How do I stop suppressing my own emotions?
My mind pattern goes like this:
1. Emotion appears.
2. Mind says "Don't do that, x WILL *IT WILL HAPPEN and that's ALWAYS reinforced extremelly powerfully* happen."
3. It becomes suppressed, depression may appear, emotional state is destroyed, mind trashed.

I feel as I'm extremelly dependant on the outcome of my actions, though I have went through making myself internally focused not externally. The outer effects just seem so important, that I CAN'T break the patterns that I'm using to interact with everyone.

For example.
1. My dad says something stupid that I really hate.
I don't get mad on the inside, I don't even notice the emotion coming up. I just fire up a pattern that works (it works but my mental state gets trashed) and gets me out of the situation safely.

2. My gf rejects me when I ask for sex. Instead of getting mad I just suck it up (I don't want to hurt her feelings and push sex on her.) and keep snuggling etc.

3. I want to write something nice to my gf, but then I remember she'll think of me as an AFC etc. and I just leave that in my head until I do nothing. Because I know something bad would happen.

This is STRICTLY beta behavior, yes, I know, but how do I break out of this? It seems almost impossible with the beliefs I have stored about other people and the world and how I should behave so my body would be safe.

I'll try meditation and releasing as much as I can for now, just not giving a fuck about the results of my actions for some time and see what happens.

Thanks for the replies (if any), guys.

_________________
LIFE IS A FUNNY MOTHARFUCKUR. ;3

For one...stop over thinking. Two- do some meditation to be still. Three- stop overthinking and reflect on what is actually is, not how it should be, could be it, etc. Again..I'm open to a convo via somesort of instant message.

I did some emotional meditation while listening to some chilled/emotional music.
I tried to see what emotions the sounds cause in me and just kept watching every other emotion. Keyword WATCHED I didn't act on the emotions I just saw SO MUCH OF MY EMOTIONS. awmmgfdmhjb.

Depression went away, over-thinking not there, I just don't care to worry anymore and I'm in a super nice mood. :3

I can easily pull off Venusian artist on a romantic note now AND enjoy it. idc about sex anymore, feelings are the main thing I care about.

Thanks for the reply though, I don't get how I ALWAYS find a solution to the things I post, but not to the ones I don't post.

_________________
LIFE IS A FUNNY MOTHARFUCKUR. ;3

You are an interactive thinker. Writing posts about a problem here focuses your attention on the problem, and where there is focus, there is activity.

I'm learning now that I've suppressed feelings from everyone, and it really made me an asshole. But I am aware of it now, so when they tell me I was an asshole, I can see that and understand it. Inner game is a process that takes time and work I think. Telling your dad that what he said pissed you off would be a good idea. I've done this. At first, their reaction was defensive, largely because I needed to learn how to communicate this message in a non threatening manner. Once they understand how you react to what they say, those who care about you will try also to word their messages in a way that you get their point, without it causing anger within you. My relationship with my parents isn't perfect, but it's better than ever, and improving all the time. Inner game applies to all relationships you're in, not just the romantic ones. Get to know yourself, and then let your friends and family get to know you too, and you'll be happier for sure.