuring anything or acting unnartural or forced. Acting forced and unnatural is "trying too hard"]
CHAT
