Just wondering how often you guys have sex with your GF in an average week?

The reason i'm asking is because me and my gf of 6 months haven't really been having a lot of sex lately. The sex in the first 3 months or so was out of control, we would have sex every time we were together and I would even wake up to her climbing on top of me.

However, now that all the excitement of being in a new relationship has settled, we'll go a week or two at a time without having sex. I know people say that sex in LTR's decrease as time goes by, but we still see each other often, go on dates, cuddle/make out, but just won't have sex. I've tried escalating when we're in bed together but she hits me with resistance a lot...which in turn hurts my feelings and I just get frustrated.

She mentioned one time that she feels bad because she doesn't usually crave sex, but based on our sex life at the beginning of our relationship, it's kind of hard to believe.

I know all relationships should have good communication, but I've been hesitant to talk to to her about it because I feel it will make the problem 'real'. Like she'll start to feel bad about it, or when we actually do have sex, there'll be unnecessary pressure or stress.

It's actually starting to make me feel needy, which I never am in relationships.

What should I do to increase our sex life/make her want to have sex with me more often?

Well, to answer your first questions. Pretty much every day I see my girlfriend (2+ years into the relationship).

Required reading:

$M on Ownership
http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.php? ... #post27844

Original post he references
http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.php? ... rtance-of-

Now, seriously.. to help you we need to know a LOT more information. The main question on are minds is.. is it because the sex is bad / boring? This is all on you. As the guy, you are required to initiate sex, be good enough to give her orgasms, and provide as much variety as possible (toys, positions, speed, types of orgasms, light bondage, etc). How long do you typically last? How is the foreplay.. do you go down on her before you have sex? Are you dominant in bed? Do you talk dirty to her during sex?

You see what I'm getting at here?

Second, what are her fantasies? Have you created a non-judgmental environment where she'd feel comfortable telling you about her vampire cos-play play-rape fantasy (etc)? Are you helping fulfill those fantasies? This is where the good communication comes in. Don't talk about the problems.. talk about preferences and turn-ons. She's not going to volunteer this stuff.. you need to get her to open up about it.

Lastly, are there any other possible contributing factors we should know about? For example, are either of you stressed out, prone to depression, or just unwell in any way? Oh, and this is important, how often do you see each other? How often do you text / talk on the phone on a daily basis?

-Wolf

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Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Hey Wolf

Well you actually bring up a good point. There's been a few times recently where we've tried to have sex after a night of drinking and I just couldn't get hard. I remember her getting frustrated and her just turning over and going to sleep even when I tried to do other things like going down on her and fingering her.

However, before this, our sex was great. She even went as far as saying it was the best she's ever had. I could make her orgasm every time with ease. But nowadays it seems like we always end up getting frustrated...by either me not orgasming or vice versa. As a result, she no longer likes me going down on her or fingering her, she just wants to go straight to sex...which is tough for me because I love foreplay.
I dunno, maybe she's just frustrated with not having orgasms through actual sex, that she doesn't care for foreplay right now. But a few months ago she would text me basically begging for me to come over and go down on her.

I tried getting her to open up about her fantasies but she's pretty shy about everything.

In terms of other factors, she is very emotional and has some daddy issues...which kinda made her depressed for a while, but i'm talking like 2 months ago or so. And for me, I think i'm getting slight anxiety from the whole 'not getting hard' thing.

We talk/text every day...and see each other about 3-5 times a week. We were best friends before we started dating so we're in contact pretty frequently.

I'm starting to think our mutual frustration is the cause of our drop in sex....but what should I do about it?

Ahh.. it sounds like every time you either can't get it up or can't finish.. it's a blow to her self esteem and makes her feel emotionally vulnerable. Girls are like that.. they tend to take that kind of thing very personally.

In the long run, you need to work though the whole "can't get it up / finish" issue. It's a mental thing that most guys go through at one point or another. Unfortunately, I don't have too much sagely advice for you on this one. Maybe try and intentionally up your testosterone via diet and exercise and/or cut down on self-stimulation. Some other guys might have better advice on this one.

In the meantime, it sounds like this is going to be hard to turn around, since you've let it slide for awhile. I guess my advice would be to see her less and to always escalate towards sex when you see her. This will put some tension back into the relationship (which will be good for both of you). Always push for going down on her, non-verbally, or for getting a BJ at the very least. Increase your dominant tendencies in and out of the bedroom. The next time she completely denies you any kind of sexual activity you should cut contact completely for a few days (i.e. soft next). This is essentially a power-play on your part. It will either improve the relationship or end it.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

I don't think the whole "owning the pussy" thing applies to all women. I think it all depends on what turns her on or off. And I've seen women who fall into both categories. But this isn't the place to debate this subject.

Seems like you know what the problem is. Wolf is exactly right, if she can't make you cum, that doesn't make her feel sexy. All you need to do to understand is think about how you feel when you don't make a woman cum.

This is your problem. Find out if she just isn't turning you on, or what your deal is, fix it, and I think you'll find yourselves fucking like crazy again. And don't be afraid to take the kink factor up a notch.

I don't have exactly the same problem as the original poster but your advice is still sound Wolf.

My GF of 10 months denied me sex last Tuesday. I didn't soft next but didn't make a thing about it either. I'm seeing her this coming Thursday. If she denies again, then a 2-3 day soft next is in the works.

Thanks

Attached girlfriend doesn't deny sex and sex should be quite often. Without sex you are what, a brother and sister?

Having sex 2-3 times a day while living with my GF works for me pretty much amazing.

pretty much everytime we meet. probably 2-4 times a week

6 times a week usually.

1 year (exclusive) - every time we see each other, minimum of once, assuming no illness or period, although then we usually go for oral or anal. So every day we've ever met since I first picked her up she's had an orgasm. Association, me = sex.

You've got a real problem if the sex has stopped at 6 months. Dude you really shouldn't need to initiate on your girlfriend. Sex is for both of you. You should both want it! Sex is your gift to her. In fact she should be initiated and escalating you. Girls want sex when it's good (assuming no external factors are affecting her sex drive e.g. prescription drugs). If she loved the sex then she'd want more right? If she doesn't then she starts giving excuses about headaches and period pains!

The solution, improve the experience for her. Wolf's given you a whole load of pointers. I will add non-sexual touch. Are you touching her outside of the bedroom? Cuddling whilst listening to music, baths, showering, massages, walking hand in hand etc. Apart from bonding and making you both happy (oxytocin) it makes a transition into sex less rigid and awkward.

Take last night for example. We chilled listening to music, smoked a J, drank some wine, she was just in her g string and enjoying dancing to the music. That's often our 'base' level of being together. We talked, caught up on the week, made plans for the next, jokes, messing around. It's not so much foreplay, rather just enjoying each other's body and physical presence. We tend to just flow in and out of sex from there. I never feel I initiate. There's no pressure to have sex it's just another way of us communicating and enjoying each other.

If she says no don't be phased in any way. It happens, communicate, maybe she's had a shit day and needs to get something off her chest before she can relax. Maybe run her a bath and let her unwind or give her a massage. However none of this should be like a game. I do x and I get Y. It should be coming from a genuine place of wanting to make her happy and giving her pleasure.

Establish an early frame of sex not being a transaction or power tool ("The other night we're out with Tom and his girlfriend and she keeps on teasing him with sex "I know someone who's not getting any tonight". I couldn't believe it. It's pathetic, sex is a mutual experience not a bargaining tool.").

4/6 days

when i and my GF are new we have sex 3x a day but now its often like 4x a weeuk

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AGREED!! This helped me also. Thank you wolf.

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It all varies, last weekend it was 12 times in 4 days.. Then there was about 6 days of nothing, which irritated me, then a couple times last night.

6-10x a week