I mentioned in other posts that my oneitus is a coworker and she definitely was attracted to me, but I never asked her out and escalated. She told my other coworker that she was seeing someone and I heard from him today. I really want to ask her about it in a non jealous way like...I heard you're hooking up with XX is it that XX that comes in once in awhile (with a smile and everything). The reason I want to ask her is judging by her response, I can definitely move on if she says yeah we have been seeing each other for a bit now...Also, by me asking her, she can realize that I've actually been interested in her. I know you guys always advocate seeing other girls and forgetting about her, but I truly want to be certain before moving on with this girl...I like her a lot...period. I'm posting this because I feel sick to my stomach hearing this news and I may not be thinking straight and I trust the opinions of the experienced members...If I just see other girls now, it will suck that she will never know how I really feel about her. What should I do????

Dude, watch this 100 times. Understand it, live it, lines will come to you automatically. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... HrCFXGlGYU

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Nathan Griffin

Ummm... You never even went out with her. Why do you have oneitis? Sorry if this sounds mean, but she probably doesn't even think anything of you, even if you think she's attracted to you. It's possible she WAS, but if she's seeing another guy she's probably forgotten about you.

Don't even bother talking about it with her, because she'll know you're hurt by the idea of her seeing another guy... And showing your cards is the last thing you want to do. My suggestion is to go out sarging to forget about her. You'll be over her in no time, especially since you never even went out with her.

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

Is it really that bad to just playfully ask her about it? If she is seeing someone, how do I let her know that I've been interested all along? A part of me feels like I was her first choice and she just settled with this guy because I didn't make a move. My gut keeps telling me that once she knows I am interested she will tell me this guy is nothing serious and she wants to be with me. I can't stop thinking about this and I'm constantly agitated. I know I sound like a bitch, but I can really use your advice.

If you're actually right in that you were actually her first choice, and in that she would tell the guy she's seeing to take a walk, then yes you could approach her.

But there's absolutely no way to ask her without sounding jealous (if she knows you were interested, she'll know why you're asking).

But I'm a little cynical... Why is this your gut feeling? Did you two flirt at all? Did you send her some playful texts? Did you two touch at all? What were her IOIs? What has you convinced she'd go out with you? For now, all I have from you is a gut feeling, and a gut feeling is the weakest form of evidence.

And if I advocate sarging when you have oneitis, it's because it's a win-win situation: 1) you don't lock yourself up in a potentially hurtful situation of i) getting hurt and ii) being the butt of jokes at work and 2) showing you are indifferent towards her will have her running back to you (if she was ever interested in the first place)

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

dear god help us all

Yes, there was a lot of IOIs and I'm better in every way than this guy except I didn't make a move when I had the chance and I didn't show interest. The only reason I wanted to bring it up with her is because I honestly don't think she knows I like her. I think she thinks that I wasn't interested and that's why she's seeing this guy right now.

Anyway, I have had some time to think about this and I tried to be as logical as possible. My end goal is to be with her and here's the way I see it...

1) If I bring it up, she will then know that I know that she is seeing someone which means she would be less inclined to allow me to escalate on her (even if she wanted me to) because of her ASD.

2) I pretend I never heard this and escalate on her harder than ever anyway and see what happens. I'm just going to focus on being fun around her, constantly flirt, and indirectly show her I'm better than this guy.

What do you think about this logic? If you feel there is a better option, I'm all ears. Thanks for the help guys

Not sure what you want to hear. People have given you advice and your essentially saying you don't want to listen to it and are instead giving people a choice of the 2 types of advice you want to hear.

Look it's simple when your this emotionally invested your not going to able to control how you react. Case in point here on the forums your not listening to advice given and instead are trying to direct the advice the way you want. My guess is if you can't control your emotions here you'll definitely find it impossible in her presence. In other words following the path your on your probably going to act very needy and anything you do will be extremely transparent to her.

Let it go, get some perspective by giving yourself space and talking to other women. In the state of mind your in your just going to blow any chance you have with her. If you really like this girl be patient and give yourself space so you can better control how your feeling. Anyone can get caught up, it happens to the best of us but you've got a community here trying to help you get perspective so take advantage of it.

QFT
Look, you want to know in order to "move on", fine. Just ask her. If she says "yes" go home, cry, masturbate with your tears and then have the freedom of closure. And move on.
If she says "no, I'm single" tell her "Yay ^_^ Go out with me tonight!".

Stalling will gain you nothing but some extra days of angst.

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RSDTyler

Well if your goal is to be with her, go with option 2. But i expect you to get rejected.

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

So what is the advice...talk to other girls and not even try with this girl? Just give up?

game this girl

and game other girls

there's your advice

I asked her, but not directly...his name came up in a random conversation and I was like oh that guy you're dating right now...Her answer was "we are not dating! we are just... 'talking' (not sure what that means)." "we smoked together and went out to eat a few times." At this point I thought my gut feeling was right...she wasn't really that into him and she is using him for attention because she's lonely (super hot but now single for awhile) and because I didn't go for it when I had the damn chance. But IDK, she is CONSTANTLY texting him during work and she responds right away as if she is waiting by the phone for his responses. She is definitely less friendly with me and pretty much doesn't give me IOIs anymore, but she might be doing this because I pulled away when she pushed. If you were me...how would you read this situation and would you still go for her?

the fuck did I say

game this girl

and game other girls

LMFAO... And you want to see a bright side to this? There is none. She's not dating him no, but she's seeing him and possibly head over heels for him. She's not giving you IOIs anymore because she's no longer into you. Pretty simple huh?

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.