So my fiance is in Germany, and we've been in a LDR for some months now. I didn't call her last Saturday, and she threw a fit about it. She called me, and was worried why I hadn't called. I said that I just had a lazy day, and have been playing video games. She took it to mean that I just wasn't thinking about her, and didn't see any reason to call her; is that such a big deal? Can I be an introvert for a day, and forget about all responsibilities? This is my fault because I set a poor precedent by being the one to call her each day. I had to have an agonizingly long conversation over the phone to make her feel better. I tried to tell her that it's not my responsibility to call her every single day, and that she shouldn't over-react if I don't call, and that if she want's she should just call me. I didn't get this point across very well, and have since then still been the one initiating the majority of the calls.

Now today, she was at a party, and I called her, didn't get a hold of her, and she text back "I can't, I'm at a party" ...so to get my point across, I text her to call me. She texts me "I'm home safe" and doesn't call - so I call acting upset that she didn't call in the 5 hours since I had tried calling her. I try to act out how she has double standards for communication, and show her how it's apparently okay for her to not talk with me, so long as she is the one who makes that decision. She tells me that it's not like that, and that she was thinking about me at the party. Really, I just want her to see that it's not such a big f'king deal if we don't talk one day.

Another irritating thing is that I'll often have a conversation with her for several hours, and get hungry or have to go do something because it's now 9PM, and the stores are all about to close. It's apparently selfish for me to want to go eat, and call her the next day. I can't seem to be the one to end the conversation; if I attempt to do so, she gets all emotional. It's as if for me to go do something else, it has to be validated in her mind. Work seems to be the only real excuse I can think of; I feel I shouldn't need a reason at all. She says we just don't feel the same about each other. I feel trapped on the phone sometimes. I don't like talking on the phone with anyone for a long time, but because of our situation, it's the only way to keep in touch. Even worse, she feels "closer" to me when we are both just lying down talking on the bed, when I want to multi-task I can't. I start to feel anxious and unproductive after about an hour of conversation with anyone on the phone.

It feels like a chore to talk to her now, and not something all that enjoyable. Part of me thinks this is just a result of the long distance, and not being actually together. The other part wonders if I'm a selfish prick. Then I wonder are these red flags that she's insecure, clingy, needy, or emotionally high-maintenance? What do you think?

Do you have any means of reducing the distance soon?

You may just have to ride it out, I don't think the blame lies with you. I think its something to be thankful that she is so eager to talk to you, because the feeling of losing someone who you're in an LDR with and care about is extremely unpleasant.

Not once in your post did you mention that you apologized to her.

Clearly you didn't intend to upset her or piss her off, but you ought to be man enough to recognize that you upset her, even if it wasn't intentional. Don't kiss her ass and get all AFC, but by not apologizing to her you failed to acknowledge that you hurt her, which hurt her again.

You can't brush it off as a simple deal without explaining that you're sorry and didn't think it was that important to her. Had you done that from the get go, I'd think you might have had more success establishing an agreement that doesn't disappoint her expectations.

I don't think you're an asshole, just aren't perfect. Tell her that, and if she's worth it, she'll calm down and things will return to normal. If not, at least you can feel like you did what you could.

Ya, I did apologize that I hurt her, but still it just seems full of up-and-down. I often say "I'm sorry, I didn't think it was a big deal to you" and am met with "you should know it was important to me because you're the closest person to me" as if I that makes me psychic? One minute we're great, and 30 minutes later when I don't reply to a picture message, she gets all distraught about it. Apparently, it wasn't enough to just "like" it on Facebook where she also posted it. A thoughtful comment about it was required, and I overlooked that; or a response to the picture message within a 1hr window.

We are fine when we're actually together, and she doesn't give me any of the stupid crap that comes with this long distance shit. I just find myself wondering how long I can deal with the ups-and-downs associated with a LDR, and if she would be able to manage with my lifestyle of working away from home several months at a time. I'm going to see her in 3 weeks thankfully at least, and hopefully will square some of this away, but am worried because it's going to take about 7 months to get her in the US again. I'm okay with being separated for some time, and am very independent; I worry mostly about her ability to cope with separation for sustained periods of time.