Wuts up,
I just need some honest opinions with my situation. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for two and a half years. We are both married at the time. Well her and husband are going through a divorce because they were unhappy with each other. My marriage has been falling apart also for about three years also. So me and my wife will soon be filing once we take care of some very important financial matters. Anyway when me and my girlfriend started messing around we both agreed that we will not force each other to leave our spouse if we got closer . My girlfriend has three kids from her previous marriage 5, 8, and 13. She has a busy schedule work and taking care of her kids. I commend her for working hard and taking care of her kids. Lately we have been having issues because of her schedule changed. We try to spend time with each other but we have conflicting schedules. I work Monday-Friday days and she works Wednesday-Monday nights. We try our best to keep our lines of communication and quality time. But it gets complicated at times. She has to make sure she takes care and spend time with her kids. In which I support her 100%. But now it seems like our quality time has become almost non-existing. So a few weeks ago she told me that she wanted to end our relationship. Due to the fact we hardly see each other. Well she made it harder. She want's to keep our relationship hiding from her kids. Awhile back she wanted me to come over when her kids were asleep. Then she said she couldn't do that. So we had to meet somewhere else. Then she said she couldn't do that because she had to be there with her kids. So she asked me to come over when they are sleep. Then she decided that she couldn't do that. She said her kids will be waiting up for her @ 1120 pm. She said that we had to do it on her off days but I couldn't do that unless it's around nine. She agreed but changed her mind a few days later. She told me it will have to be 11 pm. I couldn't do that because I had to get up for work @ 530 am. She has been doing this every once in awhile. I believe she is so confused. She told me that she still loves me but it will be too hard to see each other. It's so confusing because she ask me multiple times to never leave her. She also told me she wanted us to be strong and never to give up on our relationship. The most recent was about two weeks ago when we were together. She text me about a week and half ago telling me she truly loves me but her kids come first. She also stated that I need to leave my wife. That she needs me with her more often. I know her kids are first that's why I never had her to choose between me and them. She also knows what the situation is with my wife. After talking it seemed like everything was going well. Then while I was talking to her I told her I did a lot for her she did not like how I said it. Anyway we worked everything out but come to find out she was stressing about us unable to see each other. Then about few days ago she gave me an ultimatum. She wanted me to leave my wife and be with her. If I didn't then she can't be with me. I was upset when I responded because prior to that she was barely contacting me and now I know the reason why. I did say some f'd up things to her when I replied back. Anyway what should I do since she keeps giving me this ultimatum? I'm trying to figure out a way to get her back without her throwing that out there. Is there a way I can change her mind? Or should I just ride out? I know this was long and confusing but I had to put everything out there.
Oh yeah just to clarify so there will not be no misunderstanding. Thanks

I'm going to tell you what you need to hear, because I've been in your shoes, and you're not doing anyone any favors with what you are doing, including yourself.

Affairs suck ass. They are a great high in the beginning the first time you slip your cock in her, then they fall into exactly the flip flopping, heart breaking, emotional mess that you're in right now.

My advise to you is to read the following links. If you're in an affair, it's because your marriage has issues and you're dealing with it in a piss poor way. I know, I've been there and done that. Fuck the affair.

Figure out if you want to stay married, and if so, what the terms are. Maybe you're a horny guy and need some room to fuck other women even though you're married. Maybe you want an open relationship in other ways. Maybe swinging will solve your needs and make your wife open up sexually. Maybe your wife and you can't agree to terms and so you divorce. In any case, it's pointless being in more than one serious relationship at a time. It's far different than being in several physical only relationships at a time.

Chances are you're unhappy with yourself because you know it's BS to two time any woman and fuck around on her without her knowing it all up front. But your affair partner makes you feel like you're a great guy, even though you're cheating on your wife. But then she feels bad for the same reasons, and needs you to build her back up. It's a fucked up deal, every time. They all are the same. I know, because I read about a TON of them when I had mine. Finally the light bulb went off. The only one who can really make you happy about yourself without all the drama is you. All you gotta do is decide what it is you want, and be that, and be willing to tell chicks up front, this is me. I think it is a piss poor idea to end your marriage specifically to be with your affair partner. How long before you wonder when she isn't home if she's fucking some guy from work while you watch her kids? Until you fix your issues, and she fixes hers, I wouldn't want anything to do with a relationship with her. Red flags all over the place.

Read the following links on infidelity. Might shed some light on your situation.

http://womensinfidelity.com/

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ ... 315&page=1

Good luck. I hope you see the light, fix yourself and get to a better place. It's not easy, but it's the only way. Let me know if I can help any more. I have been where you are at, and it sucks.

Thanks for your response. That was a good look. I know women are emotional creatures. You can establish a verbal agreement ("we are going to try to keep it sexual but if we get close. we still need to understand that we cannot force one another to leave our spouse") and it's like they forget about that or they don't care.
We have been talking about this for the past couple of days and it seems like she will not let up. I was at least trying to meet up with her to discuss this issue but she refused. She wanted me to text her everything and was still trying to make me change my answer. I do not like when a woman tries to dictate on what I need to do. That is a big hell no in my book. So I decided not to talk to her today and maybe tomorrow.I was trying to figure out a way to keep it the way it was before. I have been thinking about what can I do or say that would get her to understand that it will not happen.
I want her to stop focusing on that and lets just keep it like the way it was. But I don't have any ideas. It seems like it may be a dead issue.

A wise man once said "how things begin is how they will end". If you started the relationship with both of you cheating on your spouses then you better believe the probability is high that's how it will end. If she and you are willing to cheat in a marriage, then I wouldn't trust her or you with a 10-foot pole.