The things going on in my mind:
"Everything must die, disappear, never come back, there must be space, emptiness. I want nothing. Everything must perish. I want to forget everything. I want every bond broken. I want everyone away from me and out of my life. I want my life away from me. I want my mind to die. I want my heart to die. But I want to live. I want to be free. I want nothing. I want emptiness. I want clarity. I want to break down and not be. I want to be alone, without myself, my mind or my heart. Everything must leave.

I want power. I want feelings. I want to feel crazy, free, do anything, whatever happens, I don't care, I don't want to care. Everything must leave. I want the world. All these feelings pouring through me. I WANT MORE. I WILL HAVE MORE. I want to be powerful, unstoppable, untamable and WILD, I WANT FREEDOM. I want to jump to my death. But I want to LIVE... dead. I don't want life but I want to LIVE. I want to collapse and die. I want to stand and be powerful. I want to be everything and I want nothing. I am everything to myself. There isn't a world. There mustn't be a world for me to be. I die. I am already dead. Time seems distorted and weird. I will die and therefore I am dead. The moment saves me. I live. I am alive but dead. I hate life but I want life."

I know the things written above seem crazy, but I sense a weird, extremelly powerful wave of motivation coming from it, I sense freedom in all that, I sense emotions. The things in my mind tell me what I must do. The world just seems so small because of all that.

What do you guys think of this cluster in my mind? It keeps going on and on inside me, all the time. To give up but keep fighting. To die but to live. To allow the madness what world is inside my mind. To let myself shine vividly.

This might just be my suppressed personality trying to break out, I'm not sure of what this is or how I created this. (But I know I created it.)

_________________
LIFE IS A FUNNY MOTHARFUCKUR. ;3

please give me some of that, whatever you're taking.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with having scattered thoughts that don't make much sense to one's self. However these thought may hinder you from finding a girlfriend.

I already have a girlfriend so it doesn't matter, but even if I didn't it wouldn't hinder pick-up skills.
Once I find what I want these thoughts are pushed back and I'm extremelly motivated to get the exact thing I want. The thoughts are actually like an afterburner to my motivation and pick-up skills.

The problem here could be that I feel pain all the time, I get depressed and dragged into these thoughts (which keep pushing me out to the extreme) and I lose fear of losing anything. I lose all fear to be exact. I just go for what I want.
It's called philosophy and meditation. Deep realisations.

_________________
LIFE IS A FUNNY MOTHARFUCKUR. ;3

Ok, well I was not trying to imply that you are not a go getter, I was just validating the fact that wild thoughts are not unique to just you, most persons have them, people lose fear also...until they ass is locked up, or looking down the barrel of a 45 Dessert Eagle.