This is the relationship forum. This is where the games end and shit should be real.

I am all for telling the truth and being honest with the spouse. But one shouldn't just bitch to his old lady about how he wants more pussy, or kinkier sex. The rules of attraction still apply. I'd say it's important to communicate the concern, but I'd take a course of action that proves you aren't just a lazy piece of shit lay yourself.

Matrixx is right in that telling the woman, even if clearly, openly, and in a non-threatening way that the sex life is not satisfactory, the result probably won't be positive. No one likes to hear that it's not up to snuff.

I suggest taking action to spice it up yourself. If you're a talker or she is, then ask her if she has any complaints in the sex department. If she does, fucking fix them, and I'll bet she puts out more. One other idea would be to just surprise her with something kinky. When she asks what the hell is going on, tell her you thought she needed a dirty, nasty, kinky fuckin because she just hasn't gotten it for too long. You know her better than we do. Don't just bitch about it, do something to fix it.

And to the guy who said there are no surprises, fuck that. If she knows you, then do something you'd never normally do.

Have u ever used the punish and reward system for this?

Any guy that suggests "talking" to resolve relationship problems clearly does not have a proper understanding of women. Even if you talk to her and come to a resolution, the underlying problem still remains so it will be a temporary fix if any.

The underlying problem here is that she is feeling a loss of attraction for you. This can be due to a number of reasons. The number 1 problem is usually too much security. The biggest attraction killer in relationships is security. Too much security = no fear of loss = no tension = boredom. Tension comes from INSECURITY. Do you live with this woman? My guess is you either live with this woman or see her most days of the week. Too much time together reduces tension. Theres nothing that can be done about that.

Also ignore the guys telling you its your fault for being lazy. You could be fucking Brad Pitt or a fitness model and it wouldn’t make the slightest difference. You can try and be “exciting” and “spontaneous” or whatever but that does nothing to remedy the fact that too much SECURITY is the issue here.

The chemicals that you both felt at the start of the relationship have diminished, and the only way to get them back is to create distance/tension. This is the biggest problem with Monogamous relationships, and is basically UNAVOIDABLE. The more time you spend with a woman, no matter how ALPHA or ATTRACTIVE you are, the more attraction will diminish. Sense of security sets in, and boredom along with it. Too much contact, being too lovey dovey, romantic, needy, moving in together, proposing etc are all things that speed the process. I have been with my LTR for 3.5 years but attraction is still high because I only see her 2 nights a week and have hardly any contact in between. When we see each other we basically just fuck cause its still EXCITING.

So what I’m trying to tell you here is to try and create some tension in your relationship. Things that increase tension:

-NEXT her (this is number 1, everything else is hardly as effective), next time she resists sex in any way just walk out the door and break all contact for a week or two.
-Time apart
-Less contact
-Be distant/unavailable (emotionally)
-Focus on hobbies/work, make her a lower priority in your life
-Be DOMINANT with her, at all times
-LEAD the relationship

When a woman no longer has any fear of losing you she will lose attraction for you.

Killer made some excellent points, especially NEXTing (or a challenge) which is very effective in raising interest level.
Killer likes that kind of a life style of 2 nights / week in a LTR relationship. That's valid. But there are millions and billions of people who live together more than 2 nights/week in a LTR relationship and have great sex. My parents is one of them and many of my friends as well. So not every monogamous relationship will lead to this problem.

The key to a successful monogamous relationship is to "keep dating" your wife or GF. Women like to keep feeling special especially after they married their men. Otherwise, boredom sets in. Plus the man must already have a series of hobbies going on before marriage or during dating to keep him busy and this MUST CONTINUE even after marriage. Nexting is natural when you are busy with your own stuff. Also the man must NEVER bend backwards to give up the hobbies because their married women nag them for more attention. Common bitching complaints among married women you know -- now you know why smart married men play the Harry Houdini trick. But most men fell for this because they want to be nice -- the nice AFC personna jumps out. So keep it natural, which is why you MUST internalize your game before LTR, cause you only have one chance at it or twice or thrice if you like dealing with divorce lawyers!

Killer made some points, most of them I disagree with. That's why they say "to each their own." I don't want to next and all that shit. I will do it while gaming a chick, but not when I'm in a committed relationship. That's not what I want out of a relationship. What I want out of a relationship is to be with someone with whom I don't have to play games, and topics like this can be discussed in the open for mutual benefit. In a nutshell, I want a woman whom I can say "I really would like to do a lot more fucking." And if she wants the same, then we fuck a lot more. If she doesn't, then I say "Then I'd like to find someone else with whom I can fuck a lot more". And I want a woman who is mature enough to know that if sex with me is not something she wants to engage in, then the nature of our relationship is likely to change, not necessarily breaking up or being no contact, but possibly a more open relationship sexually, or something of that nature.

BTW, my marriage at this moment is not good, we are separated, but the one thing that has never been broken is the fucking. It's been good all along, and it is great now. The problems we have are on other issues, but we have always been open with each other. It's just hard to go from being married with children to divorced and not even friends when the sex has been so good for so long. Just figured I should put that disclaimer in there so you all don't think I'm a marriage counselor.

Killer's main point is actually being a challenge that keeps attraction in relationships.

All comes to when cavemen hunt for their families with dangers like the sabertooth tiger and other predators on the lurch. When you go and hunt for food, it's not like you've got a Safeway around the corner. Men who do this put their lives on the line. Women give them the incentive to do so. You go to work right? What's the incentive for that? A paycheque. Would you work hard for your employer for no pay? Modern society had removed most of what challenge men did in the past that became natural for them. It's no longer the case. That's why it's a lost trade. Some people think it's a game. Well tell that to the countless cavemen who hunt and never came home because they didn't make it. Those cavemen create tension without even having to play games, because it's obviously not a short jaunt to Safeway to get your meat.

Modern men create attraction by defining who they are. Relationship is a dynamic process and it evolves. The person or wife you know may change 5-10 years from now. Your job is to go along with the change, not simply stay put. People loose connection between each other because of non-complacent. They didn't want to work to better themselves and let them languish.

Lastly, women has nesting behaviors so even if they lost passion, they will continue to be your sex or love zombies. Your woman can be in the 40 to 49% interest range and still be giving you good sex. Probably not the same passionate sex like before, but yeah you get it. It's a matter of time she will say adios, which is why most guys find it a shock that she drops you a bombshell. It's not. Lost of attraction happens glacially, but most men don't sense it because most guys work off their ego. The questions people post when I read them typically have these connotations.

To summarize this. A good healthy LTR relationship is a combination of good communications and viable actions to maintain attraction plus raising her interest level. The communication part is to sense in which direction in life she's moving into because like you said is right. The girl may be just into sex for the moment, but if her life shifts somewhere, she expects the man to follow without being told. If not, her new life will reveal new alpha males who got their own effective game. You can compete against them when she's engaging in a different life style.