Quote:
After reading this
ego-vs-confidence-understanding-and-dis ... 47997.html I decided to give it a try.
My start position: Ego somewhere between middle and high and confidence somewhere between middle and low.
I've been trying this for 3 weeks now and I'll say it's a very good thing it certainly helped me A LOT and overall you can say, that I'm more chilled and active person since I started doing it, but there are some things that change your behavioural pattern on worse scenario.
Basically I practiced it like this: After I read this post I judged every situation I found myself into with the question: How would confident me act? and once I got the answer I acted like that, now here's the good part, if you act like this, you pretty much don't need to pay attention on anything else, like body language, tonality, eye contact, facial expressions and for some reason people that are talking to you are getting sucked into your world, don't ask me why cause I don't have a fucking clue it's wierd like when you radiate confidence to surrondings, they get sucked into or maybe you are just so in your world that you don't notice/care. So that is the good side of this, like the author sadi any situation can be solved IF you are doing it for yourself and because you like it not because you would need to impress other people. However for me I started to feel also some negative experiences... I'm a funny person (I'm planning a little bit of comedy when I'll have the time.) but since I started doing this I became way
too serious, maybe because before I was making pepople laugh in a way of just fucking with their head and I did that for two reasons, because I wanted them to like me and because I liked to see them smile and feel good, it's sort of mindfuck after trying this technique, cause now before I try to make anyone laugh I also ask myself: "OK why am I trying to make them laugh." and you never really know if it is for your ego (wanting them to like you) or if it is from your confidence (you enjoy making people laugh), which leads me to another disadvatage which is slow
responce time thinking "Why are you doing this, do you validate your ego, are you doing this for yourself." are necessary questions, but it takes a while for your brains to answer it and anybody who was out in the field knows that you need a fast response time, so in a way it is wierd, OK it's not like you care if it is wierd, but it certainly doesn't help you out.
Right now the result is: Middle confidence and middle low ego, the method is certainly recommendable, for me like it was written ego is still lurking from the surface in every situation given, so yeah I try to control. The interesting part about this is that ego is not strong when you are in a non-social impact situation, but when you are in high impact social situation it can loose control and you can be all ego, so you have to watch it constantly and at the opportunity given say: "No, STOP, OK what would confident me do?" again slow resonse time
but conveys confidence. It certainly requires a lot of effort, I try to help myself in this with meditation and on the side note it's easier to control your ego in a real world than it is in your mind and thought alone. My ego is still pumping sometimes like crazy, like especially on facebook, cause you have the feeling of everyone watching you, but it can be controlled with practice you can achieve anything. As far as girls go, haven't closed anything with using this, but then you can take into a consideration that my game still sucks a bit. In general with communication to other people this stuff is THE SHIT
K.
Hey bro,
I know what you mean sometimes you think oh am I trying to be funny for attention or to have fun? This is something I've actually struggled with but now when I be funny it's because I am having fun. You just have to realize a lot of times you aren't being funny because you are looking for attention but simply because it is fun.
I am a guy that gets a lot of attention because of my natural behaviors are "loud" sneeze, laugh, talk, etc. I understand the difference between ego and self-confidence because I use to feel horrible every time I got a negative reaction to me because I was so use to a positive reaction it effected my frame immensely. I was one of those guys that kind of had a lot of love from a lot of folks but then one person would say something and it would affect me more than the fact that I had high value with so many others.
It's not bad to be the funny guy, don't change something that seems to be a part of you, especially a big part of you like laughter. If you are a funny guy and you enjoy having fun keep being that guy, eventually you'll get to a point where you can still be that fun funny guy but it isn't because you are seeking approval. You end up just getting everyone's approval.
I don't try and have fun or be funny to impress other people I do it because it is fun, I don't need the attention of the room. I've been the quiet guy in the room and said 4-5 statements and made everyone laugh because they were funny thoughts and i thought folks would enjoy them. I'll say things I think are funny even if they are at my own expense because the goal isn't to build me up but because I think it is funny. Don't be scared to have fun, having fun isn't an egotistical concept. Being funny isn't having an ego though someone who is funny can have a huge ego.
Your response time is understandable I can see how this is an issue, I don't think about my answers too much anymore there is certainly a growing period and it gets to a point where you kind have an awareness and instinctual awareness about not doing shit to impress people. Try to remove your ego awareness for periods of time if you need to when you go out especially if it is inhibiting your fun or experiences with women.
One thing that the thread and folks convinced me of through out the thread is that having some ego isn't a bad thing, it can be used to your advantage but I personally feel your ambition should come from within you rather than outsides sources. Obviously if you think it is ok to go out smelly, in dirty clothes, etc. you aren't going to be picking up any woman, so being aware of the perception that you present to people isn't too bad of an idea. The key is to make sure that your ego doesn't own you, doesn't control everything.
So there is a balance of a small ego that gives you rational social decisions such as shower and dress well, and then there is the other side of things where you realize oh shit I'm trying to do everything for other people and I'm trying to impress everyone but me. I'm trying to make everyone happy but me. It's ok to have a small ego, it's not ok to have an ego that tends to control a lot of what you do I think you are in good shape bro.
The beauty of limiting/eliminating the ego is you gain more of a "get it done attitude" instead of thinking of unimportant thoughts like what will they think of me? You think ok what do I need to do to get it done. You aren't inhibited by a lust for validation.
When it comes to women, if you are having issues then find your sticking point, where are you catching snags? Where do you need more knowledge? This is when it becomes easy because you aren't obsessed with anything but how you change your results i.e. thinking oh shit that is where I should have done differently rather than oh she treated me like shit I'm a loser you think oh she must have misunderstood me if I would have done this or that differently she would have been all over me like a fat kid on a cupcake.
Your behaviors become more adjustable because of your realization that your behaviors aren't who you are but simply behaviors.
If you need any help with anything feel free to PM me, email me, or just post up and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
I hope that helped a bit if not just ask away.
Peace and Love,
Vic
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