Ask her out again man! It could lead to a whole new level of relationship. Well, both of you have lessons learned, if you sense she's up to it again, maybe this time it will work (or it may not). But what's worst? You're done with the worst part, right?

Go ahead!

Not to be a dick or anything, but what've you been doing all this time? Have you gone out, gamed other girls? Slept with any of them? Have you been working on yourself?

You say you've maintained no contact with this girl, but saying hi to her is not no contact. I understand you have mutual friends, but you're still running into her. That's contact. Also, if you've looked at her profile on Facebook or any other social media, you're stunting your progress. Be honest: have you?

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Hey,

I don't want to be the bringer of bad news.

But, i think you lost her, and should get over her.

The no contact works, because. When you're with someone, your brain produces endorphine, that's the feeling "love" is.
It's the good feeling you get.

Read: http://people.howstuffworks.com/love7.htm

When you go no contact, you'll cut her brain from endorphine. And she'll start missing it, she links that to you, so she starts missing you. Now the thing is, after 50 days, she's not missing it, or getting it somewhere else.

You should do the same.

I have slept with 2 other girls, but it just felt meaningless. And it kind of made me feel bad because I was essentially just using them to try to get my mind of this girl.

I don't choose to see her every week. She originally said she wouldn't come to the volunteer place anymore because she was going for the wrong reasons, and would find a different place to go to. And then 3 weeks into no contact, she started showing up again. I never asked her why she started showing up again.

I don't go out of my way to talk to her, but if she says hi to me, what am I supposed to do? Pretend like she doesn't exist? To me, that seems a little AFC, because it would be like acting like she still has an affect on me. All I do is say hi back and make idle chit-chat, nothing more

I don't have her on facebook, but to be honest I have looked at her profile out of curiosity. But it's limited, so I don't see anything but her profile picture. Part of me wishes that I could see a pic of her with someone else, being happy. That way I can know for sure that this thing is dead and move on completely. This is why I want to give it one more shot. But I can't seem to figure out a way to do it without looking beta.

Also, I don't care if you sound like a dick (which you don't). I think I need a good kick to the head anyway, lol.

There isn't a way to do it without being beta. She left you for another dude.

It looks like experience is going to be the teacher here, which is fine. If you want to call her, go for it. But other people here have been trying to tell you- the stove is hot and you shouldn't touch it. We've been burned before and we're trying to help you to avoid the same pain. If you have to get burned to realize that, that's how it's gotta be. Be sure to tell us what happens.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

After careful deliberation, I've decided to.....stick with no contact.

Here's my reasons why.

1. She left me for another guy, and during this entire time, hasn't made the slightest effort in trying to contact me to say she's sorry, or that she made a mistake.

2. If things don't work out, I'll have to start no contact again from the beginning, and I think I've gone through too much to have to start all over again.

3. If things do work out, and we did manage to get back together, it would be on her terms, because the next time we break up, she knows she can just do nothing, and I'll come running back. That sets a bad precedent. It's the same as rewarding bad behaviour.

I'm pretty sure my need to contact her has passed. I think this all started because I had a dream that we got back together, and I woke up feeling this sense of joy, and then reality hit and I remembered that we weren't actually together.

I'm glad you guys are around to set my head straight. I don't trust my own thought sometimes.

Are you trolling us?

I haven't looked back here since this thread started. I thought for sure, by now, you'd have figured it out. But this whole thing is becoming harder and harder to believe. You were with this girl for two months, and you're still chewing the cud that you think you missed out... a full two months later?

You were the one who didn't want a relationship. She responded in a completely normal way by rebounding. You made a big deal about the rebound and weirded everyone out. You called explicitly for no contact. You are now handling no contact awkwardly by holding on to this paranoid, delusional view that everything is about YOU and YOUR feelings. I guarantee that at least some of the people with whom you volunteer sense a strange vibe from you every time you see her. You simply cannot be this paranoid about your world and come off as normal.

"No contact" doesn't mean "I'll dwell on the break up and how it could have gone better and what I could have done differently and how do I go about this now and how do I get her back and what if I break no contact and I wonder if she is still with him and I doubt she likes him as much as me and I bet she is just waiting for me to contact her and what magic words do I say to get her to like me again and waah waah waah..." That is the paranoid, delusional "no contact" where everything is about YOU.

"No contact" means you get her out of your day-to-day and focus on other things. Get a hobby. Go to the coffee shop and make a new friend. Read a book. Anything to not think about her. And as you go along your brain learns to stop thinking about it because IT IS A WASTE OF TIME TO DWELL ON THE PAST.

I feel for you, dude, because I've been there and it sucks. That is partly why I sought out this kind of forum and knowledge, because I finally realized that behavior pattern is weird and counterproductive. What helped me more than anything: I highly recommend that you learn to meditate and practice meditation daily. It might help you learn how to quiet your mind and detach "you" from reality the rest of us live in.

Good luck.

_________________
- Lux et Veritas -

I really wish this whole thing was a troll, but I can't help the way I feel.

I'm posting my thoughts here because I think it's a way better alternative then actually acting on them. I know no contact is supposed to be getting over her. And I'm trying. And I'm struggling. And that's why I post here, for support.

I don't know why I'm still thinking about her 2 months down the line. I know I originally said I didn't want a relationship, but I realised that was a mistake, and I tried to fix it, but I know it was too little too late.

Maybe people do get a wierd vibe from me, maybe they don't. It doesn't matter. I'm trying my best to act normal when she shows up, but I'm not superman. I have thoughts and feelings in my head, and I'm doing my best to try to shut them up.

Yes, I'm holding on this thin hope that maybe she'll come around. Or maybe, if I contact her, she'll tell me that she feels the same way. I know in my heart that this most likely isn't the case, but it's that lingering 1% chance that haunts me.

It's not easy to excercise her from my mind. Somedays are better then others. During the worse days, I post here instead of calling her.

That's the best I can do.

Thing is dude, you sent her a clear message that you were not relationship material. Firstly, you're still living in a house with your ex, which you might have got away with, but you then telling her you're "cynical about relationships" which is another way of saying that your last relationship still owns you (very plausible given your living situation) and that you're not ready to move on.

Look at the situation in reverse. Say a guy came on the forum telling us all that he'd met a girl who still lived with her ex and said she was cynical about relationships? Would people be advising him to get together with her? Of course not. You sent bad signals and she quite reasonably concluded that you were not a good prospect. Wal is right, this isn't all about you and you have to see it from her point of view as well.

Sigh, I suppose your right.

I mean in the end, I did say that I just want her to be happy.

So keeping that in mind, I shouldn't mess with her head by contacting her and should just leave her be. If she decides on her own to change her mind, then maybe we can talk and work something out.

It's just hard to accept the fact that the best thing to do is to walk away. I guess I never realised how much she meant to me until she was gone, and I realise now that I shouldn't of treated her like a fuck buddy.

I messed up. Live and let learn.

Great, you learned something about yourself here.

Mate this is off topic, but you made me laugh, because I just broke up with someone who used to live with her ex Not recommended to get with girls like that.

Anyway, onto OP. It's good that you post here instead of acting. I've been there too.

I would just stop going to places you can meet her. I don't think that you can't find any other activities to occupy yourself. But obviously seeing her does not make feelings fade easier for you. I wouldn't give a shit about coming off as AFC or in front of friends, who gives a shit. Whatever you need to do to forget her, do it, seeing her every single week won't help.
good luck

Thanks man, but I'm not going stop what I do every week just because of some silly girl. I'm volunteering to help people, so it's about something that is more important than the two of us. I'm just going to have to grin and bear it.