Well, you have successful managed to make me write a post which nowadays is one hell of an achievement!
Now, the point you raise is something I find incredibly interesting - how much do we manipulate attraction?
Well first I think it is important to think about what we can perceive about someone before speaking to them. It isn't as limited as people initially think:
1) Social status
2) Self esteem
3) Wealth
4) Physical attraction (both fitness + good looking)
Now, those are 4 fairly basic points and most of which can be assessed in a matter of seconds by a complete stranger just from looking at you. Normally, people will also be able to make some opinions as to your personality from the way you dress.
Based on that, we can therefore assume that attraction is often pre-existing.
However. Most of those traits will only be an initial judgement and could be completely false. Take for example wealth, a millionaire could put on scruffy clothes just as easily as someone with a net worth of £2k could blow it on designer labels and look rich (at least for 1 outfit). If those two people walked into a Bentley garage, they would be treated differently based on the sales staffs judgement of them, but their opinions would likely change when one pulls out their platinum card and the other a few coins. This can be very similar with attraction, how we interact with people can very quickly change their perception of us depending on how we interact with both them, and others.
Really, it comes down to a fundamental human instinct, we are always judging others. What parents teach their kids is incredibly counter intuitive to what biologically we are hard-wired to do. Ultimately, you need to judge threats / mates / etc very quickly to maximise your success in life. You also need to constantly re-evaluate those things on a subconscious level.
Once you factor in that everyone has individual things they are more and less attracted to, I think attraction can be created. But it is completely reliant on the other person not already finding you un-attractive.
Therefore, I am of the opinion that attraction can be both pre-existing and created, but at no stage can you become unattractive to the other person and as a result a lot of people actually mess up possible attraction rather than create it from where it doesn't exist (a prime example of this is very attractive guys who have 0 social skills) or foster some attraction into something that is to a degree both parties will act upon.
So how does this relate to day to day life? I like to think of it as a scale 1 being you are repulsive and 10 being they are literally jumping you.
Most people will view others somewhere between 4 and 6 as most people are pretty average. Very few people will find you repulsive (under 3) just from looking at you unless you are extreme in some way. But likewise, if you are extreme in some way, people may well find you very attractive based on that (lots of piercings for example).
When you start talking to people, you then are able to show them more about you and they will further judge you and how they feel about you. This is where a lot can be gained of lost depending on your social skills.
So, take John Smith for example. Completely average looking and people would be neutral to him from just looking (5). When he talks, he has great game and is a really cool guy that takes him to an 8 and guess what, that is enough to take the girl home.
Now take Brad Pitt, most women find him hot + rich + famous so he starts as a 7 and most girls would pretty much be ready to take him home without saying anything. Lets say the first words he said to a girl were "you are fat and your mum is a whore". Probably not going to get the girl.
In the end, most attraction will be created from some small spark. Mostly though, you wont turn a hater into a lover
CHAT
