First please read my first post from this thread:

feel-like-im-about-to-fuck-up-help-need ... highlight=


Ok, it seems this prick is back.


My GF went to a music concert with some friends on Saturday evening and the group of them decided to go to this bar where the douche works along with a couple of other bars.

She got a taxi to my place at about 1.00am.

Sunday morning she tells me the same dude had messaged her again, and showed me as I was hanging out at her place with her:

"Hey lovely face, great to see you at XXXXX again, how are you?"

I kind of got pissed at this (mistake) and she said dont be silly he messaged me a couple of times and offered to show me the messages.

I replied that I didnt need to see them etc and went to take a shower (I had already snooped at these messages some months before!)

She wasn't happy with the mood swing and said she valued how we tell each other things and in future if I act like this she won't. This pissed me off further but I managed to bottle it up.


....So initially I was gonna come on here and ask what do I do?

Me, my girl and this dude move in similar circles but I don't know him, I want to knock this guys teeth out if Im honest... I trust her but I feel like this guy hasn't taken the message and is disrespecting me.

I planned to tell her to delete the messages from the past as I didnt need to read them and forget about it.

- Before I did this I snooped this morning (bad idea) and she had already deleted the messages...

However there were now a couple more that went thus:

Douche:
i have just spent a sickening amount of money on sweets

GF:
how much?

Douche:
too much

GF:
hahaha, right I'm going sorry - breaking bad is on tv - see ya! x


I am now at a loss as to what to do.... I want to ask her if she replied (I know from the above she has), I want to beat the guy up for disrespect, I want her to realize this dude is a snake...


But what is the correct thing to do?

Thanks.

One thing I was thinking, I know we will be at the same event pretty soon and may have mutual friends there. My gf will not be there.

I feel like engineering an introduction and saying something along the lines of:

Me: "Hey I'm xxxxxx what's your name?"

Douche:"xxxx"

Douche:"xxxx xxxxxxx"

Me:"Oh yeah... you're that dude who keeps pestering my girlfriend? How is your night going?" Or "Oh yeah I've heard about you from my Girlfriend, how is your night going?"

Said with a smile of course

I kinda posted this drunk as I've been with my bros this afternoon and just got home.

I sent her a text just before as she was going to work saying I needed to speak to her soon.

She hasn't replied yet but probably will in 4-6 hours after work.

I was planning on asking her if she had replied (I know she has) to the douche.

...I'm slowly realizing that this is giving him power.

... So what the hell do I say was so urgent that I needed to speak so quick

I have told her it doesn't matter now as to why I needed to speak so soon!

I have a big urge to tell her I looked at what this douche said and he has dis-respected me and I am pissed off.

...Deep down I probably know I should not do this?

Well... I told her I looked. I felt bad for looking and told her this, but that I was annoyed at his replies to her, but pleased she acted as expected.

She said she didn't have a problem with me looking as she said I could.

I asked if he had continued to pester her and she said he hadn't (the conversation I pasted in post #1 says she's lying) and that she didn't think he would again.

So then... I fuck up. I added this girl who from time to time makes a play for me when clubbing... she accepted pretty much instantly. My GF saw through my excuse that I had simply accepted her friend request from a while back and said she thought I had did this to annoy her and that it was weird.

Up to now I am playing poker face and saying she is wrong

What the hell do I do with this whole situation guys, I feel like I am making things worse.

I think you are fucking up. Let me quote some good advice from the previous topic:
Why should it be different four months later? I think your possessiveness shows a lack of trust in your relationship and a lack of confidence in yourself. This will eventually drive her away from you. As for your hot FB friend, I think you shouldn't have lied about accepting her friend request, because there was no reason to lie. Neither you nor your girlfriend should have to justify why you are friends with someone.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

I called her and told her I was being childish for accepting this add on purpose today.

She is pissed off with me now for lying, saying she can't stand lies.

Thing is I KNOW she has had the conversation I quote in post #1 yet she said he has not pestered her anymore and that she doesnt think he will again.

How can she lie then say she cant stand lies?!

Why shouldn't I be pissed off with this prick for pestering her?

Do you think it would be a good idea to let it be known to this dude at the upcoming event we will both be at that I am on to him? I would do it simply as described above.

Thanks[/b]

Clearly you let your position in good standing slip with some mistakes, and you know what they are, so there is no point beating a dead horse.

What you need to do is take control of your end. #1, stop worrying about her. Be prepared for the relationship to end, and make sure if it does, you can feel good about yourself walking away without snooping or spying.

#2. Explain to her what the relationship means to you, and explain that because it means that much to you, you'd ignore messages like the ones he sends, and not even bother to respond. Explain that you appreciate that she showed you the messages, but that you wish she hadn't responded at all. (I would also give her kudos, because the response you showed us looks to me like a good girl, who's just being short and nice to a guy instead of being an uppity bitch. The nature of her texts offered no feeling, no open endedness, and she ended the conversation, plus she showed you).

In short, she shit tested you, you failed. But you're not dead, just get back to being the best guy you can and stop with the AFC behavior and I think you'll be fine.

I think you made a much bigger issue out of this than was needed. However I completely understand how annoying these things can be. 99% of girls will always respond to orbiters. It gives them a self esteem boost and keeps their options open for when you fuck things up. I hate this fact but it seems to be true. The best way to avoid the drama or things escalating with the dude is to just not give a fuck.

I treat it as a shit test. As if my girl is trying to test my value. Just don't react and you have won. My fiancée has an ex bf who is always texting her wanting to get back with her. The guy has oneitis big time and I actually feel sorry for the dude. He texts her and she will always cave in and reply because its the "nice thing to do". Even though she knows that the fact that she responds always seems to give him a bit of hope! It confuses me and it confuses most guys.

Girls will also do the, "I got stopped in the street today and the guy wouldn't leave me alone until he got my number! I wanted rid of him so I handed it over"! Again just treat as a shit test. Don't care and just laugh about it. I just say "well I don't blame him, I'd do the same", then just forget about it and move on. This seems to make the problem go away faster as its no longer interesting, different and slightly taboo...which lets face it, taboo things always peeks our interest levels.

I remember a guy I know had a girlfriend. I'd proper oneitis for her and we used to text all the time. I truly believed that I had a chance and she let me believe it by saying "you never know what can happen "! She used to complain about her crazy ex that was always trying to feel her up and saying dirty things about her. I was thinking if I was her bf I'd wreck this guy in seconds. What did her actual bf do?? Absolutely nothing, he didn't give a shit and never felt threatened by this guy who was actually bigger and better looking. The girl ended up marrying her bf and not me or the crazy ex.

Now if a line is crossed and you see obvious flirting or you learn of some sneaky meet ups then you get to act all butthurt. Deal with that if it happens. However in my opinion the best way to stop it from happening is to have a strong frame that other guys can't rock. If she fucks up and crosses the line then she will have lost out on you.

Please don't push her in that direction.

As for what you should do now? Well I'd just be honest with her and say it was a dumb moment of insecurity. Say it's because you got frightened suddenly because of how much you enjoy spending time with her and the thought of someone trying to ruin what you both had going was clouding your judgement.

If she doesn't respect you for being truthful then your value may be quite low at the moment and you will have to work on that. If she is a good girl she will be understanding and will respect your openness.

I think you mis-read my posts man. I read the messages in my own time NOT when she offered to show me. i.e. I snooped.

Update:

Latest text:

GF: OK lets forget it [me adding the girl to piss her off] now. Please just don't lie to me again xxx

To which I said: Agreed babe. Can't tell lies to someone you love. I am sorry xxx

In truth I sort of feel frustrated that my own actions in adding this girl allowed the subject to be changed... I am still mega pissed with this shit head dude trying to encroach. However, maybe her being mad for the girl thing is beneficial for now, in that it will take the attention away from my AFC behavior re: the douche.

I gotta remember that we WILL be back in this bar where he works sooner or later, maybe even this weekend. With that in mind I need some help on how I can make sure I don't let him get to me again...

Any suggestions

gtdave...

How does one 'not give a fuck'? It is extremely easier said than done, in my case at least.

There was a thread I read last night on this forum regarding how the OP felt rattled whenever a dude was speaking to his girl etc.

If I don't know the dude, I'm afraid to say I get similar feelings. I don't really know why, its been this way with me forever. AND I completely trust my GF... I've had girls in the past where you knew you couldnt trust them... I can and do with this one but the feelings persist.

Well the truth is that I still sometimes feel rattled too! Not so much with random dudes off the street but with her talking to ex's. It just takes practice! An example is last weekend! We are walking down the street arm in arm having a really romantic moment when her phone gets a message...It's the oneitis ex! I start to feel rattled as the text is apparently over dramatic afc crap and I don't want her romantic bubble burst by some idiot who can't grasp his own situation!

We get back to the flat and she starts texting like mad and ignoring me a little! I was beginning to get annoyed and frustrated! I wanted to ask, what is he saying??? What are you saying??? I'm feeling suddenly needy and threatened by something I can't control!

So I bit my tongue and had a conversation about music with her friend. My gf then gets up and sits on my knee and I see that the person she's been texting since we got home was her mum lol! I was feeling all these things for nothing! I could of very easily caused drama and made myself look like an ass.

Regarding you being annoyed at the guy, don't! It's a fact that many guys will want your girl! Even ones you don't know about!

You said you trust her but you obviously do not! I suffer from trust issues due to past girls cheating on me but I've learnt not to jump to conclusions or fail shit tests! It's easy to forget about shit tests and to let them affect you emotionally (what they are designed to do).

Use your common sense to balance your internal emotional reactions!

I really do trust her, but I don't think some shit head should be able to flirt with her... I feel I should be given respect by this dude. His message really took liberties in my eyes.

I'm gonna let it fly over my head next time. IF there is a next time.

Do guys still threaten other guys who hit on their girlfriends nowadays? I'm kind of out of the loop on this stuff.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn